Redemption: The Donovan Dynasty
by 1Curlytopq
Summary: This journey begins in July 1993, when the show wrote Kimberly Brady and her fiance, Phillip Collier, out of Salem. It explores the aftermath of Kim's battle with MPD while telling a story of redemption and healing for our favorite Friends & Lovers.
1. Prologue: The First Step

**Redemption: The Donovan Dynasty**

**Prologue**

_Seeking to forget makes exile all the longer;_

_the secret of redemption lies in remembrance._

_-Richard von Weizaecker_

July/1993

The turbulence of the plane jostled Kimberly awake as she flew over the Atlantic in the middle of the night. It had been six hours since they left JFK airport from their connecting flight out of Salem. She still clutched Marlena's hand from earlier and it was clear that Marlena was sound asleep as evidenced by her relaxed grip on Kim's hand. Kim turned her head and looked lovingly at her. Marlena had been such a wealth of support for nearly a year even while her own life bordered on the brink of chaos as a result of her secret affair with John and the resulting pregnancy. This trip to London was a sanctuary for Marlena and a reunion for Kim. Because of her illness and trial, it had been seven months since Kim had seen her children, Andrew and Jeannie. However, that was all behind her now as Kim prepared to visit them before taking them home with her. Unfortunately, Kimberly wasn't entirely certain where 'home' was anymore.

As she looked back towards the blackness outside her window, Kim thought of Salem and how it had been _home_ for much of her life. Her parents' living room and the home she once shared with Shane had been places of refuge and rejuvenation for her. The sights and sounds of Salem even at their worst were inviting to her soul. But not anymore! Now, the overwhelming feeling Kim had when she thought of Salem was loss. The past three years had been spent wading through waves of pain, grief and dishonesty from all directions. Cal's lies, Shane's 'death,' their divorce and its aftermath because of the lies, the unspeakable pain of her sister's betrayal, all culminated with her hit and run accident exactly a year ago!

Among the most disconcerting revelations were the events that transpired shortly after Roger Lombard ran over her with his car. Kim had been living a lie for at least a year, maybe more. Lacey and Claire had scared Kim more than anything else in her life because the distrust came from within. The two personalities represented alternate states that protected Kim as a young child from the trauma of the sexual molestation. Until recently, she had been completely unaware of their existence and their re-emergence terrified her. It scared Kim that the other personas could say and do things without her knowledge and, in a strange way, left Kim with a sense of being violated all over again. In the beginning Marlena had instructed Kim that she would come to accept them, which was necessary for her healing. By now, Kim accepted their existence and understood their role. She breathed a sigh of relief that they had not returned but continued the process of facing and emotionally re-experiencing the abuse she suffered and ultimately survived at the hands of Uncle Eric. The therapeutic process was the most painful experience of her life and she knew it was critical for her healing. Kim woke each morning, grateful that she could account for and remember every minute of her day. Both Marlena and her trauma specialists reassured Kim that as she continued through her therapy, she would feel more and more confident that Lacey and Claire were no longer distinct personalities; rather, their protective purpose would be integrated into the person that Kimberly would become as she triumphed over her traumatic history.

Unfortunately, Kim wasn't there yet. In fact, far from it, because she felt mostly detached from the world and its' people. Kim now saw relationships through a different prism after dealing with the ugliness of her past coming forward. She questioned each relationship wondering if it was really _she_ that knew the person_._Thus far, her family had been more supportive than Kim imagined; her brothers did not cut her any slack when Kim wanted to slide the whole ordeal under the rug and refrain from acknowledging what had happened in their presence. Roman, especially, impressed Kim given that he had suffered the most at the hands of Claire. He still loved and accepted her and had been encouraging ever since the shooting. Yes, there was a newfound openness within the Brady home regarding this subject, at least to the degree that it was acknowledged and being dealt with instead of a hurried apology and quick brush under the rug. However, the aftermath of Kim's trial for the murder of Randy Houston had only begun to scratch the surface for the family in terms of the long-term effects of their mishandling of Uncle Eric.

This detachment or awkwardness with people had leaked into all facets of Kimberly's life and personal relationships, most notably, her relationship with Phillip. Since the shooting, they had not been intimate. Kimberly had grown uncomfortable of sex in light of the largely traumatic associations she had with it. On the surface, Phillip had been so understanding and compassionate for Kim's plight and Kim felt that he deserved to have his fiancé in every conceivable way. But three times a week, Kim was engrossed in therapy sessions draining her of any impulse whatsoever and frankly, it had become very clear to Kim, that her time with Phillip was mostly on Lacey's time and not her own. The _Kim_ that Phillip was accustomed to in the bedroom wasn't _Kim_ and the mere thought of intimacy with him despite Phillip's reassurances, terrified her. Kim had difficulty expressing this to Phillip and insecurity began to take hold at her ability to ever be intimate with any man ever again.

Thus, Kim remained in a cocoon of sorts being nurtured by her family and fiancé and yet, she still hadn't taken the steps towards truly living again. Leaving Salem was, for the first time not an act of running away from home as it had been in the past but running towards something else. Kim just wasn't sure to what or where she was running? All Kim knew is that she could take that first step in this transition as long as she could have her children back. Becoming a mother had been her one true goal in life. And the past seven months of her life had been robbed of them. Being a trained professional, she knew the effects of parental separation on children Andrew and Jeannie's age, so her maternal instinct was in overdrive. Kim was excited to see them but had an almost crippling anxiety about how Shane would respond to her taking them back to LA with her. He had been raising them since her behavior had reached a critical point back in November, and while Kim knew with all her being that she was ready, she still felt like she was about to enter into an audition for a role that she should never have to test for in the first place.

At some point, Kim dozed back off and did not stir until the pilot of the aircraft announced the descent into Heathrow Airport. Kimberly looked out upon the old city to see the early morning fog lifting and allowing the sun to peer through. A new chapter in her life was about to begin…


	2. Chapter 1: Regrets

**Chapter 1**

**Regrets**

_*Sept. 1992 flashback taken from actual Days of Our Lives episode._

The Cotswolds, early morning

Assuming the children would still be sleeping, Shane provided a car to pick the two women up from the airport and escort them to the estate in the early morning hours. He was completely unprepared for Andrew and Jeannie to come bounding into his room at 5am, ready to see their mother! Andrew bounced onto the bed along side Shane as he pulled Jeannie up into his arms and let her curl up next to him. She was chattering away, asking him when "mummy" would get there as Andrew settled under the sheet next to them.

"Will we be able to show her how I ride?" Andrew pleaded as Shane shushed them both hoping he could lull them back to sleep for at least another hour or so. Somehow, mothers were more adept at handling early risers, and, despite having them this long, Shane had not grown accustomed to the middle of the night dramas or early morning entries into his room. This was quite ironic and amused Peachy given their profession but it wasn't so much their disturbances of Shane's sleep that rattled him as much as it was their ability to wake up asking questions without a break. On assignment, Shane never had to address a wide range of topics in rapid succession that included: _soccer, why fog forms, why does hair grow out of daddy's chin, can we have pizza for dinner, where does the moon go_, and all before 7am! During each occasion, Shane tried his best to remain patient amid the grogginess of the morning hour and knew that Kim probably handled each request with all the grace and love required for the task. As his children wiggled and squirmed against him, Shane wrapped his arms around them, hugging them affectionately while getting them to settle down. But he couldn't be too firm with them; quietly, he anticipated Kim's arrival as well.

After an hour Shane gave up, threw his legs out from under the cozy sheets, and ushered his children downstairs to scrounge up some breakfast before their aunt Marlena and mother arrived. The ringing doorbell finally announced their arrival. Simmons needn't bother answering as the two children sprinted towards it, nearly knocking the kindly butler down in the process. Shane hung back as the door flew opened and an obviously pregnant Marlena walked in first followed by Kimberly. Simmons cordially stepped outside to get their luggage while the children rushed over to Kim; Andrew presenting her with a freshly cut pink colored rose from the garden.

"Dad, let me pick one just for you!" He was saying as Kimberly pulled one in each arm for a tight embrace.

"Oh, mommy has missed you two so very much!" She cried, her voice cracking with emotion. Smelling the rose, Kim's eyes moistened at the sight of her son's pride in the gift.

"Smell it! Smell it, mummy!" Jeannie cried in her angelic voice, as she tried to squirm out of her mother's reach. But Kim wouldn't let her go just yet. It had been too long and she could already tell that her little girl was fast leaving the world of babyhood behind in favor of the joys of childhood. Kim squeezed her eyes shut for a moment wanting to savor the moment, kissing the sides of their faces, as the two children stumbled over each other with news of their time with their father. Kim nodded happily at each statement as she surveyed both of their features. As the happy reunion unfolded, Marlena stepped towards Shane.

"Shane, so good to see you again!"

Marlena wrapped her arm around Shane giving him an encouraging pat on the back as both of them eyed Kimberly. Shane escorted Marlena towards the living room to allow Kimberly a private moment with the children, yet his eyes continued to glance over Marlena's shoulder and into the foyer at Kimberly. Shane and Marlena exchanged pleasantries until Andrew and Jeannie led their mother into the living room to see their father. Shane was seated on the old leather couch with Marlena but stood to greet his ex. They had only conversed a few times over the phone in the months since his departure from Salem, their communication light and shallow if it did not revolve around the children. Shane relied heavily on his communications with Marlena for any evaluation of Kim's health during this time. It was as though the deep and intense bond that Shane and Kimberly shared was buried somewhere, a treasure waiting to be rediscovered again at the right time. In many ways, Kim's visit was a reintroduction for them and while both equally anticipated this moment, both had a bit of anxiety over the event as well. But when Shane saw her walk through the door, fresh faced and as beautiful as he remembered, his heart was put at ease instantly. He watched as she laughed and embraced the children, tending to the little things like straightening Andrew's shirt and adjusting the braids in Jeannie's hair. Her mannerisms were in tack: the way she crinkled her nose, and how she talked with her hands when instructing the children. But, when Kim shyly moved towards him, Shane was reminded of that young woman he was introduced to in Kim's apartment almost ten years earlier. A wave of guilt flashed over her face as Kim looked into Shane's knowing eyes. While some things were still hidden from Kim's memory as it pertained to Lacey and Claire, enough was present for Kim to be aware that some things were said to hurt him. A past accusation echoed around them.

"_I don't know how to put this without offending you, but the problem is you, Shane!"_

"Shane." She greeted him nervously. Kim spoke in barely an audible whisper; her face was colored in shame.

"Kimberly." Shane gushed warmly. "It's so good to have you home!" He said placing his right hand gently onto her arm. Her eyes locked with his briefly as he referred to Donovan Manor as _home_, their home which hadn't been the case for many years now. Kim belonged to someone else now and so the heartfelt greeting seemed out of line. Shane coughed uncomfortably taking a step back to address everyone in the room as Marlena broke the tension: "Andrew, Jeannie, would you two please show me to my room?" She asked, casting a sympathetic wink in Shane's direction.

Being excited for all the attention, Andrew ran ahead as Jeannie ran over to Kim and motioned to be picked up, breaking the pressure that had enveloped the room.

"Mummy, can I sleep with you, tonight?" The little girl was asking as Shane gestured towards the stairs,

"Your room is across the hall from mine. Simmons has your things already there." He stated formally.

"Thank you, Shane." Kim replied with another distant but polite smile as Jeannie tugged on her dress sleeve. Shane nodded encouragingly as he watched the four ascend the stairs to the rooms above leaving him alone in his thoughts.

**

* * *

  
Shortly, after lunch…**

The children barely made it through their lunch, their heavy eyes betraying their lack of sleep because of their excitement. Kimberly insisted on putting them down for their naps, Andrew protesting loudly that he was much too old for naps but drifting off to sleep as Kimberly's nails glided across his forehead and stroked his thick brown hair.

"Mummy, I am so glad you are well again!" He gushed right as his brown eyes closed for a bit.

"Me, too, honey, me too." Kimberly replied, almost choking up. She stared at her son taking inventory of his features once more, noting his height and weight change. He was looking a bit less like a child and, at seven and a half; Kim could see the beginnings of adolescence start to creep into his face with his hair newly cut.

The massive house was unusually quiet for early afternoon as Marlena stepped out of her bedroom, and headed downstairs to locate the others. She had called Roman to let him know of their safe arrival to the estate and chatted for a few minutes as the married couple caught up on family affairs.

"Give Kimmie my love and say hello to Shane for me." Roman said in his gruff voice. "Love you, Doc." He added affectionately.

"I love you." Marlena replied emotionally as a guilty tear slid down her cheek. Hanging up the phone, Marlena wiped her eyes and headed downstairs.

Marlena strolled through the living area, and noticed the door at the far right of the room slightly ajar. She knocked politely on the door and waited for an answer.

"Come in." Shane replied in a half-interested monotone. Marlena entered into an imposing room with three of its walls lined with built-in book casings, filled with volumes and volumes of leather bound books. To her left, next to a door that exited onto the outside terrace towards the Manor's formal gardens was a beautiful curio cabinet that probably held alcoholic beverages. Straight across from where she stood as she entered was the majestic floor to ceiling English-Tudor style bay window adorned with heavy blue velvet drapery pulled back to the corners with golden tassels hanging down towards the old Brazilian cherry hardwoods. Shane's mahogany desk, or rather his father's, was positioned in the center of the window where Shane stood. His dress jacket lay haphazardly over the chair, his shirt a bit disheveled. It was apparent that wrestling with one's own emotions was more difficult than engaging a second party. The light that poured into the window caste a shadow against Shane so it was hard to read his expression but Marlena had an idea of what, or more appropriately who, weighed on the spy's mind. His arms were crossed before his chest, his hand propped on his fist. Shane faced out the window to his left, transfixed on the melancholy creature that meandered around his property.

Kimberly had left the children's' rooms earlier and ventured out alone to walk the grounds. Shane caught a glimpse of her as she descended the stoned covered steps that lined the corner perimeter of the formal gardens right outside the study. She continued effortlessly on towards the lengthy row of shallow ponds and shrubs that led deeper into the back portion of the property. It was tough to know who illuminated whom, the landscape or Kimberly as the two melded together in a sort of melodic movement. The light London air guided the way using the trees as compasses for her excursion. The chirping birds and the horses in the distance beckoned Kimberly away from the confinement of the manicured gardens in favor of the picturesque backdrop of Donovan Manor with its babbling brook, canopy of trees and the horse pasture beyond. The way Kimberly moved slowly, angelically along the gardens had put Shane into a trance. Her pretty pale blue dress blew softly in the country breeze covering her petite frame as though she floated above the path instead of walking it. Despite having her hair pulled partially back in a clip, strands of Kim's hair had broken free lagging behind her in the air. When she stopped to investigate a plant or item in the water, her wavy locks hung delicately on the side of her cheeks and neck. A heavyhearted sigh escaped from Shane's lips.

"Oh, I hope I am not disturbing you!" Marlena apologized as she approached the desk, realizing she was interrupting something. Seeing Kimberly disappear down the stone steps at the outer corner of the landscape, Shane begrudgingly turned his attention towards Marlena. He shook his head negatively and insisted she was welcome in the room.

"There's water in there." He said gesturing towards the ornately carved cabinet just left of the door leading out to the grounds. Marlena smiled declining the offer.

"Kimberly ok?" She asked compassionately glancing in the direction of Shane's line of vision.

Shane straightened up letting his hands fall into his pockets and motioned for Marlena to get comfortable. He was too restless to sit but Marlena took the nicely cushioned leather upright chair to her right and sat down to rest.

"Oh, I suppose." He sighed before adding, "I suspect you would know better than I?" The troubled expression that wore on Shane's face elicited a sympathetic smile from Marlena. Resting her hands on her growing belly, Marlena asked,

"Want to talk about it?"

Shane turned around to address her question. But he had no clue where to begin. Shane had spent the past couple of months dwelling on the events of the past year. And when confronted with the image of Marlena's pregnant glow, his heart couldn't harness the throbbing ache that comes with regret. He had been there, an expectant father. Three times in fact. And yet, Shane allowed his bloody pride and insecurity concerning their circumstances cloud his perception each time. He was grateful for the year he had with his young children but it only heightened the truth of what he had lost in the process.

"You wear pregnancy well, Marlena." He said evenly, a note of sorrow in his voice. Marlena blushed a little at the compliment and caught the unspoken reference that came with it. But she didn't want to dwell on her pregnancy while she was here. Marlena ran away to get perspective on this dilemma and while Shane's comment was innocent, it made her uncomfortable to broach anything that led her mind to Roman or John. Marlena deflected back to Shane smiling in order to mask her own problems.

"Thank you." She said with a sisterly wink. "I'm afraid I am beginning to wear it a lot more all over." Marlena added with a laugh that caused Shane to grin knowingly. The look in his eyes revealed a wealth of information to the psychiatrist.

"I suspect that the details of my condition are not what weight heavily on your mind?" She suggested lightly, moving the subject as quickly back to the topic of Kimberly as possible.

Shane leaned back in his chair and sighed. For a moment the words just escaped him, tumbling all over each other in his mind. The one resounding theme accenting all of them,

"Damn it, Marlena! I shouldn't have left her!" He barked bitterly disrupting the silent exchange. Shane leaned back in his chair, peering out the window to his right, running his hands through his hair in frustration. He was unable to make eye contact. The weight of the statement hung in the air giving the hint that Shane was not only referencing his exit from Salem last October but Marlena avoided that path and focused on the immediate issue.

"Shane, you are not responsible…"

He whirled back around and faced her once more, leaning into the desk as though it were a confrontation. Marlena could read his thoughts clearly by the guilty expression on his face. His jaw was set, his temples twitching with emotion. Shane had approached her twice about Kim's behavior, they both witnessed her fainting spell the night of Houston's murder at the pub opening and, yet, he still let a flimsy explanation of overmedication serve as reason enough to resume his work. It had been easier than face the harsh truth of the outcome of his relationship with Kimberly. To make matters worse was the knowledge that, through it all, Kim had been scared enough to try and seek help both in LA and in Salem. Learning that fact shortly after Roman's shooting reaffirmed his trust in the woman he knew and had loved but it shook him to his very core. Shane blamed himself for leaving things with Kim in the manner he did. He should have tried harder! His mind raced over conversations they shared where Kim had tried in vain to share something with Shane, only to turn on a dime and hurl insults at him. Shane took a deep breath before plunging right in.

"I've been doing some reading on the subject." He began professionally. Marlena's eyes widened with approval. She was hardly surprised at the revelation. Shane was a voracious reader and anything that concerned Kimberly would be at the top of his reading list. His intentions were as transparent as glass to Marlena but she surmised that at this point even he wasn't aware of it yet.

"That's beneficial." She responded evenly.

"Yes, but there are some things that just don't add up." He replied curiously.

"Are you sure you want to know?" Marlena asked, eying him cautiously. "To have me confirm what you may already suspect?"

Shane nodded his head affirmatively and motioned for her to proceed.

"Shane, you realize that what Kim told you, her timeline of events…" Marlena paused and drew in a deep breath and continued pronouncing each word carefully.

"Is most likely what she had allowed herself to remember of that time." Marlena stood to command the conversation placing her fingertips on the edge of the desk. Shane dropped his head.

"Honestly, Marlena, we never discussed it in any length other than what she told me in my apartment." He replied with a defeated sigh.

"I'm not surprised." Marlena replied sympathetically. Looking up suddenly to meet Marlena's professional gaze,

"I didn't know her then…" Shane was saying as if he was seeking contrition for his crime.

His words trailed off and he banged his hands against the desk, popping up in standing position and turning his back against Marlena. The comment sounded like a cheap excuse to Shane and the words had come from his lips! His hands were protectively in his pockets as he stared back out the window at the lush meadow in the distance where the horses were grazing.

"By the time I did, it didn't matter…it just seemed to pass away into the past." Shane admitted slowly after a moment of silence.

"Did it really?" Marlena prodded pointedly. Shane dropped his head to the left addressing her question but failing to face her head on. His head nodded back and forth as his eyes darted side to side, staring at the markings of the hardwood floor at his feet. The ugly truth was, no it hadn't rescinded into the past. Kim's abusive history was always right beneath the surface, permeating every piece of conflict they encountered. Hell, they almost did not get together in the first place because of Kim's inability to trust. To make matters worse, Shane was slowly recognizing moments where his words and or actions probably set the two on the course they resided at presently.

"When she told me about Eric, I understood the walls…"

Marlena could see his eyes were searching, his mind completely focused on a memory.

"I got the connection to her time in Europe…" He squeezed his eyes shut as a long ago argument pushed its way into his psyche.

"Shane, this condition arises as a result of repetitive childhood sexual trauma." Marlena was explaining.

"I think I understood intellectually, Marlena…" Shane stopped short at the statement. The implications seeping into the conversation as a wave of a memory flickered into Shane's thoughts.

"_Being with him was the most humiliating experience of my life!"_

Shane clenched his jaw, swallowing hard to force the interloper back into the recesses of his heart…for now. He still stared at the floor.

"I never let myself really…go…there…" Turning back around and lifting his eyes mournfully to address Marlena head on,

"Until now."

"Ok." Marlena replied slowly. Using her hands to punctuate the severity of Kim's issues, Marlena continued,

"Then you now realize from your research that the type of abuse that is usually associated with Multiples is violent, often classified as torture."

Shane's throat dried up in an instant at the statement. Yes, he had researched, being an intelligence man made Shane fully aware of what torture was, its means and ramifications. Somehow it was ok to handle it knowing it was being perpetuated on grown men in the field who had signed up for the assignment. Casualties of the job, but the ugliness of his profession was seeing the devastation done to women and children. To perform his job well, Shane had to push that aspect away and until recently had managed to do the same when confronted with the reality of sexual trauma and its effects in his personal life.

"Shane, are you familiar with the term 'trauma triggers'?" Marlena inquired still gauging his reaction to each thing that was said.

"Yes." Shane replied cautiously. "I remember reading about that. It occurs with people who experience Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The ISA deals with that often with agents in the field." He studied Marlena's expression keenly aware that she was guiding him down a thought process.

"It can be quite debilitating."

"Yes, you're correct." Marlena said pleased to be talking with an informed loved one. "It can be subtle or benign things like a word or phrase that the perpetrator used or familiar smells…a song." Marlena paused studying Shane's expression.

"And? Go on." He encouraged, though a tiny part of him knew instinctively that the next words might be hard to hear.

"Or weapons." Marlena revealed ominously. Shane's eyes lit up and he could feel his heart begin to race. Marlena continued but couched the next revelation with,

"Kimberly's a fighter!" She said encouragingly. Shane smiled at her in agreement. " It's obvious in therapy that she was born with this inexplicable strength, this ability to thrive…"

"I know, Marlena." Shane interrupted wisely. "It's an enduring trait."

His eyes drifted off to a corner of the room where an old black and white picture set on the shelf. Marlena sensed that Shane was not in the mood for sugar coating things. His mind would not be permitted to wander as Marlena declared,

"I think it is safe to say that Eric began to prey on her sometime around the age of three."

Shane stood glued to the floor facing Marlena, his mouth dropping open in shock and disgust.

"As she grew older and rebelled against the abuse, the_ 'games' _as he would term it,"

Shane winced at the reference. Marlena inhaled deeply,

"Eric began to employ more aggressive tactics."

Shane straightened up feeling every muscle in his body tense at the statement. He couldn't look Marlena in the eye after that moment, the impact hitting him like a punch in the gut. Shane needed some physical distance and began to slowly pace the room. His eyes traveled across the room, for something, anything to focus on in order to keep his feelings in check as Marlena continued to fill him in. Once again, his eyes landed on the bookcase where the wooden framed picture of the fire station set. _Her eyes, so innocent yet so wounded. And I dared to ask her, not only once but… _

Shane ran his fingers through his tussled hair in frustration, his thoughts taunting him with indictments as Marlena talked.

"_You cad!" _

"Records from Eric's criminal file and personal artifacts in prison suggest that he was one sick individual." She was saying calmly.

There was a pause. Shane braced himself for what came next. He was beginning to think that rotting in hell as Eric was presently wasn't enough punishment.

"It's evident through Kim's sessions that he held her at knifepoint while molesting her…"

"_Dear God!"_ Shane gasped in horror. As his eyes scanned the room, from the ceiling, to the walls and back towards his desk where Marlena stood, he remembered something that occurred in a similar room that chilled him to the bone.

_

* * *

Salem, Sept. 1992_

"_What happens if I don't accept that ultimatum?" She demanded, biting her lip as he walked around to his desk._

"_Oh, you'll accept it because the woman I know realizes as well as I do the welfare of our children comes before any of our personal feelings." Shane sat down, picking up the golden handled letter opener to use on the day's mail. But the conversation was too tense for that, so he merely played with it as they spoke. She stood on the other side of desk listening to him go on about their children's welfare but her eyes were transfixed on the letter opener. She wasn't there anymore but in her parents' living room with Uncle Eric leering at her with the knife. After a few moments of Shane talking, out of nowhere…_

"_No!" She cried out in anguish._

For the first time since it had occurred, the memory of Kim's face, her hands clutching her neck and chest protectively, pierced Shane's mind.

"_What did you say?" He replied confused._

"_I said, no, you can not do that!' She whimpered, forcing the words out of her mouth choking on them word by word. _

She had stood there shaking not all that different from when he found her in Miami…

"_I didn't mean you…I mean, you seem a little heavy handed and it's like you are trying to __**force**__ me…" She explained with every ounce of strength she had left in her as her world crumbled before her._

Her last words expressed in gulping sobs reverberated between Shane's ears as he realized what he had witnessed.

"_You are trying to force me…"_

Shane's eyes fell upon Jeannie's soft plush Raggedy-Anne doll made for her by her grandmother at that moment. Suddenly, Shane had a vivid image of a young Kimberly, frightened, terrified and alone being threatened with a knife. The next image was too grotesque for Shane to describe. The sounds of Kimberly and Jeannie's cries mingled in his head as a rush of nausea swept through his entire body. The thought of someone touching his little girl who was the spitting image of her mother, triggered Shane's gag reflex and he rushed over to the antique liquor cabinet to retrieve some cold water, gulping the liquid hastily to stop the rise in his blood pressure. The horrible truth deep down was the realization that someone someone he loved had traumatized in that manner. It was punctuated with the knowledge that he had a hand in facilitating a memory that would cause Kim so much pain. It took every ounce of strength he had to continue the conversation without getting sick. Marlena stood silently knowing the information was a lot to handle. She'd been here with Roman and Shawn as these little earthquakes had rumbled throughout the family. And Marlena was aware this type of information shook men to their very cores and especially one whose job description involved protecting others. Shane wasn't a boastful man when it came to his exploits in the field. But she had seen how he handled the knowledge of what Kim endured for the sake of his life once. Marlena knew this news was not going to be easily digested either. The two adults stood in silence for a long time with Shane gripping the sides of the antique cabinet. He managed to walk towards Marlena after a while but stopped short at the French door, still struggling to keep his composure under the weight of the news. Shane leaned in for support with his head pressed against the glass. Finally, fatigue began to overtake

Marlena. She approached Shane and squeezed his arm.

"You can't fault yourself. You didn't know." She offered.

Without taking his eyes off from the view of the gardens, Shane replied sullenly,

"I know now."

There was something strong and resolute in his voice that gave Marlena comfort. She understood his feelings. Perhaps if she had not been so consumed with avenging her husband's death, Marlena would have made sure Kim sought a trauma specialist back when the news of Uncle Eric had come out in the first place. She chastised silently to herself the lack of judgment she had shown.

"Channel this into something more productive." She advised compassionately before stepping towards the door.

"I'm going to lie down now." Marlena added in a whisper, departing gracefully to allow him some time to process all that was discussed. Shane nodded and smiled slightly as she exited the study. Shane stood glued to his spot by the side door, his armed propped overhead. After several seconds of letting his thoughts and emotions simmer almost to a boiling point, Shane announced,

"_I have to find her!"_


	3. Chapter 2: Lady Lost

**Chapter 2**

**Lady Lost**

"_I said, 'You look like an innocent little girl'."_

"_Ah, but you know better." She alleged, shame in her voice._

"_I know what I see…"_

_~ Shane to Kim, _

_1984, The Pier_

* * *

Shane began in a steady sprint at first as he burst through the French door out onto the stoned terrace. His heart pounded beneath his chest, perspiration dotting his brow as his eyes scanned for clues to where she might be. Suddenly the sun peaked out from behind a passing cloud. Its rays were a jolt to his beleaguered system, causing Shane to stop brusquely and merely take in the sights and sounds of the estate. He looked over his shoulder from behind to soak in the grandeur of the Manor; the ivy wrapped around the back windows, and let his nose bathe in the smell of the English countryside before him. Slowly following along the perimeter of the retaining ponds to his left, Shane let his instinct overtake him as he began to walk purposely towards his destination. He couldn't let his emotions rule him now. Thus, his breathing eased to a calm and steady rhythm. As he descended the cobble stoned stairs that led to an old dirt path towards the outer perimeter of the estate, the insects sang in tune to Shane's pace. Occasionally, one of the horses would neigh with a word of caution; the babbling brook ahead filtered in between the towering trees lined with lavender colored heather coaxing him forward. Shane had absolutely no idea what he would say to her once he saw her; he just knew he had to reach her. His first glimpse of her was of her hair being illuminated by the sun and blowing gently in the light breeze. Shane stopped short at the vision. She was truly enchanting. Shane inhaled a deep and determined breath, then, proceeded towards her.

Approaching her from the left, he could see the rose Andrew gave her was tucked into her hair. She held a handful of pebbles, one by one skimming them across the sparkling stream. She looked completely transfixed on the activity and did not notice him until he was right by her side. Kimberly flashed an inviting but faint smile signaling that his arrival was ok. Shane knelt down, picked a few pebbles from the ground and attempted to skip a few. When the first and second pebbles made a hard 'thump" into the stream, Kimberly giggled and said,

"It's all in the wrist." She demonstrated with the next pebble as it sailed downstream. Shane was impressed and his expression showed it, prompting Kimberly to continue.

"You don't grow up on the riverfront with two brothers and not learn this skill." She offered wistfully. Shane was in mid-throw saying,

"Yes, I hear you can't advance out of primary school in Salem without it." He replied, light- heartedly. The comment elicited a girlish giggle from Kim.

"Oh, of course! It's on the final exam my dear boy!' She exclaimed in her trademark English affectation. Shane smiled broadly at her remark, looking down at his hand full of pebbles. In a flash he envisioned the four Brady children playing along the pier in Salem.

When the last throw barely made the second hop across the water, Shane dropped the remaining pebbles, brushed his hands off, and walked closer to Kim to make eye contact. Looking at her in mock defeat, Shane conceded,

"I'm afraid I'm past my pebble skimming days by about…" A pause as Shane made an elaborate facial expression of thought,

"Oh, twenty-five years?"

Kimberly smiled at the remark but was not fooled by the diversion. She suspected Shane's purpose for being there. Kim took a deep breath and cast a look across the stream barely able to keep eye contact.

"Shane, I am so sorry for things I…they…" Her voice trailed off. She turned around not able to face him.

"I know I hurt you terribly." Kim said in almost a whisper, using her hand to cover her mouth so she would not collapse into a puddle of tears. Shane reached out to comfort her, but something in her demeanor was not inviting his shoulder to lean on. Shane paused, his arm in mid-air. Balling his fist at a loss for what to say…

"Kim…" Shane wasn't sure what to say that would convey his feelings on the subject and so Kim erroneously filled in the blank and timidly turned back to face what she considered an interrogation.

"So what do you want to know?" Kim narrowed her eyes and held a silent breath for his answer.

Shane glanced to the ground and back at her with a sympathetic smile.

"Nothing that you are not comfortable sharing."

The answer surprised Kim and she could tell he meant it.

"But aren't you concerned about…"

"The children?" Shane completed her sentence. Kimberly locked eyes with him.

"Well, yes!" She blurted out mournfully "I'm sure you question who I am anymore!" Kim replied in a defeated tone.

"Ha!" Shane exclaimed, correcting her. "I do nothing of the kind."

Kim looked skeptically at his response and so Shane continued.

"Kimberly, you wouldn't _be_ _here_ if you weren't ready to take on the responsibilities of raising them again." He said encouragingly.

Shane reached out and gingerly touched her right arm for support and to coax her away from the water in order for Kim to address his words. Lifting her chin so he could see into her eyes, Shane continued,

"My dear Kimberly, things do change. However…" Shane paused for a moment choosing his words carefully. His mind was still reeling from his conversation with Marlena but he had to stay focused on her for the moment and not his feelings.

"You may question who you are right now but I already know the answer." He said looking around the grounds where they stood. Shane took a step back to give her space and extended his arm out to showcase the vibrant landscape.

"I found you exactly where you prefer to be when you are here. Away from the formal gardens over there…" as he pointed to the pristinely manicured shrubs that adorned the man made pond that led back to the main house.

"But here near the horses along the stream just where I knew to find you." He said smiling sweetly. His dimples were prominently displayed, which made Kim smile in return, if only briefly, before the implication of his words settled in. Suddenly, Kimberly felt exposed. She breathed deeply, straightening up to meet his gaze head on and began to respond,

"I'm afraid I assumed you were in that group." She said with a lift of her chin defensively, though her voice wasn't tense rather surprised by her misjudgment.

"And _they_ see you how?" Shane asked thoughtfully leaning in to challenge her. Kim looked at him, briefly towards the water, then back at his attentive brown eyes and smirked,

"Fragile!"

Kimberly had been handled with kid gloves for the better part of the last year.

"What's so terrible about that?" Shane inquired, curious by her apparent annoyance at the label. When he saw Kim narrow her eyes at him in mild disgust, Shane stifled a laugh. Instead he offered his hand to her and said,

"Here, come with me."

"_Shane…"_ Kim hesitated not quite trusting what he was up to until Shane gave her a reassuring nod before they proceeded. She placed her hand into his and let Shane guide her up the embankment, through the small canopy of trees and around the west side of the grounds towards the beautifully landscaped garden of roses that was adjacent to the manor. The garden was encased inside red brick walls that dotted the perimeter of the old greenhouse; a sturdy looking shrub rose guarding each corner book ending various other English teas that were in full bloom. Shane guided her through the myriad of roses until he reached a row that faced west. The afternoon sun bore down on them as he knelt down beside one along the grey stoned path. Kim stood briefly surveying the sea of reds, and pinks, corals, a few whites and yellows of various species dotting the garden. Inside the greenhouse, she could see the hard to grow hybrids blooming in shades of lavender and blush. A few were a clever blend of crimson and orange, yellow and corals. Remembering how Simmons labored over the creations for area competitions, Kim wondered if he had placed any in competition during the season. Shane gazed up into Kim's pensive eyes wishing he could erase the burden on her heart. She seemed miles away despite being merely a foot in front of him. Instinctively, Shane began to recount the garden's origins.

"You know, Simmons isn't solely responsible for this garden." He said smugly picking out weeds from beneath the pretty fuchsia colored plant at his feet. Kim knew that Shane spent a lot of time in this garden. Before addressing his remark, her eyes were tempted inside the glass towards the soft pink hybrid tea at the greenhouse entrance. She pushed back the wave of nostalgia begging to overtake her, to remind her of the woman she was then and looked back at him with an encouraging smile for him to continue. Shane casually surveyed the area as he spoke.

"My father began this garden." He stopped and slid past Kim to retrieve a pair of scissors to clip the roses. She followed him with her eyes, listening to his tale.

"He and Simmons actually put the greenhouse together and _I_…" his face beamed with pride at the memory,

"Helped him lay the bricks." Shane proclaimed. Kim soaked in Shane's demeanor, her spirit at ease with him.

"So your father enjoyed gardening?" Kimberly inquired enjoying the story.

Shane gazed back at her and quipped,

"No, but as you can see, my father was of modest means when they married." Smiling mischievously, Shane used his head to point out the manor and surrounding grounds. Kimberly laughed out loud despite herself. While she was thoroughly amused by his dry humor, Kim playfully punched his arm so Shane would be answer the question honestly. He feigned injury for a mere second before resuming to his work. Shane beamed with pride watching her relax in his presence but he couldn't look at her as he confessed,

"Father thought simply buying material things for mother was too easy given our abundant resources." Shane explained.

" He liked to do things for her, such as building that mantle over the fireplace in the family room." He said nodding towards the manor. Shane's voice was thick with emotion as he spoke.

"He loved my mother but wasn't a verbal man so tending these roses were his love letters to her." Shane never took his eyes off the plant he was pruning. His tone deeply affected Kimberly. Shane rarely discussed his parents and she knew he was revealing as much about himself to her as he was about them.

Shane went back to his task, pruning roses while handing a ripe one to Kimberly intermittently. Kimberly took in the intoxicating aroma of the roses as she let her eyes wander across each shrub.

"I just love roses!" She sighed wistfully, not realizing the happy announcement was out loud and not confined to her private thoughts. Shane whirled around and met her statement head on.

"I find it intriguing that you can see the beauty in these _fragile_, yet incredibly resilient plants. You don't think them _weak_?" He asked rhetorically, playfully baiting her. A wave of shock followed by Kim's trademark scowl rolled across her face as Kim's cheeks turned a light shade of pink. Shane knew instantly that he had hit close to her heart! He suppressed the urge to laugh, instead hurriedly continued his tale.

"My mother adored the flowers and told my father once when they were courting that her idea of wealth was freshly cut roses…" He handed a blooming white one to Kim as he spoke. Its petals extremely delicate, the flower was almost translucent as the sun's rays reflected upon it. Kimberly held it carefully wanting to show it to Jeannie when she woke from her nap. Though she was enjoying the time in the garden, Kim's insecurities loomed overhead like the threatening clouds in the distance.

"So, he took to growing roses for her. Next thing you know we have this!" Shane exclaimed triumphantly, his eyes twinkling. He continued on explaining how his father amassed the breathtaking collection and became quite the rose aficionado because of it. Being absorbed in his narrative, Shane hadn't noticed his diversion barely made a dent. He stopped abruptly and studied Kim for a moment. He wasn't doing well addressing her earlier question by the little stream and his last statement had clearly affected her because Kim remained somewhat guarded since. He had to reach her before the moment slipped away.

Something caught his attention.

"See this one here?" Shane motioned towards the bush closest to him. It set propped up on the brick ledge to receive the warmth of the sunlight. There were several blooms beginning to emerge from various stems of the plant. It wasn't as robust as the other bushes on either side, the limbs not a lushly green and thick as the others, but it was beginning to thrive just the same. Kimberly nodded her head curious to know what color the flowers would be when the blooms opened. For now, it was a secret.

Pointing to the delicate hybrid, he explained,

"It managed to get infected with aphids last summer."

Kim's eyes widen, her attention was on the plant and she waited for Shane to continue.

"When I arrived last October, Simmons thought the plant was hopeless, but I thought it deserved another shot, so I've been tending to it since!"

Kimberly eyed him cautiously.

"Do you know what aphids do to a rose, Kimberly?" He asked rhetorically, not being deterred by her silence.

"They suck the sap out of the plant, weakening it." Shane replied pointedly making sure he made eye contact. The allusion was not lost on her but she was not letting on yet.

"The first step is to prune all the dead limbs away from the remaining plant."

Shane placed the scissors aside and raised his right hand instructively,

"Now these little creatures," Allowing a little ladybug to scurry from the wooden bench that showcased the potted roses, to his fingers, and unto the plant.

"They love to eat the those parasites." Shane glanced back at Kimberly who was engrossed in his lesson by this point. She timidly moved towards Shane and the plant watching the bugs disappear into the rose leaflets. Slowly a knowing smile crept along Kim's face. When she caught Shane studying her features, Kim tried to back away but Shane smiled compassionately picking up the potted bush up to take it inside the greenhouse. Mesmerized by what had just transpired, Kim followed behind. She marveled at the meticulous attention he showed the plant, yet it was well within the character of the man she once knew. Kim wondered how they could have gotten so far away from each other that she would doubt Shane's nature. After awhile she asked incredulously,

"How do you do it?"

"What?" He asked casually taking his eyes off the plant and onto her.

"Act so unaffected about what has happen!" She exclaimed bewildered. "You're treating me like…" Her words failed her but Shane interjected passionately.

"I treat you the way I see you. And I see a strong and determined woman. Albeit, one who has suffered greatly and may be a bit wounded but nonetheless, I see you as you are," He said, gesturing towards the unknown species that had yet to bloom.

"Fragile, yet hearty enough to pull through the harshest winters. Your spring approaches Kim. I see it and soon you will too!"

His words were so full of affection that tears began to slide down Kim's cheeks. She dropped her head and stared into the bouquet of freshly cut roses she held trying in vain to compose herself. Shane reached out for her but…

"Mummy!"

The exuberant cry of their precocious two year old echoed into the greenhouse as she toddled in along side of her older brother who had rescued the little flaxen haired girl from her afternoon nap. The greenhouse erupted into a chorus of high-pitched chatter, breaking the tender moment as Andrew begged for an afternoon horseback ride before dinner and Jeannie attempted to fight for a "_flaw_uere" without sticking herself from a menacing thorn. Kimberly hastily wiped away her tears with her free hand. Shane swung his daughter up around his right hip, giving her a dainty pink rose of an English tea variety. Jeannie wrapped her left arm around her father's neck squealing with delight over his present as Andrew grabbed his mother's hand lovingly looking for her approval. Kimberly smiled sweetly so Andrew guided them all outside towards the house. The rest of the day was spent riding a few of the Donovan horses while Marlena and Jeannie watched from the stoned-paved terrace just off from the kitchen. The jetlag caught up with Kimberly by dinnertime, so she prepared for bed along side the children who curled up next to her in the spacious king- sized four-post bed. With her children nestled on each side, Kimberly breathed a happy sigh for the first time in months and drifted off into a restful slumber for the next ten hours.


	4. Chapter 3: Sanctuary

**Chapter 3**

**Sanctuary**

_"Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness."_

_--The Problem of Pain_

_C.S. Lewis_

The days following that moment in the garden slipped by in ardent symmetry between Kim and Shane as they settled into a comfortable existence at Donovan Manor. Their woefully damaged relationship sprouted the first seeds towards healing, as they shared coffee over the morning paper, afternoon tea seated on the stoned terrace and evenings around the fireplace in the family room listening to the steady beat of rain pellets sliding down the windows. For Andrew, the time spent at his father's knee listening to the three adults engage in discussions revolving around politics, history and literature fascinated him more than the dreams he never remember the following morning. The fast pace life of LA being a distant memory, Andrew gravitated towards the unscripted freedom of exploration he had among the grounds of Donovan Manor. Following his father's footsteps, the child spent his summer days roaming the land slaying dragons and discovering new species within his imagination. Once his mother arrived, he enjoyed the taste of having a normal family he witnessed his school friends possess. Andrew desperately craved it. Finally, Shane insisted on enforcing the young boy's bedtime, kissing him on the forehead before his mother escorted him upstairs. Shane and Marlena exchanged pleasantries until Kimberly's return where upon, Shane's eyes showered Kim with attention hanging on her every word. Marlena marveled at the display wisely aware that neither party recognized what was transpiring. She usually turned in earlier leaving them downstairs sipping on fine wine and reminiscing before bed. All who witnessed noticed the growing bond and mutual attraction between Kim and Shane; the way they connected on such a cerebral and soul-searching level that transcended the conflict that enveloped them. They were trapped within the confines of Kim's engagement to another man and the cataclysmic events that preceded that commitment. Yet, the English countryside provided sanctuary to the wounded ex-lovers from the internal and external forces that kept them apart. Only once during this trip did Kimberly embark on an excursion to the outside world when she and Marlena escaped to London for a day of shopping and pampering. As they strolled down the myriad of cobblestone side streets off Oxford Street, Kim stopped abruptly and gasped, "I don't believe it!"

"Oh, I have to get this for him!" She exclaimed, pulling Marlena into an old antique store as she juggled the packages into her other arm. Marlena smiled at the brightness of Kim's face as she hurried past the other shoppers grabbing the item that set in the far corner of the shop window thinking Kim was picking out something for Phillip. Kimberly whirled around triumphantly cradling the old red covered hardback with a whimsical sketch of a fanciful ship: A first edition of The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Marlena hastily composed herself remembering the exchange she witness earlier in the week and smile politely. Kim approached the counter, paid for the item, and they journeyed back to the countryside.

* * *

_Donovan Manor, a few nights prior_

_A very tired and pregnant Marlena reluctantly pushed away the covers with her feet and waddled down the back stairs, which were closer to her room than the main staircase, leading straight into the Donovan kitchen. Marlena marveled over her heightened appetite and barely into her second trimester! Her age and the uncertainty made this pregnancy more demanding than carrying the twins all those years ago._

_ The light above the gas stove lit her way towards the massive refrigerator, opening it to reveal the leftovers from the earlier meal wrapped tightly on the middle shelf. As she sat on the nearest barstool against the 'L'-shaped island that lined the back cabinets and peered at the window across from her, Marlena heard the ripple of laughter float down the hallway from the main quarters of the estate. It was harmonious, inviting anyone who might stumble upon the scene to join in. Curiously, after finishing her late night snack, Marlena exited the kitchen walking slowly in the direction of the source. What she witnessed both warmed her heart and gave her hope that genuine love might triumph over unspeakable pain. Peering into the room through the slits of the mahogany banister, Marlena saw the timid dance of two people unconsciously fighting their way back towards one another… _

_"You have to be completely out of your tree!" Shane thundered heartily as he hopped up from where the two sat by the fire. Marlena could see the light in his eyes as he looked over his shoulder while pouring two cups of tea situated on the oval shaped coffee table in front of the leather sofa. From her vantage point on the other side of the stairs Marlena couldn't see Kim until she rose up onto her knees to take the cup Shane offered her. The fingers barely touched as the cups passed from one hand to the other. For the first time in a long time, Kim's eyes radiated with joy; a joy that the light of the fire illuminated around the room mingling with the rhythm of their voices as Shane extolled the virtues of reading Lewis's Narnia series in its original context. Kim listened intently as Shane argued his case while sipping her tea. After a few minutes,_

_"I'm merely suggesting, professor," Kim chimed in stifling another laugh. "That perhaps given the boy is only seven, you might consider rearranging the order so it makes a little more sense." Kim set the teacup on the table dismissively._

_"But then, the magic of Narnia revealing itself gradually to the reader is lost! Wouldn't you say the entrance into the wardrobe is a much better introduction than… say, simply stating its existence, which is done in The Magician's Nephew, thus assuming the reader is already familiar…?" Shane protested. The pained look on his face was priceless and Marlena surmised that Kim was simply riling him up without seeing her expression. Marlena hadn't seen this Kim in ages. It was refreshing._

_A dramatic pause..._

_Then, the realization in Shane's eyes as he gazed at Kim's mischievous grin; he lunged forward grabbing a small pillow and threw it playfully at her. _

_ Marlena buried her face into her right shoulder to conceal her own amusement at the scene, slipping away the way she came._

* * *

Marlena observed with great interest the striking contrast between Phillip and Shane's world in relation to Kim's. As she studied Kim's relationship with Phillip, Marlena noted how Kim was completely absorbed into his world, his life, and friends, all of **_his _**activities. While living in Salem, Phillip approached Kim's home and family as an arrogant observer. He performed the required acts of kindness-just enough to keep her family comfortable and supportive of the pairing. But he displayed detached amusement at Kim's history and the things that formed who she is. Marlena was no casual observer, making mental notes of Phillip's behavior, body language, etc. and she wasn't impressed. Without permission to share her opinions, Marlena kept her comments encouraging towards Kim. Over time, the obvious role playing Kim allowed in the superficial relationship served to hamper the very effort Kim was making to become whole again. The bitter irony was the lack of intimacy between the two, flowed abundantly with the man Kim was **_supposed_**tohave relegated to comfortable and polite pleasantries for the benefit of their children. Observing Shane and Kim together and also apart, made it difficult to determine where Kim's world ended and Shane's began. The previous night only confirmed Marlena's professional opinion that intimacy wasn't Kim's issue but the source she was mining from. Presently, she knew Kim was much too fragile to accept this simple truth. Marlena prayed as Kim continued her therapy out in LA the revelation would be self-realized, Kimberly casting off the last chain that confined her in a world that wasn't her own.

When the two women returned from their shopping expedition, Simmons, who looked very worried, greeted them at the door.

"Ah, hello ma'am." He said apologetically. Alarmed, Kimberly immediately dropped the packages, glancing at him and then up the stairs. The ache in her heart told her one or both children needed her. At that moment, Shane breezed down the stairs addressing them.

"Ah, the two of you are back."

Kimberly raced forward knowing something was amiss with the children.

"Shane?" She called frantically as he approached her resting his hands upon her shoulders.

"Everything is fine." He assured Kim. Glancing at Marlena adding, "but given your condition Marlena, I think you need to cut the trip short." Marlena tilted her head peculiarly as Shane elaborated, "I'm afraid Jeannie has come down with the measles."

Arrangements were made via the private ISA jet to take Marlena to Salem, while Kimberly phoned Phillip informing him of her plan to postpone their trip home to LA until Jeannie's doctor cleared her for travel. Peachy arrived to escort Marlena to the private airspace and took Andrew along with her to let the boy explore the cockpit before take off. By the time Kim said her good-byes to Marlena, the house was quiet for mid-afternoon. She wasted no time ascending the stairs to attend to her daughter's needs. But as she rounded the corner, approaching the room to her left, Kimberly heard the sweet angelic sound of Jeannie whispering to Shane.

"Daddy how did the _meezes _get inside me?" She asked in a hushed girlish tone. Kimberly peered into the room to see her snuggled up in the protective arms of her ex-husband. Shane held his fingers in the air to demonstrate an elaborate tale of how viruses work as though it were a bedtime story, to a captivated but very fatigued little girl. As he finished his colorful tale, Shane lightly tickled her tummy, Jeannie squealing with delight.

"Do it again, daddy!" She cried between coughs. It was remarkable how Jeannie's face mirrored her mother's when she looked at him in that manner. It tugged at his heart in the worst way.

"Shhhh, later my love." Shane replied dotingly. "You need rest." He added, kissing her flushed forehead.

Kim's heart ached watching the complete love and trust that enveloped the two as Shane rocked back and forth with her in his arms. Once Jeannie drifted asleep, Shane scooted her up placing her quietly into bed next to her favorite doll. Kimberly slipped across the hall unnoticed; longing for the day she might experience again, the kind of security illuminating across her daughter's face.

As the little girl struggled with a high fever for the better part of the week, Jeannie's sick bed swiftly moved into Kimberly's room. Intermittently, Jeannie woke up in a sweat during the night calling for her _mummy_. When she woke, Kimberly placed her in the tub to clean her up, drying her off, and crawling back in bed with the weary child. The process repeated until her fever broke. Shane stepped in attending to meals and the laundry as well as shuffling Andrew off to summer activities. One evening far into this routine, Kimberly exited the bathroom to find Shane slumped over in the plush upright chair situated next to the fire. A hand towel draped over his shoulder, it was evident he was waiting on her to finish dressing for bed but hadn't wanted to leave the room in case Jeannie woke up. Gazing over at her bed, the little flaxen haired girl slept peacefully underneath the satin cream-colored sheets, blending perfectly into the bedding. Kimberly smiled, quietly remembering how Jeannie called it: _the magic bed_.

Kimberly tiptoed slowly over to the chairs to her right, placing her hand gently on Shane's left knee.

"Shane?" Kim addressed him soothingly. His eyes flew open at the sound of her voice jolting upward until Shane realized there was no need for alarm. Kimberly smiled at him adoringly. "You're officially off duty, Captain." She announced lightly, a glint in her eye. Shane rubbed his eyes studying his daughter and then looked back at Kim. Placing her hand on his back to guide him towards the hall, they both glanced back at their daughter. Seeing his hesitation, Kimberly assured him:

"Shane, she's not had a fever in days and her cough has subsided. I think she'll sleep through the night for now on." Escorting him out into the hallway, "Besides, I think there is a young sailor in his room waiting to find out what happens after you two sail away from Dragon Island." She said with a wink.

Pleased by her words, Shane smiled raising his finger in instruction. "Ah, yes, our brave Caspian must forge a narrow escape, or two, in the coming chapter!" He exclaimed dramatically. "As you wish me lady." Shane bent forward, reached for her hand, gallantly kissing it before strolling away towards Andrew's room. Caught up in the moment, Shane did not notice the dazed expression plastered all over Kim's face after they parted. She pulled her hand to her cheek, which tingled from the effects of his soft and sweet lips, stroking it pensively before disappearing back into her room.

* * *

**Scene: Donovan Manor, two weeks later**

A few days before Kimberly and the children were to return to L.A., Kimberly stood next to the four-post bed, folding clothes, placing them into her luggage. Her two-week trip lasted over a month meaning she hadn't seen Phillip in two. Jeannie responded well to her treatment, but the circumstances had Kimberly anticipating a rough adjustment period once they returned. The children had been through so much in the past few years. While Jeannie nestled in her arms one evening, Kimberly made a decision regarding the living arrangements once they returned. She remembered the silence and consenting sigh breathed over the line.

"If you think this is what the children need, Kimmie, do it!" Phillip replied smoothly. His tone helped soften Kimberly, who bristled, each time he referred to her by that nickname. Kim struggled to remember what caused him to use that title on her and she frequently forgot to address it to him when they were alone. Bidding him adieu, Kimberly hung up the phone and continued with her task. As she pulled things out of the drawers, Kim discovered the bag containing the present sitting on the desk where Simmons left it two weeks before. In a flash, the contents of their lively discussion returned to her in full force. Smiling faintly, Kimberly felt a tinge of remorse remembering how she left things with Shane that night. And he hadn't alluded to the awkwardness that permeated their time together alone since she rebuffed his consolation…

_Donovan family room, two weeks before, after Marlena's returns to her room…_

_All the talk of childhood escapism wrestled with Kimberly's mind in the midst of her pleasant conversation with Shane permitting uninvited memories to linger in._

_"Yes." Kimberly replied softly as the flicker of the fire dimmed as though the light knew to hide from the gravity of what was about to be said. Clutching the soft sofa pillow in her hands, Kim stared blankly into the fire breaking eye contact with Shane._

_"I wanted to be Lucy." She confessed reflectively. "We had an old wardrobe in our room…" Her voice trailed off, the flames highlighting the tears appearing in her eyes. Shane saw that familiar far away expression and the shadow of a frighten little girl appear behind them._

_"Kim." Shane offered tenderly. He placed his hand delicately on top of hers that deathly gripped the pillow. Kim gazed up into his compassionate eyes briefly before pulling back. She didn't know how to respond to his empathy now, no matter how innocent it was. An unexplainable wave of resentment surfaced. Shane handled vulnerability in her with such ease. Kim flinched when he leaned closer to offer support._

_"I'm really tired." She suggested guiltily. Pulling herself into standing position, Kim desperately wanted to flee. Shane stood along with her._

_"Ok." He responded patiently meeting Kim's furtive eyes. She nodded quickly, sprinting away like a rabbit. Shane sighed and looked back at the dying embers in the fireplace…_

* * *

**Later in the evening, present time:**

The children were nestled in their beds, exhausted after the day's trip into London, enjoying the lights and activity that surrounded Piccadilly Circus. Shane retired into his study to finish a little work from earlier, while Kimberly prepared for bed. In the distance the rumble of thunder could be heard. Downstairs in his study, Shane stood at the massive window, its drapes pulled back to showcase the lightening display that approached in the distance, swishing his brandy in the snifter he held in his right hand. He contemplated.

As the lightening flashed through her window, Kimberly nervously stepped closer to steal a look. The lightening illuminated the backgrounds of the estate from the darkness of the night with each flash. Kim saw the reflecting pond Andrew splashed in a day earlier catching frogs to chase his sister with. The glass from the greenhouse shined brightly at her, a distant memory lurking between the shadows …

_ "I'll let some more light in…Voila!"_

A clap of thunder startled her, so Kimberly placed the gift-wrapped present inside her blue satin robe and ventured downstairs to find him.

By the time Kimberly reached the last step at the base of the staircase, the rumble of thunder reverberated through the old home, causing some of the armored statues scattered throughout, to clank against their pedestals. A warm golden hue lit the way into the family room where Kim saw the silhouette of Shane kneeling by the fireplace, stroking the kindling to create a nice steady burn. The atmosphere pulled her towards him as the shadows wrestled for her to remain with them. The scene was intoxicating. He whirled around in time to see her standing a few feet from him. Though Shane anticipated Kimberly's arrival, nonetheless, seeing her standing before him induced a happy expression of surprise across his face. Kim's hair fell freely around her shoulders, her eyes sparkling as she crossed her arms protectively across her chest. Kim's blue robe cast an angelic glow in an otherwise colorless room.

"Kimberly." Shane greeted her warmly. Timidly, Kimberly attempted to avoid his expectant gaze by sliding the present from beneath her robe, handing it to a very puzzled Shane. "What in the devil is this?" He exclaimed.

"Open it." She gestured coyly as Shane waved his right hand at her as an invitation to sit. Kimberly couldn't verbalize the apology but Shane completely understood the depth and feeling in her blue eyes and the way she tucked her knees underneath her robe to ward of rejection as she sat next to him. He tore open the wrapper, discovering the well-preserved, red covered first edition book.

"Oh, Kim!" Shane gushed with sincere appreciation. He glanced down at the book, opening it to the contents and inspecting the pages and binding. The series of books meant the world to him because his own father read them to him when Shane was a young lad. He cursed the day Drew carelessly lost the book. His eyes were full of emotion when he lifted them to meet hers. Kim blushed a little.

"It didn't seem right for you to not have the original to complete your set." Seeing the expression had not changed on Shane's face, Kimberly twisted her fingers against the threadwork of the pillow sham closest to her and started talking fast. "You know, because, I know it meant a lot to pass this onto Andrew and Jeannie…"

Shane touched her hand to harness Kim's attention conveying there was nothing to forgive. "Would you like a glass of wine?" He inquired pleasantly. The rumble of thunder loomed overhead answering for Kim. They both knew Kim would not be asleep anytime soon. Kim smiled and looked at the glow of the fire as Shane left towards the wine cellar. Returning he popped the cork poured the glasses and handed one to Kim as he lingered at the fire before sitting.

"Oh, would you like to switch places?" Kim offered so Shane could face the fire instead of her.

_"Hell, no!"_ The voice in Shane's head screamed, mesmerized by her beauty as she sat next to him. The soft, romantic lighting complimented Kimberly's delicate features beautifully. His eyes instinctively traced her petite frame trying to keep his facial expression neutral so he wouldn't embarrass her. Shane could spend the whole evening studying her. The way her hand manipulated the glass, her perfectly manicured nails that made his pulse race when they touched his skin, the way her lips graced the rim. _"Oh, to be that glass!"_ Immediately turning his attention to the wine, Shane replied, "No, I'm comfortable." He sipped his wine nonchalantly, grateful when Kimberly spoke up.

"Why, this is a French Bordeaux!" She beamed. Narrowing her eyes mischievously, "You've been to Cahors recently!"

"Guilty as charged." Shane replied as he raised his left hand. "Business." He added simply. Kimberly arched her brow slightly, which produced a smirk from Shane. Almost spilling the fine vintage, he elaborated,

"Dreadfully boring matters in Paris. I had to rush there just before your visit. But I made a day trip for the wine." He set the glass down to tend the fire completing the story. "The weather was terrible!" Shane explained in disgust as he knelt by the fire.

"In May!" Kim interrupted in shock. Shane couldn't help himself.

"I think Paris misses you." He replied affectionately alluding to a long ago private joke between the two. His back was towards her as he said it, but he lifted his eyes into the fire hopefully anticipating her response. Kim's eyes brighten for a moment. Ironically, Shane had never visited Paris without the infamous city being deluged with inclement weather. That is, until he traveled there on honeymoon with Kim. Shifting the focus back to the wine, Kimberly ignored the comment,

"I'll have to treat you to something special from Napa when you come to LA." She offered carefully. Shane's face fell. Finishing the task, he whirled around and returned to his seat as a flash of lightening poured into the windows creating a garish glow that mimicked the awkwardness of the moment. Masking his disappointment, Shane acknowledged,

"Sounds wonderful." He forced a polite smile. "Sipping wine with a view of the Pacific."

_"I'll need plenty of it."_ He groused to himself. The thought of another man-even if it was Phillip, raising his children and coming home to Kimberly, irritated him. It bothered Shane on a gut level.

Kimberly balanced her glass on her satin covered knee correcting him,

"Oh, my home won't have an ocean view."

Shane's eye rose at the statement. He distinctly remembered that Phillip owned a place in Malibu by the ocean. Kimberly took a measured sip before responding. Taking a breath and leaving the comforts of the leather sofa in favor of the warmth of the fire, Kimberly told him about her decision to buy the house next to her sister. Shane followed her movement with his eyes, listening to her very logical reasons. He sensed that she didn't seek his approval on the matter but deep inside, Shane was pleased by this development. The corner of his mouth turned up at the prospect as his eyes viewed her silhouette against the backdrop of the fire. Standing up and walking towards her, Shane held his hand against the flames, positioning himself next to her.

"I'm sure your home will be lovely." He declared. She turned her head to her left, smiling graciously. A thunderous boom bellowed above, causing Kimberly to jump away from the fire. Shane's hands instantly landed on her shoulder and the small of her back for support. He stopped short of pulling her protectively to him for comfort. A nervous laughed escaped her lips when she noticed the gleam in Shane's eyes, as they stood before the fire that close. Stepping back to regain distance, both physically and emotionally,

"Thank you." She said demurely.

"It was nothing." Shane replied clearly affected by the moment. Kim's eyes fluttered across the room towards the windows where the rain fell steadily against the panes, lightening offering to dance with the flicker of the flames exuding from the fire. But the playful exchange of light and dark couldn't keep her from avoiding Shane's dark and resolute eyes that pierced straight through her soul. Slowly gliding passed him; Kim left him standing by the fire. Reaching the doorway, she whirled around once more seeing him watch her exit.

"Good-night, Shane." She said softly. Shane smiled weakly back, nodding in return, and faced the fire once more. As she started up the stairs, he called back over his shoulder,

"Sweet dreams, Kimberly."


	5. Chapter 4: Summer Sings No More

**Chapter 4**

**Summer Sings No More**

_The red rose whispers of passion,_

_And the white rose breathes of love;_

_Oh, the red rose is a falcon,_

_And the white rose is a dove._

_But I send you a cream-white rose bud _

_With a flush on its petal tips;_

_For the love that is purest and sweetest_

_Has a kiss of desire on the lips._

_~ John Boyle O'Reilly _

* * *

Lavinia Peach strolled into the kitchen at Donovan Manor looking for her boss. It was a pretty day among the rolling hills of the English countryside. Birds chirped in the distance and on the drive in, Peachy noticed the sheep grazing in the fields that lined the road. The day was bright, airy and void of the oppressive humidity they experienced earlier in the week. A hint of the autumn air loomed amongst them despite the early August date. It hid amongst the blue sky, a subtle change that shifted the color a shade darker, punctuated only by the lingering cloud that passed by. Peachy believed autumn snuck up on the estate earlier each year, but this year it seemed more pronounced. She heaved a heavy sigh knowing why. Letting herself in through the side door of the breezeway that connected the garage to the kitchen, Peach found Simmons seated at the far end of the granite-covered island with an ornate cedar chest opened displaying the Donovan fine silver. Equipped with a soft white linen cloth, he busied himself polishing the silverware as she approached him to her left, patting his shoulder with British bravado.

"Afternoon ole' boy!" She greeted him breezily tossing her purse on the table to her right. She peered over Simmons' right shoulder casually observing his work. Simmons gazed up at her, smiled and nodded towards the pot of tea set in the middle of the island.

"I just made a spot. Have yourself a cup." He offered formally with a shine in his eye that revealed the comfortable admiration the two shared for one another.

"Don't mind if I do." Peachy replied, sauntering around the long dark kitchen island, passed the massive gas stove and convectional ovens, towards the far end corner cabinet to her right. The light pouring into the back window that lined the back wall of the kitchen caught her eye showcasing the tranquil and jovial scene Simmons had been privy to before her entrance. Through the glass, out on the back lawn were the four of them, engrossed in a playful game of Cricket. By the looks of things, the match clearly had devolved into a game of chase. Shane held Jeannie up over his left shoulder, the little girl's arms flaying wildly around as she laughed and screamed with joy as he chased down Andrew with the other. Peach paused before the sink cradling the saucer in her hand, soaking in the scene with her analytical eyes.

"This house hasn't seen so much love and laughter in quite a long time." Simmons noted fondly but Peachy detected shrewdness in his eyes without even facing him. His eyes surveyed the family playing outdoors then back to his friend standing at the sink trying to gauge her expression. He never stopped polishing the forks in the process, methodically placing the clean ones back into the box.

"Yes." Peach replied slowly. She remained transfixed on the scene, neglecting her tea. Looking for the missing party, Peach discovered her in the far left of her sight of vision, snapping pictures. Dressed casually, Kim's hair was pulled back loosely into a ponytail and she was enjoying the moment. Shane stumbled upon Andrew lifting him up onto his other shoulder, not as easily as he had his daughter, but still managed to stagger a few steps before dropping to his knees to toss them to the ground tickling them senseless.

"_Shane!" Kim scolded. "Be careful!" But it was clear the children relished every minute of it and were in no danger of injury_.

Back in the kitchen, Simmons continued his chore attempting to confer with Peachy concerning the situation. Peachy withdrew from the window for a moment, whirling around to pour some tea. Simmons moved on to the knives but the way his head lifted up told Peachy, he was more in tuned to what was going on outside than the silver in front of him. Peachy narrowed her eyes.

"Nice cover, isn't it?"

"Yes, so it is." He replied cryptically. "One tends to see things unscripted that way." Smiles flashed across his face as he shot her a guilty look, and then quickly back towards the box. "He's got that look in his eye again." Simmons added placing the next utensil back in the case with a clink.

"Ah, I noticed." Peachy replied sipping her tea. "It's a look that gets him into trouble." There was an authoritative tone in her voice that Simmons often heard only when she and Shane believed themselves alone and were discussing business. Simmons respected the way Peachy handled a man, especially a man like Shane. She knew how to reprimand him in private without emasculating him in the process. Peachy tossed a glance over her shoulder and paused. The corner of her mouth turned up slightly at the sight. Outside, Shane rested on his heels; his hands on his knees sweat pouring down his brow. He still breathed heavily, exhausted from the rough play.

"And I'm not too sure he's ready for her yet." Peachy observed regretfully. Simmons straightened up for the first time in their conversation, wiping his hands with the white linen. Resolute, Peachy whirled around giving Simmons an impish glance as she cleaned up her mess.

"The laddie needs to be pruned just a bit more." She pronounced firmly. With a swift move, Peach cleared the island off, wiped her hands on the hand towel hanging from the stove exiting briskly from the kitchen. Calling over her shoulder, the lilt in her voice echoed from down the hall.

"Tell the master I'll be in the study if he ever decides to earn a living again!"

Simmons simply shook his head in amusement.

Meanwhile, the children scrambled to their feet, begging their father to come after mummy. Kimberly was still laughing but protesting the suggestion.

"_Shane!"_ She warned. "I have the camera."

"Then, I suggest you put it down, because here they come!" He announced boisterously after finishing their plotting.

The children sprinted towards their mother who set the camera down on the cement bench, before running in the opposite direction. Shane followed behind but rushed over to Kim's camera to steal a shot or two of her with their children. Looking through the lens, his mind replayed still shots of her in his memory. Like a bolt of lightening, the wound to his soul was swift and fierce! Lowering the camera and gazing at the three of them sprawled all over the grass chattering away the afternoon, a cruel and somber realization hit him: in less than twenty-four hours this would be over.

* * *

**The day of their departure:**

The early morning sunrise was eclipsed by the incoming gales coming in from the southwest creating a rush to drive Kimberly and the children to the airspace before the incoming front blocked their departure for another day. It was only a matter of time before the squall from the approaching storm blocked out the light of the sun. The urge for Shane to drag his feet in the process was negated by Peachy's sudden arrival to wish them a safe journey before she ventured to Edinburgh for the day.

"Not necessary ole' chap! I won't be long." She explained when Simmons offered to take her coat.

"Peachy!" Shane exclaimed when he rounded the corner and spotted her standing in the foyer. The color in his face drained a little. "You needn't come today. I know you have a stressful day ahead." He offered magnanimously. Peachy eyed him cunningly, before pushing past him.

"Yes, I'm sure you care, but I am here to make sure the lassie makes her flight."

Peachy waltzed down the hall towards the kitchen instructing the children from their chairs to hurry up the stairs. "Up, up, up! We have a plane to catch!" She chimed in a singsong voice. Within twenty minutes, Peachy assembled the Donovan clan together; bags packed in the car and helped Kimberly buckle the children into their seats.

"Peachy!" Kimberly gushed. "You are a life savor! I was worried we would miss our flight because of this weather." She said scanning the view. The breeze picked up against the tree-lined driveway. Shane stood stoically behind Kim ready to escort her into the black Bentley Turbo after she said her goodbyes.

"Well, dear, I know you must be ready to be with your fiancé." She acknowledged slyly.

A flash of confusion passed over Kim's face, before composing herself as she looked into Peachy's moistening eyes.

"Uh, yes, that's it. Phillip." Kimberly agreed. "I really need to get home to Phillip." She repeated mechanically. Peachy smiled sweetly, noting that Kim needed convincing on the matter.

"Oh, my love! I'm sure going to miss you!" Peachy's calm demeanor collapsed and she embraced Kim as her own daughter. Both women sniffling back the tears, Kimberly asked hopefully,

"Oh but you are coming next month?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world!" Peachy purred, turning to leave. Shane smiled half-heartedly as his partner drove away, turning to Kim who was trying to wipe her eyes. The breeze blew her blond tresses away from her face, exposing her peaches and cream complexion. Kim pursed her lips together in an attempt to compose herself, but her eyes brimming with tears betrayed her disguise. _"Why was good-bye such a hard word to say to him?"_ The past month had been the happiest in a long time despite the demons that plagued her. Kim looked over his shoulder, scanning the landscape. Shane looked up at the grandiose manor behind her. Finally, their eyes had nowhere to go, but to each other.

"Let's leave the good-byes for the airplane." Shane suggested after a few awkward minutes passed.

Shane looked longingly at her, wiping a tear from her cheek. The move startled Kim who reached for his hand clumsily, then looked down into her purse for a tissue, a mirror, anything. Andrew and Jeannie began to move restlessly in the car, their murmurings growing louder suggesting that time was up to exchange pleasantries. Shane cleared his throat and motioned his hand forward to escort Kimberly to the passenger's side of the car. As she leaned in to calm the brewing argument in the backseat, Shane interjected briskly,

"Just one minute, Kim!"

He sprinted across the front of the estate and disappeared around the far right corner. He returned ten minutes later with something in his hand. Approaching the car from behind, Kimberly got out of the vehicle, a puzzled look on her face.

"Remember?" Shane asked warmly, his voice hoarse from running away and then, back to her. Kim looked to see an exquisite cream-colored hybrid tea rose, which Shane offered her, in his right hand. He extended it to her, looking deep into her blue eyes for any signs of life of a love that once burned between them. Kimberly smiled kindly at the gift. Looking at it closely, she noted the petals redden at the tips. The specimen was absolutely flawless with no sign of overexposure to the sun, the leaves a luscious green to accent the delicacy of the flower while highlighting the passionate contrast of the flush-tipped petals. Kimberly's mouth dropped opened to speak, but no words appeared. Her awestruck expression conveyed it. She did remember…that first day she arrived, and all the moments since. Kimberly smelled the light fragrance that exuded from the rose. Lifting her eyes back to his, she managed to say,

"Truly, I'm touched." Her voice was soft and heartfelt. Relief showered over him; Shane smiled in return. It was all he could hope for at the moment. Saving face,

"Well, Ms. Brady, we must get you to the plane on time."

He offered chivalrously, graciously taking her hand and guiding her into the car. The car trip to the plane was pleasant, and much too short, despite Andrew's penchant for asking a series of questions, one right after the other. Shane answered them all patiently, while stealing a glance over to his left at Kim. She sat quietly looking out the window, the rose resting in both hands. Finally, the moment arrived to give his children one last hug and kisses before they left. After having them daily for the better part of the year, the event left Shane aching and empty all at the same time. As they boarded the private jet, the children ran ahead to explore their surroundings, excited at the prospect of riding back home in style. Kimberly turned around to see him standing at the base of the stairs, smiling stoically as they departed.

She paused.

Hesitating and then, without another thought, Kim rushed down the stairs, still clutching the rose in her hand. Hugging him tightly, Kim kept her face turned away from him.

"Thank you, Shane."

Shane stole a whiff of her hair in that brief instant he had his arms around her before she, like an enchanting spirit, flew away again. He stood waving at the two charismatic faces pressed against the window of the plane waving back, the ominous clouds rolling in to block the view of the sun.

* * *

**Later that evening:**

The ride back to Donovan Manor was a long, agonizing trip. The gales rushed forward by lunchtime, the rain beginning to bear down on the isle. Walking into the kitchen through the breezeway, the light over the stove did little to warm the desolate atmosphere of the kitchen. Shane spent the next hour pacing the halls of Donovan Manor in a desperate attempt to latch onto something that would entertain his mind. It was going to be a long and stormy day raging into the night, complimenting the oppressive melancholy Shane wore around his heart like an albatross. Meandering upstairs, he returned to his study spending the afternoon working on cases that were frozen in his mind while she visited. The workload was a tonic to waste away the afternoon alone, until hearing word of their arrival to L.A. After heating up leftovers, Shane attempted to relax in the family room, fixing a fire to warm the chill that enveloped the house due to the unseasonable storm. Mercilessly, his memory taunted Shane while staring into the erupting flames.

"_My beautiful Kimberly." He said, full of rapture._

"_Do you know how glad I am that you came to England?" _

_He implored as he stroked her hair and gazed into her expectant eyes. _

_She let his fingers fall onto her lips, tracing them. _

_As she traced his fingers with her tongue, _

_Wrapping her lips around them intermittently._

"_I think you just told me." She replied breathlessly. _

_The glow of the fire served to highlight the euphoric state she was in._

"_Well, I'm going to tell you again…" He let his lips graze her cheek. _

"_And again…" sliding down her neck, _

"_And again…" __~05/01/ 1985_

Shane blinked hard, staggering backwards away from the heat of the fire that drew him into the alluring memory. Visibly affected, Shane abandoned the warmth of the fire stumbling towards his right and into the cold reality of his study. But she followed him there. Though completely sober, he slowly walked towards his curio cabinet and fixed a drink. _"If I'm going to feel drunk, I'll bloody well be drunk." _He chuckled bitterly as he grabbed a gold-labeled bottle and poured a stiff one. Turning around to face the opposite side of the room, Shane had no intention of being productive. His eyes rested on the door that was ajar, to the right of the study's fireplace that connected it to the illustrious library of Donovan Manor. Making a decision, Shane slowly walked towards the library.

Thirty minutes later, he managed to ignite a second roaring fire and was thumbing threw various books while nursing on his alcoholic beverage. Try as he might his eyes repeatedly wandered over one particular book of poetry that he always opened on dark and stormy nights when the wind cursed him. He let his eyes trace the words as he paced the room with the book in one hand and the drink in the other. When his heart couldn't bare the emotional masochism any longer, Shane discarded the item and sought refuge in the old leather chair positioned in the corner of the room between the fireplace and the window. Not letting the fire lasso him in again, he adjusted the chair to face the dismal view from outside.

Meanwhile, Peachy returned from her day trip to Edinburgh exhausted both emotionally and physically. The vicious weather extended the trip by two hours yet, like a mother, she knew to stop by Donovan Manor to check on Shane. Peachy had known him long enough to guess how he spent the day. _"Brooding no doubt."_ She entered through the breezeway as she normally did, soaked to the bone just from running from the car to the house. Slipping off her parka and placing it on the hook next to the entryway into the mud- room on her left, Peachy listened for signs of the living. Surveying the place as she maneuvered through the hall towards the front entrance, Peachy flipped on the light switch to allow Edison's invention to guide the way. _"Heavens, he's shrouded this place like a catacomb!"_

Rounding the main staircase on her left, Peachy saw the dying embers of the fire from the family room begging to be ignited once more.

Peachy stopped.

"Shane?" She called.

No answer.

Stepping into the room, at the corner of her right eye, the flicker of another fire loomed just behind the door leading to the study.

Peachy grimaced.

Stepping just inside the doorway, it was immediately clear where her protégé resided: on the other side of the wall to her right. Making a quick detour to her left, Peachy fixed a drink, a scotch, and doubled back towards the door that stood ajar into library. Holding the glass in her left hand she strolled in. Looking the room over, from right to left towards the window that was riddled with rain pellets, Peachy always marveled over the predecessor's penchant for literature. Finally, her eyes rested on the object of her mission. He sat motionless facing the window, slouched in such a way to virtually conceal him from view. His arm hung carelessly from the arm of the chair, occasionally lifting it to bring his drink to his lonely lips. Before Peachy could approach him, a book lying on the floor in front of the fire, caught her eye. Bending over, she picked it up. The book opened:

_Pity Me Not_

_Pity me not because the light of day_

_At close of day no longer walks the sky;_

_Pity me not for beauties passed away_

_From field and thicket as the year goes by._

_Pity me not the waning of the moon,_

_Or that the ebbing tide goes out to sea,_

_Or that a man's desire is hushed so soon,_

_And you no longer look with love on me._

_This have I always known: Love is no more_

_Than the wide blossom which the wind assails,_

_Than the great tide that treads the shifting shore,_

_Strewing fresh wreckage gathered in the gales._

_Pity me that the heart is slow to learn_

_What the swift mind beholds at every turn. _

_~Edna St. Vincent Millay_

Peachy took a healthy sip of her scotch. Sighing heavily, she placed the book forcibly down on the table. She knew he heard her entry. Walking over to the old leather chair Shane sunk into; his old friend swats him on the head.

"Ou!!!!" Shane winced in pain, muttering a few obscenities under his breath.

"Sit up, boy! You were raised better than that!" She admonished him. Peachy flipped on the lamp next to the chair to brush away the ghosts that lingered in the room laughing at him. Shane looked up at her dazed for a moment, his eyes adjusting to the extra lighting. Disgusted by her action, he rubbed the back of his head.

"Peachy, you missed your calling. There's a Headmistress position at Eaton with your name on it!" He groused unenthusiastically. Peachy ignored the jab, taking a labored sip of the scotch. Her eyes bore into his brain for a second, as she swished the _Johnnie Walker _blend carefully. She toyed with clocking him with it if the move would knock some sense into him!

"Well, out with it!" She demanded.

"What is there to say, Peach?" He began in a defeated tone. "I believe I am in love with a woman who is not mine to have…" His words drifted off as his mind fluttered elsewhere.

"That's an impressive pity pot, you have fashioned, Shane." She interrupted without looking at him. "Frankly, I'm getting too old to watch you stew in it."

When Shane didn't respond, exasperated, she turned back towards the window taking another sip of the scotch. Her silence crippling and insulted by the remark, Shane jumped from his seat, walked towards the back of the library, disappearing into the study. Peachy heard the rattle of the liquor cabinet as Shane poured himself another drink from the adjacent room. When he returned, neither of them in better mood. Shane flopped carelessly back into the chair, spilling a drop or two on his leg. Standing in front of him with one hand on her hip, Peachy cast him an annoyed look from a safe distance by the window. She watched the rain fill puddles along the manicured lawn and slide down the greenhouse just a few yards away.

"I have a daughter that I drive eight hours round trip to visit on a weekly basis." Despite only having a side profile of his mentor, Shane could see her eyes were blazing. Shane was well aware of Peachy's decades old habit. She had done it for as long as he had known her. But Peachy never discussed Lily. "Hoping, just praying," Her voice choked up. "That one day I may reach her somehow." The unbelievable sadness in her eyes tore Shane apart.

"_You're only as happy as your saddest child." _Peachy told him once. He was young and arrogant then, but he completely identified with the old adage now.

"Yes." Shane acknowledged compassionately. He took a measured sip of his drink. The effects of the last one were beginning to take effect. Peachy whipped around to address him. Gulping the remaining scotch, she slammed the empty glass down on the little bureau that lined the massive window. The howling of the wind punctuated the sorrow that filled the room.

"Tell me, laddie. What did I do, for her to shut me out?"

"Noth…"

"Precisely!" She replied mournfully. "Yet, you sit here and mourn that poor girl whose heart _**you**_ ripped straight out of her chest!"

"Wait a minute!" Shane protested, shooting up out of the chair. Yet, he made a hard right to stay away from her wrath. "You weren't there!"

Folding her hands across her chest,

"Don't try to pull the wool over these old eyes." Peachy reprimanded him firmly. But there was a dose of affection to match it.

"Yes, I'm sure Kimberly bears partial blame. Her issues have never been hidden from this relationship. _**But you**_…" She hurled the accusation at him. Even from across the room, the force of it, smacked him hard.

"You forget laddie, I was there, front row…"

"Too close for my taste." She added under her breath. Watching how Shane operated when he was personally wounded in an amorous relationship had been hard to stomach. It changed her view of him forever.

"…For the first battle and how you preferred to fight it."

Shane stood in front of the fireplace. Glancing down at the half-empty glass, the contents lost their appeal. He set the drink on the mantle behind him with a thud. His eyes pleaded for advise. Peachy had no pearls of wisdom to give. Shrugging, she asked,

"This Phillip fellow, he treats her well?"

Shane cringed but conceded,

"As much as I can tell."

"Then, tell me laddie, why should she be with you…"

The unspoken words spoke for themselves. Peachy stepped forward seeing how her words hurt him. Patting him on the back, she offered sympathetically,

"Sometimes, you have to learn to let go."

Shane nodded in agreement as Peachy slid past venturing towards the door.

"Take the guest room. It's too dangerous for you to travel tonight."

He never looked away from the grain of wood beneath his feet. Peachy nodded and exited for the night. Standing there until the fire dimmed, leaving the room almost completely dark, Shane's eyes traveled through the window and passed the walls of the greenhouse to where he knew the rose bush resided. Her scent permeated the air…

_"What if?"_


	6. Chapter 5: Can't Stop What's Coming

**Chapter 5**

**Can't Stop What's Coming…**

_~ Love is whatever you can still betray ... _

_Betrayal can only happen if you love. ~_

_John LeCarre_

* * *

The bells of St. Mary echoed in the distance, a call to worship, on a sleepy sunny Sunday morning in the Cotswolds. The remnants of last night's storm slipped away into memory as Shane threw open the heavy velvet draperies of his dark and desolate room. Peering at the raindrops reflecting on the blades of grass across the lawn, he began to piece together his itinerary for the next three weeks until he could see them again. Shane briefly considered Peachy's advise in the library; entertaining the notion of letting go of her. Thinking, _"what if," _he had not taken that case with Jericho? Simply said, _"no"_ to Terrington, heeding Kim's anxiety over the case. Or perhaps later, gave Kim something other than his icy silence when she was pregnant with Jeannie. The wall so impenetrable, his wife concluded leaving was the only option to retain her sanity and the safety of her unborn child. Standing by the window feeling the heat of the sun absorb through the pane of glass, _"what ifs"_ seemed dreadfully counterproductive to the spy. Instead, Shane pushed back the regrets and let the euphoria of the past month manipulate his heart, silencing the subtle alarm ringing at the door of his conscious.

Peachy noted his quiet change in demeanor with cautious appreciation. Thrilled he wasn't wallowing throughout the halls of Donovan Manor; yet worried at the cavalier manner Shane approached his prospects with Kimberly. While outward appearances showed a man occupying himself with work, jetting between Paris and Rome on assignment, Shane's true feelings were observed catching bits of his conversations with Kimberly over the phone. Peachy read him like a book. Though the cues were subtle, she noted his enraptured expression and the flirtatious lilt in his voice when he spoke with her. Peachy was positive the laddie had never stopped loving the lassie. But until recently, he retained a cool solemn veneer regarding his emotions. A veneer that melted away once Kimberly stepped back into Donovan Manor. There was a false sense of peace enveloping Shane that only promised a painful fall if he didn't address the source of the tattered fabric of trust between he and Kimberly. A fabric that was rip to shreds when he pursued such a vindictive relationship with his former sister-in-law! In a few weeks, they landed in LA and Peachy sensed that he had not seriously considered the emotional ramifications of stepping into the realm where the source of his betrayal resided.

Meanwhile, Kimberly adjusted to life in LA raising her two children and trying to weave together a relationship with her fiancé. Creating a warm cozy atmosphere that fostered stability for the children was the easy part. Their Pasadena home was located in an old vintage neighborhood within walking distance of downtown. Rows of luscious old oak trees lined the wide sidewalk streets creating a canopy of tranquility at the foot of the St. Gabriel Mountains. Andrew and Jeannie moved in with built in friends, having their cousin next door and Kimberly's long time friends, Dr. Peter and Amanda Strickland living across the street with their three children. Peter taught one of Kimberly's counseling classes when she started the Salem University Child Abuse Clinic and a friendship ensued with he and his wife. Later, the couple was one of a select few Shane confided in about his wedding plans for Kimberly, flying them first class to attend. The Stricklands were the reason Kim chose LA to relocate when her marriage to Shane fell apart, Peter soliciting Kim's help with his clinic in LA. When Kimberly went into labor with Jeannie, it was Strickland's wife, Amanda, who called Shane to let him know. Amanda was a hard person to impress and fiercely protective of her friends. Her fiery spirit reminded Shane of Hope Williams Brady but she was intensely shrewd like his other former sister-in-law, Marlena. That Amanda hadn't threatened to castrate him when he showed up at the hospital to see the baby was a minor miracle! Shane never forgot her graciousness despite the strain with Kimberly and marveled that the beautiful brunette still held him in somewhat of high regard.

Settling into her new home, Kimberly continued her sessions with Dr. Allison twice a week, while Phillip attempted to court her on the weekends. Kimberly studied his demeanor towards her fragile state carefully.

One Monday, after a weekend of dates with her fiancé, Kimberly shifted uncomfortably in her chair at the end of a session.

"Dr. Allison, when will I…" She hesitated, fumbling with the smooth fabric of her skirt. Mustering up the courage to make eye contact, Kim's facial expression signaled what she was trying to ask.

"_Uh_…Oh!" Dr. Allison exclaimed, realizing where Kim was leading with her question. Crinkling her brow with caution,

"Is Phillip pressuring you?"

"Oh no!" Kimberly assured her therapist. Fidgeting in the chair, she bolted from it and paced the room until she found a safe spot by the window.

"He says, _'Kimmie, this is no different than if you had cancer,'_" Her hand waving dramatically in the air, her eyes laced with skepticism,

"_And you were in the middle of treatment!" _

Kim stared forlornly at the parking lot below. Dr. Allison inhaled, pondering her response carefully. On the surface, Phillip's answer appeared altruistic but the astute therapist questioned the motives. She had lived in this town long enough to know that men like Phillip Collier craved attention and physical stimulation. The fact that he denied a problem was a bit troubling and dishonest. Dr. Allison guessed that Kimberly sensed this as well.

"And do you have reason to doubt his intentions?"

"No!"

Backpedaling, Kimberly groped for an excuse for her apprehension.

"I'm just overreacting I suppose." Yet, her eyes pleaded desperately, _"when?"_

Taking her cue from Kim's response, Dr. Allison stepped closer and compassionately placed her hands on Kim's shoulders.

"Kimberly your experiences with sex have been quite traumatic." She began calmly.

Pause.

"Not every time." Kim interrupted, her words barely audible, her eyes distant.

Another Pause.

Dr. Allison lifted her head slightly, taking note. Treading carefully,

"This is actually a good sign that you are modifying certain behaviors that placed you in a vicious and destructive cycle. You are naturally going to experience a fear of intimacy…" Kim's eyes gazed at her in defeat. Dr. Allison smiled encouragingly.

"In time, when you feel comfortable, safe and wholly loved in your personal relationship, everything will come naturally."

* * *

**Location: **

**LA, September 2, 1993.**

"I'm not sure I have ever been to LA." Peachy was saying as they drove from LAX airport, towards Kim's home. It was a gorgeous California day perfect for a child's birthday party. Not a cloud in the sky; a warm inviting light breeze blowing into the black Mercedes convertible. A sharp contrast to the weeklong fog and drizzle they left behind in their homeland.

"I must say laddie, this old girl could get used to this kind of weather." She observed serenely.

"_You_, a California girl?" Shane bellowed heartily. " Ha!" He scoffed. "Admit it, the rain and fog feeds you in a perverse way!"

Peachy cut her eyes towards him but failed to deliver a menacing response to his characterization. He was right after all. Instead, she leaned back in her seat smiling, observing Shane's cheerful demeanor. Peachy surmised it had little to do with the weather.

Driving into the neighborhood with meticulously landscaped yards, full of trees and other vegetation native to the area, Shane smiled impressively at Kim's choice.

"What a delightful home!" Peachy exclaimed as Shane pulled into the driveway.

Shane inhaled deeply as he rang the doorbell of the front door. He had re-entered her orbit once Kim stepped through the door of Donovan Manor two months prior. By the time, Kimberly and the children left his estate, Shane's imprisoned emotions had been released and he knew there was no wrestling them back into hiding. Shane adjusted his schedule to meet Andrew and Jeannie's bedtime regiment, reading bedtime stories over the phone to them every night. It was evening in LA, barely dawn in London, but Shane didn't care. He remained online with Kimberly engrossed in spirited discussions when time permitted watching the sun come up over the English countryside. Reluctantly, Shane began to admit how much he depended on those daily rituals. He stood on Kim's front porch dressed in a crisp white linen shirt with tan trousers, Italian loafers with his gold roped chain around his neck to finish off the continental style. "_Feels frightfully like a first date."_ He mused hopefully. The shuffle of feet echoed from within, the door flinging open.

"Shane Donovan, you old dog! Get in here!" Dr. Strickland exclaimed boisterously. The stately gentleman with hazel eyes and a head of thick brunette locks was one of the few Americans Shane had met who could match wits with him over European Medieval History.

"Peter, it's been ages!"

Shane was relieved to see a familiar face. The two exchanged a firm handshake before girlish squeals echoed from the landing upstairs. Shane and Peachy's eyes lifted upward to see Jeannie running ahead of Kimberly impatiently trying to reach her daddy. The little birthday girl shuffled down the stairs clinging onto the old oak banister with her mother leading the way, gingerly trying to keep Jeannie from losing her footing. The precocious three-year old toddled forward with one of her white Mary Jane's still in her mother's hand. Shane stepped forward scooping Jeannie into his arms five steps above the landing.

"How's my girl!" He gushed as she wrapped her little arms around his neck and began to chatter away. The pitch and breath of her voice, tickled Shane's ear. His heart melted.

"_Seez my dwess?"_

Jeannie patted the little blue gingham dress with white smock that her Grandma and Papa Brady sent.

"Yes, it's very lovely." Shane replied looking adoringly into her blue-green eyes. He was completely absorbed in his daughter's world blocking out the audience witnessing the two. Taking her arms and making a mock survey for the rash that covered the little girl just weeks before.

"Well, what do I see?" He questioned teasingly.

"I guess a leopard really does change its spots!" He observed, his eyes wide and dramatic to elicit a clever response from her. Jeannie had not forgotten their private joke giggling,

"I'm not _lepawrd, _daddy!"

Kimberly stepped forward greeting Shane, her eyes mirroring their daughter's.

"Here, _you_ put her shoe on." Kimberly suggested her eyes sparkling as she handed it to him. "She clearly responds better to your commands." She added with a wink. Taking the shoe from her, Shane squeezed it gently.

"Doesn't mummy look very pretty today?" He asked Jeannie softly but his eyes never left the view of Kimberly's fresh face, her hair pulled loosely back into a twist. Tendrils flowed around her face like a halo.

Peachy cleared her throat…loudly.

Kim smiled faintly, turning away. Her face painted blush by his remark, Kim directed Shane towards the patio that was decorated with various shades of pink and white for the festivities. Jeannie wiggled out of Shane's embrace, tempted towards the presents and party favors that set on a table in the yard. Motioning outside,

"Andrew is out with his friends." Kimberly suggested, changing subjects. "He's been dying for you to arrive so you will play soccer with him." She explained as Phillip breezed inside.

"Babe, I hope you don't mind but a couple of friends…" He paused seeing Shane and brushed past Kim to extend his hand.

"Shane, my man, it's good to see you again!" There was a twinkle in those piercing blue eyes, but Peachy noted that they displayed no sign of warmth despite the flashy smile that accompanied the gesture. Shane nodded in agreement, shaking his hand firmly, smiling brightly back. Placing his hand on Peachy's back, Shane started to introduce the two but Phillip interrupted.

"Ah, let me guess! This is the infamous Ms. Peach, whom I have heard so much about!" He surmised jovially. Shaking his finger at Shane as he slid his arm complacently around Kim-catching her off guard.

"You might need to be careful, Captain…" Phillip began in a serious tone. Shane narrowed his eyes slightly.

"I just may steal her from you too!"

A wave of discomfort passed through the room. Phillip erupted into laughter as Peachy cut a glance towards Shane who smiled politely at the statement.

"Oh, I'm afraid sir, you can't afford me." Peachy replied smoothly, the pitch of her voice rising, thick with her trademark Scottish brogue. A chorus of children rushed the door, breaking the air of tension ready for cake and ice cream. Kimberly whirled around grabbing a tray of glasses and silverware for Phillip. Placing an old pewter dinner bell on the tray,

"Here, take this." Kimberly instructed enthusiastically as she placed her mask back on. "You can corral the children with this!"

She lightly touched Phillip on the back as he bent down for a quick kiss. Shane averted his eyes briefly, focusing on the little bell that emanated a lyrical chime as it set on the tray. Its light and airy tinkling reminded Shane of the one situated on the door of a favorite gathering in London. It elicited a fond memory of a foggy raining afternoon along the Thames, sharing tea with Kimberly in a café chatting about their mutual admiration for various styles of art.

"You'll need this to round them up, later." Kim was saying to Phillip returning his affectionate gesture with the appropriate smile. The disguise slipping slightly once Phillip disappeared, Kimberly returned a pleasant smile in Shane's direction. Her blue eyes were warm and lively.

"Well, now that you're here, the party may commence!" She announced lightly. "Oh, and there's someone you may be interested in seeing again." Kim added cryptically over her shoulder as she escorted them to the party. Shane's interest piqued, he looked up to see his favorite singer standing near the pool.

"Liz Chandler," Shane gushed giving her a warm hug.

"Curtis!" She raised her finger at him in correction as she leaned back and waved Noelle over to him. Noelle Curtis was blossoming into a pretty young lady at thirteen. Neil and Liz recounted how they reconciled and renewed their vows after Neil left Salem a few years before.

Shane withdrew from the group when Andrew requested a round of soccer before the formalities of the party continued. Taking the ball, Shane engaged in a mock game with Andrew and Peter's son, James. With Phillip commiserating on the opposite end of the yard with a few stragglers, Shane could almost ignore the obvious obstacle standing between him and his heart's desire. Not far enough to be out of earshot, a rush of cold water dampened Shane's spirits momentarily. Liz asked about Kayla's whereabouts.

"Oh, she's studying for the entrance exam into Greffen." Amanda replied encouragingly. "Kim told her to leave Stephanie here for a few days so she can prepare."

Shane breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't thought about the prospect of facing her again. Shane passively relegated any dealing with Kayla to Peachy and dealt with only attending to the needs of Johnson's little girl. Playing the role of father figure of the little strawberry blonde was easy. It was an extension of his responsibility for caring for family. Yet, when Stephanie Johnson turned the corner of her mouth upward to reveal the mischievous twinkle in those little blue eyes, Shane felt the ghost of Steve Johnson admonish him from the grave. Executing a swift kick past Andrew into the goal, Shane was thankful for another reprieve from his recent past.

The afternoon wore on in jubilant celebration as Jeannie blew out her three birthday candles and ripped into her presents seated securely in her father's lap. Peter, Jeannie's godfather, snapped pictures of the fractured family participating in various party games culminating with the party goers beating on a little pink pony piñata that Neil and Liz bought for the little girl. One by one, the children swatted at the fixture swinging against the black oak tree…but it wouldn't bust. Dutifully, the men approached the item and huddled around to consult on the matter as the group of disappointed children looked on.

"So Liz, where did you say Neil purchased this piñata?" Kimberly smirked as the group of women stood in a semi-circle observing the crisis.

"It's a defective piñata!" Amanda quipped poking Kimberly in the arm as she took a sip of her Cabernet.

"Oh, the irony!" They all remarked in unison. The women burst into gales of laughter, which was accompanied by three icy stares from the _Mob Squad_ staked out under the tree.

"Shane, our women are losing faith in us." Peter pleaded. Neil barely contained his composure as he looked at Dr. Strickland's morbid expression over the fate of the pony. At the corner of her eye, Kim noticed Phillip a good distance away, chatting up his 'friends' by the pool. She grimaced.

"Look at them." Peachy observed astutely. "We have a MD and a PhD…"

"Peter did demolition jobs as he worked his way through med school as well." His charming wife offered raising her glass. The women giggled once more. Peachy continued.

"And the third," She motioned at Shane. "Who can slip past the finest security systems in the world…"

Pause.

"Uh, look closely." Liz observed skeptically. Shane rushed over, grabbing Jeannie in one arm and Stephanie in the other as a diversion while Neil and Peter using slight of hand, fumbled with the belly of the contraption loosening the trick flap to release the candy. Shane's exuberant display distracted the older participants, keeping the integrity of the game intact. Rounds of applause erupted as a fountain of candy poured out of the wounded paper creature, the girls scurrying to the ground to claim their treasure. Satisfied with their victorious mission the three men high-five each other, returning to the festivities. The women coughed dramatically in their direction.

"_Cheaters!" _

The crowd scattered. The children resuming their play as the adults commenced with idle banter.

Mission accomplished, Shane's eyes scanned the scene for her, only to find Kim with her fiancé engaging his friends who had crashed the party. Suddenly, Shane felt lost, replaced as he realized he was standing as an outsider looking in at the yard full of couples.

"Excuse me." Shane requested, extricating himself from the pool of cheerful conversation filtering through the early evening air. As the sun began its descent, the children played happily in the yard, the sugary snacks fueling their rowdy behavior. Scanning the patio for Peachy, he found her commiserating with the Curtis's. Holding up his glass, he gestured towards the house and hurried inside to refresh his drink. Once inside, he took a moment to languish around the kitchen island and take stock of Kim's new home.

The serene stillness of Kim's home offered solace for Shane as he surveyed the activities outside gazing longingly at Kimberly fulfilling hosting duties to perfection. He stood mesmerized by her classical beauty; the setting sun painting the sky with shades of pinks and corals, reflecting the blonde highlights of Kim's hair while illuminating her silky azure dress. Shane's eyes traced the outline of her soft pink lips as she spoke with her friends. When the breeze picked up slightly, it blew her gauzy dress against her body, hinting at what lie beneath. Shane ached remembering how it felt to wrap his hands around her waist, taking her face into his hands and kissing her supple lips! Shane let himself get lost in the daydream until his eyes fell upon the glaring rock woefully misplaced on her left finger. The image revolted him, so Shane shook his glass in protest listening to the ice clink against the rim that echoed his sentiments. _"The monstrosity is too gaudy for the lady!"_ He groused to himself. Eyeing the brandy, he tossed its contents back, swallowing hard to beat back the regret. He discarded the empty glass into the sink, gripping the edge of the granite countertop in frustration.

Too engrossed in his thoughts and feelings, Shane had not noticed Kayla enter from the side door of the kitchen that led to the garage. There to drop off an extra pair of clothes for Stephanie, she hoped to slip in and out without being seen. Halting abruptly, Kayla saw him standing at the kitchen island, his back towards her. Shane's eyes were transfixed on her sister outside. A wave of panic swept over Kayla at being confronted with his presence. His visit for Jeannie's birthday party had been an abstract concept for her. It reminded the woman of a very dark and lonely time for her after the tragic passing of Steve. Somewhere along the lines of offering mutual comfort for each other, she purposely invited much more from her brother-in-law. A deadly mixture of loneliness, anger at the circumstances concerning her husband's death, and a desirable man seeking her favor over her sister's, fueled the festering jealousy Kayla had carried against Kimberly for years. Kayla threw away her reputation, risking family harmony, and severing the delicate thread that held her relationship together with Kimberly. Greedily, she drank the ghastly cocktail! In a vain attempt to fashion herself as a viable lover for her brother-in-law, Kayla sadly played the safer version of Kim. She stubbornly clung to her sister's shoes, an enabler to Shane's destructive behavior. Finally, Kimberly humbly bowed out of the tragic tale seeking refuge in LA. Instead of sobering up, Kayla continued prostituting herself in a shallow attempt to prove the validity of her choices; acting every bit the addict she had become.

Shortly after, Shane was almost mortally injured in an explosion rendering him paralyzed from the waist down. Left with the emotional hangover of her life, Shane flagrantly dismissed Kayla, preferring a world of physical numbness to match his emotional status. In the cruel and sobering light of day, Kayla stood threadbare from the affair. She felt dirty and unworthy of sympathy for her own stupidity. Yet, compassion flowed from the most unlikely source; the one betrayed and hurt the most throughout the whole ordeal. Kimberly gracefully took her in and helped prepare a new life for Kayla.

It had been almost eighteen months and Kayla still felt somewhat of a guest in Kimberly's life. Despite making friends and connections on her own in LA, the glue that held Kayla's social circle together was the glowing admiration for her sister and Kimberly's discretion towards Kayla's transgression with her ex-husband. Being confronted with her past sins once again by stumbling on its reminder ignited a wave of resentment towards the spy. Kayla turned to leave. Alerted to someone's presence, Shane whirled around to greet the visitor.

"Oh,…, Kayla." Shane announced clumsily. The wounded expression on her face told him that she had been standing there for some time, witnessing his silent admiration for his ex-wife. They hadn't spoken since the day Kayla entered his study in Salem and revealed her plans to leave. Shane made no attempt to stop her. _Why should he?_ Kayla knew she was not the Brady sister he reminiscence over. Kayla felt degraded all over again standing by as she watched Shane pine for Kimberly.

"You look well." She greeted him tersely.

"Ah, yes…a.." Shane caste a quick glance at his profile nervously, remembering the last time he was in a room with her.

"Quite extraordinary actually." He offered awkwardly. The icy tension was palpable.

"Not really." She countered venomously. Shane felt the sting of her words even from across the room. Kayla stood before him the shell of a woman who possessed the right features but lacked the charm to utilize them. Her hostility towards him highlighted Shane's egregious error in past judgment and an ugly realization took form in Shane's psyche for the very first time.

Kayla's eyes fluttered from his through the back windows at Kimberly, whose hands light-heartedly gestured while she talked to guests. Shane followed the direction of her focus unable to contain his contentment at observing Kimberly's mannerisms.

"I guess all you needed was the right inspiration." She observed curtly.

Shane lowered his head. _Guilty as charged!_ It was no secret what occurred that day Roger Lombard ran Kimberly over with his car. Shane had not progressed in months, but Kimberly simply stepped back into his line of vision and he miraculously took two steps in a vain attempt to save her. Caroline delicately tried to explain the events over the phone with Kayla, but to no avail. It was a biting indictment. Even _The Spectator_ gossip columnists heralded the rescue as,

"_A gallant attempt to rescue his lady love."_

After several minutes of the truth mocking them, Shane acknowledged shamefully,

"Kayla, I'm sorry."

"Don't!" She responded crossly, refusing to accept his pity. Held prisoners by their past, the two remained locked in confrontation. Shane dropped his head and stared at the grey and cream-colored stones beneath his shoes while Kayla's eyes darted aimlessly past him into the backdrop of Kim's living room…

Outside, Kimberly enjoyed the friendly chatter around the pool as she knelt beside her niece and daughter surveying the myriad of goodies they discovered inside the battered piñata. Lifting her eyes, she surveyed her close-knit circle of friends, reveling in the warmth and tranquility Jeannie's birthday party fostered. Aside from Phillip's incessant need to transform the occasion into a business event for schmoozing a potential investor, Kimberly thought the party was a success. Phillip approached her to the right sensing his lack of involvement had upset her. Taking her hand, Phillip cradled it and leaned forward to kiss it.

"Kimmie, I apologize for mixing business with family events." He offered smoothly. His eyes lifted checking to see if his advances were working. Kimberly flinched at the sound of her nickname and slowly slid her hand away. Smiling politely…too politely in order to mask her irritation, Kim replied sweetly,

"We'll discuss it later."

Gesturing towards the tables with discarded glasses on them,

"I have KP duty and you need to take care of your guests." Kimberly stated simply. Balancing the tray on her left hip, Kimberly began cleaning up the mess turning her back towards him as she worked. Phillip admired his fiancé's backside for a moment, and then whirled around, strolling back towards the festivities. He thought smugly,

"_She can't stay mad at me for long."_

Kimberly set the last glass on the tray topping it off with a few linens to save her another trip. Seeking to take her mind off her annoyance with Phillip, Kimberly started towards the patio door and into the house. Her thoughts casually drifted to Shane. She had not seen him in some time…

Upon entering, a flash of sapphire fabric caught the corner of Shane's eye interrupting the quiet standstill between he and Kayla.

Kimberly froze.

Before Shane could swivel around to address her, a cacophony of glasses and a dinner tray spilled onto the stoned floor. The little pewter dinner bell reverberated throughout the house, as it bounced off the kitchen table before her, hitting a wooden chair before landing on the floor… the death knell to Shane's illusions.


	7. Chapter 6: Threadbare

**Chapter 6**

**Threadbare**

_~ And through the walls they made their mudpies_

"_I got your mind," I said,_

_She said, "I've your voice."_

_I said, "You don't need my voice,_

_Girl, you have your own."_

_But you never thought it was enough of._

_So they went for years and years,_

_Like sisters, blanket girls,_

_Always there through that and this,_

"_There's nothing we can not ever fix." I said._

~_Bells For Her, Tori Amos_

* * *

Kimberly stopped abruptly when she stumbled upon Shane and Kayla's awkward standoff. Her mother's careless confession on the nature of their past relationship escaped the shadowy catacombs of Kim's heart.

"_Now that they are closer."_

Briefly startled by the visual, though non-threatening in its appearance, her limbs grew limp sending the tray of items tumbling to the floor. Just before the echo of breaking glass shattered the tranquility of the evening soiree, her plaintive eyes lifted towards his regretful ones. Shane raised his hand in protest, desperate to rescue Kim from the grief he had inflicted upon her, but his efforts were futile.

"I, uh, I didn't mean to…" Kimberly felt her cheeks grow hot and desperately wanted all eyes off her. Embarrassed and feeling exposed by her slip up, she mindlessly dropped to the floor picking up pieces of glass scattered across the room.

"Kimmie!" Kayla shrieked. "You'll cut yourself!"

But her sister's warning was in vain.

Kimberly clumsily scooped jagged fragments into her hand, a desperate attempt to clean up the mess before a yard full of onlookers descended upon her. Shane rushed to her side for aide. Kayla slinked into the background and looked for assistance outside, relieved to see Neil quickly approaching the chaotic scene. She motioned for him to enter as she guiltily slipped outside to locate Stephanie and her niece.

"What…"

Neil's eyes traveled around the scene, resting on the two adults kneeling before him blocking his ability to enter inside. Shane's efforts to attend to Kim's injuries were rebuffed, her eyes cutting through him like the chards of glass that tore through her skin. The miles of progress the two ex-lovers made, gingerly stepping towards one another in the last two months, evaporated as a tide of memories swept over them.

"_Neil?"_ Kimberly lamented. She slipped her bleeding hand out of Shane's whirling around to accept the aide of an old friend. Neil steadied her as Kim rose, the two of them walking over to the kitchen sink to address the wound.

"Oh my, do you think she needs to go to the emergency room?" Liz exclaimed when she saw the blood around the sink. The world-renowned singer looked for their car keys.

"Where's Phillip?"

"I'm fine Liz." Kimberly attempted feebly, avoiding Shane's intense stare from across the room by the door.

"You can see why I never made a good waitress." She elaborated with a nervous laugh. "Ah, we know better than that." The good doctor replied. Neil smiled encouragingly and examined the wound.

Meanwhile people rushed forward from outdoors, jostling and bumping into Shane as they discovered what had transpired. Immediately, the room was abuzz as partygoers volunteered to clean up and navigate the little ones to a safer area. For most, the event seemed trivial but a cue to draw the festivities to a close. A group gathered in the foyer.

"I'll take the birthday girl with me." Kayla offered as she corralled a few of Jeannie's belongings into her daughter's bag. Though her expression was light and sweet, Amanda noted the strain in Kayla's slightly swollen eyes. Her husband approached with one child under his arm, motioning for the family to head home across the street.

"You mind if we provide bed and shelter for another boy?" Peter suggested. Shane was close behind with Andrew by his side. Amanda agreed to the impromptu sleepover but her attention was on Kayla who bristled at the sight of Shane.

"Mummy, ok?"

The inquisition startled the Brit and he looked down to see the dimpled smile of his miniature self. Patting the boy on his head, Shane nodded positively which satisfied Andrew's momentary anxiety. The boy darted out towards his friend's house. Scooping his daughter up in his arms for one last hug before she disappeared over to her cousin's, Shane instructed,

"Now listen to your Aunt Kayla young lady." He cajoled. "And go to sleep."

"Yes, daddy." The little girl cooed in his ear, her eyes twinkling from all the excitement and sugary sweets. Like a little nymph she slid out of his arms and ran out the door with her cousin.

Kayla scurried out the front door escorting the chattering young girls to her home, neither aware of the tension that blanketed the evening. Peter and Amanda cut a glance over to Shane for clarification.

"Uh, excuse me, I need to place a call." He replied not addressing their bewildered looks. "I'm sure Dr. Curtis and Phillip have things under control." He mused with a hint of melancholy escaping his otherwise stoic countenance. Shane retreated towards the study behind them.

Phillip was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

**In the Kitchen:**

"I think this needs stitches." Neil observed.

Kim's eyes pleaded with the good doctor. A trip to the ER would consume hours of their time.

"Hey, Blondie, could you grab my bag from the car?" Neil winked as Liz headed towards the front door. Phillip sauntered past Liz as she exited to obtain the medical supplies. He slid close to Kimberly as Neil wrapped her hand in a hand towel.

"Babe, what have you done now?" His blue eyes twinkled as he placed his hand on the small of Kim's back for support. An air of mild disgust permeating the statement was lost in the sea of activity. Neil paused briefly, perplexed by the man's tone, then continued extracting glass out of Kim's hand.

"It's nothing, really. I'm fine." Kimberly assured him sweetly. "My clumsiness didn't ruin your social gathering… _dear_?" She inquired pointedly meeting his gaze. Albeit brief, Kimberly's blue-green eyes cut straight through her fiancé. Shane's eyes flew open. Having re-entered from the entry hall, Shane slipped into the living area quietly observing the exchange. Catching her implication, Phillip switched gears quickly.

"Come, let's take you upstairs so Dr. Curtis will have a more suited operating area." He offered with the gentle wink of his eye.

Now his voice oozed with affection and Shane noticed Kim exhaled slowly as the two fell back into their public roles. Neil and Phillip guided her upstairs. Standing for a moment in the stillness of Kim's family room, Shane contemplated the scene before him. A trash bag full of shattered remnants of specialty glasses set propped against the cast iron barstool at the end of the bar. Dishes set piled up on top of the grey-speckled granite countertops. Shane busied himself with idle chores to pass the time, his mind racing. He had not calculated the consequences of facing the two sisters in the same room again. Kayla's hostility towards him was jarring though Shane understood the well she mined from. For such a long period of time, he led her to believe she was more than a diversion, repeatedly persuading the grieving widow that their relationship was something real when Kayla accurately sensed something else.

"_Kayla, please. There is nothing more going on between me and Kimberly than just ISA business." _

_He offered somewhat convincingly, __a hint of annoyance laced his statement at having to address the issue. _

_Kayla sighed._

"_I would like to believe that. But you and Kimberly are so good at lying…" _

A pin pricked his heart. She had been right. They were experts at hiding their true feelings from one another when they were hurting. What fools! The rest of the world didn't buy Shane and Kimberly's act, why should Kayla be gullible enough to consume the lie?

Shane stood alone in the midst of Kim's new world. For the first time he reflected upon his relationship with Kayla two years ago, noting how much of their time together centered on Kimberly, and Kayla's need to be reassured of her importance to him. Shane desperately wanted to tuck the memories back into the vault of his mind, but the family pictures that dotted Kimberly's dark-oak mantel fireplace wouldn't let him. Family, not a stranger but family! The effects of Shane and Kayla's indiscretion rippled into the present, its rip currents still threatening to sink them all. An old black and white picture encased in a cast-ironed frame highlighted the underlying current that replayed itself two years before. It was a picture of Shawn Sr. and two young girls, whose expressions revealed desperation to hold their father's favor. One carried a torturous secret in the process. The parallels slapped Shane in the face for he clearly understood the nuances of sibling rivalry. A delicate thread held together by blood and familial harmony, but any outside catalyst could unravel the seam. That is precisely what occurred with Shane and his twin. Yet, he never realized how fragile that thread had been between Kimberly and Kayla.

Once Kimberly walked away from the twisted tale, retreating to LA, and the hollow effects of meaningless sex settled into Shane's soul, he abruptly ended game. His paralysis a safe escape into a preferable world of solitude. His conscious still berated him over the treatment of Kayla. Shane couldn't dismiss her into the past because of her ties to Kim. Kayla was a Brady and he swore a promise to care for Stephanie in the absence of the little girl's father. Furthermore, Kayla's current state was a reminder of what he had done by choosing to seduce her. Kayla's reaction confirmed to Shane that she recognized her purpose in the affair as well. The reality wasn't pretty.

The gravity of the situation weighed on him. Shane ran his fingers through his wavy black mane in frustration glancing over to the old Grandfather clock in the hall that slowly ticked away the minutes. He hadn't noticed where Peachy disappeared to but desperately needed her sage advise. In a flash, Shane had been blindsided by his fate. He glimpsed the sorrowful depths of pain that enslaved Kimberly… pain he had caused. It was a look he had seen before but not reserved for him. Thus, Kimberly's refusal to seek his aide during her illness the year before was not an anomaly. It was the natural state of their relationship. Their very foundation sprouted from a sacred bond of trust and security and with it shattered, their interaction would always be superficial. For Shane, that was a punishment worse than death!

But their love wasn't dead; just buried deep beneath the rubble of their mistakes. Their time together this summer among the tranquil grounds of his childhood home, the cradle of their love, ignited something within the two that needed to be nurtured. Would the opportunity that presented itself at Donovan Manor just two months before, occur again? Doubtful. Shane dialed the number once more. After several rings Marlena's professional, soothing voice on the Brady answering machine echoed in his ear. Shane placed the cordless phone back on its base and waited…

* * *

**Location: Next door at Kayla's house**

"Miss Peach!" Kayla greeted with surprise when she opened the door.

"Good evening, dear." Peachy observed her closely. Kayla's eyes were red and puffy.

"Do you need some help settling the girls?" Peachy offered gently.

Kayla smiled appreciatively informing the old spy how the two literally fell asleep the moment their heads hit the pillow.

"Hmm, come see for yourself." She suggested with a light-hearted laugh when Peachy's skepticism hadn't waned. Kayla knew Peachy well enough to know she wasn't there to simply make sure Jeannie was tucked in tight for the night.

The two women tip toed upstairs to check on the girls who nestled closely together in Stephanie's Little Princess bed. Each girl slept soundly clasping their favorite pink and lavender blanket their grandmother made for them. The sight conjured up memories from Kayla's youth, sneaking into her older sister's bed on cold winter evenings, wrapping up in the same flannel blanket, gossiping until the wee hours of the morning. They were so close. _"Blanket girls," _her mother called them. Fresh tears formed in her eyes.

"Are you alright, Love?"

The question startled Kayla. She wiped her eyes and motioned for the two to return downstairs into the living room. Walking through Kayla's home revealed how different she was from her sister. The same wooden carvings and floor plan however; Kayla had painted the beams and paneling white, her décor more contemporary than classic. She hastily wiped away the scattered books and papers lining the denim colored sofa and offered Peachy a seat. Kayla ventured into the conversation by beginning with the usual safe introductions.

"Would you like something to drink?" She fought to keep her voice steady.

"Oh, a spot of tea would be nice!" Peachy replied with a smile. Kayla's face fell.

"I don't drink tea."

"Kayla…"

"You're thinking of Kimberly." She said softly. Something in her voice revealed Kayla wasn't simply referring to tea or even addressing Peachy. She possessed a far away look. A ghost resided in her soul. Peachy reached for her arm and squeezed it compassionately.

"Whatever you have in the ice box will be fine." She replied with an encouraging wink.

While Kayla sought refuge in the kitchen, Peachy casually strolled around the room glancing at various photos and trinkets that adorned tables and shelves. Her eyes landed at the white mantle of the fireplace, a picture taken at Steve and Kayla's first wedding. Sisters, smiling brightly, they held close to each other holding a bouquet of freshly cut flowers for the occasion. Peachy remembered seeing it displayed in the side hallway of Shane and Kim's once.

"Why are you here, Ms. Peach?" Kayla asked nervously interrupting her thoughts. "Is Kimmie ok?"

Kayla handed her a glass of lemonade. Peachy took a polite sip.

"To the point." She replied crisply. "I like that."

Kayla placed her hands on her hips ready for what was coming.

"The lassie's fine I suppose." Pausing as she whirled around to set the glass down on a coaster.

"Physically."

Crossing her arms across her chest.

"I'm more concerned with the heart and in particular yours." Peachy probed keenly. Kayla tried diverting her attention elsewhere but her choice was to focus on Peachy or the hypnotic power the picture from her wedding had over her at the moment.

"It's hard to lose the man you love." Peachy stated sympathetically watching Kayla's expression carefully.

"Yes, yes it is." She replied with a heavy sigh. "But sometimes I almost sense his presence and it comforts me." Kayla stepped closer to the mantle and picked up the last family picture taken before Steve's death, avoiding the other one. The darkness lifted briefly and one could almost see a spark in Kayla's wistful eyes. She cradled the frame.

After several minutes of peace, Kayla released herself from the memory and placed the picture back on the mantel. Other joyous memories displayed on the mantle taunted her at that moment.

"But that's not what you wrestle with at night, is it?" Peachy inquired pointedly following Kayla's line of vision towards the picture. When Kayla refused to budge any further, Peachy gave up on all pretenses.

"Very well then." She said with a slap of her hand against her thigh.

"Things didn't end well between you and the Laddie…"

Shocked by her forwardness, Kayla bristled and curtly shot back,

"_You know that already." _

She wasn't comfortable with the conversation yet Kayla had talked to no one about what happened or how she felt. Kayla was battered and bruised, desperately seeking some resolution, but her sister's walls were too fortified. The whole affair was an albatross around Kayla's neck.

"Yes," The old spy prodded.

Kayla's moist eyes lifted to meet hers.

"He's like a son to you."

"So you believe that precludes my ability to recognize when the Laddie's behaved like an ass?"

Despite herself, Kayla had to stifle a laugh. The pronouncement forced her to meet Peachy's impenetrable gaze.

"We're making progress." Peachy nodded with a wink, seeing Kayla's stance soften.

"I didn't behave any better." Kayla admitted softly. "To Kimberly." She added regretfully.

"A dreadful time." Peachy offered somberly.

Something in her words released Kayla from the burden of silence. She began talking about their childhood, how despite their friendship, Kayla resented the attention Kimberly garnered from the outside world. Peachy listened attentively as Kayla spoke of Shane and Kim's wedding.

"I truly believed what the papers said about them: a Fairytale wedding." Her expression revealed how naïve she had been and more importantly how simplistic the view seemed now.

"Oh love, you know that no relationship is idyllic." Peachy admonished. Kayla nodded in agreement and laughed bitterly.

"Shane was always so chivalrous, I didn't believe for a second he could possess that cold, Bond like trait."

Peachy smirked knowingly.

"Is that why it was easy to lay the blame at Kimberly when their marriage ended?" she interjected. Kayla didn't answer. She felt uneasy going any further but Pandora's box was already opened and the tears started to flow.

"I know it isn't right, but I had lost Steve and nothing I could do would bring him back!" She broke into great gulping sobs.

"And he was kind and attentive…I knew it wasn't right!"

Peachy handed her a tissue as Kayla began to shake uncontrollably. She was mourning.

"Finally, someone favored _me_ over _her_!" She exclaimed sarcastically.

"Oh, Kayla!" Peachy reached out to comfort the grieving woman. Kayla slumped into the overstuffed armchair. Peachy knelt down in front of her, clasping Kayla's hands.

"And Kimberly wasn't there, he was and he was so sad without her…"

Kayla's hands slid out from Peachy's as she gestured wildly.

"And then she waltzes right back into his life, and I was supposed to slink back into the corner?"

Suddenly, silence engulfed the room. Stunned by her own outburst, Kayla covered her mouth to keep from speaking anymore. Her eyes wide, brimming with tears,

"I didn't mean it." She whispered frantically, frightened by the venom in her own words.

"I know dear." Peachy soothed. She had seen the disastrous effects of pain and anger before.

Kayla stared at her hands, which had fallen back into her lap.

"I knew all along, you know?"

"What, dear?"

"What he was doing."

Kayla paused. Without looking up, she quietly moaned,

"I cut my hair."

Without waiting for a response,

"I tried to be different." Kayla explained lifting her chin. She searched Peachy's expression for absolution.

"What dear?" Peachy guessed the direction this conversation was taking.

Kayla almost choked on her words.

"It didn't work."

Peachy pressed her lips together as Kayla revealed with disgust,

"He couldn't even resist referencing her when we were in bed!" She cried. Embarrassed by the admission, Kayla hid her face in shame behind the mounds of tissue.

"Kayla, did you love Shane?" Peachy pondered, perplexed by the nature of Kayla's revelations. Kayla narrowed her eyes and wept bitter tears.

"Ha, that's the nice little gem in this nightmare! I tried to convince myself for justification, but no." She replied mournfully. "I've only loved one man like that."

Peachy surmised as much.

Swallowing hard,

"I feel so cheap." She whispered and then it was simply too much. Kayla sunk further into the chair as Peachy reached out to comfort her.

"The saddest part is that I threw away the best friend I ever had…" Taking in a deep breath,

"And nothing will ever fix it." Kayla whimpered.

She stood, seeking refuge by the fireplace gazing into the picture taken on the day of her wedding. Feeling exposed, Kayla wrapped her arms around herself. Closing her eyes, Kayla desperately wanted to travel back to her wedding day. She could still feel the breeze blowing against her face and the sound of the gulls looming overhead. She was so happy that day. But when her eyes opened once more, Kimberly's loving smile stared back at her through the portal of the still shot.

"_You were my voice when I couldn't speak for myself." _

_Kayla gushed as the two sisters embraced each other on top of that glorious yacht._

_Kimberly simply shrugged,_

"_You would've done the same for me."_

The memory flooded back against the backdrop of the evening's events.

"Kimmie, always believed in me." Kayla gestured towards the picture. "She never let me stand in her shadow."

Kayla's pitiful blue eyes reached out to Peachy's. In barely an audible whisper,

"She didn't have to. I willingly placed myself there."

"Oh my child!" Peachy exclaimed giving Kayla a sympathetic hug. After a few moments of letting Peachy mother her, Kayla added philosophically.

"I understand now,"

Pause.

"How painful it is to lose something you never fully appreciated until you betrayed it."

* * *

**Location: Kim's home, late evening.**

Shane opened the front door to escape into the night air just as Peachy approached from outside.

"Where on earth?" Shane exclaimed surprised by her entrance. He assumed she might have been upstairs with Kimberly. Peachy brushed off his inquiry.

"Nothing to bother you with." She placed her jacket on the hook nonchalantly and didn't meet his gaze. Instead glancing upstairs,

"Still waiting for word?"

Shane sighed and nodded affirmatively placing his hands on his hips. Not dissuaded by her obvious attempt to ignore his question, Shane started to interrogate his partner once more.

The two were interrupted by the sound of the upstairs bedroom door opening and footsteps from above. Phillip emerged looking relieved and in a hurry bounding down the stairs. Breezing past Peachy, Phillip grabbed his linen blazer and headed towards the front door.

"And the lassie?" Peachy inquired bewildered by his attitude.

"Oh, she's fine." Phillip replied smoothly. "A real trooper while Neil stitched her up. I think he's giving her something for the pain that will make her drowsy." He pronounced in a way to excuse him from having to stay the night. Shane couldn't believe how daft the man was!

"Talking to Neil right now." Not once making eye contact, he fumbled around for his car keys.

"You know how Kimmie overreacts." He added dismissively.

"Kim doesn't _overreact._" Shane retorted flatly, stepping forward to partially block Phillip's exit from the house.

"Pressing business?"

The maneuver forced the two men into a quiet draw for a brief moment as the blistering accusation echoed up the stairs. A wave of guilt rolled across Phillip's face, Shane's menacing stare momentarily breaking the producer's cavalier stance.

An eerie stillness enveloped the trio of occupants congregating around the oak banister.

"Ah, but you two have things under control!" Phillip chirped suddenly, heartily patting Shane on the arm before walking out the door. The two spies followed behind.

"I'll give her a ring in the morning." He called out from over his shoulder as he flagrantly slipped into his red Maserati, peeling out of the driveway and disappearing into the night.

Turning her attention to Shane, who was still leering in the direction Phillip exited,

"Was that _really_ necessary?" Peachy demanded impatiently.

"What?"

Shane appeared genuinely surprised by her admonishment. One armed pointed towards the second story of the old craftsman home as the other rested firmly on hip.

"He has no business leaving her…"

Peachy narrowed her eyes and after a split second standoff, Shane conceded and dropped his argument.

"What happened, Laddie?" Peachy inquired softly.

Shane shuffled around his partner and gazed at the adjacent house. Rubbing his neck with a free hand. Shane confessed,

"Peachy, I never realized…"

Peachy dropped her head, her steely eyes bearing into his. Retracting his statement, Shane began to pace the length of the porch.

"I've made a bloody mess of everything haven't I?"

"I tried to warn you." Peachy simply replied.

"Well you don't have to gloat about it!" Shane shot back, his temper rising.

"Gloat? I beg your pardon _Sir_!"

Peachy's voice grew stern.

"The one gloating is you! Frankly, you need to be on your knees that their brothers didn't see fit to horsewhip you for your blatant disregard…"

"I get it, Peach!" Shane sniped back.

He had no room to argue. Still skeptical that his stubbornness hadn't been quenched, Peachy treaded carefully, her tone full of love, albeit of the tough variety.

"I take no pleasure when the ones I love are hurting. You forget dear boy,"

At once Shane's demeanor changed. He began to listen.

"I tried to warn you of the peril that awaited you if you gallantly traipsed here," Peachy motioned in dramatic fashion.

"Without considering what your presence might do to the fledgling relationship between the two!"

Peachy soften, only a little.

"Laddie, you are not guaranteed a victory this time."

Shane's indignation had evaporated into a conciliatory stance.

"Time," He sighed. "I thought the passage of time…"

"Would heal all the wounds?" She interrupted. A lopsided smile emerged briefly across Shane's worn face betraying that she read him like a book.

"Poppycock!"

Stepping forward so that he heard her clearly, Peachy pointed to his heart.

"It's not merely the passage of time my boy, but _what you do with it_?"

He pondered her statement and then responded graciously,

"Thank you, Peach."

He grabbed her hand, kissing it as a son dotes on his mother.

"I should probably go and speak with Kayla." He offered. Ever the eager spy, Shane turned towards the steps.

Peachy held her hand up in front of his chest stopping him in his tracks.

"Oh, I think you have done enough damage for now." Peachy exhaled laboriously. "Let the poor girl be."

Her tone betrayed exactly where Peachy had ventured off to after the spill. She was always cleaning up after his messes, whether it fine china, glassware, the victims of his unfettered temper, or broken hearts and spirits resulting from his callous use of women as his vehicle to run from emotional pain. Old accusations he hurled at Kimberly echoed back at him this time, an indictment of his own folly.

"_You haven't changed, that's for damn sure!" Shane scolded her. _

_"You're making the same mistake, Kim."_

"_What exactly is that supposed to mean?" She cried. _

_Shane clasped his forehead exasperated with the whole conversation._

"_What it's supposed to mean is," Shane retorted in frustration. _

_"If you're trying to avoid pain, you don't rush headlong into a self-destructive relationship!" _

The bitter irony of the memory created a low, cynical laugh that slipped out from Shane's clenched jaw. In the hazy glow of the crescent moon lit night that seeped through the canopy of trees dotting Kimberly's front lawn, a hollow expression formed across his face. Shane's head dropped into his hands as he leaned against the wooden railing of the porch. He arrogantly lectured Kim on the merits of how to correctly deal with pain as he callously flaunted his budding affair with Kayla in front of her. He harbored his fury over the entire circumstances regarding Winters, the way he left things with Kimberly before the Jericho mission, so it permeated every conversation with Kim during that tumultuous time. The compounding lie of Jeannie's possible paternity took its toll on the battered spy, resulting in the loss of another marriage. To avoid dealing with his failure to save the woman he loved from the maniacal perpetrators that set up camp in their lives, Shane insanely clung to his work. Fueled by self-loathing, Shane could not let go of the past thus, stood still as Kim walked away. Nor, could he let go of Kim either. Quite the conundrum, Shane wrestled with his pent up emotions using Kayla as the safe substitute until he could work through the conflict. It reached a fevered pitch once Kimberly's relationship with Lawrence took a wicked little turn. Once again his enemy had cuckolded Shane. _But at least the case was a success!_ In retaliation, Shane took the exact same steps as when he believed Emma dead from the explosion; only it was supposed to be somehow more _refined_ to use only one woman to exercise a need instead of multiple?

Peachy remained quiet despite the urge to pull Shane out of the emotional detoxification. Wisely, his partner knew this was the first step towards his long journey home. Time crept by in silence until finally Shane's prophetic words broke the silence.

"You know, sometimes you can push a person too far and…"

His words faltered and Shane drifted deep into his thoughts once more.

Frowning, Peachy replied,

"How insightful of you to finally notice, Laddie!" She patted him on the back sympathetically.

"Not really." Shane replied sullenly. "I told Kimberly the exact same thing once." He exhaled slowly. His words filtered back to bite him in the worst way.

"_You push a person away so many times, _

_you cry wolf so many times that in the end you get what you want. _

_You get to be alone. Because if you push a person away so many times…_

_Finally he walks away."_

Shane caste a longing look towards Kimberly's darkened bedroom window.

_How many times had he scaled a wall for her?_

At that moment, Shane admired Kimberly's strength to walk away. He simply prayed she might find the courage to return to him one day. Looking back at Peachy with regret,

"Pity, I never practiced the lessons I preached."


	8. Chapter 7: Purgatory

**Chapter 7**

**Purgatory**

"_I may not like where we are, but I understand it._

_Just remember Kim,_

_I am and will always be here for you._

_I may be with someone else, but I'll always be here if you need me."_

_~ Shane to Kim, 1985_

* * *

Location: Kimberly's front porch

The deliberate close of the front door accompanied by a forceful throat clearing broke Shane's melancholy confession to his mentor. Having walked out onto a private conversation, Neil was noticeably awkward.

"Dr. Curtis how's the lassie?" Peachy offered as she breezed past Shane, patting him on the arm for encouragement.

"Oh, she's resting comfortably," He replied slowly. Neil's gaze met the two pairs of concerned eyes. _"Now." _

Shane exhaled heavily, not satisfied with a succinct answer. He wanted to know every detail to assuage his conscious. The past few hours had been agonizing not being able see her for himself, to take her hands into his and profess his heartfelt regret over the whole bloody situation. Unlike Phillip, Shane knew damn well a simple trip up resulting in broken glassware did not rattle Kimberly. Making matters worse, Shane knew he was the cause.

"Neil, was Kimberly upset?"

Neil sensed that the spy might bolt through the door, dash up the stairs, and check for himself, if he didn't adequately answer his question. Their old friend smiled slightly, holding his hands up for assurance.

"I gave her a shot to numb the area."

Shane's eyes darted towards the door.

"The medication made her sleepy, Shane." Neil grabbed his arm to prevent him from acting on his emotions. Though Dr. Curtis knew that if Donovan had a mind, there would be no stopping him!

"There, there, laddie. The lass will probably sleep all night." Peachy soothed as she placed her hand on his back. Both Neil and Peachy exchanged looks, holding their breath that Shane's head would overrule his heart. Shane sighed in defeat nodding at Neil in agreement.

"I'm afraid I have to impose on the two of you for a ride home." Neil interjected sheepishly. The unexpected request broke the tension enveloping them. Liz had left hours ago with their daughter. Shane insisted it wasn't an inconvenience, pulling his keys from his pants pocket and escorting their old friend to the car. Peachy stayed behind.

The car ride was riddled with discomfort, bordering between idle chitchat about their children to abrupt silence when the subject swerved dangerously close to the status of Kimberly or Shane. Thus, the hour drive became laborious for both men. Finally, Shane interrupted the polite silence.

"Did she say anything?"

Neil faced straight ahead.

"Shane, you know I can't reveal anything discussed between me and my patient." He cautioned.

"I understand."

The depth of Shane's voice persuaded the good doctor to elaborate, if only a little.

"Phillip was there you know."

Shane nodded knowing the significance of the statement. Deducing that Neil had an unfavorable opinion of the producer, he pondered a way to extract more information out of Neil that would reveal more than a nuanced statement regarding Kimberly's fiancé. As Shane contemplated the angle, Neil pointed to the turnoff towards the windy, uphill road to their beachfront home. The incline was steep and serpentine, leaving the driver with the option of scanning the jagged edges of the cliff, or the black foamy sea below. Thus, all conversation ceased until they reached their destination at the top where the landscape flattened into a plush green lawn with a circular drive. Gated, security waved them in. As Neil exited the car, he paused for a moment glancing around at the immaculate view of the waves crashing over the rocks below.

"You know, I have never seen two people love each other so completely and yet still be so far apart."

Specters enveloped the late night air, casting shadows against Shane's face making it difficult to read. He bit the inside of his lip staring straight out towards the blackness of the sea.

"I remember a time when that would have described you and Liz." He replied evenly.

A hearty chuckle slipped out of Neil's mouth.

"And look at us now."

His words echoed through the brisk evening air as Shane smiled politely and waved good-bye. Pulling out of the driveway he put the top down in the black Mercedes, letting the wind talk to him as he drove the long windy roads back to the valley. Despite the genuine warm sentiment flowing from Neil's words, Shane felt an indictment like the bite of the wind against his face as he sped down the cliff. _They loved each other so much, how and when did the distance become so close? _

It was well past midnight when Shane pulled into her driveway. Dragging his beleaguered body up the porch steps and letting himself in with the spare key, Shane staggered to his left and quietly pushed the French doors open that closed off the study from the rest of the house. He insisted Peachy take the guest room earlier because Shane preferred its location. Per his training, it put him in close proximity to the most sensitive entry into the house in case of trouble. Tossing his bags onto the floor, he smiled at the neatly folded blankets and pillow that set on the sofa situated under the front window. Kimberly even left a green mint on the pillow, which induced a light-hearted laugh from the spy. As he slipped his white linen shirt off and discarded it onto the floor, more revelations tumbled out of the vault of his heart. Exhausted Shane didn't bother changing into pajamas, falling onto the couch. He clasped a pillow tightly against his perfectly sculpted bare chest as he struggled with the demons that plagued him.

"_Ah, come on Shane! This isn't about Lawrence," Her disdain over the lecture flowed freely._

" _It's about us…Shane and Kimberly." She said the words with such sarcasm, exposing the depth of pain behind them._

"_Oh, what are you talking about?" He snapped back irritably._

"_It's about our relationship." She replied sharply. _

_" Ok, one minute it's thank you very much Kimberly but the marriage is over, _

_and the next, it's let's sit down Kimberly and discuss some do's and don't's for ya. _

_Well it doesn't work that way. Either everything's changed or it hasn't!" ~1991_

So much had changed.

Admittedly, now he understood the argument in its fullest context given she was on assignment from Terrington without his knowledge. That was the problem; it was difficult to separate the ISA from the circumstances revolving around his personal life. Worse, any link between the two forced him to address certain truths Shane wasn't equipped to deal with at the moment. Lurking in the midst of his hazy memories was the realization of how well he played the game with Kim, pitting her the problem one minute, while he played with her heart the next. Having grown weary of the Roulette game, Kimberly withdrew and refused to divulge critical information regarding threats she began to receive.

"_When are you going to learn?"_ _He quizzed impatiently._

"_Learn?"_ _She retorted remaining calm. But her tone betrayed her offense at his patronizing behavior. _

"_You know the ONLY thing I have learned in all this?" She asked rhetorically. _

_"That it's a no win situation for me." For a second Kim thought she was getting through to him and so she eased up._

"_Come on, Shane. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't."_

"_I don't know what you're talking about." He replied flippantly._

"_I'm talking about if I tell you when something goes wrong," Her voice began to rise an octave, revealing her annoyance over having to elaborate. _

_"Like this" She waved her hands to accentuate the obvious._

"_You immediately assume I'm bidding for your attention as though I am using it as some ploy to get you away from Kayla." She stated sarcastically. _

_The idea was highly offensive and Kimberly wasn't going to mask her disgust over the accusation._

"_Oh come on, Kimberly!" Shane protested, though deep down that is exactly what he believed._

"_Are you going to stand there and deny it?" Kimberly was irritated more than surprised at how much self-denial Shane possessed. _

"_How many times have one or both of you actually accused me of orchestrating these threats just to tear you and Kayla apart?" _

Deep down Shane was relieved for the interruptions. It kept things in limbo for just a little while longer.

"_It's a no win situation with you!" She cried._

He cringed thinking back to how brutal the battle had become.

"_Smashing job, ole' boy."_ He muttered to himself in disgust. Shane's bloody pride almost cost him his child at the hands of that psycho, Winters!

His thoughts finally landed unto the events of this evening. The look in her eyes when Shane offered aide spoke volumes. She didn't trust him. More damning, Kimberly didn't trust in him to be there for her, so why entertain his good graces at all? Not with a physical injury, much less with an emotional one. His folly with Kayla tore apart the last shred of faith to who Shane was in her eyes. And as demonstrated when he confronted her over Lawrence, there was no way Shane could even broach the topic of his budding reservations regarding Phillip. The thought devastated him.

Shane had played the odds, rolled the dice and showcased his best poker face.

He lost!

"_Oh my God! You're in love with her aren't you?" _

The declaration had startled him.

Shane hadn't entertained much thought as to exactly _what_ was going on between them. Did he have feelings for Kayla? Shane thought fondly of her. Kayla was attractive and easy company. He just knew that when Kim left, there wasn't the usual colleague in the wings to deflect the pain. Instead, his sister-in-law was there to absorb the reality of his vacant existence. With Kayla there was no danger of any complications for Shane's heart. He simply shifted back into an old familiar pattern that offered Shane fleeting relief from the throbbing ache deep within his chest.

Kimberly planted the seed with her suggestion so Shane decided to let it germinate. The depths of sorrow he felt when he failed her or she had disappointed him became too much to handle. Having not addressed these issues, he had grown weary of being held hostage by her love. Its effects coaxed and teased Shane to the point of insanity. Loving Kimberly was neither a choice nor did it come with an option of escaping. Loving her simply was. That was the problem with passion; its intoxicating fire demanded all of one's soul and held the heart prisoner even when it yearned to be free. Its insatiable appetite never quenched unless it yielded to its source. Kimberly was Shane source. Eternal love was a lot of things, but merciful wasn't one of them!

Shane tossed restlessly on the couch. Propping pillows to support his neck, Shane gazed out the side window and traced constellations with his eyes trying to lull his cluttered mind to sleep. But nothing would take his mind off her. Constellations reminded him of Miami and it would be dangerous to travel down that road with either his desires or his conscious. Pulling his focus inward, Shane surveyed Kimberly's study landing on her exquisite collection of leather bound classics. Throwing his legs over, Shane hopped up from his makeshift bed on the sofa and walked across the room towards the built-ins. Casually thumbing threw a collection of Shakespearean sonnets, Shane stood for a moment soaking in the meticulous décor. The Grandfather clock slowly ticked away the minutes from its perch in the hall. Sleep still far away, Shane set the book down and began to pace. Only one thing would help settle his soul.

Like a ghost, Shane wandered from room to room downstairs until he had made a full sweep of the downstairs and ended up at the foyer once more at the foot of the steps. He gazed back into the study and then a visual sweep to the second story. Still restless, he ventured upstairs until he found the tonic his troubled spirit sought. Her door slightly ajar, Shane peered into Kimberly's room to assure his conscious that she was indeed asleep and at peace. It was looking through the protective lens of a telescope that first enslaved him to her. Leaning against the doorframe, Shane longed to slide in bed next to her, to feel her steady, rhythmic breathing as her soft warm body pressed up against his. Over the years, watching her sleep, whether after a night of lovemaking, a tragedy that landed her in a hospital bed, or a nightmare that taunted her- the way she slumbered peacefully afterwards settled Shane's spirits. Tonight she lay on her back, her light wavy tresses flanking her delicate frame around her bare shoulders. Looking angelic, her head turned to her left, Kim rested with her bandaged hand propped delicately above the sheet. Like a bolt of lightening, a memory pulsated through Shane's psyche to a time when she lay in his bed in similar fashion. He had created euphoria in her, but now Kim's white-bandaged hand against the backdrop of the hazy darkness of her room, highlighted the glaring difference between the two visuals. As he studied her closely, Shane didn't notice a tranquil expression across her resting face, but a solemn one. Tucked tightly in her bandaged hand was a crinkly, damp tissue. A lump formed in his throat. She had cried herself to sleep.

At once, Shane stopped struggling.

In the darkest part of the night, right before dawn slips onto the horizon breaking the deathly grip the shadows have over the land, Shane realized what he wanted most. Making friends with time, he vowed to create an environment that allowed Kimberly to be whole again. Shane swallowed hard at the thought; _even if it meant she belonged to someone else?_

Walking over to the side of her bed, he adjusted the sheets so that Kim would rest without a chill. A finger to his lips, he placed it upon her flushed forehead, letting his fingers glide through a few pieces of her hair. Shane let his fingertips linger for a moment stroking her cheek delicately. Kimberly slumbered deeply, her breathe slow and even. Gazing at her, Shane leaned in and whispered,

"I love you, darling."

She didn't stir.

"I promise, I'll make it up to you." He whispered in a hush.

Then, Shane exited the room as quietly as he had entered. Pulling the door shut, Shane paused for a moment resting his head against the panel. For the first time, Shane allowed himself to feel the depth of anguish that rattled within. Alone, he wept quietly over his grim fate.


	9. Chapter 8: Restitution

**Chapter 8**

**Restitution**

_I guess you heard_

_He's gone to LA_

_He says that behind my eyes I'm hiding_

_And he tells me I pushed him away_

_That my heart's been hard to find_

_Here there must be something_

_Here there must be something here here_

_Baker Baker can you explain_

_If truly his heart_

_Was made of icing_

_And I wonder _

_How mine could taste_

_Maybe we could change his mind_

_I know you're late_

_For you next parade_

_You came to make sure_

_That I'm not running_

_Well I ran from him_

_In all kinds of ways_

_Guess it was his turn this time_

_~Baker Baker, Tori Amos_

* * *

**Location: Kim's house, the next morning.**

Sleep withheld an invitation to dream leaving Shane's embattled psyche with no solace. Thus, his slumber was for naught. Shane begrudgingly opened his eyes in a squint as the light slipped through the veil of the maple tree outdoors and slits of the plantation blinds hanging in the front study of Kimberly's home. Shielding his eyes from the morning light, Shane's senses alerted him to footsteps approaching from outside the house. By the time he propelled his beleaguered body into standing position, hastily grabbed a shirt, and emerged from the study, Peachy was bidding adieu to the early morning visitor. A lavish arrangement of pink roses in an elegant crystal vase set lifeless on the French lowboy to Shane's right. Though perfect in appearance and delicate to the touch, the warmth of the sun's rays bathing the entrance of Kim's home could not breath life into the fragrant free flowers.

"Well, I see he's not completely clueless." Peachy remarked dryly, eliciting a faint smirk from Shane. Surveying her partner's rough appearance,

"You look like hell." She observed sharply. "Hurry up and shower. Your boy will be crashing through that front door any minute for you to take him to his first soccer game."

Shane nodded affirmatively, yet scanned down the hall, then through the dining room into the kitchen, hoping for a glimpse of Kim.

"The lassie's upstairs getting ready." Peachy replied compassionately as she observed him discreetly searching for her. The morning was still young, and the solitude the foyer provided for their private conversation kept Shane's cool façade at bay.

"I'll feel better when I can speak to her." He admitted softly.

They sipped their coffee in silence before the tempo changed, and the house filled with the music of chattering children as Andrew and his friend trampled through the front door.

"Dad, are you ready?" Andrew asked wide-eyed and out of breathe from his dash across the street. His friend James echoed the sentiment, and Shane responded enthusiastically,

"Almost." He patted his son's thick head of hair. "I can hardly wait!"

The two friends resumed their talk as they plowed through the croissants that set on the dining room table. Shane and Peachy watched the two boys devour their breakfast and rush up the stairs to retrieve Andrew's cleats for the game. The prospect of spending the day absorbed in his children's world evaporated the melancholy fog that blanketed Shane. Sensing he was seeking out Jeannie's whereabouts, Peachy informed him,

"Kayla called. She'll meet us there."

Shane exhaled laboriously as his partner eyed him knowingly. He grabbed a pastry, motioning to Peachy that he was heading for the shower. Just as Shane disappeared into the guest bathroom, Kimberly strolled downstairs for breakfast.

* * *

**Location: To the Soccer field**

As the fractured family slid into the car, Peachy slipped past Kim and into the backseat with Andrew, who was momentarily disappointed at the prospect of riding with his parents instead of his best friend. Shane opened the car door for Kim, reaching out to caress her bandaged hand.

"I'm sure Neil will check it at the game." Kimberly informed him barely making eye contact. Her fragile eyes begged him not to inquire further, so Shane withdrew the gesture with a simple head bow and proceeded to his side of the car. Averting her attention to her son, Kim slid into the front passenger seat.

"Have your cleats?" She quizzed light-heartedly, grateful for the distraction.

"Yes."

"Your knee pads?"

Another impatient _yes, _and the checklist continued as Shane backed out of the driveway and followed the Stricklands to the soccer field. Once again, Andrew unwittingly provided a safe buffer for Shane and Kim with an unending stream of commentary concerning their opponent, who all was attending, and asking Shane several questions revolving around strategic dribbling moves that his father had no way of explaining while manning the vehicle. The interrogation induced a few under the breath chuckles from the women in the car. By the time they arrived, the wave of tension that clung to the couple had dissipated into carefully guarded conversation. However when Shane pulled into the lot, Phillip was waiting smiling brightly ready to help Kimberly out of the car. She eagerly rushed into his arms craving the simplicity of the offer. Gazing into Phillip's eyes hopefully, he responded with an affectionate wink, satisfied that the bouquet signaled all was forgiven from the night before. Looking up to address Shane,

"If I recall, you are quite the fisherman?" He asked heartily. Shane smiled politely nodding is head in agreement.

"How about you and Andrew here," Phillip patted the boy on his shoulder, " join me on my yacht, and we'll make a men's day of it tomorrow?"

Andrew's eyes lit up begging his father to say 'yes,' so Shane cordially accepted the invitation stoking Phillip's confidence even more. Kimberly breathed a sigh of relief seeing the two men, whose one link to each other was she, getting along in such a familial manner.

"_Why was I ever so anxious over this?"_

From the corner of his eye, Shane noted Kimberly's serene expression over the scene, which provided him a glimmer of consolation.

"Let's go, Sport!" Shane announced to Andrew lifting the duffle bag over his shoulder and escorting his son to where his teammates congregated. Phillip beamed with pride while parading Kimberly around the field.

By the time Shane walked back towards the area where friends and family gathered to watch the game, Kimberly and Phillip sat nestled on a blanket together chatting with Peachy and Amanda, who looked busy positioning the rest of the Strickland brood on their blanket to their right. At that moment, Shane envied the head of the LA Child Abuse Clinic more than any man he had ever known! His eyes scanned to his right and noticed the Curtis's and Kayla, who had arrived with the two girls. Both Stephanie and Jeannie ran to him squealing with delight.

"Oh, how are my girls?" He exclaimed with joy as the two climbed all over him. He hoisted each girl, who wore matching sundresses, into each arm and looked for an available spot on the ground. The girls enthusiastically vied for his attention, which Shane showered on them graciously.

"It's nice of him to dote on your niece in that fashion." Phillip observed flatly. Kimberly looked puzzled by the hint of disdain lacing the remark.

"That's simply Shane's way." She replied defensively, a wave of panic sweeping over her.

"Oh, babe, _sshhh,_ I didn't mean anything by it." He stroked her hair reassuringly, punctuating his sincerity with a peck on the lips. Kimberly blushed slightly and smiled.

A rush of excitement filled the air. The spectators jumped to their feet as Andrew dribbled the ball down the field. The light breeze felt refreshing against the skin and Kimberly inhaled deeply soaking in the enthusiasm. Her eyes drifted around their close circle of friends, taking note where Jeannie was located. The little girl sat playing with her favorite doll as her cousin engaged in a similar activity on the blanket beside her. A flash of movement piqued her interest and her eyes traveled towards the source. Kimberly saw him walk closer towards the far end of the row of blankets to where Kayla sat.

"Do you mind if I talk to you for a minute?" Shane asked solemnly.

Kayla briefly looked in his direction and motioned towards the edge of the blanket, so the proper amount of distance remained between them. Her eyes remained concealed by the protection of her sunglasses.

"Let's go, Andrew!" She yelled and clapped for effect. Shane glanced over towards the field to see his son's team take positions for the next play. He crouched down on his heels, resting his elbows on his knees. The scene commanded Kimberly's attention. Shane paused, scanned the field and began:

"Kayla, I owe you an apology…"

Even from a few yards away, Kimberly could read his lips clearly.

"For?" Kayla faced straight ahead.

"You're not going to make this easy, huh?"

"What, so you can have your knighthood restored?" She retorted crisply.

"Kimberly?" Phillip called.

_ "Hmm?"_

Startled and quite embarrassed that she was so engrossed with her spying, Kimberly pivoted her head as though she were idly surveying the game.

"You weren't paying attention to a word I was saying." Phillip observed jokingly.

"Oh, pooh!" Kimberly replied coyly using her charm to manipulate him. "I'm sorry, dear." Gesturing towards the opposing team's coach.

"I was trying to read his cues to the team."

And before he could question her motive, Kimberly cupped his chin into her hand, pulling Phillip closer and planted a playful kiss on his lips.

Shane's shoulders slumped forward slightly as he contemplated a response. The silence between them forced Kayla to fess up. She stared at the grass to keep from bursting into tears in public.

"I'm sorry." She offered quietly. " _I _placed you on that horse, not you."

Kayla fumbled with a blade of grass.

"I misled you, and it was utterly and completely foolish to do so." Shane replied bitterly.

"Because it permanently destroyed your chances with Kimberly." Kayla observed compassionately still not looking at him. She could be quite perceptive, but Shane had no inclination to discuss his feelings on the matter. He simply felt that Kayla was owed something more concrete than the vague _"it just didn't work out"_ excuse. Especially when the reason was threatening to suffocate them all!

Tracing the outlines of the luscious green turf provided her a strange sense of distance from the painful circumstances surrounding Kayla's time with Shane. While Kayla sought rescue in the Shane's arms, doing so didn't betray her love and history with Steve. The truth was: it wasn't the first time she allowed herself to be used after losing someone. What kept Kayla up at night were the continuing repercussions their betrayal left on her family, particularly her mortally wounded relationship with Kimberly.

"Look, I am a grown woman, so let's not lay all the blame for what we did at your feet, okay?"

"I was quite cruel in the end." He admitted still gauging her facial expressions carefully. It was hard to believe he had pursued her in such a manner given their history. Shane never noticed Kayla as anything more than a sister through Kimberly. Their conversations were easy and simple without the conflict of a brother and sister. More still, the perimeters established never birthed an underlying sense of attraction that Shane sensed when watching Steve interact with his other sister-in-law, Hope. Yet, here they were hashing out loose ends to an affair that neither would have believed in just a few short years prior.

"Yeah, I learned that the hard way." Kayla sighed, her voice tinged with remorse.

There was a pause as though neither knew what else to say. Despite the cheers and clapping that echoed around the two, the air was filled with stony silence.

"I saw what I wanted to see, Shane." Kayla admitted.

Deflated, she heaved a labored sigh. One birthed when one realizes their idyllic perceptions of the world and those around them have been cruelly crushed by reality. Shane could see Kayla was somewhere else despite clapping and occasionally shouting out encouragement to her nephew.

"I did the exact same thing after David…"

Her voice trailed off remembering something from her past. Shane forced his attention back to the field. Seeing Andrew maneuver the soccer ball with an ease not often seen in young players lifted his spirits and for a moment, Shane's paternal pride welled up overshadowing the gravity of his current state. Shane bellowed a boisterous cheer of encouragement towards his boy. And when the cheering subsided, the two were left with the glaring contrasts of their past to their present.

"Wouldn't it be great, if somehow it were all a dream?" Kayla asked wistfully never fully addressing Shane rather she kept her focus on the field.

"Ah," Shane nodded and muttered under his breath:

"_Jack shall have Jill; nought shall go ill; _

_The man shall have his mare again, and all shall be well." _

"Huh?"

Kayla took her focus off the game and whirled to address her former brother-in-law.

"My dear Puck assures us that things will be fixed between our beloved Athenian lovers after a night of manipulation at the hands of impish little fairies." He explained evenly.

"Oh!"

Kayla lifted her chin faintly acknowledging the connection. Then she scoffed,

"Though I assure you it would take more than fairy dust to make me enamored with _Mr. Hollywood _over there!"

Shane followed her eyes, which darted in the direction to where the objects of their conversation sat. Phillip seemed completely engaged in the game cheering Andrew and doting on Jeannie when she ambled their way. Kimberly looked picturesque by his side, her hair loosely pulled back allowing her golden wavy locks to dance vibrantly in the breeze. She reached over periodically to properly take his hand.

A thunderous applause erupted as the crowd stood and stomped their feet watching the home team successfully block a goal. Standing beside her while he cheered, Shane attempted to prod Kayla to elaborate, but she wouldn't budge. In frustration, Shane shuffled his feet and planted his hands on his hips. He was not leaving. Finally sensing she was alarming him, Kayla assured Shane:

"He's not Cal!" She spewed out the name with such disgust. "But, he doesn't…"

"What Kayla?" He demanded. Shane almost grabbed her arm as though she were the target of an investigation, but pulled back at the last minute.

"Oh never mind." She sighed in defeat. "Probably just me being blinded by fairytales again."

The force of his three year old running into his legs, interrupted the standoff. Shane whisked her into his arms and walked over towards the victory huddle where Andrew resided. He didn't buy Kayla's reasoning but knew she was in no position to raise any concerns to Kim: just one more casualty resulting from their transgression. If her sister's suspicions were correct, Kimberly would have to reach these conclusions on her own. Watching Shane and Kimberly navigate the social gathering around one another in the midst of their happy children, produced only one profound emotion for Kayla: regret.

* * *

**Evening, Kim's home**

The rest of the weekend progressed with a myriad of activities that kept Kim and Shane orbits separate despite inhabiting the same house. With this visit being brief, Shane grabbed every opportunity to spend time with his children. And Phillip took advantage of Kimberly's sudden interest in being courted by him, taking her out in the evenings. As promised, Shane took Andrew fishing with Phillip the day before his and Peachy's departure. The expedition on Phillip's massive yacht ate up the entire day! Shane resigned himself to the reality that he was merely an observer of Kim's world. Clearly she wanted her relationship with Phillip to succeed, so Shane decided to support her the best way he could. He arrived at Kim's home late with a very sleepy Andrew hoisted over his shoulder. The poor child was exhausted from his adventure in the Pacific!

"Oh, wow! You two stink!" Kimberly exclaimed jokingly as they stumbled in the door. Her bright sparkling eyes were a tonic to his fatigued body and soul.

"Ah, the smell of success!" He replied with his best seaman impression. Noticing her maternal look of concern, he added,

"We ate on the boat. Your fiancé provided us with plenty of goodies, so this sailor…"

Shane pointed his head to the right in Andrew's direction, "needs to clean up and roll into bed."

"Mommy, I caught a black sea bass." Andrew muttered almost incoherently at the reference to his fishing prowess. Kimberly smiled at the display in front of her and started to take Andrew for Shane. He declined, wanting to be a part of the bedtime routine one more time before his departure in the morning.

"Some tea, Laddie?" Peachy offered. Shane wearily accepted the offer as he escorted his son upstairs. Wrapping her arm lovingly around Kimberly, the two women retreated towards the kitchen.

* * *

**An hour later…**

Shane quietly closed the door to Jeannie's room, having read to the children and tucked them tight into their respective beds. Slowly he ventured downstairs and could hear the idle chatter between Peach and Kimberly wafting through the house. Shane marveled at the cozy warm atmosphere Kimberly created in her home. Candlelight flickering against the hall guided him to the open family room that connected to the kitchen to his left. Kim's home had the light airy smell of vanilla that easily induced pleasant memories for the spy. The dimly lit family room created a protective shadow for Shane allowing him to observe Kimberly bustling around the kitchen before entering into the room. As she gathered cups and saucers from the glass-plated cabinets, Shane let his eyes travel the outlines of her petite frame. Dressed casually in a pair of perfectly fitted jeans and a crisp white button down shirt, Kimberly looked barely old enough to have children. The soft lighting highlighted her peaches and cream complexion reminding him of how she looked that day in her apartment when he gazed at her through the lens of her camera. As he emerged into their line of vision, the kettle began to whistle. Kim was too busy with the infuser to notice Shane's entrance.

"My, my, it is late." Peachy chirped. "I must take these old bones to bed."

Shane rolled his eyes at Peachy's transparent motives. She kissed Kimberly on the side of the head before, walking briskly past Shane, patting his arm encouragingly as she exited.

"Peach, I thought you wanted…" Kim whirled around to see Shane standing across the bar, his thick black hair still wet and tousled from his shower. Not dressed for bed, he was pulled together wearing a pair of kaki colored trousers paired with a nice jeweled toned blue button down.

"Oh!" Her eyes darted from Shane towards the direction to where Peachy exited. Alone together for the first time since his arrival, their issues spilled all over them. Seeing the level of discomfort flood across Kim's face, Shane cleared his throat, motioning towards the front of the house.

"I'll retire to the study and do some reading." His tone revealed his disappointment at her perceived rejection, creating more doubt in his mind. Shane did not want his presence to cause her anymore stress. Furthermore, his integrity would not allow Shane to step too far into the emotional abyss and risk his heart for a woman who was tied to another.

"_Do you love him? Do you really love him?" He had asked pointedly sitting by her bed in the hospital._

"_Yeah, I really love him, Shane." Kimberly had responded, her voice full of emotion. _

His hope had been dashed!

She had convinced him, even if Kim hadn't convinced herself. Coupled with the involvement of Claire and Lacey, that quiet exchange reverberated inside Shane's soul. Feeling too exposed, Shane began to retreat back into his world of solitude. The transformation evident by the way his face tightened and his posture straightened while standing across the bar from her. There was finality in his countenance as though if Kimberly didn't act, and act fast, all would be lost between them. Shane and Kimberly would simply be two people sharing the responsibilities of raising two children together. It struck a chord deep inside Kim reminiscent of the depth of despair she felt when he walked out the door of their old house in Salem, leaving her standing in the foyer. The day he left for Europe on assignment.

"No, no!" She pleaded apologetically. Her voice reached a fevered pitch.

"_Don't go!" _

Two words Shane yearned to hear a year earlier, and the precise ones Kimberly had begged to hear from him when she walked out of their house a couple of years before. At that moment, they both stopped running. Kimberly mustered up the last bit of courage she possessed offering a faint hopeful smile.

"I have a whole pot here that I can't possibly drink by myself."

"Are you sure?" Shane cautioned. The sincerity in his voice reflected the hidden meaning behind them. A wave of desolation flooded over Kim. She tried once more extending her bandaged hand for him to sit.

"Please," She implored him frantically and gestured towards the plush taupe colored sofa.

"Sit and tell me about your fishing trip."

Impressed with her forthrightness, Shane could not refuse her request. Their footing shaky, the two treaded quite carefully towards each other. Kimberly started to pick up the tray of tea, but manipulating the items proved problematic.

"Whoa, let me take this!" Shane offered cordially taking the tray from her and walking towards the couch. In an effort to show good faith, he quipped:

"We'll be calling you _'Kimberly no thumbs' _if you damage the other one!"

Kimberly mustered a fake pout attempting to conceal the giggle erupting inside her, but it tumbled out cutting the tension between them. Their laughter rippled throughout the quiet room before both their eyes fell upon the wound. Uneasiness crept back in, but Shane grabbed hold of the reins. He impulsively reached for her hand, abandoning the task of pouring their tea.

"Kim, I am so very sorry." Shane offered in a hush tone.

"I thought," Shifting in his seat and pondering his next thought.

There was a long drawn out pause.

Kimberly held her breath.

"Perhaps we could make friends with time?" He inquired poignantly.

The depth of remorse permeating his dark brown eyes said more than any eloquent speech. His plaintive eyes pierced straight through to her heart, rendering Kimberly completely breathless. She nervously cleared her throat, struggling for something to say. Barely able to keep eye contact, she pulled her hand away.

"Me too." She replied meekly, choking on her words. Then, Kimberly abruptly gazed into his eyes, as if she were begging him not to give up.

"Tell me about your day with Andrew." She offered softly.

The hope in her voice bolstered his confidence. Smiling brightly and responding with a sympathetic wink, Shane began to recount the day's events. Kimberly sat on the couch with her knees pulled to her chest listening intently to his tale. The more Kimberly's face encouraged him, the more animated Shane became. By the time their first round of tea was emptied, Shane had produced multiple giggles and commentary from his shy companion.

"Andrew should sleep quite well tonight." Kimberly observed with a lilt in her voice. Having navigated through the rough seas, they settled into a light discourse of their current reading material. Kim was relaxed now, allowing her legs to extend a little exposing her bare feet. She sat propped against the sofa with the lighting illuminating her delicate frame. Shane admired her refined countenance and smiled appreciatively. Catching his stare, Kimberly hastily shifted.

"Thank you, Shane."

She fumbled around for her cup and quickly added,

"For telling me about your day."

The depth of her gratitude clearly extended to his tactful treatment of their predicament. Shane saw an opening and couldn't resist.

"Have you slept well, Kimberly?" He asked while pouring their second cup of tea. Her eyes flickered with acknowledgment.

"I suppose." She replied hesitantly watching his expression carefully. "I think the medication induced the strangest dreams." Kimberly added with a timid smile. She looked graceful sitting across from him as he prepared the tea. Shane met her gaze grateful she permitted him to tread this subject.

"_I have had a dream, past the wit of man to say what wit it was." _He quoted thoughtfully. Shane coaxed her eyes to remain locked with his. Kim's eyes widen with recognition. Like a flip of a switch, Kimberly's effervescent charm commanded the room.

"So Bottom, when did you lose your ass's head?" She inquired irresistibly, appreciating the opening to discuss Shakespeare with him. The way her face lit up, the warmth of her laughter, soothed Shane's soul. Smiling, he handed her the cup and saucer, their fingers lightly touching. When Kim's smile did not dissipate, Shane was caught off guard by its effect on him. He retracted and slowly took a sip of his tea, contemplating his response. Kimberly's eyes bore into him waiting for the next dose of his entertaining repartee. Her expectant childlike gaze was too much!

"Perhaps when you told me good-bye," His eyes flitter above them. "Here in LA." Shane replied somberly.

The confession startled Kimberly who preferred their play with the classics instead of venturing too far into their own lives. He could see her mind racing through memories, painful ones she buried quite deeply within her soul, but now Shane lured them to the surface. Kimberly wasn't sure what to do. Mercifully, he backed off giving her some space. Cradling his tea, Shane walked over towards the French doors and stared into the blackness of the night. He hadn't planned for their conversation to take this direction, but the vault had been opened. The words slipped out of his mouth before Shane could censor them.

"I woke from the dream with no feeling trying to make sense of it all."

His voice was so full of emotion, yet completely steady and in control. Kimberly recognized the allusion to his paralysis immediately. A butterfly fluttered inside her stomach.

"I've been struggling ever since…" His voice trailed off.

Dead silence.

The impact of his confession hit Kimberly hard. It was something she secretly craved to hear, believing the validation freed her. However, with his back to her, Kimberly almost cursed him for making things more complicated!

"Why are you telling me this _now_?" She asked in almost a whimper, not trusting the stillness of the room. "I'm with Phillip."

Kim's words stung, but Shane didn't let on. They remained deadlocked in this confrontation.

"I don't know. I suppose…" His words faltered.

Kimberly stood and stepped carefully closer. Not too close, but enough to gauge his facial expression. She regretted the declaration instantly fearing Shane would retreat into his world of isolation. The spans of time when they had not spoken were some of the loneliest times for Kimberly.

"Absolution?"

"You don't need something you already have." She replied softly.

Shane swiveled around to face her. Kim's expression dripped with empathy that mirrored his own.

"I suppose I gave you all kinds of reasons to suspect..." Kimberly admitted. The specters from their past parading right before them amidst the shadows of the room. Shane shifted his gaze towards the barren fireplace to his right. There was no warmth from a flame to comfort them on this night.

His next question burned upon his lips.

"What is it you want from me?" She implored, his eyes betraying his thoughts. He looked at her intently.

"Kimberly, I think you were my very first friend in Salem."

Kimberly's face fell remembering those early days. Shane set the cup down on the table in front of him. He began to pace the length of the room, running his fingers through his hair. Kimberly's eyes followed him clinging to whatever he was about to propose. Reaching the mantle of her fireplace, Shane glanced at a picture taken around the time Kimberly first entered his life. She had her arms wrapped around each brother, smiling beautifully at the camera. Addressing her,

"I would like that again."

The strength that illuminated across his face in the midst of their tragic circumstances gave her glimmer of hope. Kimberly slowly realized that like her with him, Shane could not bear being shut out of her life!

"_That seems like a safe option!" _She assured herself. _"But,"_

Kimberly tilted her face slightly away and asked skeptically,

"How?"

Her eyes never left his. Shane shrugged his shoulders.

"I guess we will have to figure that out one step at a time." He replied optimistically, walking towards her.

_That's what they had done before…_

"I sure could use an old friend." She whispered as a lonely tear streamed down her cheek. Shane reached into his pocket and pulled out a white clothed handkerchief. Gently he wiped the tear away. Kim reached for his hand, squeezing it.

"And you've always been a good friend, Shane Donovan."


	10. Chapter 9: Blue

**Chapter 9**

**Blue**

_Of all the sad words of tongue or pen, _

_The saddest are these:_

"_It might have been."_

_~Whittier_

_

* * *

_

Shane and Kimberly laid their heads on separate pillows, in separate rooms on opposing floors, replaying the details of their conversation in the living room. Kimberly clutched her pale blue satin pillowcase, the moon reflecting the brilliance of her blue-green eyes.

"_Kim, I am so very sorry." Shane offered in a hush tone. _

Kimberly smiled reflectively at the memory.

"_Perhaps we could make friends with time?" He inquired poignantly._

Swaddled in at satin cocoon of pale blue sheets, Kimberly allowed mind to drift to faraway places. By voicing her wish for him to stay, Kimberly had done something she had longed to do: speak up for something she believed in. And what sprung forth was an honest opening for them to address all the pain that had been inflicted on the two. It was a start, even if a delicate one.

"_Yes, maybe they'd be fine this time?" _She mused while tracing the stars with her eyes.

Kimberly drifted to sleep with the first seeds of healing planted deep within her heart. Likewise, Shane had entered into Kim's house just days before possessing a false confidence and an avoidance of the past. The course of events that followed left him less sure of the outcome, yet at peace with himself for the first time in years. Shane placed his arms behind his neck and stared at the wooden beams crossing the ceiling of Kimberly's study.

"_Don't go!"_

Those two little words spoke volumes! There was a place for him in Kimberly's world. He slowly fell asleep with visions of her beauty playing around in his mind.

* * *

**Location: ISA jet the next day**

The good-byes were quite difficult this time. Peachy could see the anguish in her partner's face as he squeezed his children before telling them good-bye. But it was the way he left things with Kimberly that piqued her cat-like curiosity. As she knelt down to instruct the children, Peachy witnessed a tender scene unfold:

_Kimberly was the picture of elegance dressed in a silky pink blouse with a black pencil skirt and heels. Her hair partially pulled back, it was her vibrant smile that captured Peachy's attention. The old woman knew instantly that a barrier had been knocked down the previous evening. She observed as Shane gracefully approached Kimberly and examined her right hand, which wasn't wrapped anymore. Kimberly gazed up into his attentive eyes, her head nodding affirmatively assuring him that the wound was healing. Peachy couldn't hear the details of their idle chatter, but their body language revealed the first clues to their future. They didn't merely dance around their problems, as they did before. Now they gingerly danced closer towards one another making timid gestures into the right direction. Shane conducted himself with restraint but the way he tenderly touched her hand and gazed down at Kimberly revealed his true feelings. And Kimberly eyes reflected a fledgling trust in him to guide them down that path, even if she wasn't aware of its significance. Their exchange ended with a friendly embrace, Kimberly reminding him to call when they arrived safely. _

They had been in the air for hours and Shane had not uttered a word outside of casual requests for various files and specific references to the case he was working on.

"Oh, and work up a dossier on Phillip Collier." He requested off handedly. "Names, dates, nothing is too minor."

Shane didn't give Peachy one ounce of opening waving her off when she tried to press him for details. He simply pressed a button and began teleconference calls to various field agents. The lack of communication drove Peachy mad! She knew he'd confess when he was ready, but until that time, the gears in his old partner's brain turned methodically. Peachy finished wiping away the last remnants from their lunch getting increasingly impatient at the professional silence. She strolled back to the plush creamy leather couch across from him and sat conspicuously in his line of vision. Shane sat with his right leg propped up over his left, balancing the thick pile of papers. Jotting a series of notes, Shane poured over his work to keep the ache in his heart at bay. Peachy surveyed him with critical eye, noting his preference towards drab neutral colors whenever Kimberly wasn't around. The probing stare emanating from his mentor forced him to address the issue. The cunning spy peered up from his leather bound mound of papers.

"Out with it!" He announced dryly.

"What in heaven are you talking about?" Peachy asked with mock surprise. Shane tossed his pen aside, the instrument making a _'thud'_ as it bounced off the pad of paper and into the floor. He leaned back and crossed his arms across his chest. Peachy leaned back as well taking on the challenge. After a few minutes of silent confrontation,

"Very well. I'll begin." She flattened the fabric of her pleated grey skirt, and returned his gaze with a solemn one.

"Exactly what do you plan to accomplish with this inquiry on Mr. Collier?"

Shane rolled his eyes.

"Do you have such little faith in me?"

"Oh, poppycock!"

Peachy pursed her lips together.

"Professionally, you never disappoint." She inhaled deeply. "But frankly Shane, you can't blame me for second guessing your intentions when it revolves around your personal affairs."

Contemplating her assessment of him for a moment, Shane nodded his head conceding her point.

"I don't know exactly what I am looking for Peach." His deep brown eyes harbored a mixed bag of emotions as he turned to address her.

"But I can't shake the feeling that had I been just a bit more bold," He clasped his fist. "Tried harder somehow, maybe things wouldn't have gotten so bad for Kim."

Shane broke their eye contact and let his eyes scan the interior of the plane forlornly.

"For us." He muttered under his breath.

Peachy narrowed her eyes in skepticism. Shane wasn't fooling the old spy. His feelings for Kim dripped all over his face. She wondered how Shane would manage to keep his emotions in check in the near future.

"We're friends, Peachy." He explained. "I have to accept that."

"Oh, is that what they're calling it now?" She cooed. Shane became annoyed and slapped his hand against his knee defensively.

"I don't get you!" Bending over to retrieve his pen, his voiced boomed across the plane.

"First, you chastise me for even thinking about pursuing her, and now you mock me for making amends and trying to forge some kind of…of…"

"What?" She pressed.

"Oh, I don't know!" He exclaimed. "But I promised her once that I would always be there for her even if I was with someone else…"

Shane leaned back and let his eyes focus on the mounds and mounds of cumulus clouds on the other side of the glass. Sighing,

"I can't help but feel that promise means if she is with another as well."

The familiar look of melancholy settled across his face while a wave of compassion for her protégé, swept across Peachy's.

"You don't trust this fellow, do you?"

Without taking his eyes off the monotonous view from outside the plane,

"I can't put my finger on it, Peach."

Peachy broke all pretenses and smiled broadly.

"Neither do I!" She chirped reassuringly. "I'll se what I can find."

Peachy hopped up from her seat and ventured towards the electronic equipment. Pausing, she whirled around and warned:

"But Laddie, you must be careful."

Shane abruptly pivoted towards sPeachy giving her his undivided attention.

"This Phillip character…"

"Yes."

"Laddie, he clearly doesn't see you as a threat at the moment."

"Maybe I'm not. If he checks out, then I will walk Kim down the aisle myself!"

Shane announced magnanimously his arm outstretched in dramatic fashion.

But Peachy's solemn expression never wavered.

"Oh, Laddie, even if Mr. Collier happens to be the one altruistic person in Hollywood, he's not going to fancy the idea that his fiancé's ex-husband is still in love with her!"

Peachy shook her finger at Shane and scolded,

"And if I was able to rattle you just now…"

Peachy paused.

Shane's sober expression demonstrated he understood her line of thinking completely.

"Tread very carefully with this one." She cautioned ominously.

A week later, while Shane was on location conducting business, Peachy called.

"I completed the errand you requested." She informed him cryptically.

As Shane cradled the phone, he sipped his espresso sitting at an open-air veranda overlooking the crystal blue-green waters of the Tyrrhenian Sea. Its translucent color mimicked Kimberly's eyes when she laughed. _God, how he missed her! _

Shane set the cup on its saucer with a 'clink.'

"Yes."

"He's pretty clean." Peachy sighed. "A prior for disorderly conduct during his college years with possession of a controlled substance."

Shane shrugged his shoulders. His shades concealed the menacing stare that accompanied Shane's otherwise casual countenance.

"Spent a great deal of time in New York when he started out after Film school during the early to mid 80's."

"Associates?"

"Still checking, Laddie."

"Thanks, Peach." Shane replied nonchalantly. He didn't want to give the impression of being over zealous in his investigation, not even to Peachy. However, quietly there was a rhythmic tap against his brain suggesting they were overlooking something.

* * *

**Location: LA**

Kayla stayed away for much of the week after Shane's departure. The effects the visit had on Kayla and Kimberly's delicate relationship completely eviscerated their ability to engage in surface interactions. Kimberly traced the faint scar on her healing injury pondering their next step. As the neighborhood children vacillated between front yards on the early autumn day, she strolled over to Kayla's front porch where her sister sat gazing at Stephanie ride her little red tricycle. Jeannie peddled close behind her cousin as the two made figure eight circles in the driveway.

"Hi, Kay." Kimberly greeted her sister gently. Kayla motioned for her sister to sit, yet shifted her focus back to the giggly girls a few yards to their right.

"Do you think about the times we played hopscotch on the pier?" Kayla observed. Her voice was saturated with nostalgia. Watching Stephanie and Jeannie was like peering through the looking glass.

"Sometimes." Kimberly replied mournfully seeing exactly what Kayla saw in them.

"It was simple then." Her sister sighed naively.

"It wasn't_ ever_ simple, Kay."

Kimberly bit her lower lip realizing the sharpness of her statement. Kayla's eyes widened. She whirled around to face her sister, clamping her hand over her mouth. Instantly, the tragedy of her sister's childhood sunk in. Despite growing up in the same home, the two naturally had vastly different perceptions of the experience. For the first time, Kayla grasped the reality of how she had shared a room with a complete stranger.

"Oh, Kimmie!" She gasped. "I wasn't thinking…I meant, I…" She stuttered.

"I know what you meant by it, Kay." Kimberly smiled compassionately patting her sister's hand letting her gaze flow back towards their little girls. A quiet stalemate enveloped the two as the laughter of children wafted amidst the rustling leaves of the trees. Kimberly let her eyes gaze upon Andrew and his buddies as they kicked a soccer ball around the cul-de-sac.

"What do we do now?" Kayla pleaded after long period of silence.

"I don't know."

Kimberly never took her eyes off her son.

"But I can't stop loving you." Kimberly choked on the words. She whispered.

"You're my baby sister."

Kayla's eyes burned with tears waiting for Kim to reveal the answer to their dilemma.

"I just…" Kim's words failed her.

"I'm so sorry…" Kayla pleaded, desperate for them to move forward. Wiping her tears with her shirtsleeve.

Kimberly turned her head to face her.

"You already said that when you first got off the plane, remember?"

"Yeah." Kayla looked down and pushed back the tears. "But we seem as far apart now as we were then." She took a deep breath.

"So what now?"

"I don't know!" Kimberly shot back. "We're not the same little girls who snuggled up under the blanket gossiping over little boys!"

Slapping her hand on her knee and motioning towards the house,

"We're not even the same women in your wedding picture that sets on your mantle!"

Kimberly dropped her head. She hadn't wanted to discuss these things because it only led to confrontations prolonging the pain. Kimberly glanced at the sky ready for the Santa Anna winds to clear the smog that enveloped the landscape perhaps blowing away the excruciating distant between them.

In a barely audible voice Kimberly added,

"You said it yourself: he wasn't a record or a sweater…"

Kayla shifted uncomfortably and scanned the yard.

More silence as the memories shuffled between shadows produced by the massive oak tree. Kayla's insistent stare got the best of Kim.

"I don't have the answers." Her older sister confessed.

"But you always know what to do?"

Kayla's voice raised an octave, very reminiscent of their childhood days when Kim or her brothers sheltered her from the battles that raged within the Brady home. The gravity of their plight hung over the two women as they watched their daughters' parade before them. The display showcased the stark contrast of youthful innocence against the backdrop of jealousy that had condemned the sisters. Kayla and Kimberly sat amongst the tattered remnants of their own friendship. Their blue eyes filled with tears.

"_Maybe_ not… this time." Kimberly whispered in defeat.

Kayla cried softly.

"I want to make it up to you."

Kayla realized how futile her wish was when Kimberly gave her an astonished look.

"You can't."

The revelation was as oppressive as the smog that still hung over the valley, chaining the sisters to the porch. Not wanting to abandon their perch on Kayla's front steps, they remained as the sun lazily drifted behind the St. Gabriel Mountains. As they called their children home, Kim stood and reached for Kayla. Wrapping her arms around her sister, she hugged her tightly. It was the only thing Kim could offer at the moment and Kayla graciously accepted by reciprocating the gesture.

* * *

**Location: Kim's house, a month later**

Kimberly gazed adoringly at Andrew and Jeannie as she tucked them into their beds. A brisk breeze blowing in from the Santa Anna winds blanketed the valley with clear blue skies and reminded its residents that cooler weather was sure to follow. Kimberly craved the break from the oppressive heat and as the smog exited the atmosphere, the luxurious scenery unearthed rejuvenating her spirit. October snuck past, but November promised to roar through declaring Orange County was not immune to the wiles of autumn!

When Kimberly entered the living room, Phillip had lit a fire in the fireplace, dimmed the lights, and sat sprawled out on the sofa lazily watching the TV. They had spent the day running through corn mazes and enjoying hayrides with the children. A nice arrangement of petite pumpkins with a friendly cornstalk set on the hearth to the right of the fireplace. Fatigued, Kimberly slowly strolled over towards the back of the sofa. Phillip lifted his hand and grabbed hers, pulling Kimberly into his lap.

"Come here, you." He invited impishly.

Kimberly smiled pleasantly, but on the inside she felt the familiar pang of anxiety boil over inside her.

"_Why was it so terribly difficult to be alone with him?"_

Throughout their courtship, Phillip never wavered with his ability to entertain her and the children with creative day trips to the mountains, thrilling adventures on his boat, and a myriad of activities involving the children's hobbies that served to bring them closer as a familial unit. And Phillip and Kimberly were very adept in handling public social events together. Phillip continuously showered Kimberly with praise.

"_I have found a woman who can be anything, do anything..."_

The comment fostered more feelings of inadequacy than reassurance that accumulated given their current level of intimacy. Because of the magnitude of Kimberly's illness in the past year, the two should be treading lightly like they were starting all over. However, Phillip continued to act as if they should begin where they left off. The more Kimberly worked through therapy, the more she began to see the connection between her perceived 'new interests' at the time of their dating and the emergence of her alters. This recognition spilled over into her sessions with Dr. Allison. The leggy blonde keenly studied her patient surmising,

"These accolades must dredge up similar feelings regarding your father's references to you being the 'best and brightest.'"

Kimberly slowly shook her head.

"You need to address this with Phillip."

But he was never around for the little things that ushered in an atmosphere of exploration: the quiet moments of reading to the children, or discussing books, art, and current events with Kimberly. Topics of conversation between Phillip and Kim usually revolved around his work, or sexual innuendo- the latter being extremely difficult to engage in. Thankfully there was always someone around, a work related event, or the children to take the pressure off the problem between the producer and his fiancé. The arrangement didn't bother her before…but now?

Kimberly's heart started to tap lightly against her psyche demanding reconciliation. But she doubted her strength to handle one more upheaval, so once more her conscious won out by rationalizing that more time was needed to bridge the gulf that separated the two. As Kimberly slyly maneuvered herself next him, she tried to address these concerns.

"You know Phillip…" She began hesitantly propping herself inside the crook of her fiancé's arm. Phillip wrapped his left arm around her snugly to pull her body towards him.

"Yes, babe!" He interrupted. His blue eyes twinkling mischievously, Phillip's other hand traced the length of Kim's arm.

"I wish you wouldn't…" She suggested feebly.

"What?" He asked seductively.

When his fingers reached her shoulder, Phillip pressed his lips against hers.

Kim froze!

She turned her head to the side, but it only encouraged him to continue his seduction by letting his lips slide down her neck. Kimberly shifted uncomfortably pressing her hands against his chest.

"I am so lucky to have such a sexy…"

His hands groped around for a button to unfasten. Kimberly pulled away suddenly.

"Don't!"

Kimberly pushed him away, leaped off the couch, and rushed to the fireplace.

"Stop saying those things!" She cried in anguish.

A wave of annoyance flooded over Phillip before his expression changed to feigned compassion when he stood. He stepped closer and rested his hand on her shoulder for support.

"I can't…I don't know how…" Kimberly whimpered.

"Shhh, it's ok. I guess I got carried away." Phillip offered lightheartedly trying to ease her distress.

"I'm sorry." She whispered and began to cry quietly.

"Can't we just sit and talk?" Kimberly wondered out loud, her arms still wrapped protectively around her. She hadn't realized Phillip heard her until seeing his perplexed expression.

"_That's all we do!"_ He blurted out irritably.

Kimberly shrunk back as though she had been physically cut by the remark. But there was a little spark inside that insisted on being heard.

"No, we don't! We are constantly engaged in some type of activity, but do we ever really have a conversation that doesn't revolve around a movie?"

"I thought you liked my work!" He shot back taking offense at her suggestion.

Kimberly ran her fingers through her hair in frustration.

"I do!" She groaned feeling completely discouraged by the direction this argument was taking. "That's not what I meant!"

Phillip became increasingly uncomfortable with it as well. He stepped back trying to regain some composure. The last thing he needed was a personal crisis to develop while trying to court the right kind of investors for his latest project. Phillip Collier had done his time in the business and it was starting to pay off! One day his name would be synonymous with Spielberg and his ilk. For some reason, Kimberly captivated the fickle little group and any sign of distress no matter how trivial, could cause the money to be rescinded. It was like dealing with toddlers at times. Phillip thought quickly and reached for her hand.

"Hey, hey!" He cajoled. " Look, let's not fight."

Kimberly's eyes brimmed with tears, recognizing the stranger standing before her.

Struggling for something to say in order to cut off his fiancé's train of thought, Phillip's eyes scanned the room.

"Babe, we'll think of something but I probably should head home. I have an early morning conference call with some people in Berlin…"

His words trailed off as he realized the topic validated Kim's observation. His mind racing, Phillip placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Look, I hear what you're saying." He began smoothly. " We'll talk about this more later." He added encouragingly.

Kissing her quickly on the forehead, Phillip left the house in a hurry. He did not want her to see his temper at having been worked up only to be let down by her rejection. Kimberly stood quietly by the fireplace until she heard the door close and then collapsed back onto the sofa in tears. She punched the overstuffed decorative pillow in anger. Kimberly had hit a brick wall with him! She thought if she spent more time with Phillip, then the ingredients would mix together perfectly.

"_I just want to make him happy."_ Kimberly lamented to herself. Yet, when he kissed her, Kim felt mechanical and void of any desire to 'perform.' There was an eerie familiarity to her feelings and Kimberly's soul began to rebel against the role-play. She sobbed sorrowful tears over her situation. This wasn't working out how she planned!

Curled up on her sofa, Kimberly wept freely feeling utterly and completely lost. She was literally surrounded by friends and family, yet the loneliness threatened to drown Kim.

"When will I ever be whole again?"

Her words still hung in the air intermingling with the crackling fire as the phone rang.

"Hello?" Kim's voice sounded strained.

"Kim?" A deep familiar voice filtered over the line.

Pause

"_Heeey_, it's Shane." His voice was smooth as silk, warm and instantly inviting. "Are you alright?"

Kimberly quickly wiped her cheeks as though Shane could see her appearance over the phone.

"I'm fine." She insisted, but the wispiness of her voice combined with a sniffle slip up, destroyed any attempt to mask the obvious.

"Kim, you're a terrible liar." Shane acknowledged affectionately.

"I'm just feeling blue." She acknowledged softy.

The heaviness of her voice jolted Shane out of his laissez-faire demeanor induced by the warmth of the Italian morning sun. He sat upright in his chair with his elbows propped on the table before him, letting his eyes focus on the sea as they spoke. The attentive spy knew Kimberly well enough to know that her admission was not an invitation to reveal the source of her melancholy, so Shane didn't press her.

" Just returning the call, Ms. Brady."

"Oh!" Kimberly acknowledged, remembering she phone earlier regarding his plans for Thanksgiving. Pulling herself up from the couch, Kimberly fixed herself some tea while updating Shane on the children's activities. Her stories seemed to relax them both so after a few chuckles over their children's antics, Shane regaled her with descriptions of his latest travels across Europe.

"Oh, you must stroll down the Appia Antica!" Kim interjected at one point in their discussion.

"It clears the mind."

"Ah, I'm not in Rome now, but perhaps I should take a trip north tomorrow."

"You'll need to wait until next Sunday, remember? "Kimberly chuckled. "Or else the locals will run you over with their cars!"

Shane laughed out loud heartily.

"No! No more altercations with motor cars between the two of us!"

The heavy burden that weighed on her had departed as they engaged in playful banter.

"You're terrible!" She exclaimed laughing. "You are making me pea green with envy talking about these things."

Kim sighed longingly.

"I miss Italy."

"What? You prefer to hear about the assignments that send me to quaint little areas of the world?" Shane accused her jokingly. "Say…Siberia?"

"Or Timbuktu!" She quipped.

Unbeknownst to Kim, Shane's mood at the start of their conversation had mirrored hers. Though he basked in the glow of the Mediterranean paradise, deep within Shane felt as cold without her as if he were in fact, stationed in the blustery tundra!

"Misery loves company!" She retorted triumphantly.

"Touche!" Shane recognized the reference immediately.

They continued conversing over the phone for hours until the ease of the discourse induced drowsiness upon Kim. Their conversation drew to a close.

"Shane?"

"Yes?" His voice was low and smooth.

"Thank you."

Shane smiled empathetically and though she couldn't see his expression, Kimberly felt his steady gentle manner. It comforted her.

"It was nothing." He assured her.

But for Kimberly it was everything!

* * *

The next morning after taking Andrew to school, Kimberly placed breakfast dishes into the dishwasher as Jeannie sat propped on the barstool in front of her, coloring in her _Beauty and the Beast_ coloring book. The doorbell rang.

"Who could that be, Pretty Girl?" Kimberly asked her wide-eyed daughter whose blue eyes sparkled like her mother's. Picking Jeannie up and swinging her around until she rested on Kim's right hip, they walked to the door to answer it. A gentleman held a bright pink box with the name of Kimberly's favorite local bakery emblazoned in black Old English lettering: _As You Like It_.

"Mummy, mummy, a present!" Jeannie squealed as Kimberly stared at the box puzzled. She cautiously assumed Phillip would send flowers after what had transpired.

"Sign here, Ma'am." The man requested bluntly.

"But I didn't order…"

"It was a phone in. Paid for and requested delivery to a 212 Valley…" The man eyed Kimberly with a bit of impatience.

"That's you."

"But you don't deliver?" She replied skeptically.

"Lady, we do when our customers are that generous." The man smiled knowingly. "Someone thought you were worth the effort!"

Kimberly put Jeannie down and took the box, still perplexed by the gift. The deliveryman, who was not dressed as one, saluted and started on his way.

Kimberly slowly shut the door and glanced at her energetic little girl, who excitedly ran in circles. Following her mother into the dining room, Jeannie ogled the pink box with anticipation.

"Let's take a look at what we have!" Her mother suggested in an animated voice. Opening the box, Kimberly knew instantly who bought the gift.

"_Ah come on! One more cheesecake and we'll be positively euphoric!" He proclaimed._

"_I'd settle for being mildly content." She playfully slapped him on the arm. "How about you?"_

"_Well I must admit I was a little down in the mouth." He confessed._

_Shocked by the admission._

"_I thought you said you weren't depressed?" _

"_I thought you said you didn't want to talk?" He retorted._

"_I didn't, but I'm glad you didn't push me…" __~1984_

Tears formed in her eyes reliving the sweet memory from both the distant past and recent present. As Jeannie pulled on her mother's arm for attention, Kimberly slumped down into one of the dining room chairs and read:

_Dearest Kimberly,_

_Remember, cheesecakes are natural cures for the blues. _

_Always,_

_Shane_


	11. Chapter 10: Grace

**Chapter 10**

**Grace**

_Fortune befriends the bold_

_~ Emily Dickinson_

_

* * *

_

**Location: Kim's home, later that day.**

Kimberly sat beside her son on the patio as she guided him through his math homework.

" Yes, that's right." She motioned as Andrew traded _'hundreds'_ for _'tens'_, then _'tens'_ for _'ones.'_ The little boy was every bit his father's child. Andrew quickly scribbled the correct answer, grinning triumphantly as Kimberly patted his back with approval.

The doorbell rang once more, interrupting them.

"Finish this problem while I check whose at the door." Kimberly instructed as she breezed through the house to answer before the visitor disrupted Jeannie's nap. A morning filled with cheesecake, a quick trip to mommy's work, and play at the nearby park with her cousin had worn the little girl out!

Throwing open the door, Phillip stood hiding behind a bouquet of coral colored Carmine roses. Unveiling his face,

"A rose, for my rose?"

When Kimberly's perplexed and unimpressed expression did not yield the desired results, Phillip cleared his throat and asked sheepishly.

"May I come in?"

Her face softened slightly and she waved him in,

"Sure."

Kimberly pointed upstairs, signaling Phillip to keep their voices low as Andrew ran through the house.

"All done, mummy!" He announced breathlessly. "May I go play with James?"

And turning his head,

"Hi, Phillip!"

Phillip greeted the boy with a _high-five._

"_Shhh, Andrew!"_ Kimberly admonished. "And yes, but be home by six."

The couple were left alone after the boy sprinted past the two, an uncomfortable silence drifted inside the home. Phillip still held the bouquet of roses.

"Thank you." Kimberly hesitantly offered and took the peace offering into the kitchen, so she could arrange them in a vase. Phillip followed behind.

"About last night…" He began.

Kimberly stood by the sink, her back to him, methodically snipping the ends off the stems, placing each rose into the vase one by one. The tension was palpable.

"Look, sometimes I don't know what to do when I am around you."

Kimberly abandoned her task detecting confusion in his voice.

"I don't understand." She replied skeptically as she surveyed the anxiety written across Phillip's face.

"I simply want to be with you." He explained eagerly. It was hard to resist him when Phillip's expression conveyed an air of innocence. His piercing blue eyes twinkled and begged Kim for another chance. Lowering her eyes,

"I know this isn't easy for you." She offered softly. Her eyes flittered around the room making Phillip's heart race. In a strange way, Kim's inability to be with him only elevated his desire for her. It induced a primal need in Phillip. He tempered his emotions and remained focused on getting back into Kim's good graces. She remained beside the sink resuming her chore waiting for him to make the next move.

"_Why me?"_ Kimberly wanted to know, but instead after several minutes of silence, she offered,

"Perhaps, you would be happier with someone who could give…"

Horrified, Phillip's eyes widened.

"You give me everything!" He scoffed, gesturing towards Kim. "Look at you? You're a knockout!"

"Phillip, please!" Kimberly scolded rolling her eyes while brushing off his comment. There was something in the way he catalogued her physical traits that reminded Kim of _"the business."_ The producer looked puzzled by her discomfort and stepped closer.

"_Kimmie…" _He cajoled.

Kimberly held her hand up in protest.

"Don't do that." She requested firmly.

The gesture threw Phillip off his game. He gritted his teeth discreetly to mask his displeasure.

"What?" He asked evenly.

"That!" Kimberly waved her hand dismissively. She picked the vase of perfectly arranged roses and walked over towards the family room. The click of her heels against the stone tile and then the hardwoods punctuated her mood. He eyed her as a lion ready to devour its prey.

"And I haven't given you _everything_!" Kimberly corrected him over her shoulder.

Whirling around to face him directly from a safe distance across the room, Kimberly addressed the issue.

"Obviously I'm not perfect, Phillip."

"I know that." He replied softly, but behind his glassy blue eyes, resentment boiled to the surface.

"_Believe me! If you only knew how many women are ready to get a piece… but you?" _

Ever the professional, Phillip smiled compassionately.

"What can I do to help, babe?"

The words flowed perfectly from the producer's lips in the same way he behaved when wooing a fussy actor. It was critical Phillip ease her discomfort. Kimberly softened slightly reading his expression for any clues. Pressing her lips tightly together, Kimberly's eyes fluttered as she mustered the courage to express her feelings. Swallowing hard, she lifted her chin defiantly and looked her fiancé straight in the eye,

"Then _don't_ call me Kimmie."

Her voice was firm, yet kind, displaying a beautiful blend of authority and respect. Impressed, Phillip smiled genuinely for the first time since arriving at Kim's home. Raising her eyebrow, Kim's blue-green eyes seared Phillip's ego. That first step felt good, bolstering the lady's confidence.

"Ever."

Her stance revealed that the topic wasn't up for discussion or debate. Phillip nodded affirmatively.

"Yes, ma'am."

Phillip's sincere response to her request melted Kim's resolve. Gingerly she stepped closer to him, so Phillip pulled her in for a kiss, planting a soft one on her forehead. Allowing Kimberly to rest her head against him, carefully she let Phillip hold her. After several minutes of silence,

"I have an idea!"

"What's that?" Kimberly replied pensively.

"How about…" He began dramatically. "We take a little trip?"

Kimberly leaned back, turning her head slightly, questioning his motive. Phillip clasped her hand coaxing her to the couch.

"I think we've been trying too hard …" He paused to see if Kimberly was following his line of thought and then directed his attention towards the fireplace as he continued.

"I think you need a little TLC,"

Taking both her hands into his for effect, " some romance!"

Phillip grew excited as he spun together his latest idea.

"Oh Phillip!" Kimberly cautioned.

"Let me take you to Napa." His eyes were bright. "I have a buddy…" His voice trailed off seeing the anxiety color Kim's face. Taking her hand and lifting it to his lips,

"No strings attached."

Kimberly, who desperately wanted to believe him, smiled hopefully.

"No strings attached?"

He nodded his head reassuringly, so reluctantly Kimberly agreed.

Phillip smiled victoriously, leaping off the couch. Jeannie meandered into the room, still groggy from her afternoon nap. Kimberly scooped her into her arms.

Phillip headed towards the refrigerator and noticed the bright pink box as he snatched a water bottle from the door. He started to peek at its contents.

"What's this?"

Kimberly strolled over smiling as she smacked his hand away,

"I treated myself." She explained. "Besides, no treats before dinner!"

Jeannie excitedly reached towards the refrigerator.

"Da.."

"Will be calling you tomorrow, sweetheart." Kimberly interrupted smoothly handing her daughter a bag of goldfish and turned her attention towards Phillip.

"Now tell me, when exactly do you want to go to Napa?"

The diversion worked perfectly as her fiancé's eyes sparkled at Kim's inquiry. Phillip set his beverage on the countertop. Gesturing theatrically with one hand as he placed his other on Kim's back, he guided her through their itinerary for the romantic getaway the following weekend. Studying his eyes as he spoke, Kimberly remembered why she was attracted to Phillip in the first place. Collier was the consummate entertainer, always thriving when the center of attention. His ability to monopolize attention towards him relieved Kimberly of the pressure to perform. Ironically, the opposite was the case when they were alone.

"How does that sound, babe" He asked cheerfully, interrupting her musings.

Realizing she had not heard a word her fiancé said, Kimberly smiled compassionately as she surveyed his hopeful face.

"_He was trying so hard!" _She thought.

Blinking away the turmoil that simmered deep within her heart, Kimberly stroked his cheek and replied politely,

"That sounds lovely."

Phillip hung around for dinner, playing _Candy Land_ with Jeannie as Kimberly prepared the meal. A pleasant mood filled the home. Sitting around the table, Andrew and Phillip traded silly jokes in between bites of pasta as Jeannie played with the food. Kimberly heaved a sigh of relief. Her contented expression encouraged Phillip, who winked affectionately at Kim from across the table. Life was beginning to feel normal for the first time in a very long time!

Later that night, after tucking the children in their beds, Kimberly ventured downstairs. The house was quiet, and dimly lit allowing shadows to whisper doubts into her aching heart. Alone, Kimberly pressed the button on her stereo. As the smooth, sultry voice of Sinatra filled the downstairs with songs of woe, Kimberly pulled out her secret dessert, enjoying another piece of cheesecake. In the depths of her heart, Kimberly contemplated whether she should call him.

* * *

**Location: A few weeks later, Kim's home.**

The few weeks following Phillip's conciliatory visit at Kim's were happy ones for the couple. Andrew's soccer team advanced to the playoffs and Phillip made important strides with his latest movie project- a historical drama set in Nazi Germany. Filming set to begin shortly after Thanksgiving, the producer spent numerous hours with his casting director and prospective actors and actresses auditioning for the available roles. This allowed Kimberly to continue with her goals in therapy and work at the Child Abuse Clinic. On the surface, the couple appeared to be growing closer, the next logical step in their relationship resuming with their upcoming weekend trip. The prospect produced a mixture of feelings for Kimberly, who continued to struggle with anxiety at Phillip's expectations in the bedroom. To make matters worse, Kimberly was acutely aware of the overtly flirtatious nature of the actresses, directed at her fiancé. This type thought nothing of exploiting the rather risqué preferences of certain men; traits that Mr. Collier clearly enjoyed once when being seduced by one of Kimberly's alters.

However, Phillip's idea of a romantic getaway to Napa failed miserably when on the first day; the movie producer was stung repeatedly by a swarm of bees as they biked down one of the serpentine paths that dotted the luscious mountain landscape. Kimberly tended to him best she could, attempting to snuggle up next to him that first night. Unfortunately for Phillip, the Benedrayl kept him lethargic and the stings itched ferociously after the initial event. Irritable, he encouraged her to explore the valley on her own the next morning. So she did, touring the various wineries, indulging in some shopping, and reading by the fire in the evenings after Phillip drifted to sleep. They returned home without rekindling the spark in their comfortable relationship, but with a nice sampling of the year's best Chardonnay and Cabernet.

"Well, they'll be more trips." Amanda chirped casually as she pulled a dish out of the cabinet.

It was the day before Thanksgiving, and the slender brunette lent her support in the kitchen as the two women began preparations for the upcoming meal. Kimberly whirled around shooting her friend a disapproving eye. Whisk in hand, she admonished,

"You're not helping!"

Not deterred.

"It's not your fault he's allergic to bees!" Amanda replied defensively keeping her tone even. She swept her thick wavy hair into a clip, barely able to stifle a laugh at Phillip's expense.

Having turned her attention back towards the baking, Kimberly perceived the observation a serious one.

"I know, but Amanda, he was so disappointed with how our trip turned out."

"_I'll bet."_ Amanda groused silently as she began chopping celery for the stuffing.

Noting how Kimberly emphasized 'he,' and not 'we,' Amanda smiled sympathetically at her friend. Despite the length of time they had been friends, Kimberly never discussed details pertaining to conflict in her intimate relationships. Information usually filtered out from different sources, neither Shane nor Kim participating in commentary about the other. Obviously both Peter and Amanda were aware of the circumstances surrounding their friends' divorce, but once Kimberly returned to Salem shortly after Jeannie's birth, the LA couple was virtually closed off from information regarding their status. When Kimberly returned back to LA at Peter's request, the change in their friend was palpable. The luster in her eyes had completely vanished, Kimberly a shell of her former self. Mentioning Shane's name induced a look of unbearable pain from her friend, so Amanda refrained from prodding, only learning that an affair had taken place between Shane and one of Kim's oldest friends. Inquiring about the events to Kayla later when she arrived, proved futile so the therapist's wife sensed the circumstances occurring in Salem were pretty ugly. A fierce instinct to clock the Brit simmered under the surface, until Amanda saw him at Jeannie's birthday party. His eyes betrayed an intense melancholy that resided in his soul-its source painfully apparent. Making the conflict worse, the Stricklands felt helpless watching the hastily assembled relationship Kimberly pieced together with the persistent movie producer. Kimberly's resulting behavior alarmed them. Therefore the couple was shocked to see Phillip and Kimberly return to LA together given the information Kayla relayed to them regarding Kimberly's MPD. Peter, Amanda's husband and Kim's boss, insisted his well-meaning wife leave it alone. Shane and Kimberly were insanely complicated and prying into their affairs would only make things worse.

"_Darling," Dr. Peter Strickland instructed, his voice deep and soothing. " Kimberly's been through quite an ordeal in the past two years…actually longer."_

_Amanda hated it when her husband resorted to logic. Her husband's scholarly recitation on psychological issues was endearing when not aimed at them or those close to them. Then, it was simply irritating, precisely because he was usually right. _

"_Once Kim feels safe in her environment, the dust settles… you watch, she'll do the right thing." _

Amanda bit her lip and picked up her wine glass,

"Well, all wasn't lost!" She toasted light-heartedly to Kimberly, her green eyes sparkling.

"This Cabernet is divine!"

Kimberly returned the toast, their glasses clinking together, grateful for a friend who would not lecture her about Phillip. As if needing another reason for strain in a relationship, Kayla's obvious displeasure with the producer made it difficult acquiring firm footing to move past the betrayal with Shane. Kimberly believed her sister was motivated by a desire to see reconciliation, instead of recognizing personality flaws in Phillip. While both issues motivated Kayla, avoiding the latter gave Kimberly more time to deny the glaring problems she had with the movie producer, which masked a more sinister issue, yet to be uncovered. When Phillip insisted on hosting Thanksgiving dinner at his Malibu home, Kayla took the cue and hastily arranged an impromptu visit back to Salem.

The evening hours hurried by as the two women engaged in lively conversation, their children happily playing upstairs. Kimberly loved when the two gathered together outside of work. Amanda had a way of breathing life into the dullest of tasks and Kim's facial muscles often hurt from laughing so much after spending any length of time with her! Her friend had a mischievous streak that reminded Kim so much of her sister-in-law, Hope. And Kimberly missed Hope terribly since her tragic death three years earlier.

"So I told Peter that my behavior is the _least_ of his worries." Amanda was explaining jokingly when the doorbell rang. Laughing, Kimberly replied:

"You're terrible!"

She finished wiping down the stove while her friend answered the door. Flinging open the door, Amanda ushered the weary spy and his partner inside.

"What is all the ruckus?" Shane exclaimed giving her a hearty hug. The spy was grateful to be in a real home again, and not in some stifling hotel room.

"We could hear the merriment from the driveway!" Peachy chimed in.

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Amanda exclaimed, welcoming the two inside, before answering,

"I'm corrupting the mother of your children, that's all!" She retorted shrugging her shoulders.

Shane's eyes quickly searched for the object of his interest abandoning the conversation with his old friend.

"Nah, I don't think it's possible." Shane muttered affectionately before catching himself. He cleared his throat.

Kimberly rounded the corner from the dining room still arranging the loose strands of hair that escaped the confines of her clasp. Her apron loosely tied around her red dress, Kimberly stopped short at the sight of her ex. Her heart caught inside her chest, seeing the dashing spy standing in her foyer, dressed in black slacks and a grey buttoned down shirt.

"Shane." Kimberly greeted him timidly.

"_Kimberly."_ He replied politely, his lips accentuating her name with such affection that his accent sounded thicker than usual.

In the month since the cheesecake arrived, conversing over the phone provided Shane and Kimberly with a safe buffer to shield them from their fears and the outside world. Their lives entrenched in the depths of heavy reality; the two began to crave the daily ritual of calls to or from the children. Uninhibited the two flirted shamelessly over the line, the banter often light, dripping with subtext as they discussed certain books, or the usual mundane daily experiences.

"_Oh you're incorrigible, Shane Donovan!" Kimberly's laughter rippled over the line._

"_It was that or take a plunge in the Rhone River." He retorted dryly._

"_Oh, you're so amusing Capt'n." Kimberly remarked sarcastically._

"_And crippled, don't forget crippled at the moment." Shane quipped as he sat with his knee propped up on an ottoman- an ice pack applied to the area._

"_So let me get this straight: the deal is to avoid getting hit by moving objects, but oh, I don't know, hurling oneself out of a moving vehicle is completely within the perimeters of this bet?" _

_Pause._

"_Yes, but only in my case…double standard you know." He teased, knowing it would rile her up._

_Kimberly could clearly see Shane's cocky little grin displaying his dimples prominently across his face despite a continent and ocean separating them. And just when Shane thought he'd rendered her speechless, Kimberly sighed,_

"_Very well. Fair is fair."_

_A dramatic pause, before adding_

"_From now on, I'll refer to you as Gimpy Donovan."_

_Shane nearly spit out his tea._

"_Oh my! That's positively dreadful!" Shane howled over the line. "You win!"_

Now face-to-face, the results of their little tete-a-tetes created a magnetic energy filling the room.

Instinctively Kimberly rushed forward welcoming him into her home. The spy's stoic stance dissipated as he embraced her tightly, breathing in Kim's aroma. The other two women observing noticed the way the two lingered briefly in their "polite hug" before releasing. Kimberly whirled around to address Peachy while Amanda, who was awestruck by the scene, gathered her brood and quickly hurried home across the street.

* * *

**Later in the evening…**

Settling the children proved extremely difficult given the late hour and all the excitement swirling inside Kim's house. After completing bedtime baths, Kimberly joined Peachy downstairs for some tea allowing Shane time to get reacquainted with his children. When he emerged, Peachy had already retired for the evening, leaving the two alone again. Only this time, both Shane and Kimberly felt an air of indulgence at the prospect of sharing a cup of tea by the fire together. Holding firm to familiar patterns, the two steered the conversation towards the children keeping both a veil of physical and emotional distance between one another. Their delicate dance didn't last long when the kettle's whistle announced the water was ready.

"You look tired, Captain." Kimberly observed as they retreated towards the sofa.

Shane cupped his hands, rubbing his face with them.

"Yes, exhausted actually."

Shane explained what little he could, his whereabouts from the past month. The case taking him all over Europe, the spy ended the trip by coming to LA for the upcoming holiday. Kimberly demurely sat next to him, pouring the tea for the two, unaware that the spy studied her every move. A faint smile appeared across Shane's face. Kimberly smiled back, handing him his cup and saucer and anticipated his next cue. Feeling a little mischievous, Kimberly cut her eyes towards his leg. Catching her line of vision, Shane exclaimed,

"Oh no, you don't!"

As Kimberly slowly mouthed,

"_Gim…py!"_

The exchange produced rolls of laughter from them both, Kimberly almost spilling the tea. Shane lunged forward, grabbing her arm to steady the hot liquid.

"_Shhhhh!"_ Kimberly instructed swatting his hands. "We'll wake the children."

The laughter died down leaving a queer air of silence. Shane's fingers rested against Kim's smooth delicate fingers. Clearing his throat, Shane gazed at the darken fireplace.

"Is it too warm for a fire?" Shane gestured innocently.

"Depends on whose standards you're using." Kimberly replied with a lilt in her voice.

"If you wait for a cold, snowy evening in LA, you'll never use it." She added with a wink.

Shane accepted the invitation and within minutes a slow steady flame illuminated the room. He remained by the hearth, gently stoking the fire.

"How's your work at the clinic going?" He asked carefully.

According to Peter, she was doing extremely well, but Shane was curious to hear Kim's perspective. It was a topic she barely broached over the phone, yet he sensed something was simmering behind those intense blue-green eyes. And the spy would rather talk about Kim's work with abused children than her relationship with Phillip at the moment. She studied her ex for a moment, his warm, inviting expression coaxing her to confess. Shane listened attentively letting her talk aimlessly about various children she evaluated, how she balanced their children with the work, and vaguely referenced some things improving during her therapy. The whole experience cathartic, Kimberly crept close to the fire. Finding a comfortable spot on the oval shaped area rug that Shane sat on, she let her hands bathe against the light and the warmth it provided. The crackling fire created a shadow that covered her face, and Kim began to drift far away from him.

"The children are lucky to have you." Shane remarked compassionately trying to reach her once more. Kimberly didn't look up as she gingerly spread her dress to cover her shapely legs.

"Oh, uh…_our_ children?"

Kimberly blinked twice attempting to gaze into Shane's deep brown eyes.

"Both." He replied boldly.

The depth of sincerity in his voice made Kimberly blush. Shrinking back slightly, she pulled her legs under the protective veil of her dress skirt and propped her hand against the floor for support.

"Oh, I don't know…" Her voice trailed off. When Shane saw Kim's eyes glisten with tears, he leaned closer, setting his hand tenderly on top of hers.

"Kimberly, what is it?"

Turning her face to the left, she stared into the fire, hypnotized by its beauty and encouraged to forge on with her thoughts by the strength emanating from Shane's voice.

"There was this girl," She began.

"Well, she's a young woman now, but she was there when I first came out here."

"Yes."

Kimberly manipulated the hem of her dress with her free hand as she spoke.

"She asked me…" And Kim's voice choked up.

"What Kim?" He implored, the weight of her sorrow piercing his heart. Shane inched closer to where Kim was sitting. It took several minutes for her to speak.

Finally,

"It doesn't matter, cuz see I didn't have the answer." She confessed meekly.

The burden hung desperately across her shoulders making it difficult to meet his comforting gaze. Shane gently lifted her chin with his fingers so he could peer into her desperate eyes.

"Oh, but time, Kim. In time, you'll get your answers. I promise." He whispered encouragingly.

The anguish too great, Kimberly's head fell at that moment. Shane pressed her against his chest, so she no longer had to hold herself up on her own. Wrapping one arm around her while the left other served to prop them both up, Shane cradled Kim close letting his body provide the safety net she needed to receive comfort. As Kim buried her head into the crook of his right shoulder, Shane lowered his face into her hair inhaling deeply. He had no idea what she was talking about, but intuitively he surmised the origins and their relation to her own harrowing experiences. After several minutes of silence, Kimberly lifted her head and gazed into Shane's eyes. The urge to kiss away her fears was great, but Shane solemnly knew her lips weren't his to kiss. Graciously Shane stood taking Kim's hand to pull her out of the melancholy. To speak at the moment felt trite in light of the pain that held her captive, so Shane simply offered his arm in gentlemanly fashion for Kim to lean against. Slowly he escorted Kimberly to the stairs.

"Your room, my lady." His voice low and formal, Shane's eyes travel up the darkened stairs to where Kim's bedroom was located.

Kimberly realized what Shane was trying to do. The look of understanding and compassion coloring his face melted her heart.

"I'll be fine." She assured him.

Shane leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

"Yes, I've known that, but have you?" He whispered in her ear.

Kimberly's eyes widened.

The urge to collapse back into the safety of his arms slowly crept to the surface of her psyche. She pushed the feeling away and smiled faintly,

"Good-night Shane."

Turning on her heel, Kimberly scurried up the stairs as Shane silently watched.

"_Good-night, Kimberly."_ He whispered lovingly after Kim disappeared into the darkness-the sound of her bedroom door closing announced she had retired for the evening.

* * *

**Location: Phillip's Malibu home, Thanksgiving Day.**

Three families, a few Hollywood executives, and an interloper gather around a massive glass dining room table overlooking a pristine view of well manicured landscape that tied seamlessly to the Pacific Ocean. The cloudless sky allowed the house to absorb the warmth of the sun's rays creating a cozy atmosphere not naturally produced from the minimalist furnishings of its owner. Shane pondered how his children felt at home in the dwelling marked with contemporary sculptures and paintings from the post-modern era. The home felt detached and artificial to the person who appeared before Shane over a year ago across from Kimberly's hospital bed.

After dinner, Shane smoothly extricated himself from the group of men watching football in Phillip's den and ventured around the monstrosity of a house. Checking on the children, who played upstairs with the Strickland kids, Shane meandered throughout every corner of the spacious Malibu mansion. On his way back downstairs, Shane noted a set of side stairs coming off from the master bedroom. His interest piqued, the dimly lit passageway led him into the producer's secluded study-a room noticeably tucked away from the rest of the living quarters behind the kitchen. So far on his little expedition, the décor betrayed nothing of substance regarding the man. Shane suspected any clues to who Collier really was, would be evident in the man's private study. Sparsely furnished, the room held the usual desk, lounge seating, and shelving. The ceramic tiled floor created a reverberating echo with each step. The walls were barren minus various awards and plaques presented to movie producer. The lack of anything alive in the form of flowers, or other shrubbery served to punctuate the lack of emotion in the room. Peachy followed shortly, scanning the rocky cliffs that lined the view from the floor to ceiling windows.

"A bit cliché, don't you think Laddie?" Peachy observed ominously.

Shane nodded affirmatively standing by Phillip's desk. He turned his attention towards the painting centered on the muted grey wall behind it. Created in monochromatic blues, Shane tried to decipher its meaning- or rather the purpose. Its nude subject fashioned in typical abstract form, a disturbing element of eroticism nearly slapped the viewer in the face. The crude image sharply contrasted characterization the Hollywood producer tried to sell to Kimberly's family at first. Shane's face contorted in disgust when their host entered the room.

"Hey! I wondered where my guests had disappeared to!" Phillip announced jovially, smoothly walking between the two spies and pivoting his body so that his intentions were quite clear: Phillip wanted then out! Hands still resting in his pockets, Shane whirled around smiling politely. He didn't say a word.

"An impressive home, Mr. Collier." Peachy interjected cheerfully into the tense fog that enveloped the three.

"Ah yes, thank you Ms. Peach." Phillip replied evenly and added,

"Course, I bet you would find it daunting to clean as I have to employ two women for the job."

His eyes darted back to Shane, whose calculated expression revealed no clues to his thoughts. Without offering an explanation for the disconcerting choice of art, Phillip clapped his hand against his thigh and added spectacularly,

"Everyone's gathered around the piano. Liz is about to sing!"

The producer began ushering the two spies out of the study and offered graciously,

"Tell me Shane, do you have plans tomorrow night?"

Peachy noted that Phillip hung back to pull the door shut, locking it.

"Well, I don't think…" Shane began hesitantly, but Phillip interrupted him.

"Hey, why don't you bring Kimmie to the gala for me."

Phillip waved off any significance for his actions.

"I'll be tied up with an infantile agent, so I'll be running late. It would be a huge favor to me!"

He explained graciously using his martini glass for added effect. Peachy wasn't impressed.

"Oh, that should be fun, Laddie." The elder spy cooed cryptically.

"Ms. Peach, you'll watch the children, correct?" Phillip suggested in patronizing tone.

Peachy smiled stiffly, replying:

"Oh of course _Sir_, it would be an honor."

"Good. I'll send a limo to pick you two up!" Phillip proclaimed.

Shane simply nodded in agreement. The spy's poker face irritated the producer, but Phillip convinced himself that he was too clever. Behind those steely eyes, Peachy wondered just how clueless Phillip was to the inevitable trap he laid out for himself. Still smiling politely at the man, who grossly underestimated his competitor, Peachy mused:

"_Pride goeth before the fall."_


	12. Chapter 11: Stolen Kisses

**Chapter 11**

**Stolen Kisses**

_I'm a fool to want you_

_To want a love that can't be true_

_A love that's there for others too_

_I'm a fool to hold you_

_Such a fool to hold you_

_To seek a kiss, not mine alone_

_To share a kiss that devil has known_

_Time and time again I said I'd leave you_

_Time and time again I went away_

_But then would come the time when I would need you_

_And once again these words I'll have to say_

_Take me back, I love you_

_Pity me, I need you_

_I know it's wrong, it must be wrong_

_But right or wrong, I can't get along without you_

_~Frank Sinatra_

_*Author's note: _

_Two songs are referenced in this chapter, recorded by Frank Sinatra: "All of Me"(April 1954), and "I'm a Fool to Want You." Sinatra's 1957 recording of Fool is superior than its original. Sinatra referencing his "soap opera" relationship with Ava Gardner wrote "A Fool to Want You". Sinatra attempted suicide twice after the tumultuous affair ended and lore recounts that after he breathed the final note at the LA 1957 recording, he uttered not a word, but slipped out into the rainy night. Both selections are found on the 1990 release: Frank Sinatra, the Capitol Years CD. _

* * *

**Location: Kim's home**

Shane exited Kimberly's study dressed in full black tie attire.

"Oh Laddie, you look smashing!" Peachy chirped as Shane strolled over to the wall mirror by the front door to adjust his tie. The man wore a tuxedo as comfortably as an old pair of shoes. Seeing the deadly serious expression on her partner's face,

"You're still thinking about Collier, aren't you?" Peachy asked gravely.

Shane whirled around to address the question, but the mere mention of the jaded producer rendered him mute.

"You think the Lassie has any inkling of the sort of man Phillip is?"

Shane stared off into space, pondering Peachy's question.

"Perhaps… in a way?" He replied vaguely.

Fumbling with his silver cuff links, he replied with jaw clenched.

"I…I just can't shake the feeling that there's a link between Kimberly's downward spiral last year and Collier."

Shane spat out the name with such venom that Peachy reciprocated with a disapproving look.

"Laddie, you'd better compile more than intuition to back up that assertion, not that I don't disagree with the assessment." She observed soberly.

The sudden movement from above interrupted their conversation. He glanced up to see Kimberly happily descending the staircase in a plum-colored strapless evening gown. The form fitted bodice showcased her petite frame, and the layer of delicate silk chiffon flowed away from Kim's body to make dancing easy. Yet the smooth silky fabric clung to the curve of her backside, giving the dress a nice blend of elegance and seduction. Her hair was pulled up into a loose twist; a halo of soft curls lining the perimeter of her face.

"Kimberly, you're …simply…stunning!" Shane exclaimed clearly affected by her appearance.

Kim blushed slightly at the remark.

"Phillip likes purple." She explained hopefully.

Shane smiled at her reassuringly. He had forgotten all about his cuff links, but Kim noticed being oblivious to the effect she was having on him.

"Come here. Let me help you with those." Kim offered graciously.

She stood before him now adjusting the links, lifting her eyes to smile at him occasionally as she worked. The way her nails glided against his skin elevated his heart rate, the allure of her perfume coaxing Shane to bend ever so slightly towards Kim in order to breathe her in. Unexpectedly she moved.

"There, that's better!" Kimberly exclaimed triumphantly, flashing him her winning smile before holding a diamond choker for Shane to put around her neck.

"Could you?" Kimberly inquired innocently.

Shane winked his approval as Kim turned her back towards him, so he could work the clasp. Strands of her hair hung freely against the nape of Kim's neck as Shane maneuvered the pricey necklace around her shoulders. He let his fingers drag along to feel the softness of her skin, consumed by her aroma. Shane traced the area with his eyes, still aware of exactly where to place his lips sending Kimberly to a place of ecstasy.

"Will it fasten?' Kim asked anxiously, turning her head towards the side; snapping Shane out of his trance.

"Uh, hmm, yes, we are ready." Shane replied hastily, but Peachy caught the exchange and eyed him sternly as they exited the house.

* * *

Once inside the limo, Shane inquired casually:

"Phillip's home is, uh quite interesting."

Kimberly glanced out the window, and back towards him chuckling.

"_Soooo_, typical huh?"

"Yes." Shane replied evenly his tone inviting Kim to elaborate.

"You know," She pivoted her body to address his question directly. Kim's eyes sparkled illuminating the dimly lit car, and her hands gestured as she spoke,

"It's like Europeans with their tiny cars, or tornados hitting trailer parks,"

Shane grinned.

"If you live in Malibu, your home MUST be modern, with harsh lines, full of glass, and pretentious artifacts-the owner frequently unaware of their significance besides the inflated cost."

"The Curtis's home doesn't fit that description." Shane remarked amusingly.

"Because neither Neil nor Liz give a hoot what _that_ crowd thinks of their style!"

Kimberly chuckled at the thought, before adding.

"And that's precisely why everyone flocks to their parties."

Shane smiled appreciatively.

"That couple is a touch Old Hollywood if you ask me."

"Much needed class for the area." Kimberly beamed in agreement.

The atmosphere inside the limo warm and inviting, he treaded carefully with his next question.

"That's quite a view from Phillip's personal study."

Kimberly mulled over his observation, her brow crinkling. The expression perplexed Shane.

"I think I've only been in there once or twice." Kimberly explained cautiously.

Shane nodded his head slowly.

"Phillip keeps a lot of personal business stuff…contracts…"

Her voice trailed off and the sparkle disappeared from her eyes briefly as Kim searched her memory compounding Shane's uneasy feeling.

"I'm not sure if he likes that ultra contemporary flair, but it's charming in its own way I suppose." Kim offered softly.

Immediately Shane switched subjects. He had no intention of ruining her evening but his instincts warned the spy of the danger lurking amidst the shadows of Kimberly's present relationship with Phillip. Shane knew to tread lightly.

The rest of the ride to the event was pleasant, Kimberly filling Shane in on who was to attend, or more importantly whom they were connected to, their title, and what they were after. Such was the case in the land of illusions. Upon arriving, Shane escorted the lady into the building, a few light bulbs flashing along the sidewalk. As Kim rattled off the names and matched the faces for Shane, he couldn't help but notice how out of place Kim was in Phillip's world. She was fresh faced and educated, refined and polished amid a sea of plastic expressions and shallow conversation. Everyone in the room was angling for something, mostly money, and young starlets hoping for attention and willing to do anything to get it! Shane observed detached pondering the irony of Kim's past profession and the events of last year along side these vultures. Despite her experiences, Kim was the most innocent creature in the room. As was prone to ones who possessed this quality, men fell completely under her spell when she addressed them. Shane hung quite close to her as though he were Kim's bodyguard, several people asking point blank if this was the case. Approaching the Dining Room, Kim gestured towards the grossly overweight man waddling towards them and whispered in her most pretentious voice,

"_Darling_, this would be Stewart Perkins." Kim's blue eyes radiated impishly. Shane leaned closer to her, engrossed in their private little joke- his deep attentive eyes widening as he played along with her.

"If you're a woman, he'll make you famous…for a price." She said patting her hand against Shane's chest as she clutched his left arm with her other arm.

"And if you're a man with sufficient means…." Kim added playfully leaning back and giving Shane an elaborate up and down glance,

"Such as yourself…then you might want to hide your wallet." She said with a wink, right as the overbearing man reached the two. When Kimberly introduced Shane, Stewart perked up and began to pitch his next idea for a major motion picture franchise to him.

"You could be in at the ground level!"

Stewart proclaimed with as much enthusiasm as actors say, _"You were the first!"_ to wide-eyed groupies. Shane reminded himself that these people were Phillip's business acquaintances but made a note to have Peachy work up a dossier on Perkins as well.

Everyone gathered at the table with Stewart sitting to the right of Shane, who sat directly across from Kimberly, leaving the seat at the head of the table empty for Mr. Collier, who was sponsoring this event. As Stewart prattled on, Shane looked at an amused Kimberly and mouthed,

"I'll get you for this."

To which Kimberly responded in kind,

"Good luck with that!"

She flipped her head towards the woman to her left who was seeking information regarding Phillip's whereabouts.

The evening progressed with the appetizers and wine as the conversation flowed from monotonous business talk to the latest Hollywood gossip, which there was plenty. Shane managed to cut Stewart off at the pass, politely of course, mainly nodding and responding appropriately while watching Kimberly for most of dinner. She held Shane captive with her wit and ability to entertain these overdramatic bores while her fiancé was god knows where! Instinctively Shane placed his hand on the table a mere inches from hers when she set her glass down, and there it remained for support in case she requested it. No one noticed the guest of honor enter the room an hour late for his own gala.

Tied up for two hours on the phone with an irate agent, Phillip cleverly extricated himself from the confrontation so he could arrive before dinner wrapped up. He hurried up the grand staircase that led to the Dining room and adjacent Ballroom for his guests. The ornate crystal chandelier over the banquet table was the only source of light, which was lowered to create intimacy for the event. Shielded by the darkness and the sheer volume of chatter coming from the occupants, Phillip slipped into the room unnoticed except for the attending waiters and waitresses. Kimberly's back faced him, the left side of her face visible as she listened attentively to the director's mistress. Phillip could always count on Kimberly to keep the festivities flowing beautifully, the investors happy, and the servants on course. The fact that his male associates envied him for having her on his arm added the brightest feather to his cap! Kimberly Brady was quite the asset to Phillip's career and so he found other ways to cope with the nuisance of their present platonic predicament.

The smirk on Phillip's face did not last long as his eyes scanned the room before him. Perhaps it was the intimate lighting and the advantage of the darkness that enveloped him that allowed Phillip to observe something for the first time since meeting Kim's ex husband. Phillip admitted that the stories and images of her dashing, adventurous ex were what romance novels and high grossing chick flicks were made of, but when he met the wheel-chaired bound gentleman eighteen months ago, Phillip was relieved as well as amused to find a broken down shell of a man. There was no competition to eliminate. Why the notion that Phillip could feel insecure about Donovan's abilities was laughable to him! The only thing Phillip felt was pity for the man and it was clear that even if there were lingering feelings, the gulf between the two was too vast for anything to result. At the time, the thought encouraged Phillip as he set up shop in Salem and played the role of doting fiancé to Kimberly's white bread family. Once Phillip escorted Kimberly out of her hometown and back to LA, Phillip relaxed. But this vision before him was like a stab in the gut for his perfectly laid out plan. For what Phillip saw sitting across the table, smiling adoringly at his Kimberly was a man far from broken. Shane Donovan exuded confidence, coolness, and burning passion for the woman he was eying. Twisting the knife further was the apparent attention the debonair gentleman garnered from several female participants sitting at the table. Being a producer, Phillip spent hours trying to mimic this image onscreen with his leading men and women. It was what they called in the biz, _"chemistry,"_ and usually gave birth to phenomenal love scenes both on and off the set.

Perhaps the most disconcerting aspect of what he saw was how vivacious Kimberly appeared to be in Shane's presence and completely unaware of what was happening between them. She was engaging and glowed with vitality, her fingertips a mere inches from her ex-lover's. In that moment, Phillip's blue eyes froze as he clenched his jaw and cursed Shane Donovan under his breath. Phillip rushed over to the table and placed his hands on her bare shoulders startling Kim, who turned her head to the right to greet him.

"Everyone!" Phillip greeted heartedly to the guests with a twinkle in his eyes.

Making the most of the attention and especially to the enemy across the table before him, Phillip swooped in and planted a kiss on Kim's lips; who reluctantly reciprocated the gesture in masked embarrassment. Shane averted his eyes at the display taking a large gulp of his wine, swallowing hard while nodding appropriately at the lame statement bubbling out of the fool seated to his right. Phillip took his seat at the table, clasping Kim's right hand encouragingly as he commanded the attention of those around him. Shane tried to catch Kim's eyes but she kept them fixed on anything and everything but the two men seated closest to her. Kimberly continued to play her role, politely answering questions and commenting when needed, but otherwise she appeared absent from the occasion. Shane was determined to entice the enchanting woman he had spent the evening with up to this point, out again. Once the dinner was over, everyone waltzed over to the ballroom to enjoy some evening flare.

"So how many of these things must you suffer through?" Shane teased her once the music began and everyone was either dancing or plotting their next movie venture.

He placed his hand tenderly on her right shoulder and let it slide softly down her arm. It was the first genuine smile Shane had seen on Kim's face since Phillip's arrival. Her official date for the event was engrossed in a lively debate with his co-producer on the upcoming film to even notice.

"Too many." Kim replied returning Shane's gesture with a coy grin.

With hungry investors' appetites and the libations flowing freely, the room was a buzz with conversation and music. Phillip mingled in and out of the party as the waiter continued to interrupt with pressing phone calls. He did not want to leave Kimberly unattended, or more accurately did not want Donovan to spend any more time with his ex wife as was necessary.

"So what kind of business do you dabble in?" One of Phillip's co-producers questioned with disinterest. A group of about a half or dozen or so men and women gathered near the balcony.

"Global commodities." Shane answered flatly, taking a sip of his after dinner brandy.

Kimberly stifled a laugh.

Dead air enveloped the tight little circle since the response failed to ignite interest among the party. Taking that as his cue, Shane pointed towards the balcony and retreated for a breath of fresh air. Kimberly narrowed her eyes in displeasure as Shane whispered in her ear reminding her flirtatiously,

"Payback _darling_!" Before exiting outside.

She longed to join him as the conversation quickly devolved into the more Hollywood gossip. Reluctantly turning towards the party, Kimberly nodded _"ooh and aaahed,"_ playing along with the rest of the females in the group. A petite redhead leaned forward, scanning the room before she spoke, and whispered breathlessly,

"_I hear_, that Timothy Dalton is _done_ playing 007!"

"You're kidding!" Several members of the group muttered excitedly.

Speculation quickly erupted with several guesses to why the actor would abandon such a lucrative role. The group pulling her into their discussion, Kimberly hadn't noticed Shane slip back into the suite leaning against one of the Corinthian columns that lined the wall of French doors leading out to the balcony. He lazily sipped on his brandy while observing the group, or more precisely Kimberly and her contributions.

"Perhaps to claim the role of Rhett Butler?" Inquired a high-level casting agent.

Kimberly snorted at the suggestion, raising more than a few eyebrows. Now on display, she exhaled,

"Eh, he was a mediocre Bond at best." Kimberly offered nonchalantly as Phillip approached to her right.

"My fiancé now believes herself to be a casting director."

A few mild chuckles rippled through the group as Phillip commanded attention. In the land of illusions, once an idea was bandied around, the lone voice of dissent was going to be squashed. Her date informed her in a patronizing tone:

"You see, babe, Dalton's portrayal is much more in line with Fleming's version."

Kimberly cut her eyes towards the cocky producer and replied tersely,

"I'm well aware of Dalton's intentions in relation to the novels."

She had no idea what triggered his foul mood, but was not going to allow Phillip to disparage her in front of a group of high-powered execs. She had charmed classier participants than this in her day! Gripping the wine glass tightly, Kim's fiery Irish temper boiled over as she spoke.

"I appreciate the desire to remain true to an author's intent _dear_." She began with a flick of her tongue commanding the attention of the group.

"But there's a fine line between cool, calculating spy and a rogue that belongs on the psychiatrist's couch." Kim paused to punctuate her critique.

"I do believe that was the actor's characterization of the role." Her lips pursed tightly, before she added sharply,

"What translated onscreen for me was simply an emotionally stunted creep who lacked sexual appeal." Her blue-green eyes sliced through Phillip's ego.

Kimberly shrugged her shoulders and dramatically sipped her wine.

"Too each his own, I suppose."

The whole group erupted into gales of laughter.

"Phillip, your fiancé is enchanting!" The older man, who had asked the original question, observed.

"Let's do lunch."

"You can count on it, Max!" Phillip insisted boastfully as he started to maneuver Kimberly away from the group. At the corner of his eye, the producer noticed his newly discovered enemy close by observing the display.

Instructing Donovan just who held the cards, he slid his hand possessively around Kimberly,

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm taking my gorgeous fiancé out on the dance floor."

Once out of earshot, Kimberly suggested curtly:

"Don't _ever_ belittle me again in front of those arrogant little trolls!"

Phillip smiled arrogantly, amused by her offense.

Laughing heartily, he pivoted her around dramatically.

"Come now, babe..."

The skepticism radiating from her accusatory eyes, prompted Phillip to modify his demeanor.

"I apologize. My phone exchange was a bit contentious and I let it spill into our lovely evening." He lied convincingly.

"No harm, no foul?" His cold blue eyes shifted around the room and above Kimberly's head making it difficult to read his motives. Phillip's good humor returned as suddenly as it had vanished earlier.

"You had them eating out of the palm of your delicate little hand."

Phillip flashed her a winning smile, leaning in for a kiss. Still perplexed by his behavior, Kimberly hesitated, turning away just in time to see where Shane had ventured off. Phillip's eyes followed along as a knowing grin simmered beneath the surface. The awkward couple slowly swayed to the rhythm of the music.

Leaning against the meticulously sculpted wooden bar, Shane gestured

"A club soda!"

Shane knew he had to give every appearance of tranquility in public. He could let his emotions fly once he was alone, or at the very least, out of Phillip's watchful eye. The producer was no longer patronizing but had rapidly shifted to a simmering hostility towards the Brit. While he sipped on his drink, a green-eyed, black haired vixen slinked his way and purred,

"Well, hello there handsome."

The leggy woman wore a dress too tight and short for public viewing; but then, that was the point! She slid her hand provocatively along Shane's arm. The actress eyed the spy lustfully.

"I'm Charity, Charity Lane."

No doubt a stage name…

"You've got to be the sexiest man in this room!"

Shane smiled politely, disinterested in the woman's attempts to seduce him. Kimberly attempted to discreetly read the body language while dancing with Phillip, but various couples weaving in and out of her line of vision created a false impression.

After several minutes of allowing the up and coming actress to flirt shamelessly with him,

"Uh, excuse me, _Ms._ Lane…" Shane announced formally ending the exchange. He shifted his address to the bewildered bartender tossing a couple of twenties at him.

"The lady's next drink is on me." He offered with a cordial wink.

Then turning back to Charity, the color draining from her face as Shane offered graciously.

"It's been charming, but I have to leave."

Her green eyes widened with a suggestion.

"Alone." Shane replied firmly before politely kissing the woman's hand. The last image he saw was Kimberly's appealing backside as she stood beside her fiancé chatting up a few patrons. Phillip's demeanor flagrantly suggested his intentions with Kimberly afterwards as he let his hand slide slowly down her back towards her shapely posterior.

Finally the opportunity for Kimberly to scan the room for him presented itself. There was no sign of Shane or the little tart he was conversing with. Noting Kimberly's anxiety, Phillip remarked nonchalantly,

"Last time I saw them, they were together. He probably took her home."

Deflated, Kimberly sunk back into his arms, playing the role as Collier's doting fiancé.

* * *

**Location: Kim's home**

Shane exited the limo, tipping the driver generously before bursting through the door, slamming the house keys down on the table in the corner. Peachy rushed to the foyer shushing him before he woke the children.

"Laddie, the children!" She admonished.

Shane breezed past her, running his fingers through his hair. Frustrated and focused on retreating to an isolated location, he swiped an opened bottle of Cab off the bar as he blew past, rounding the counter to grab a wine glass. When Peachy pressed him, Shane merely motioned towards the patio, disappearing into the night air.

Meanwhile, Kimberly had endured as much of the public display as she could handle.

"Phillip, I am really tired." She whispered frantically.

"Ready to head back to my place?" He asked playfully.

"No, no. I just…" Kimberly fought to control her emotions. "Just take me home tonight. I don't feel well."

The producer narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Irritated by her request, Phillip drove to his fiancé's home tempering his resentment for being rejected once more. Kimberly waged a battle between her head and heart during the unbearably long drive. She squeezed her eyes shut trying to block out her over active imagination. Kimberly had seen how the little tramp behaved around Phillip when he didn't know his fiancé was around. What bothered Kim most was how much pleasure her fiancé seemed to derive from the attention. _How could Shane find that starlet even remotely interesting?_ The torture continued for the whole ride back to her house.

Upon arriving home, Phillip walked Kimberly to her front door. Ending the evening this way felt especially cruel to Kim. Anxiously she took a deep breath as Phillip pulled her in for a hungry kiss goodnight.

Kimberly felt nothing.

Smiling politely, she murmured something properly affectionate as he bid her adieu. Satisfied, he retreated to his car and sped away into the night.

Kimberly entered her home slowly wiping away the sensation her fiancé's lips left behind. There was no sign of Peachy, but the light towards the back of the house shined brightly indicating someone was still up. Walking through the dark dining room, she entered the kitchen looking for a wine glass. At the corner of her eye, Kimberly noted the opened door leading to her patio.

"_He's here?"_

Kimberly stepped out onto the patio and gazed at Shane, who slumped casually in the chase lounge. Still dressed in his tux, she smiled knowingly at his loosened tie, the two buttons of his dress shirt unclasped so he _"could breathe," _the brilliance of his gold chain catching the light filtering outside from Kim's home.

She inhaled deeply.

In his right hand, Shane swirled the contents of his red wine in nice melodic waves. He studied the water that reflected the crisp moonlit night.

"A penny for your thoughts?" She inquired coyly.

Her presence startled him briefly, before smiling approvingly at the sight to his left. Similar to Kim's torture, Shane sat brooding over the likelihood that Kimberly would not return home for the night. Seeing her standing before him produced a mixture of complicated feelings for the weary spy: relief, desire, and defiance at the thought of losing control of his emotions once more.

"_Ah,"_

Shane's voice was as smooth and robust as the Cabernet he sipped.

"They're worth more than that." He replied flatly.

Kimberly was a little surprised by his guarded manner. Shane sat, alone in the night air, cursing himself for allowing the evening to carry him away with her beauty and titillating conversation. There wasn't room to allow his wishes to navigate this thorny path. Yet, her physical presence tempted his desires to the surface, taunting Shane over the possibility of their relationship igniting into more. Kimberly inched closer, extending her wine glass to him as a peace offering. He reached over and poured her a drink as Kimberly sat down beside him. A small glass side table separated the two.

"I didn't expect you home." She revealed poignantly.

Shane's eyes abruptly met Kim's at the revelation. Its obvious implication flooded between them as his eyes magnetized her with their intensity holding the implication of Kim's revelation over them. Silently she cursed Shane for not letting her politely retreat from her blunder. Finally,

"She wasn't my type." He replied mysteriously.

"Oh!" Kimberly blurted out, relieved.

"I told Phillip she wasn't...!" She stopped short.

Suddenly Kimberly blushed realizing how she sounded taking a nervous sip of her wine and letting her eyes flutter around the landscape. An electric charge pulsated around them. Shane let his eyes soak in her bare shoulders and the way the diamond teardrop shaped choker lay against the curvature of her cleavage. He turned his attention back towards the pool and took a hearty sip of his wine. Setting the empty glass on the table, the awkward tension mocked them. Once Shane regained his bearings, his cool aloof demeanor returned.

"That's a nice bottle of Cab you have." He complimented evenly.

"We… _I _picked it up in Napa." Kimberly replied fretfully correcting herself.

"Did you enjoy the dancing?" Shane asked formally, his tone betraying little emotion.

"Phillip isn't much of a dancer." Kimberly shrugged her shoulders. "But it was a productive event for him…"

Her voice trailed off.

They sat quietly as the water tapped lightly against the pool's edge. Its rhythmic waves sparkled in the moonlight. Looking carefully one could see the shadowy outline of the mountains in the distance. Her expressed disappointment carefully lured Shane back into her orbit as he stole intimate glances in Kim's direction. His mind rationalized ways to appropriately engage her without crossing the necessary boundaries their history placed upon them. Then their eyes met, and Kimberly smiled demurely at him. He placed his finger to his lips and remarked pensively.

"_Ah_, I bet there's an arrangement of Pachelbel or Bach in the CD stereo?"

A curious look graced Kim's face before grinning guiltily. Shane knew her so well. Setting her glass down and leaning forward with interest,

"I've been reading in bed lately, so no."

Kimberly's eyes betrayed a flirtatious flair as she shifted in the chair, her movement in the confines of her silky dress intermingled against the bluish haze of the moonlight, enticing the male imagination.

"What are you suggesting, Mr. Donovan?"

Shane gazed at her for a second before rising, purposefully strolling into the house.

"Wait here." He instructed leaving a perplexed Kimberly in the dark.

"_Shane?"_

Pressing the button, sounds of a classically trained orchestra flowed through the house and out towards the patio as Shane turned on his heel and extend his hands inviting her to join in.

"Come dance with me, Kimberly." He requested in a low voice that dripped with sultry affection.

Her lips parted slightly to protest, but the alluring appeal of Sinatra championing the dashing spy's cause beckoned Kimberly to accept the invitation. Shane inched closer to her, snapping his fingers to the beat of the quirky number. The move melted Kim's resolve. Who could reject Sinatra's silky voice cooing, _'All of me, why not take all of me?'_

Taking her hand, Shane assumed the lead as they elegantly fox trotted along the pool outside. Their feet delicately shuffled to the upbeat rhythm of the Big Band number. The light breeze flowing between them created an ethereal effect as though the two danced among the clouds above them that peppered the moonlit night.

Shane was the consummate dancing partner, creating a comforting environment irresistible to the lady. Submitting to his charm, a girlish laughter escaped Kimberly's lips, which only fueled Shane's desire to romance her. Feeling liberated, Kimberly tossed her head to the side kicking up her heels in response to the agility of her partner. Shane pulled her swiftly towards him in a tender embrace sliding his free hand up her back. The sensation of Shane's hands, the way his fingertips rested against her exposed back, energized Kimberly in a way that had become foreign to her. She felt dizzy.

What began as an innocent dance to quell the melancholy of the evening, quickly devolved into something more! When the percussions swelled, Kimberly sashayed alluringly around Shane's torso, their eyes never leaving the object of their fantasy. Their fingers united, kept the delicate thread of circuitry intact until Shane twisted Kimberly back into him.

"_Y o u r good-bye, left me with e y e s that c r i e d."_

Their body's in synch, the two coiled and uncoiled throughout the deceptively seductive melody.

"_H o w can I get a long with out y o u?"_

Swinging Kimberly around enticed Shane's hands to linger closer towards her silky posterior each time she landed into the crook of his right arm. The dance becoming more involved their steps sweeping them closer and closer to a fever pitch!

"_Y o u know you got the part that used to be my h e a r t._

_So why not… why not take a l l of m e e e…"_

Consumed by the climax of the song, Shane flicked his wrist impulsively dipping her- Kim slinking back into a full arch!

The combs in Kimberly's hair broke free as Shane's body thrust her forward and back into a passionate embrace. The rush of her blonde tresses cascaded across her bare shoulders. The exhilaration plastered all over Kimberly's inviting face produced an urge that Shane couldn't resist. Pressing her closer to his body, he slid his hand along her shoulder sweeping up the nape of her neck allowing his fingers to intermingle amidst her soft flowing hair.

"_She's committed to another!" _

The silent alarm ringing between the tortured spy's ears echoed around the two.

Simultaneously an achingly sorrowful wail of violins stole the moment for reconciliatory kisses. A hauntingly revealing melody ensued as the legendary crooner bellowed out the lyrics regarding a torrid love affair gone awry.

"_I ' m a f o o l to want you…"_

Shane jerked his hand away before crossing a line he knew they both would regret. Swiftly he transitioned into a makeshift waltz, but the way Kim's head fell back and to the side in proper fashion exposed a neck that begged him to lavish it with soft, hot kisses! Not ready to let go of Kim, yet Shane couldn't continue to gaze at the vision he held either. Passionately Shane pivoted Kimberly around, the movement sudden and forceful! Gasping, Kimberly fell longingly into his arms- their bodies properly positioned to the regretful rhythm of the music. Wrapped securely in his embrace, Shane cradled her close as they continued their requiem dance.

"_I ' m a f o o l to hold you…"_

The song proceeded to level indictments against them. Having skirted the perimeters of what was appropriate, the two avoided eye contact for the remainder of the song. Kimberly couldn't resist the hypnotic effect of the ballad despite the growing urge to flee. Shane's warm, moist breath against her neck lulled Kimberly into a dream like state as she rested her chin gently on his shoulder. Her nails clung against the fabric of the tuxedo jacket as they glided gracefully along the patio, her heart racing through each quarter turn, their legs weaving in and out from one another with each step, thrusting them forwards and back. Buried deep beneath the rubble of Kim's well-fashioned walls, a little spark ignited inside her heart. Feeling light-headed and alive, her body yearned for more!

The tormented singer struggled on with his tale of woe as Shane and Kim's smooth fluid movements dwindled into a slow steady rhythm mimicking their suffering. Feeling every curve of Kim's body pressed tightly against him, Shane closed his eyes burying his face into her hair. Inhaling deeply, he knew the time seeped away from them. Kimberly fell limp into Shane's arms.

As the orchestra hummed in anguish, the harp signaling the last minute of their time together, a desperate plea reverberated between them.

"_Take me back, I love you…" _

Kimberly abruptly pulled away.

It had been horribly naïve to think the two could play with fire without feeling its effects. Shane clasped both her hands together holding them towards his chest in an attempt to prevent Kim from leaving.

"_I know it's wrong. It must be wrong." _Their moderator lamented.

Their eyes locked into a sensual standstill. Kim's wide with anticipation, and Shane's burning with intensity!

Their lips temptingly close, their labored breaths mirrored the final notes played.

Suddenly the spell broke, Kimberly wrenching her hands out of loving captivity as she stepped to the side her eyes damp with emotion. They stood shoulder to shoulder in a tortured standstill. Kim swore when she escaped to LA, she'd never again! Not with anyone and especially not with him!

"_Kim?"_ He whispered in a hush. Shane leaned towards her, his fingers grazing the outline of her left shoulder.

Panicking, Kimberly sprinted towards the shelter inside, seeking safety from the storm. Defeated, Shane stood attentively watching her exit through the doorway, the swish of her dress skirt drawing the allusion that Kim was more apparition than being. But dreams didn't affect him the way she did in his arms. Discouraged, he ran his figures through his thick wavy black locks.

"_Damn!"_

Turning forlornly towards the pool, Shane's focus drifted into the crystal blue water reflected by the moonlight.


	13. Chapter 12: Deception

Chapter 12

**Deception**

_I have great faith in fools; _

_Self-confidence my friends call it._

_Edgar Allan Poe_

* * *

Each frantic step brought Kim closer to safety. As she rounded the corner, Kimberly slipped off her silver heels, clutching them protectively to her breast as she hurried up the stairs towards her bedroom. Not only did she fear waking the children but also stumbling upon Ms. Peach, whose knowing gaze would surely break Kim's fragmented resolve. Sinking into her room, Kim leaned against the door as it snapped shut. She was rendered breathless for a moment recalling the intensity of their passionate embrace, his warm moist breath lingering against her neck and the way his eyes stripped her bare. Kim swore Shane must have peered straight into her soul at that moment and cursed herself for allowing the dance to take place. Waves of defiance rippled through her body as her heart lamented the turmoil boiling over within her soul.

_It was too little too late for them. _Kimberly reasoned when she moved to LA the second time.

She resented the depths she sunk to in order to rescue Shane from their destruction. If only the repercussions of Cal's lies were to blame. As Kimberly pieced herself together through therapy, the events that led her into Lawrence's bed became disturbingly clear. What began as a case to avenge her brother-in-law's death, twisted into a sick emotional tug of war with the spy. The consequences sent Kimberly into a destructive path seeking validation from the charms of a sociopath. Adding insult to injury was listening over surveillance as the incarcerated rapist gloated over seducing her into doubting his original intentions. Humiliated once again by a man, Kimberly shamelessly threw herself at Shane's feet only to be rebuffed with more declarations of love for her sister. The scars from that sordid affair had barely begun to heal.

"_I still love you." Her words ever so poignant, the depth of them rendered Shane speechless._

_Shamefully He stood with nothing to offer._

"_That hasn't died." Kimberly continued futilely, the tears glistening in her melancholy blue-green eyes. As much as she wanted to hide the effect he had on her, the damage was transparent to both._

"_Um, that still hasn't…" Clearing her throat to resist breaking down in front of him. "At least not for me." __~Jan.21, 1992_

Kimberly vowed never to be that weak again, never exposing herself to that much rejection and play the fool in a love affair. Tonight she experienced a glimmer of what she desperately craved from Shane two years ago. The realization of Shane's simmering attraction to her conjured up a mixture of anger and fear. There was no fight in her now and the love they once shared paled in comparison to the depth of pain they had caused one another. Dropping her shoes to the floor, Kim stared mournfully at the ceiling.

"_I will not be played." _

Breathing slow deliberate breaths, Kimberly turned her head to the right gazing upon the picture of her and her fiancé taken on his yacht early in their courtship.

"_Phillip?"_

There they were smiling broadly into the camera with Phillip clad in white linen, his arm wrapped tightly around Kim's tiny waist. Though the sun was shining into their eyes, the arrogant look on Phillip's face conveyed the love for the trophy he possessed beside him. Kimberly radiated in the California sunlight, her teal green sundress complimenting her strawberry blonde highlights. Kim studied it for a moment but her memory failed to make a connection. The image fell as flat as his kiss earlier. Kimberly flipped the picture over looking down at the diamond on her left ring finger that twinkled in the deep bluish haze of darkness. The whole affair was completely backwards! She had turned the tables on them all, vowing never to allow herself under a man's thumb again. Instead of feeling vindicated, Kimberly felt cheated with one man leaving her breathless, as the other slowly suffocated her. Becoming dizzy by emotion and the tingling effects of alcohol and dancing, Kimberly slowly undressed and sought refuge in her bed.

* * *

**The next morning:**

Kim's eyes fluttered as light filtered into the windows of her cozy master bedroom. Her toes tingled from the effects of enigmatic dreams that teased Kim's psyche from the night before. Their content remained allusive to her memory. She stretched her arms high above her body to shake away the drowsiness, but her heart wouldn't cooperate. Oddly enough, Kim felt rested. Sitting straight up in bed, Kimberly clutched the sheet against her chest as she peered out the window beside her bed in an attempt to achieve some mental clarity. When the answers didn't come, Kimberly shrugged her shoulders with a faint smile. Slowly she pulled herself away from the escapism her bedroom provided, slipped on a long black silk robe. Its delicate lace trims around the collar and cuffs created a Victorian flare appropriate for the lady of the house. She fastened her disheveled tresses into a silver clip and ventured downstairs to satisfy her ravenous hunger.

Familiar voices wafted throughout the foyer from the opened French doors that led into the dining room.

"_Aaah_, Peachy thinks she has you cornered." Shane observed.

His old partner slyly moved the pawn into position to check Andrew's king. Their son mumbled something to his father. When she reached the last step, Kimberly found the four gathered around the dining room table engrossed in a game of chess. The little boy had his back to his mother as he attempted to outplay his Godmother, who sat across from him. Shane sat to Andrew's right with Jeannie perched on his left leg. Shane's arms wrapped protectively around the little girl as he used his dominate hand to instruct his son's next power play. Ever the professional, the spy wore a cobalt blue buttoned down dress shirt and black dress pants-an attire a bit too formal for an upcoming private plane ride with his partner. Jeannie appeared bored by the whole event leaning back into her father's shoulder half dozing through the game. The creak of the hardwood underneath Kim's slipper cued the spy to their audience.

Briefly their eyes glossed over one another, Kimberly nodding a pleasant "good morning" to all. Shane smiled warmly at Kim but remained seated keeping a cautious distance between them. Kimberly glided towards Andrew steering to his left beyond arm's length from the spy.

"Oh good…" Kim chirped casually placing her hand on Andrew's shoulder as the boy moved his King out of harms way. Intent on keeping the mood light, Kimberly kept the focus on Andrew.

"Honestly, this child has simply devoured that book for beginners," She admitted light-heartedly as her eyes glanced over Shane, then Peachy.

"I confess that I am not much of a challenge for him to practice his strategies."

"Momma's only beaten me once!" Andrew boasted.

Kimberly's eyes rested on the elder woman whose compassionate smile made it easy to navigate the morning pleasantries. Jeannie slid down her father's lap running towards her mother presenting her little plastic cup as a request for more juice. Peachy reclined back into the game of chess noting that Shane did not immediately follow towards the kitchen to steal another quiet moment with Kim before their upcoming departure. He kept his focus on Andrew subtly surveying Kim's countenance from afar. The quiet standstill that engulfed Shane and Kim had little effect on the cheerful and tranquil mood of their children.

"Bravo, my boy!" Peachy clapped her hands praising her godson's move. Andrew beamed with pride.

"See?" His father instructed as the next few moves unraveled the game fairly quickly. Shane lovingly squeezed his son's right shoulder as he ventured towards the kitchen for another cup of coffee. He stepped cautiously through the doorway as Kimberly gingerly picked at her breakfast plate that set on the bar. Mother and daughter were engaged in a sort of non-verbal play. Jeannie sat on the other side stealing a piece of bacon from her mother's plate. Kimberly crinkled her nose and giggled which in turn induced ripples of laughter from the little girl. The sound of Shane pouring his second cup interrupted the moment.

Kimberly motioned towards Jeannie.

"Mommy laid your clothes out on the bed. Go get dressed." She instructed with a lilt in her voice.

When Jeannie protested with a high-pitch whine, Shane narrowed his eyes silently scolding her disobedience. Wanting to please daddy, she batted her pretty blue-green eyes that accompanied an impish smile before sliding off the stool, scurrying down the hall towards the stairs. The amusing display dissipated the awkwardness that blanketed the two since their sensuous dance on the patio. But the mutual smiles and nods subsided giving way to shattered wishes from the previous evening. Kimberly tightened the silk sash around her robe to ensure proper modesty whirling around to pitter with the left over dishes from breakfast. Shane methodically sipped his coffee as he leaned against the counter across opposite Kim. He contemplated his next move-an admission, an apology? But the spy wasn't sorry for what transpired between them. Had Kim not been engaged Shane might have yielded to his desires on the spot! Yet he was painfully aware how his intentions looked to Kimberly. The green-eyed monster had masked the true issues that surrounded the fractured couple for many years now.

So he waited.

Attempting to engage in small talk, Kimberly turned to address Shane and found his eyes had never left her. Feeling her cheeks flush, she hastily inquired,

"Have you eaten?"

Kim fought to keep her demeanor casual and unaffected, but Shane's soft gentle gaze unraveled her resolve.

"Yes." He replied evenly.

"Oh… well then." She stammered shifting her focus to cleaning the counters as though the smooth sturdy granite protected Kim from a fall.

"Kim?"

She froze anticipating his next words. Squeezing her eyes shut,

"_Please, don't bring up last night." _Kim prayed as she feverishly scrubbed against the countertops.

"I wanted to ask you about Christmas." He offered instead, setting the mug down with a clink.

"Oh?"

Kimberly abandoned her chore and faced him. Immediately she knew what weighed on his heart. Without a thought to his own feelings, the man had given up his first Christmas with both of his children the previous year for Kimberly's sake. The spy's face dripped with hopeful anticipation. Kimberly smiled compassionately.

"Whatever you want, Shane is completely fine with me."

_How _co_uld she deny him?_

An ache pierced her heart at the thought of not seeing Andrew and Jeannie on Christmas morning. Kim tried unsuccessfully to keep her expression neutral, but her disappointment slipped through. Shane admired her brave stance placing his hand tenderly on her right shoulder.

"Actually I was thinking that all of you could spend Christmas at Donovan Manor so neither one of us would have to make a sacrifice." He corrected gently.

The doorbell chimed.

"And Phillip too, of course." He offered.

Kimberly had no time to respond. An interloper, one who was not pleased to stumble upon the two so intimately close to one another, interrupted their private conservation. From Phillip's vantage point stood Kimberly delicately underdressed in nothing more than an elegant long black silk robe trim in intricate lace around the collar and cuffs. Shane's hand rested affectionately on Kim's shoulder as if to steady or comfort her, Phillip couldn't decipher. Her blonde tresses tied loosely back; her mouth gaped open in anticipation of a kiss or ready to reply to an unknown declaration from her ex-husband. Fuming, he strode towards Kimberly to his left. Shane stepped two steps back clearing his throat.

"I should finish packing." He announced firmly but his eyes lingered over hers.

Touched by his tact in handling the elephant standing between them, Kimberly smiled faintly. The message unspoken but clearly received without seeking her fiancé's approval, Kimberly and the children were going back to London for the holidays. Shane exited around the bar and up the hall towards the front of the house.

Posturing, Phillip nodded turning his attention towards his fiancé.

"Morning, babe!" Phillip greeted her warmly as he slid his hand around her waist.

"How are you feeling?"

His voice was smooth with only a hint of condescension in reference to Kimberly's feigned malady from the night before. Phillip had no intention of betraying his true feelings around her. His fiancé leaned into him gazing into his sparkling blue eyes. Smiling appreciatively at Phillip, Kimberly reciprocated his inquiry with a soft kiss but its sweetness was lost on him. Phillip surveyed Kim's appearance letting his eyes search her every curve.

"A bit underdressed for company are we?"

Embarrassed, Kimberly clasped the collar of her robe tightly against her breast. Not being able to look him in the eye, Phillip interpreted the gesture as guilt.

"I'll run get dressed." She replied softly.

Kimberly hurried past him and dashed up the stairs as Phillip sauntered behind.

* * *

**Location: Kimberly's front study**

Phillip's translucent blue eyes glanced cunningly up the stairs to see the swish of black silk fabric disappear behind the corner. Standing in the doorway of the dining room, Phillip observed his rival placing items into his suitcase from across the foyer. Any pretense of civility when Kimberly wasn't present had vanished over the Thanksgiving weekend. Fully aware of the silent standoff, Shane meandered around for a few minutes letting the silence thicken before zipping the bag shut and circling around to address him.

"Phillip."

Shane inhaled deeply giving the man a broad smile that displayed the spy's trademark dimples. The interrogative stance unnerved Phillip briefly placing him on the defensive. Doubling down, the patronizing producer initiated the altercation.

"I never thanked you for looking after Kimmie last night." His voice was smooth and manipulative.

"You refer to her as though she were a child?" Shane observed pointedly tilting his head slightly to the side.

Phillip's eyes widen. It was clear his extended grace period had expired.

"Isn't that how _you_ categorized Kimberly once?" Phillip asked taunting Shane over an honest discussion pertaining to her in the past.

Shane sighed placing his hands into his pockets.

"You're really not that obtuse, are you?" He asked belittling him.

Phillip gritted his teeth.

"Hardly."

Composing himself,

"I was merely noting that spending time with your ex is not exactly what a bachelor would favor being among some of the most beautiful women in all of Hollywood."

"Oh, is that all?" Shane smiled brightly. "Then you mustn't concern yourself. I never consider it a burden to _spend the __**entire**__ evening_ in the company of such a…"

He paused soaking in the memory of Kimberly from the previous evening. Phillip's plastic smile dissipated resenting the way Shane was toying with him. The spy's cool and confident demeanor completely unglued the man.

"_Exquisite creature." _His British accent was thicker than usual and more than hinted to a double meaning.

"Yes, yes, she is!" Phillip interjected hastily. The exchange peppered with double entendres, he had the distinct impression Kimberly's ex-husband was mocking their current platonic living arrangements.

"And you're saying Ms. Lane doesn't measure up?" The producer protested as though Shane's rejection of the starlet was a personal insult to his preferences.

Phillip's offense amused the spy.

"Yes, but why do you care?" Shane replied matter-of-factly. "As you stated, you _have_ Kimberly now."

He reveled in throwing the producer off his game before adding,

"I'm sure Ms. Lane will manage. The woman doesn't strike me as having the kind of discriminate tastes that you see in Kimberly. I highly doubt the she spends many a night alone."

A guilty wave of erotic pleasure graced Phillip's face before feeling the sting of Shane's insinuation. Shane's stance stiffened.

"I see." Damning Phillip with his blunder.

Breaking eye contact, Phillip paced the room.

"Oh spare me the righteous outrage, Shane! We all know you aren't a boy scout!" He spat while trying to bully his way out of this mess.

Shane stood, his jaw set waiting for the prick to give him more rope to hang him with. Phillip scanned the bookshelf to his right letting his eyes meander around various books and trinkets.

"_How in the hell did I get dragged down this rabbit hole?"_ He wondered.

Shane's eyes bore into him as Collier picked up a pewter-framed picture of Kimberly with the children around the garden at Donovan Manor. Phillip seethed with contempt at his rival and desperately wanted to end the conversation.

"Donovan, I think it would be better if we drop the matter entirely." He suggested flippantly.

"Really?"

Both men glanced at the portrait of two beautiful children wrapped inside the loving arms of their mother. Phillip slowly pivoted to his left and addressed Shane. He had nothing left to lose.

"Yes, given Kimmie's _fragile_ condition, I don't think you want to be responsible for another break-down?" He warned suggestively.

In one fell swoop; Shane slammed Phillip back against the bookcase, the picture falling to the hardwood floor shattering the glass within the frame. Books and various antics rattled against the shelf.

"Laddie, what's…"

Peachy hurried into the study after hearing the commotion from living room. Seeing Shane holding Collier by the neck, she cast him a disapproving look. But immediately turned on her heel and ventured towards another part of the home where the children resided so Shane could wrap things up in private.

Pinning him against the encasing with his right arm against Phillip's neck,

"I suggest you leave Kimberly's welfare out of the equation or it's going to get rather ugly pretty quickly…"

"Oh, so what are you going to tell her?" A haughty laugh seeped through Phillip's lips as he grinned sadistically. He had never confessed to anything and Shane had no evidence of wrongdoing.

"Well Captain, go ahead!" He hissed. "Given your recent track record, I'm sure it won't sound nearly as bitter and pathetic as you imagine."

"You, bastard!"

In his fury, Shane squeezed tighter against Phillip's throat, the vein throbbing beneath his forehead.

"You know, Shane," Phillip choked out the words. "The jealous ex-husband is a role that suits you."

Confident in his jab, Phillip decided to twist the knife deeper,

"I'm sure you have loads of credibility with Kimmie after fuc…"

A sharp penetrating pain to the groin sent Phillip straight to the floor. Straightening his shirt, Shane stepped over to Kim's desk where his firearm lay in its protective holster. Phillip sputtered and coughed trying to regain his composure. Under his watchful eye, Shane checked the weapon and placed the Ruger into his pocket. Eying the producer shrewdly, the threat was crystal clear.

At that moment, Kimberly descended the staircase. Shane quickly reached for Phillip's hand to help him off the floor.

"What happened here?" Kimberly exclaimed, shocked at scene.

Phillip embraced the opportunity and clasped Kimberly's hand. Dazzling her with his twinkling blue eyes and a winning smile that soothed Kim's anxious heart, he moaned,

"Your fiancé wasn't watching what he was doing."

Phillip motioned towards the leather ottoman that was pushed against the bookshelf.

Finding the explanation dubious, Kimberly surveyed Shane's face for clues. He gave no hint of malcontent. Phillip was fervently sticking to his story, so Kimberly focused on helping him into standing position.

"I'm terribly sorry, Babe." Phillip apologized. "I'll repair the frame."

Kimberly waved off the suggestion and giggled,

"Well, Gene Kelly! I think your toe tapping days are sidelined for awhile."

Phillip playfully stuck his tongue out, relishing the thought that their banter irritated Shane beyond measure. Kimberly's eyes shifted nervously between the two as she held onto Phillip.

Magnanimously Phillip offered his hand to Shane his mind plotting.

_She may possess his heart, but I possess her._

And then, grinning mischievously,

"As I was saying before my clumsiness, it's been a pleasure to have you and Ms. Peach for our country's Thanksgiving celebration."

Shane returned the gesture smiling politely. Phillip winced in pain.

"Oh the pleasure was all mine."

* * *

**Location: Phillip's Malibu Estate**

"Well, I see locking the door does little to curtail the riff raff."

Phillip noted acidly as he entered his office and with a slight limp walked over to the bureau to his left to fix a dirty martini. His business partner sat lazily on the grey plush sofa partaking in vodka and caviar. Brushing off his hands, Stewart quizzed,

"I infer by your jolly demeanor that things didn't go well at Kimberly's?"

Phillip whirled around and stared at the ocean view as he stabbed the olive floating in alcohol. Popping a few pain pills and chasing them down with the martini,

"Her ex-husband's probing nature is going to be a problem." Phillip mused discouragingly.

"Didn't take the bait, eh?"

"No, and worse he knows I set it up, AND of the affair." The producer groused.

Stewart raised his brow skeptically.

"Donovan didn't say specifically, but trust me the man knows!" Phillip snapped resenting the subtle implication that the producer was overreacting. Stewart's facial expression contorted into an ugly shade of contempt at his client's handling of Donovan.

"Let your ego get in the way of business again, did we?" Stewart grimaced.

He took a sloppy sip of his vodka and pondered the problem for a moment. Gulping loudly,

"You now realize that we have a trained intelligence man encouraged to go snooping around into our affairs." Stewart lamented. As the full scope of his client's folly came into focus,

"Shit! You just _HAD_ to hook up with a woman whose whole damn family is involved in law enforcement to one degree or another!"

Clumsily he slammed the glass onto the translucent table.

"She's a cute little number but honestly, you'd have been better off if she'd have served time for murder."

Phillip's eyes scrutinized the move looking for a scratch. Casting him a disapproving look.

"That's a bit callous even for you, Stu."

Admittedly Phillip was beginning to feel the same as resentment simmered within. The relationship began so easily when the petite blonde graced his movie set at the beach and enchanted everyone there with her ability to coax an anxiety-ridden child into the performance of his life. Critics finally took notice of Collier's ability to produce more Oscar worthy projects that possessed mass appeal to the movie going audience. Phillip finally had everything he wanted: money, fame, respect from his peers, and a gorgeous woman on his arm who had two of the most adorable children Phillip had ever seen! Life was good. His mind drifted to a simpler time…

_Late May 1992_

"_You put the lime in the coconut…" Phillip half sang in a low baritone voice as he chuckled over his own humor. He sliced the chicken breasts in preparation of a Jamaican-inspire meal he planned for his new girlfriend of the past two months. Taking a sip of his brandy as he cooked, Phillip's thoughts traveled over the time he'd spent with Kimberly Brady, showing the reluctant woman the roads less traveled on his motorcycle and treating her to lavish meals and dancing at LA's most exclusive clubs. Kimberly's sister had recently moved back to LA and had the children for the evening so they could spend the time alone. Kimberly arrived wearing a tempting little red dress that toyed with his active imagination. So tonight, he planned to discover every inch of her after the two enjoyed a nice sunset on the patio. _

"_Kim!" He called, realizing she had been gone a bit too long. Phillip had sent her into his office to retrieve a lime from the bar refrigerator. _

"_Did you find it?" _

_Silence._

_When he looked up, Phillip saw her standing in the doorway behind him. Raising her hand, revealing a lusciously green lime in it,_

"_Here." She replied with a furtive smile._

_Phillip gazed at his girlfriend for a moment. Sexy as hell, there was a child-like quality to Kimberly dressed in red sling back heals that accentuated the body hugging sheath dress leaning demurely against the doorframe of the hallway leading back to his study. Phillip framed his hands in a square-like shape of a lens to a camera._

"_Picture perfect!" He winked flirtatiously. _

_Kim flinched._

_The movie producer was oblivious to the fragile expression painted on Kim's face her hand slightly shaking as he reached for the citrus. Taking her other hand, Phillip led her to a bar stool across where he cooked and commenced into an evening of storytelling and free pouring libations! _

He had overplayed his hand with the wine as Kimberly drifted to sleep before Phillip could coax her into his bed that night. That delicious treat came later. The memory reminded Phillip how long it took him to loosen up the timid blonde, but once he did...

A satisfied smile slithered across his lips.

"Don't underestimate this man's drive to be with her." Stewart was saying.

Phillip sipped his martini trying to ignore his observations. Between her frequent sessions with Dr. Allison and the growing influence that Donovan was having in Kim's life, he worried whether the lady could remain under his thumb.

* * *

**Location: ISA Jet, somewhere over the Atlantic**

The last image etched on Shane's heart and mind was Collier smiling deviously as he held Kimberly snuggly beside him. After a long drawn out good-bye between the children, they stood together on Kim's front porch. Andrew and Jeannie ran into the yard as Shane backed out of the drive, and drove down the street. His only consolation: casting a glance in the rear view mirror to see Phillip nearly double over as he tried to limp inside the house when the producer thought Shane was out of sight.

"_That ought to keep you honest for awhile."_ Shane smugly mused.

The car ride to the airspace was contentious, at least on Shane's part as he honked and muttered under his breath at the insane traffic on the California freeway. Peachy remained silent only offering a stern glance from time to time, but was sympathetic to the turmoil that churned inside him. On the plane, Peachy was grateful for both the confined space and the lack of fine china available in the compartment. She didn't have the energy to clean up tiny pieces of porcelain that usually laid victim to Shane's fiery wrath. As the atmosphere grew dark, a small table lamp illuminated the cabin. Dinner completed, Peachy strolled over to the wet bar and fixed them an after dinner brandy. Tapping the glass against his knee,

"Out with it ole' boy." She prodded with a gentle wink.

Shane met her steady gaze, dismissing the files to his side. Taking the brandy, he took a sip as Peachy reclined comfortably on the couch opposite from him. They still had many hours to kill on this plane ride.

"I want you to research Collier's business associate, Stewart Perkins." He began pensively.

Peachy set her drink down and grabbed a legal pad.

"He's a slippery fellow in my book."

Shane's eyes narrowed.

"Yes, and completely out of place in that crowd."

Escorting Kimberly to Collier's fundraiser proved very insightful after their icy confrontation in Phillip's study. The following evening, Shane studied each person in the room. The women tan, coifed, made up, with more than a few injected with plenty of plastic to accentuate designer gowns and the men also tanned, buffed and tailored in the best Armani available. The actors and executives were indistinguishable, all except Stewart, whose slipshod appearance was offensive against the carefully crafted crowd. Shane noted his conversation was vague and when pressed, cleverly maneuver the conversation elsewhere.

"I don't believe Stu is on Phillip's payroll…" Shane offered. "I think both are on someone else's."

"Entertainment is a nice cover for organized crime." Peachy observed absent-mindedly.

Shane tilted his head intrigued her statement but the wail of the phone interrupted the conversation.

"Donovan!" Shane barked into the receiver.

Peachy waited patiently while he discussed business. When Shane hung up, she leaned back into her seat and folded her arms.

"Well, do we need to shift gears with this project in Italy?"

Shane was taken aback at his partner's suggestion.

"I'm fully capable of focusing on two cases." He assured her, but Peachy's tired old eyes betrayed her skepticism.

"Is that how you view this issue with Collier?" She implored noticing how Shane avoided the topic of what exactly occurred in Kim's study.

Peachy had observed Shane's lack of countenance throughout most of the Thanksgiving weekend. Whatever means he used to crack into Kim's heart was most definitely rebuffed by her defense mechanisms. Reading her line of thought by the hesitant expression painted on Peachy's face, Shane's head dropped forward. Running his free hand through his thick black wavy hair, he stared at the blue specks interwoven into the grey carpet beneath his black Italian loafers. Shane's mind traveled to a far away place.

"_I'm just going to miss you all that's all." He bit his lip._

"_The kids…you." _

_He shifted his stance glancing down at the floor and then to the broken soul standing before him. _

"_My objections are purely selfish and entirely personal." __~Shane to Kim Jan. 21, 1992_

It was the moment of truth, but Shane's pride wouldn't let him confess. To do so would reveal his folly and as he had told Kim once,

"_Confessions of the soul have always been difficult for me to deal with." __~1985_

The dirty little secret was that despite his proclamations towards Kayla, Shane knew their relationship had an expiration date the moment Kimberly showed up in Salem. The harder Kim fought, the more Shane resisted. Unwittingly Kimberly called their bluff by "giving" the two exactly what they clamored for in the past few months. She had turned the tables on the whole twisted affair!

And Shane was dumbstruck!

Recalling that painful good-bye in Kim's hotel room, he envied her strength to walk away from the storm. At the moment Kimberly exposed her soul to him,

"_I still love you."_

In his own eyes, Shane became a coward. Shane's desires weren't enough to escape the mire he had sunken into and Kayla made it easier to accept his foolishness.

Several minutes of silence passed as Shane wrestled with the past. Peachy patiently waited for an answer. Lifting his weary head and addressing her skepticism over his ability to conduct his job and deal with issues pertaining to Collier without repeating past mistakes,

"Do I have a choice in the matter?" He postulated somberly.

Taking another gulp of his beverage, Shane pushed away the self-indulgence of pity. There was a fine line between introspecting and wallowing; he had no respect for the latter. Resigned to his fate, Shane answered his own question.

"The truth is: if I entertain my thoughts elsewhere, I fear I'll slip into madness."

Leaning back against the couch, Shane propped his arm and let his chin rest inside his fist. Staring into the blackness, he let his mind fly through the steady stream of grey hazy clouds passing by his window. Instantly, Shane was transported back to the Kim's patio. Her soft silky hair tickled his right cheek. His body pressed against hers, Shane felt the elevated rhythm of her heart. Pulled into the hum of the aircraft emanating from the other side of the glass, Sinatra's husky voice echoed between his ears. Shane could see her face clearly now. Just an inch closer and his lips would have grazed hers!

His voice haggard with emotion, the armchair philosopher confessed:

"I love her."

An abrupt shift in the craft shattered the memory. Shane exhaled deeply remembering the pained expression on Kim's face.

"It really doesn't matter if she feels the depth of my forgiveness towards her, I don't believe she could ever feel that my love for her is deeper than the pain I have caused?"


	14. Chapter 13: Walk Away

**Chapter 13**

**Walk Away**

"_I just don't understand why he's doing this?" Kayla lamented._

"_I try. I really do, but he just won't talk to me."_

_Fighting to salvage the relationship, Kayla pleaded,_

"_What am I supposed to do?"_

_Kimberly eyed her sister firmly. _

_Though a difficult pill to swallow, her sister needed to hear the truth._

_"Kayla, he's going to have to deal with his own pain _

_And until he does, _

_He does not __**know**__ how to care about you." _

_"What if he never has the courage to deal with it?" Kayla implored_

_Turning her back to her sister fresh tears appearing in her eyes._

_Kimberly's voice was filled with compassion. _

_"...Then you have to have the courage to let go."_

_~ Kim to Kayla, March 1987_

* * *

**Location: LA**

The contentious exchange between Shane and Phillip replayed itself through Phillip's mind like a revolving loop of film as the doctor spelled out his condition and recommended the course of treatment.

The physician eyed him suspiciously.

"Mr. Collier, what you have is a partially torn groin muscle."

The ugly purple bruising and inflammation didn't mesh with his patient's explanation of a soccer injury? He had seen enough paparazzi patients, who had experienced nasty run-ins with paid bodyguards, to recognize when a patient had been beaten up. The aging man suggested in a gruff professional tone,

"You should temper your activities for the next month or so if you are going to avoid surgery."

Handing Collier a cane,

"And investigate better conflict resolution options for the future."

Phillip grimaced at the advice.

The memory of being doubled over on his knees gazing helplessly up at Donovan's sinister smile as the man inspected his weapon, berated his psyche. Phillip resented the effect Donovan had on his fiancé and the lack of respect the spy had for the producer's own circle of influence. Winning Kimberly's love took on a whole new meaning for the producer who decided to use the humiliating moment to his advantage while explaining a way out of his missteps with her. Smiling slyly and twirling the cane in his left hand as he limped out of the office, Phillip whistled realizing the brilliance of his next move!

* * *

**Location: Kim's home, a week later**

The smell of gingerbread and cinnamon permeated Kimberly's home after an experimentation by the children to make their future stepfather cookies for his upcoming trip to Berlin. Kim marveled over the difference a week made in the nature of their relationship. Since returning from London last summer, she increasingly became disenchanted with playing the role of the _stranger_ in their Hollywood affair. The trappings of idyllic weekends boating, glamorous parties, and controlled interactions rang hollow within the walls of Kim's heart. Fearful of another personal failure, she struggled to nurture a deeper bond with a man. But Phillip saw no problem or need when he had received everything he wanted from the arrangement before Kim's illness.

However, the day after Shane's departure, Phillip returned from the doctor armed with a confession that shocked Kimberly and caused her to reevaluate her feelings. The best lies were always laced with a kernel of truth.

_A week earlier:_

_Phillip rang Kimberly's doorbell holding a white Poinsetta._

"_Something festive to decorate your home?" He offered sheepishly when Kimberly answered._

"_Oh Phillip, that's sweet, but you didn't have to?"_

_Phillip set the plant on her banquet table, which accented the holly and natural cedar garland draped across it. Leaning into the cane for support, he gently touched her chin._

"_Yes, I did." Phillip confessed. "I owe you an explanation…" _

_Pausing for effect._

"_And perhaps an apology?" He asserted gauging her expression carefully._

_Perplexed, Kimberly smiled tenderly sliding her arm around his arm and escorted him in._

"_What did the doctor say?" _

_Phillip treaded carefully and sighed,_

"_Well, I have sidelined myself for awhile."_

_And he relayed the information the orthopedist had given._

_Kimberly wrinkled her nose at Phillip as she helped him to the couch. _

"_That'll teach you to experiment with acrobatics in my study." She quipped. _

_Only Phillip didn't laugh, but smiled faintly._

"_You know I didn't trip over your ottoman." _

_Kimberly was stunned by his admission. She knew the explanation was flimsy, but never dreamed either man would reveal what transpired. Kimberly nodded her head slowly. Phillip ventured on, gently taking Kim's hand to stroke it._

"_Kimm…berly?" He quickly corrected. _

_Artfully the experienced producer recreated the events, careful to leave out pertinent details._

"_I'm afraid I have a jealous streak when it pertains to you." Phillip admitted ruefully. His cunning blue eyes met hers, as Collier distorted the altercation with Donovan to his advantage. Baffled, and completely transfixed on his face, Kimberly listened attentively as Phillip related how the conversation turned ugly, placing the blame on himself for misinterpreting Donovan's intentions, yet carefully placing the burden on Kimberly to distant herself from her ex. The well-spun tale drawing to a close, Kimberly swallowed hard._

"_We've always been close friends?" She acknowledged._

"_Friends?" His tone was accusatory._

_She had trouble keeping eye contact searching for a way to ease his anxiety._

"_The children…" _

_Playing to Kimberly's quiet guilt over the failure of her marriage, Phillip softened his approach._

"_Yes, I know the children don't need to see their parents at odds. Remember, I am the product of divorce and…"_

_He paused to punctuate the mood._

"_I wouldn't wish it on any child, but…" He looked down at their hands intertwined. Cleverly his eyes swept up to meet hers._

"_I see the way he looks at you…"_

_Kim's breath caught in her throat._

_Phillip let the glaringly obvious implication blanket over them for a moment. Twisting the knife further, _

"_Babe, I know it's completely irrational but with our…" His voice cracked and he looked away._

"…_Issues." _

_The implication of his statement produced the desired effect. _

_Instantly Kimberly felt_ _riddled with guilt at the idea that own her behavior was the cause of the misery she felt in her relationship with Phillip. Had she been sabotaging this relationship too? The admission hit her hard tempting Kim to rethink how the fractured family should spend Christmas. _

"_Perhaps, we should spend Christmas…" _

"_Shhh, shhh, I wouldn't hear of it." Phillip interrupted, his tone patronizing._

_Phillip despised the thought of playing guest at Donovan's childhood estate. However the arrangement also created the ultimate opportunity to checkmate the opposition. What better way to flaunt his victory than creating his own amorous memories tarnishing Donovan's sanctuary? _

_Rebuffing the offer, _

"_Babe, that wouldn't be fair to the children…"_ _He proclaimed nobly._

So in the week since, Kimberly responded to the _'heartfelt'_ conversation by focusing her attention on Phillip by nursing his injury and his _supposedly_ wounded heart. Out of respect to her fiancé, the daily phone conversations with Shane dwindled to a few brief exchanges before putting the children on the line. Retaining an emotional distance, Kim let Andrew end the call each time.

Now propped up on the soft, cozy, taupe colored couch, Phillip read to the two children. He created different voices for each character as Kimberly gazed adoringly at the scene. Andrew and Jeannie giggled at each elaboration, oblivious to their roles in the real life theatre transpiring before them.

Later that evening, Kimberly walked Phillip to the door carrying the cookies they prepared for his trip. A light breeze sent chills along Phillip's exposed arms.

"_Oooh,_ it's chilly this evening." He remarked lightly. His eyes twinkled against the moonlit sky as he gazed appreciatively at his fiancé.

"You better toughen up, Collier. Berlin is much colder this time of year." She teased.

Phillip pulled her against towards him rubbing his hands along Kim's body to generate some heat.

"Then you'll have to warm me up when we meet in London." He replied in a husky voice.

Her eyes widen.

"Call me when you arrive?" Kimberly suggested abruptly.

Phillip smiled broadly.

"Is that a hint of melancholy in my lover's voice?"

Kimberly flinched slightly at the term, but responded with an affirmative nod. Phillip took advantage of the opportunity he enticed his fiancé for a kiss. Acquiescing, Kimberly parted her lips as she slid into the routine. Returning his advances, she was determined to feel something, but the desires remained hidden. Kimberly slipped out of his embrace turning her head demurely away from him. Affected by Kim's technique, Phillip mistook her withdrawal as coquettish behavior.

"We'll have to continue this interlude after Berlin." He murmured seductively into her ear.

Kimberly smiled nervously as he kissed her cheek goodnight. With no plans to waste a perfectly good moment, Phillip slid into his black Massarati, tossed the homemade cookies into the backseat, and ventured off to satisfy his need…

Kimberly stood alone in her driveway, peering at the sky peppered with twinkling stars. Something was still amiss.

Recounting her recent sessions with Dr. Allison,

"_Reevaluating your relationship with Phillip is quite normal, Kimberly." She stressed._

_Her therapist had a way of commanding her patient's attention. Gesturing the importance of her next statement with her hands, Dr. Allison continued,_

"_But don't discount your intuition. Your body is merely responding to something your mind won't allow your heart to know yet."_

"_And what's that?" Kimberly inquired frantically._

_Dr. Allison smiled compassionately at her patient._

"_Aah, that is an answer only you can give."_

_Kimberly's disappointed expression encouraged the doctor to elaborate if only a little._

"_Kim, you have amazing survival instincts. You need to trust them and I'm positive that when you feel safe, those answers will reveal themselves."_

A light breeze blew against Kim's face as she pondered those words. As the temperature continued its steady plummet into the low 50's, her thin blue silk shirt provided little protection against the bite of the breeze. The crispness of the night air sent shivers down her spine. Kim was drawn to the sensation-a bold rush producing a quivering coursing through her body before the intensity produced a numbing effect that mirrored her personal predicament. It comforted her that she could safely feel _something_. But it wasn't what she craved. As she gazed forlornly at the various Christmas displays creating fairytale elegance along the neighborhood, a little voice deep inside her soul whispered, "_Walk away_."

* * *

**Location: Café' Along the Thames River**

The blustery wind accompanied a biting rain zapping away the warmth of woolen trenches provided. The bridges and shops along the Thames River were adorned with Christmas lights but the harsh cold prevented huddled pedestrians from viewing the marvel, seeking the shelter and warmth of the nearest restaurants. Inside one old establishment, two spies conversed over lunch.

"Sign here." Peachy gestured with a quick nod as she took a bite of the Cornish lamb.

"How's the knee, Laddie?"

Shane shrugged his shoulders as he enjoyed his Reuben.

"A bit of an ache, but otherwise fine."

"You say that now, but just wait until you're old like me." She tilted her head towards Shane's physique.

"Ah, you're still quite spry…and dare I say appealing to the gentlemen suitors?" Shane interrupted turning on the charm.

Peachy narrowed her blue-grey eyes at him.

"This old bird is not some giggly schoolgirl, you know?"

She wiped her hands on her napkin, inhaled deeply and inquired,

"What do you want?"

Shane's face contorted in the most amusing fashion, displaying his trademark dimples.

"If _I do recall_, you have a very close acquaintance within the halls of the Senate?" He implied suggestively.

Looking like the cat that ate the canary, the elder spy attempted to deflect the implication.

"He may not be all that useful to us since the recent Italian referendums."

"I'm sure you'll find out for me." He winked.

Peachy wagged her finger at Shane, not forgetting the original topic at hand.

"All those bumps and bruises come back to bite you in retirement." His partner mused dryly.

A boisterous laughter escaped Shane's lips but dissipated rather quickly as the depth of the meaning became abundantly clear. Peachy was a woman who held many secrets; secrets that birthed the sage advice given to the younger spy that he failed to heed at times to his own detriment. Shane cleared his throat indicating he was ready to conduct official business.

The expression Peachy wore on her face indicated that her time in Geneva had not been pleasant. Tarrington was still cleaning up the mess his most prized intelligence officer made during his recent visit. Their boss railed over Shane's destruction of a year's worth of evidence that filled the trunk of the black Mercedes he drove into the Rhone River barely a month earlier. Shane leaned back in the corner booth wiping his hands on a napkin. Taking a quick scan around the room, he elaborated in a low voice,

"I suspect we are dealing with something a lot bigger than your average gun running operation here."

Peachy's brow lifted with interest.

"I needed a way to gain their trust…" He continued.

"Create a reputation with a few unrelated jobs, then indebt them to you by hijacking their operation…thus forcing them to seek your services." Peach surmised with a knowing nod.

Shane grinned impishly.

"Exactly."

He raised his glass to Peachy,

"And just the kind of thing that lends credence to my cover."

"Between your little stunt in Switzerland and your _agenda_ in Italy, I am positive that you already have tongues wagging." Peachy smirked.

Shane brushed off her sarcasm by downing the last bit of his tea. The cup made a flippant clank against the saucer as their waitress approached. Smiling flirtatiously at the spy,

"May I _offer_ you or your mum anything else?" She inquired, the inflection of her voice reflecting a thick Cockney dialect.

Peachy narrowed her eyes in amusement as Shane politely waved her off.

"Just the check, please."

Then turning his attention to Peachy who folded her arms across her chest and rested them on the table.

"Speaking of interests, Laddie."

Shane leaned closer.

"I checked out that person of interest for you." She remarked gravely.

"_And?"_

"This Perkins fellow… he has three different Social Security numbers- the first originates from New York."

Shane's eyes floated above them and gazed out window at rain droplets beginning to transform into frozen fog due to the barely above freezing temperatures. As Shane pondered the intel, Peachy revealed,

"And an interesting note about Collier's assets."

Shane abruptly turned his attention back to his partner, eyeing her intently.

"His name is not on any of the deeds to his three homes or the condo in New York."

Peachy leaned back pleased with herself.

Shane chuckled quietly to himself but then narrowed his brow.

"So much for being a 'self-made' man." He chortled sarcastically. "Whose on the deeds?"

"Various names, but none of them flagged at first inspection." Peachy replied cryptically. "I'll do some more digging."

The two stood, wrapping themselves with their coats, scarves, and gloves. Shane leaned into Peachy giving her an affectionate squeeze as they stepped out into the cold and raw weather.

"Thanks, Peach. I'll phone once the plane lands."

"You're not returning home?"

Peachy hadn't expected another departure.

Shane hesitated.

Since leaving LA, he and Kimberly had spoken very little over the phone. When they had, her reserved manner only heightened Shane's curiosity to Kim's thoughts, feelings and what possibly occurred between her and Phillip after his departure? The possibilities endless, his analytical mind ran in overdrive! Shane had over two weeks to kill before they arrived for the holidays and if he loitered around Donovan Manor, the spy knew he would sink lower into the emotional abyss. Work provided a familiar, albeit fleeting haven for his weary soul. Peachy was keenly aware of the tactic and disappointed that her protégé was being so short-sided. Her icy silence pierced through the layers of wool. Shane stared straight ahead as they walked along the Thames. Heaving a labored sigh,

"Peach, it's all I have at the moment."

Reaching their destination, Peachy turned to face him.

"Rubbish!" She retorted wrapping her arms around herself for added warmth. "But I'll play along."

Peachy glanced out at the rough waters of the Thames.

"So tell me, Laddie: have you given any thought about what you would do if …"

Pausing for effect.

"…When this job isn't what drives you?"

She tightened her grey plaid scarf closer around her face to filter out the bite of the breeze.

"Could you walk away from this?"

The wind blew harshly against their faces, chilling them to the bone. The next question remained unspoken between them, but its bone crushing effects whipped against the spy's reddened cheeks.

"_Will you?"_

Shane glanced over her shoulder gazing out across the choppy, foamy waters of the river. Memories of Kim's desperate pleas echoed between his ears.

"_It must be some assignment…I mean it hasn't even started yet, and already the anxiety level in this room is just going through the roof?" She observed apprehensively. Seeking reassurance for the ominous feel of the case,_

"_Is it as dangerous as I think it is?"_

"_Oh, Kim…" He started to console her, but Kim cut him off._

"_No, don't tell me. I understand. You'll tell me if you want me to know…" ~1989_

The beleaguered spy patted the elder's shoulder in defeat.

"Peach, once I accepted the Jericho case, I'm afraid I set the wheels in motion that sealed my fate for the worse."

She eyed him compassionately but Shane's tone didn't permit further discussion.

Bidding his old trusted confidante, _'adieu,' _he turned on his heel, hailed a cab, and headed towards Heathrow bound for a friendlier climate. As the rain/snow mix bore down upon London, and ambulance sirens pierced through the protective shell of the cab, Shane's thoughts drifted back to the past.

He could see her clearly…

"_Standing before him with her lavender blouse still unfastened exposing a hint of the delicate curvature of her cleavage. Kim's hair was slightly disheveled from his hands that had mingled between her thick curls as her hands and lips coaxed him to the floor. Now she bit her lip in pent up sexual frustration. Shane thought himself a bloody fool for resisting Kim's seduction._

Why hadn't he succumbed to her naughty little game?

"_Shane?" _

_Kimberly stood in the doorway of his study, hesitant to leave._

Her fears were quite prophetic as he recalled the moment in hindsight.

"_Honey, I'm frightened."_

"_Shh, oh sweetheart..." He soothed longing to ease her fears._

"_I know it's your job." She interrupted. "I know you have your work. I know you disappear days on end, or are in the communications room, and all that. But what I never get used to is the danger."_

_Her voice cracked with emotion._

_His compassionate and attentive eyes encouraged her to continue._

"_You know whenever you start an assignment like this; it's like something winds up so tight within you, you pull so far away from me that I can't reach you. And it scares me." She confessed in anguish._

"_That's when it's the most dangerous, isn't it?"~1989_

"Partly." He mused answering her question retrospectively as Shane traced the patterns of ice forming on the windowpane of the cab. The car pulled towards the curb. Shane leaned forward tipping the man generously.

"_A case is most dangerous when it leaves the one most vulnerable, the one you love the most…exposed."_

It was something Shane could never verbalize. Once he regained his memory, the weight of what transpired hit his psyche full force. Flashes of surveillance tape streamed through Shane's memory when he was being held by Jericho. The slight of hand had been brilliant: keep his focus on Alfred's business as his old friend lay the groundwork to take Shane down by placing the Trojan War inside his home. Being on Jericho's payroll, Winters' was a trained operative whose sole mission had been to seduce his wife as a means to break Donovan. Shane's walls were fortified for a reason, yet it didn't protect him from the pain of exposing his family to the wolves. Refusing to address the glaring Achilles heal his enemies possessed, Shane wrapped himself deeper into emotional isolation- a technique that ultimately produced the desired outcomes his enemies originally intended. The resilient spy slammed the cab door throwing his carrying on bag across his right shoulder, shifting his focus to the task at hand.

* * *

**Location: LA, mid-December, **

**Curtis Charity Christmas Party**

A sigh of happy relief enveloped Kimberly's friends when Phillip departed for his business trip to Berlin. His absence freed Kimberly. She volunteered for Andrew's class party and helped Liz coordinate a Christmas Benefit at their Malibu Estate. The holiday season also fostered an opportunity for the sisters to take some small steps towards healing. Whether it was decorating Kayla's tree, or Christmas shopping with Amanda, most of the time their interactions were pleasant and provided some relief from old wounds.

"You have to admit, Phillip is hitting all the right notes, lately." Dr. Strickland remarked dryly. Dressed in a black tuxedo, he stood beside his wife and their gracious hosts. Amanda aimed her gorgeous green eyes, which burned intensely against the emerald colored silk gown she wore, sharply at her husband.

"Amazing how a knee to the groin changes a man." She cooed.

"Relax dear." He cajoled, thriving on her fiery spirit when pursuing the injustice of mismatched couples.

"I haven't crossed over to the dark side…yet."

A few low chuckles rippled throughout the friendly group. None believed the first story nor Phillip's revised version ripe with contrition.

Neil interjected wisely.

"Knowing our friend's trademark stubbornness, the quickest way for her to exit his life would be if Phillip began dictating how she should live hers."

"He does that already." Kayla scoffed.

Dressed in a sequenced strapless red dress, Kayla's mood was already sour having endured several light-hearted references to being _"the lady in red" _of the evening. The holidays were difficult enough without having to be reminded of her late husband. After this night, the lonely nurse swore she'd never wear red again!

Addressing Kayla's observation, LA's well-respected therapist replied:

"True, but Phillip's crafty. He doesn't issue ultimatums and makes it easy for her to retain status quo for the moment."

Peter's tone was measured as he contemplated their friend's emotional state. His deep hazel eyes scanned the room.

"Though, I sense a restlessness in her of late."

"Speaking of restlessness," Liz interrupted the discussion. "If you conspirators will excuse me, I think our patrons are getting impatient for some entertainment." She gestured with a wink.

"How about a rendition of _'Friends & Lovers?'_" Amanda quipped mischievously as she brought the champagne to her perfectly plump lips.

Liz's eyes sparkled at the suggestion.

Raising her glass to Amanda,

"Ah, that's a favorite!" The renowned singer replied nostalgically. "But let's save that one for when both of them are in the room."

The corners of Amanda's mouth turned up agreeably.

"_Ooh_, I like the way you think."

Dr. Strickland eyed his wife knowing the gears in her pretty little head were promptly weaving together a way to make that happen.

Suddenly the topic of their conversation approached and the group dispersed into respective genders. Kimberly's radiant eyes mirrored the shimmering fabric of her silver gown as she approached her friends. Left alone the three women began chatting as Amanda pitched the idea of setting Kayla up with her brother-in-law over the Strickland Christmas dinner. The suggestion was met with apprehension from Kayla, but an enthusiastic endorsement from Kim.

"Why on earth not, Kay!" She exclaimed.

Her sister murmured a few lame excuses as Kimberly attempted to persuade Kayla to not be so stubborn. Seeing a professor from Griffin a few feet away, the aspiring medical student excused herself to make an introduction. Alone with Kimberly, Amanda engaged in light conversation before carefully addressing Kim's recent donations to the abuse clinic. Punctuating the privacy of the matter, Amanda leaned forward.

"Are you sure that you're ready to give away your baby items?" She asked with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Yes, I…"

"What? Kimmie, why would you do that?" Kayla exclaimed returning unexpectedly behind them.

Startled by the interruption, Kimberly quickly recovered.

"For the same reason as you, Kay…" She replied matter-of-factly. "They'll be better use for the clinic than stored in my attic collecting dust."

Kayla eyed her sister skeptically.

It was no secret that out of all the dreams Pop thrust upon her shoulders, the only one Kimberly cared about was family- a warm, cozy home with a loving husband and numerous children. When she married Shane, Kayla remembered Kimberly gushing over adding to their family and Andrew had just turned one!

"So suddenly you don't want anymore children?" She prodded.

Kimberly attempted to deflect the conversation back to its original topic.

"Kayla, we were talking about you, remember?" She reminded her sister sweetly.

"I think this is more important." Kayla interjected.

Kimberly sighed exasperated that the conversation had taken this turn. Amanda winced, mouthing _'sorry_.' Her perceptive green eyes darted between the two and stepped back, but Kim touched her arm for support.

"No, and there's really nothing to discuss. It's personal."

"Oh, but it's ok for you to lecture me about my personal life?" Kayla protested irritably.

Kimberly softened her stance and attempted to salvage the evening with her sister.

"Kayla, honey…this is different. You have _a _desirable man attracted to you and you're too wrapped up in past mistakes to take advantage of a wonderful opportunity." She explained compassionately.

"Sounds like pot calling the kettle if you ask me." Kayla replied meekly gazing down at the bubbles floating in her champagne that had lost its appeal since she returned.

Kimberly crossed her arms.

"Some things are out of one's control and this really isn't the place to discuss either topic." Knowing that behind every conversation regarding Phillip, her sister was alluding to Shane as well.

"I just think you're giving up a whole lot for him in order to make this relationship work." Kayla offered diplomatically.

Amanda flashed her a look of caution. While she completely agreed with Kayla's assessment, the observant brunette was perplexed at the level of resistance from Kimberly in accepting advise from her sister. Behind the laughter and genuine affection they shared around her, melancholy harnessed the sisters. Its intensity grew by the day.

Glued to the spot, Amanda felt helpless except to shield the exchange from prying eyes that passed nearby. As the chords of a perfectly tuned piano played, a chorus of cheerful patrons bellowed, _"It's the most wonderful time of the year…"_

Impulsively Kimberly pulled her sister towards the expansive patio just outside the massive sliding doors to their right. Outside, they were alone with their demons.

"I can't believe you would stoop that low after… after seeing how good he is with Andrew and Jeannie!" She scolded.

Kimberly whirled around to face her.

In a low voice,

"Whatever your opinion of him may be, the issue of more children has nothing to do with vanity, or selfishness, or…"

Her right arm flailed wildly around them to the demonstrate error in Kayla's criticism.

"Or whatever dastardly characteristics you assign to him!"

Despite the vibrancy of the white Christmas lights adorning the tree from the inside, a pall loomed overhead. A gentle gnawing in the pit of Kayla's stomach surfaced.

"Then what is it, Kim?" She whispered half afraid to know the answer.

Kimberly glanced down at the concrete beneath her feet and then to her sister. While Kayla's compassion was appreciated, Kimberly resented having this discussion considering the circumstances of Jeannie's paternity reveal. Cal's web of lies had torn her family apart and in the end, Kayla had played a role in the destruction.

From the moment Shane regained his memory, he set the perimeters of their communication so that subjects relating to Cal were off limits. He effectively shut down all avenues of healing. When Kimberly left, his refusal to address the pain he harbored over Cal's manipulation and affair with his wife during his absence, caused Shane to transfer his feelings from the baby Kimberly carried over to his niece, Stephanie. Kayla's relationship with her brother-in-law was tenuous at best. Thus, when Cal blurted out the truth while holding Kayla hostage, she feared Shane's walls would tumble down paving the way for reconciliation with Kim! Faced with the choice of telling him the truth about his daughter with Kimberly or securing a bond-Kayla chose her own desires. This realization tortured Kim's heart in the worst way. After a long, torturous silence, Kayla pressed harder.

"What is it, Kim?"

Kimberly lifted her eyes to her sister and revealed evenly.

"Phillip had leukemia as a teen."

Kayla nodded encouragingly and gently gestured for her to continue.

Kimberly withdrew and began to pace the perimeter of the patio. It provided a nice panoramic view of the Pacific shoreline and the valley below peppered with city lights in the distance. A light breeze picked up strands of Kim's hair giving Kayla a glimpse of the gloomy expression she wore.

"It's a miracle he is alive, but …" Kim exhaled. "Phillip can't have children." She confessed gravely.

"_Oh…" _

As a nurse, Kayla understood the issue perfectly and felt a newfound sense of compassion for the man. It certainly offered an explanation for his obsession with appearances and the constant quest for sexual gratification.

"Wait, surely you could…" She offered hopefully stepping closer.

"It wouldn't be wise, Kay." Kimberly interrupted firmly.

The finality in her voice revealed the compounding issue and immediately Kayla reached out for her sister.

"Oh my god, Kimberly!"

Reluctantly she explained what the doctors had told her less than twenty-four hours after a long, grueling delivery with Jeannie. Kimberly was advised that carrying another child would not be in her best interest physically. There were scar tissue from injuries sustained from both her car accident during the pregnancy with Andrew and the assault by Eve's john that resulted in the death of her second baby. When Dr. Norris prematurely induced labor with Jeannie, the damage was secured. It was virtually impossible for Kimberly to carry another baby to term. Kimberly discussed the issue with Phillip when they began dating two years earlier. He was thrilled to have an opportunity to help raise Kim's children, she told her sister.

"So you see, Kay…" Her eyes were pleading for support. "Phillip has a lot more compassion than you have given him credit for." She asserted softly.

Kayla pondered the information for a moment.

"Who else knows about this?" She inquired sensitively.

"Besides Phillip, …Amanda, Neil and now you." Kimberly replied as Kayla attempted to comfort her.

"And Shane?" Kayla wondered aloud after a few minutes of awkward silence.

Kimberly recoiled, wounded by the implication of Kayla's question.

"I was all alone when they told me, Kay." Her voice was saturated with pain, remembering the weight of what had transpired in a cold, sterile delivery room in LA three years ago.

"And I suspect this little piece of news would have been looked upon in much the same fashion as all the other details I tried to share with him once I returned to Salem."

Kayla swallowed guiltily. She had projected all of her motives of retaining a relationship with Shane back onto Kimberly; so convinced everything her sister did was based on a scheme to win her ex-husband back. As Kayla contemplated the matter, Kimberly shook her head in disbelief,

"Even now, after everything you witnessed, you still choose to believe that somehow my _bloody little secrets_ were solely responsible for the demise of our marriage?"

"I don't think you were solely responsible." Kayla objected defensively. Lowering her voice,

"I just thought you should have fought harder." She attempted feebly.

The force of the accusation smacked Kimberly in the face! With one hand resting on her hips and the other pointing towards an imaginary route to Salem, Kimberly blurted out in anguish,

"Walking out that door was the hardest thing I have ever had to do!"

"You abandoned him!" Kayla retorted.

Kimberly stepped aside, glaring back.

"Not before he abandoned me." She corrected beating her hand against her breast.

A vault opened and the desperation Kimberly felt when she was pregnant and trying to reach her husband emotionally, tumbled out before them.

"I pounded against that great wall he built around his heart until I bled!" She cried seeking safety from the sting of Kayla's accusation. "Oh, he always had his reasons to avoid our problems… a case, someone needed him. Any excuse would do!"

Kimberly shook her head vehemently rejecting the idea that she didn't fight hard enough.

"Everything was based on his terms. Well, I had a child growing inside me and my needs _be damned_, I had to think about hers too!"

Drawing a labored breath, Kimberly glared at her sister.

"You can't have a relationship with someone who is avoiding the pain, Kay. Your hands get cut every time you touch them, so your only option _IS _to walk away."

Kimberly wrapped her arms protectively around herself. She shifted her gaze towards the impressive nighttime ocean view.

"He just needed time to deal with all that pain." Kayla explained feebly trying to reach some sort of reconciliation.

Abruptly Kimberly froze.

Slowly she pivoted around to address her sister's justifications.

"_Oh?"_ She noted cryptically her eyebrow heightened with intrigue.

"Exactly _how_ long did you give him before you were calling _me_ out here in LA for a shoulder to cry on and a way out?"

"That's different!" Kayla shot back.

"How?"

Kayla's eyes shifted desperately for something to cling to, but Kim's penetrating stare was relentless.

"It just is." Kayla sputtered as the events surrounding Shane's paralysis rippled through her psyche.

Insulted by the implication of her silence, Kimberly was horrified!

"Because I deserved to be punished for my sins, is _that _what you're saying?"

"No!" Kayla shouted in protest.

The ugliness of the sordid affair mocked them.

Stony silence.

Swallowing hard, Kayla's voice cracked.

"He didn't love me." She acknowledged firmly. "I mean, he was caring…but he wasn't _in love_ with me."

Refusing to allow Kayla to see how it affected her, Kim's focus remained towards the glass. Gazing at the array of beautifully clad men and women singing and toasting from inside she wondered why she wasn't there with them? Kayla studied her sister's expression waiting for a response as Kimberly struggled to form words. When none came after a few minutes of awkward silence, Kayla pressed,

"Are _you_ in love with Phillip?"

Defiantly Kimberly whirled around her eyes brimming with hot angry tears.

"Why can't you just support my choices?" She forced out in a whisper.

Kayla opened her mouth ready to justify her case, but Kim continued,

"Because I have _always_ supported yours whether I agreed with them or not."

Kayla was rendered speechless as painful memories from the past indicted her. The consequences of her affair with Shane continued to ripple throughout their lives into the present. The gaping wound from that tumultuous year created a barrier that blocked Kayla from reciprocating critical counsel her sister once gave her. She found herself in the same position Kimberly had been in years before when Kayla pursued a _"safer"_ emotional investment with Jack. But back then; the wounds of betrayal didn't drive Kayla. She stood by helplessly as Kimberly spiraled towards a dangerous fork in the road. Without answering Kayla's question, Kimberly turned on her heel and exited the patio.


	15. Chapter 14: Il Cammeo Dal Mare

**Chapter 14**

**Il Cammeo Dal Mare**

_Walking like a one man army_

_Fighting with the shadows in your head_

_Living out the same old moment_

_Knowing you'd be better off instead,_

_If you could only . . ._

_~ John Mayer_

* * *

**Location: Amalfi Coast, Italy**

Captain Donovan poured a fresh cup of Earl Grey before stepping outside onto the brick-colored ceramic tiled terrace of his newly renovated villa. A cool breeze blew in from the Tyrrhenian Sea as the sun lazily hung above the horizon. It offered little warmth. The lush greenery that normally blanketed the estate had faded into the mosaic gray rocky slopes of the isle lying dormant until spring. The architecture of the 19th Century five-bedroom villa, blended seamlessly into the landscape as though it were an organic engraving carved along the shoreline. Thus, Shane's newest residence was nearly indistinguishable from Capri's signature mountain gradients rippling towards the shimmering white beach of Marina Piccola. Locals described the property as _Il_ _Cammeo Dal Mare_.

Shane sipped his beverage leisurely under the protective shroud of the covered terrace contemplating his next move as he surveyed the sparkling blue-green waters in the distance. At the corner of his right eye, Donovan spied a moving figure approaching several steps below from the row of Caprese-styled white columns lining the famous little piazza that formed the back perimeter of the villa's ground level.

"Impressive security detail, Laddie." His partnered observed. "The Russian is quite a brute."

Shane smiled.

"I see you've inspected the grounds thoroughly." He remarked as Peachy ascended the wrought iron stairs.

The faint sound of a drill could be heard from the floor above them.

"Yes, and by the looks of things, you've spared the agency no expense in acquiring the property." The elder spy replied wryly.

Shane set his cup and saucer atop the outdoor table and wagged his finger at his partner.

"Ah, no."

Disappearing into the home, Shane fetched the pot of tea for his mentor. He re-emerged smiling broadly at the skeptical expression plastered across her face.

"I channeled the paperwork through the ISA for the case, but the property is solely mine." He grinned as Peachy accepted the tea.

Perched on the second level terrace of the estate, Peachy absorbed the landscape as she updated her partner on the case. The morning was a productive one, having spent the time carefully placing the appropriate information into the hands of a reputable Senate member from another region.

"So, your friend was interested in the _intel_?" Shane inquired.

Setting her cup down on the table and propping her fingers on it, Peachy still harbored doubts over his approach to the case.

"Given the upheaval this second Referendum has caused, anyone who so much as sniffs of organized crime will be hog-tied, dragged through the streets, and tossed into the Tyrrhenian Sea!"

"To sleep with the fishes." Shane nodded assuredly. "I'm well aware of the costs."

Peachy scanned the rocky curvature of the shoreline that melted into the blue-green haze of the sea. The Laddie was as cocky and focused on this case as she had seen him in a long time. Professionally Shane hit all the right notes, but it bothered her given the growing desire Shane secretly possessed to reconcile with Kimberly.

"I don't see the competing crime interests letting go of their mother country simply because of public discontent in recent years." She noted candidly. "Which puts you in a precarious situation."

Shane followed her gaze across the canopy of olive trees that blanketed the grounds just below them.

"The Medici legacy lives on."

"And currently seeks sanctuary in Salem." She mused with a hint of caution peppering the observation.

"I know to tread lightly, Peach."

Shane spent most of the year chasing leads and performing gunrunning missions all over Europe and Northern Africa to establish himself as _"Liam Doyle," _an IRA associate with a reputation for dealing much sought after weaponry and blowing things up. A thick, authoritative file streamed through every government agency network labeling Doyle as a person of interest…sans visual image of course! Creating a shady character for cover provided the spy with an excellent advantage. However Donovan's dealings in Salem between the Bradys and the Dimeras created a nasty problem for the spy. As long as his latest contacts didn't connect his face to _'Shane Donovan,' _the spy and those he loved were safe. Thus, Shane created an allusive mystique surrounding the infamous Doyle persona as locals whispered excitedly about the dark Irishman that graced their Mediterranean paradise.

Shane shuffled around the table, stopping at the steps to lean against the white stucco wall. Scanning towards the majestic piazza,

"We just need to keep our allies in the Italian government from losing their heads."

"If they don't lose their seats first." Peachy corrected.

The next national election was in March and Shane knew the biggest reason her contact would be of assistance was due to his own self-interests. Cracking down on corruption would secure re-election chances, but the flipside of the deal was if anything went awry, Shane would be branded the fall guy. It was a win-win for the politician, but risky business for the spy. Shane needed the senator to overlook a few things as the spy worked the system and in the process, Donovan would hand deliver a few prizes for the senator's campaign.

Peachy glanced over her shoulder towards her partner.

"Just don't get yourself killed in the process, Laddie." She requested grimly.

"That's why I have you." He charmingly replied.

Stepping away from the railing, she strolled around the table towards him. Patting his cheek lovingly, her eyes studied his face. Shane had sunk his teeth into this one, yet elements about this case bothered the elder spy. Dealing with rogue terror organizations was much simpler than dismantling an unholy alliance between factions of government and organized crime lords. The lines between government sanctioned actions opposed to criminality often blurred. Agents frequently defected to the other side. That certainly had been the case with Nickerson. What made Shane Donovan such a valuable asset to the ISA was the usual Achilles heels didn't apply to him. Coming from considerable wealth, bribery wasn't a viable source of blackmail. Power and prestige held little interest for the man. The only time Shane's professional life appeared dismal was during his marriage to Kimberly. She had been the one source Shane's enemies could successfully mine from. However, since returning to the field after his rehabilitation from the paralysis, surveillance chatter indicated Donovan's adversaries did not perceive Kimberly as a viable option anymore.

A subtle tap against Peachy's psyche birthed a sense of urgency for him to abort the case or wrap it up as soon as possible. The latter seemed woefully implausible! If Donovan's opposition caught wind of any hint of a rekindling love affair, the consequences could make the events of Miami and Jericho pale in comparison.

"It's safe to say that you have eyes on you now." She warned him in a low voice.

"Perfect!" Shane bellowed enthusiastically breaking the tension between them.

He pulled a handful of bugs out of his pocket.

"But I don't think these little house warming gifts are from the Senate."

Peachy abandoned her brew setting it down on the cobalt blue covered table. It was extremely difficult to deflect his enthusiasm when Shane purposely avoided issues concerning his personal life. Keenly she inspected the merchandise.

"Oh, I'm afraid those have private enterprise written all over them."

The persistent spy lightly tossed the collection into the air. Falling back into his hand, he balled his fist tightly.

"Precisely, and I'm returning the gift once I establish a meeting with Arlo."

"Oh, but that's bad form, Laddie." Peachy winked. "Never look a gift horse in the mouth."

A non-verbal cordial truce ensued.

Wrapping her arm around his,

"Are you going to show me around this place, or do I have to do my own snooping?"

Shane laughed heartily, patting her arm against his.

"We'll start at the ground level and work our way up." He gestured.

They strolled down the steps along the limestone pathway passing the white-columned piazza to their left. Various varieties of fig, ginger, and olive trees dotted the perimeter of the landscape. The canopy provided a barrier against prying eyes from adjacent properties or the shoreline below. Both passages led to the lower level terrace perfect for entertaining guests. Equipped with outdoor kitchen and wrought iron lounge seating situated throughout the ceramic terrace, Peachy inhaled the glorious panoramic views of the blue-green sea to her left. Passing the pool to their right, which was closed for the season, they entered the estate through double doors leading into a spacious entertaining area of elaborately patterned ceramic flooring, complete with two beautifully decorated guest bedrooms with adjoining bath. A wrought ironed curvature staircase invited Peachy to explore further as the two breezed through room to room, from the elongated formal living room with high vaulted ceilings accentuated with wooden beams, back through the dining and kitchen area to where their adventure began. Ever curious to the hum of drills reverberating overhead, Shane obliged his partner to investigate the top level meant for family sleeping quarters. When Peachy approached the master suite at the far end of the hall, she gasped. Stepping over crumpled plastic, she entered the bedroom with windows flanking the old stoned fireplace to her left and opposite from the entrance, double doors leading out to another covered terrace that allowed light to generously pour in. Shane nodded towards the Italian drilling two golden sconces on the wall above the marbled garden tub of the master bath to their right. He exited quickly, leaving them alone as Peachy thrust opened the doors and stepped out onto the terrace. Pivoting 180 degrees, she exclaimed:

"This is quite impressive, Laddie!"

Her eyes twinkled at the sight of beautifully carved crown moldings outlining the whitewashed walls. However furnishings were sparse. Frowning, Peachy observed,

"It needs a woman's touch."

Shane ignored the statement.

"You have to admit," His eyes surveying the house around them and then back to meet Peachy's gaze,

"It's the perfect locale for our cover."

Peachy studied the old rock façade of the estate, remnants of bougainvillea hanging along the old structure. Suddenly its significance hit her!

Shortly after regaining his memory and rescuing Kimberly from Winters, Shane secretly purchased the property for his lady love as a token of their renewed life together. The couple's celebration of their love involved expanding their little family.

"_Filling the rafters of Donovan Manor with a whole brood of children!"_ He exclaimed exuberantly to her over the phone.

The intention was to present _Il Cammeo Dal Mare_ an anniversary gift that year, but by the time the moment rolled around, Kimberly was already pregnant. A web of lies enveloped the two culminating in Kimberly's retreat to LA later that summer. It marred what should have been a happy time for the couple. The estate remained empty, forgotten until Shane signed onto his current case.

Peachy scanned the breathtaking views in front of her and back at her protégé.

"I still think it's more suited for its original purpose." She wisely replied.

* * *

**Evening a few nights later**

Peachy's experiment in the kitchen produced a hearty beef stew to fill empty stomachs and warm tired bones. Banishing Shane from the kitchen so she could clean up, Peachy sauntered into the living room to find him nestled in a leather chair, his feet propped on a matching ottoman. Cradling a glass of Port in his right hand, he glanced at his watch momentarily before resting his eyes towards the impressive ground to ceiling window across from him. His face wore a serious, far away look as he sorted through details of the case.

Shane's meeting with Arlo produced a significant development. The man's boss requested an order. Timed perfectly to correspond with the holidays, Shane could play a little 'cat & mouse' with the mysterious leader until well after the New Year. Peachy paused by the ornately carved, but sturdy wooden bar. Leaning against it, she poured herself a treat. The pop of the corked bottle and ensuing drip of liquid into the crystal echoed throughout the room.

"Pity this place isn't decorated for the holidays." She lamented aloud, breaking Shane's train of thought.

"They'll be plenty of time for merriment in a few days." He replied in a well-rehearsed faint Irish dialect-one supposedly from Belfast.

Peachy swirled the contents of her glass contemplating her reply. Her boss was clearly in no mood to discuss anything other than business. Using the barstool as a prop, she rested her elbow on the bar and treaded carefully.

"What are the terms?"

"Hopefully to make the arrangements aboard the yacht."

"That puts you at a disadvantage." She revealed skeptically.

Shane's eyes darted towards her for the first time.

"Not necessarily. Yes, I'll be on his turf. But…" He raised his finger. "By then we will know the identity, so he'll be more comfortable and more inclined to trust me."

"Could be a woman?" Peachy offered teasingly. She inhaled a heavy gulp of Port.

The corners of Shane's mouth turned ever so slightly as he peered at her from the side.

"True."

Taking a methodical sip,

"But I doubt it."

It was the first time the spy had cracked a smile through the whole trip. Even when entertaining assigned operatives and critical dignitaries, Shane's demeanor had been charming, but aloof. This merely heightened his attraction to the opposite sex and at one time resulted in a companion for any evening of his choosing. Now, Donovan remained detached and unaffected. Alone with him, the melancholy suffocated his companion.

"You'll have Libyan rebels on shore and the Mediterranean Sea at your back. How do you expect me to run tactical from that vantage point?"

"I don't." Shane replied firmly. "Though I have plenty of time to address this while baiting Arlo's boss. Whoever it is, will not expect me to jump at the first opportunity for a meeting."

Peachy narrowed her eyes.

"It may be a trap?"

"I fully expect it to be." He retorted confidently.

Shane glanced at his watch for the third time since she had entered the living area. Peachy sipped her Port slowly.

"Expecting a call?"

Shane shrugged his shoulders, but the drumming of his fingers against the armrest gave his impatient demeanor away. Peachy arched her brow.

"Oh, um Kimberly mentioned she…the children would phone." He replied in an attempt to sound nonchalant.

Peachy smiled faintly.

An abrupt lull in conversation signaled her cue, but her sympathetic gaze indicated motherly concern for his wellbeing.

"I'm perfectly content to sit here alone. Go to bed!" He admonished half-heartedly.

Once the clicking sound of Peachy's shoes against the ceramic flooring subsided, Shane exhaled laboriously. False bravado evaporated into deep thought as Shane lifted the glass to his lips. Elements of the case faded into the shadows as his soul poured over the same sequence of events leading towards that pivotal moment in their bedroom. He could have stopped her. But instead, he let her go waiting until she disappeared before the words narrowly escaped his lips…

"_Good-bye, my love." __~1990_

Slowly his mind drifted…

They were experts at running from their pasts, their secrets, vulnerability that each cleverly hid from the outside world. Despite their well-fortified walls, when their paths crossed, nothing was ever the same.

Sometime around Gabrielle's emergence into their lives, Shane began to run.

"_But __from what?"_

Shane recalled resenting the reminder of his existence before Kim roaring into his present when Gabrielle showed up. Matters made worse when the consequence of his casual affair surfaced in the form of a rebellious daughter-one who Kim welcomed with open arms. His guilt overcompensated with indulgence fueling the fire; and by a cruel twist of fate, Kimberly suffered the most.

"_You should've been the one that maniac threw across the room!"_

Living with the constant reminder of how Eve's actions precipitated the death of their baby girl, created a heavy burden upon his soul.

"_It doesn't change the fact that I lost my baby because I was trying to take care of your daughter!" Kim gasped, gulping the air as tears streamed down her face._

"_Because you and her mother had run off. You weren't there!"__~1988_

Compounding the issue was watching Kimberly selflessly nurturing the troubled teen after the irreversible damage had been done and predictably Gabrielle fled the scene.

The truth twisted and turned much like the serpentine paths that led from his villa to the beach. While they had weathered the storm Miami created, Shane recognized it was partially due to the positive outcome of Andrew's kidnapping more than his ability to settle the war within his heart over Victor's involvement in their lives. To this day, Shane harbored a burning desire to avenge Kimberly's honor over the matter.

Thus, the battle still raged within him when it came to those shattered events. Losing his baby girl in the process of sorting out the tangled web that had been spun in the months preceding the infant's death, created an unshakable void in Shane's soul. There was something so inhumanely unnatural about burying a child, even a child who had barely entered the world! He and Kimberly reconciled in the following months, but the events chipped away at them from within. They were happy for a while. Even with the upheaval his twin caused, the two managed to meet the challenges together. But Carly's ghost lingered in the shadows. It had become second nature for Shane to immediately recognize a little girl in the airport, the park, wherever life took him who was just around the age she would be in the present. Though it was never discussed, he knew Kim performed the same instinctual ritual.

Like tiny cracks in a home's foundation, the causal effects of losing a child whittled away unnoticed until the next catalyst surfaced sending their foundation of love crashing before their very eyes.

"_For once, couldn't you've just said no to the ISA?"_ _~1988_

The familiar request echoed again, a year later with the Jericho assignment. Natural fears of loss resurfaced in a different form. One thing he knew of Kim, she craved stability given her traumatic history. He doubted she could articulate the need in that manner, but Shane recognized it clearly in retrospect.

"_This case is different…" Kim offered ominously._

At the time, Shane shrugged off Kim's anxieties too focused on the pesky little thorn whose name was Adam.

"_My gut feeling says otherwise!" She insisted. __~1989_

It had been maddening to argue over her irrational defense of the pest, but in focusing on Adam, Shane overlooked the enemy creeping past his defenses. Looking back Shane realized Kimberly's resistance might have tied into her feelings over the instability that plagued their lives because of the impending case. She had been anxious and for good reason, despite Shane's insistence to the contrary. As his fellow agents in Cairo marveled that year,

"Donovan, you have it all! How _must_ you do it?"

He allowed the memory to accompany him on an otherwise lonely night. The estate and all its occupants asleep but the owner, he roamed the length of the main floor for inspection.

"_I wish that didn't sound like a good-bye." Kim lamented after their lovemaking by the fire. __~1989_

Shane sighed regretfully as he flipped the switch off casting him into darkness. He meandered up the winding, yet ornate wrought iron staircase to the third floor of the estate. Shuffling down the hall towards the far door to his right, Shane paused for a moment to take in the view as he entered the master suite. The moon almost full, its hollow glow flowed freely into the room through the transparent panes of glass from the double doors opposite to where he stood.

The phone rang, breaking the oppressive silence.

"Donovan."

"_Daddy?"_ Jeannie's angelic voice, light and full of devotion cascaded over the line filling the desolate room with warmth.

"Yes, sweetheart." He answered and listened to his little girl talk about her day. As Jeannie prattled on, Shane sat on the hearth of the fireplace. Although inviting, the plush platform bed opposite him offered little comfort. He couldn't understand half of what she told him, but gathered Kimberly had taken them to the mall to sit on Santa's knee. Once Andrew took the phone, mystery solved. Patiently their father listened to each child offering commentary and sharing what little of his life he could with them. The room still drafty, he lit the wood producing flames, which reflected off the pale blue-gray Egyptian cotton comforter adorning the king-size bed.

"Will you have to work while we are there?" Andrew implored.

"Of course not!" Shane assured the boy. "I have all kinds of things planned for us!"

The conversation veered off into a visual conjecture between father and son as Andrew added details to each suggestion offered. The two carried on a spirited little conversation until the boy abruptly bid a _'__good-night' _to his father so he could play with his friend before dinner. There simply wasn't enough time with Andrew to instill all the sage advice his own father had given.

"Love you. See you soon." The depth of love Shane felt for his children caused him to choke on his words.

Shane slowly slid the phone away from his ear and started to press the 'End' button.

"_Shane?"_

The sound of her voice jolted him out of his stupor.

"I'm here."

"I am so sorry we kept you waiting." She began hurriedly.

Kimberly bustled around the kitchen prepping dinner and wiping off counters as the children paraded around her.

"There was a wreck on the 134 and traffic was horrible! Andrew was thirsty, Jeannie had to use the bathroom, and we were literally stuck until traffic moved again and we reached our exit!"

"Soaked in a bit more scenery that you had planned, did we?"

His dry wit amused her.

"More than I care to with two impatient children in the car who are clamoring to talk to their daddy." She explained.

"Kimberly," He soothed. "An explanation isn't necessary. As long as you were not the one involved in the accident..."

"But I couldn't bare the thought of you thinking we stood you up." She interrupted still absorbed in her tale.

"And keeping you up at a most ungodly hour!" Kimberly added cradling the phone in one hand and sliding the lasagna into the oven with the other.

"There's no way of ascertaining that." He objected.

The defiance in his voice sparked a giggle within her.

"Whatever you say, but…"

Shane strolled away from his perch along the fireplace. The empathy radiating from her voice affected him deeply.

"_Captn__'_, your voice gives you away."

Reaching the double doors, he propped his arm against the pane of glass and rested his weary head against it. A crescent moon peeked around the wispy clouds in the distance casting the Faraglioni Rocks into darkness.

Closing his eyes, Shane visualized everything he heard as Kimberly discussed the children and their upcoming trip. He remembered their routine quite well despite the time that past since their married days together. Over the line, the tempo of the children's voices rose and fell on cue to video playing on the TV. Kimberly worked for Dr. Strickland at the clinic that day, so he knew she was dressed professionally in either a blue or green silk blouse with matching pencil skirt that accentuated her tiny waist and the curvature of her backside beautifully. With almost a hundred percent probability of being correct, Shane guessed her heels were promptly discarded to the corner when she walked through the door. She'd probably prop her feet up as soon as the children were put to bed. He adored the way Kim looked sprawled out before him- smiling impishly at him with her legs resting on top his lap. He should be there to massage her feet- to kiss them and feel her soft smooth legs against his fingertips. Then, trace the curve of her calves as expertly he slid his hands up his wife's skirt. Anticipating Kimberly's gratifying gasp in response…

"Shane?"

He cleared his throat tossing his shirt onto a chair nearby. Suddenly he wasn't cold anymore. Stepping out onto the terrace, the cool night air restored his senses.

"Yes?"

"Do I need to arrange a cab?" Her voice was slightly strained.

Obviously Kimberly asked the question multiple times.

"No, darling." He answered apologetically. "I have a car set to bring you and the children to me."

"You're a million miles away." Kimberly observed gently. "This must be some assignment."

"Something like that." He murmured as the fleeting sensation dissipated into the past. Yet, how was it that her perfume permeated the midnight air around him?

"And?" Kimberly prodded.

Something in his voice coaxed her out of her protective shell.

"You know I can't discuss the case with you." He reminded her.

"Yes, but maybe you can give me a hint?" She asked, peering out her window.

"_Kim."_

"Paint a picture of your locale, that is?" She ventured hopefully.

The sun was beginning to set. Broad strokes of yellow, orange, and purples filled the horizon from the coast to the St. Gabriel Mountains. The window pane still gave off heat generated from the afternoon sun, but Kimberly felt a shiver run through her as the evening shadows crept towards the back of her home.

"Ok, fair enough." He smiled over the line finding her curiosity alluring. Feeling a bit cheeky,

" I'm on one of seven continents."

Kimberly rolled her pretty blue-green eyes. Their distance failed to mask her lack of amusement. Shane grinned victoriously.

"I think we can eliminate Antarctica." She remarked dryly.

"You never know?" He suggested slyly. "You'd be surprised at the level of international espionage occurring between polar bears along a floating glacier."

Kimberly's laughter flowed over the line inducing a warm smile from the spy.

"Sounds dangerous." She mused. "So it's cold?"

"Hmmm, depends on your perception."

"Tis true. I saw someone wearing a sweater today." Kimberly joked. "Is there snow on the ground?"

"Uh, no."

"Is it tropical?"

"Hmmm…" He teased. "Could be?"

The demanding hum of an oven timer abruptly interrupted their flirtatious exchange.

"Oh Shane, I have to go!" Kim exclaimed.

And away from the speaker,

"Andrew, Jeannie, wash your hands!"

The inviting cacophony of scrambling children, clinking dishes, and slamming cabinets invaded their intimate exchange.

"Good-night, Shane." She cooed breathlessly.

A subtle 'click' and the spy left alone once more with dead air between him and the receiver- shut out of a world he once inhabited.

"Good-night, my love." He whispered back into the night where there would be no risk of injury.

Setting the phone aside, he stood for a moment gazing into the foamy blackness of the sea.

"_Well if not your thoughts, it must have been the water that consumed you…"_

By the cruel twist of fate's knife, he had landed exactly where he began almost ten years before…

"_You homesick?" She inquired compassionately._

_The sincerity and care that illuminated her delicate face melted his stiff resolve. Shrugging his shoulders in an attempt to feign indifference, _

"_Tis' the Season."_

_The melancholy dripping from his lips only amplified his poor disguise. Yet, she reciprocated with the same delicate tact he showed her._

"_Yeah, Christmas and all that." __~Dec.__24, 1984_

Slowly he retreated back into the bedroom. The fire succumbed to the effects of neglect-its embers desperately clinging to life as Shane pulled back the covers and retired to the vacant bed. In a few days, they would all be under the same roof. _HIS_ family, yet with an interloper playing the role that was rightfully his, all because of his bloody little pride!

"_You really do miss England don't you?" _

"_Yes, but its not really home anymore…" Pondering her inquiry with a pensive sigh. "At least not like you Bradys think of home anyway."_

_Listening intently,_

"_What do you mean?" _

_The spy had been interrogated by the best in the business-big burly types who craved the power and dominance. Not one of them cracked him, yet this inspiring non-threatening creature managed to unearth his deepest vulnerability simply by dazzling him with her genuine care to his wellbeing. Now he struggled to stave off her inquisitive nature. _

"_Don't you get lonely?" She asked empathetically._

"_I've got my work." He assured her with a lilt in his voice. The faint lap of the water mocked him as he assured her,_

"_That's enough to keep me busy."_

"_Aaah…" She mused perceptively, her eyebrow raised. Not buying his bravado,_

"_Is it?" _

_He surrendered. She bested him and they both knew it! With no choice but to meet those pretty blues, he exhaled in defeat,_

"_Well, I have to admit it would be nice to have a family…" _

_The statement purely sincere and feeling frightfully like foreshadow, he abruptly abandoned the rock they sat on and paced a few feet behind her on the pier. Adjusting his gray plaid scarf to create some distance-both emotionally and physically, he confessed,_

"_Someday during the holiday season."_

_Kimberly smiled knowingly as an idea occurred to her._

"_You mean like a part-time family?" _

_He shoved his hands into his jacket pocket._

"_Yes, I suppose so…" He replied hesitantly._

_Her girlish giggled rippled across his psyche much like the current against the pier that cold enchanting evening…_

"_Well, you won't believe this, but I think I know the perfect candidates for the job…"_

Frustrated, Shane sat upright tossing his pillow across the room and flipped on the lamp to his right. Staring at the end table where his piece lay, he heaved a labored sigh. He performed this simple ritual several times in the past three years. Methodically the spy removed a small velvet box from the drawer. Opening the delicate lid, he surveyed its contents in familiar fashion. Tucked away in her signature Victorian stationary that was beginning to show wear and yellow with age rested the pristinely preserved Cornelian shelled cameo trimmed in antiqued gold. It sparkled in a brilliance only matched by the light in her eyes when he presented it to her as a token of their love many years before. His eyes traveled through each handwritten word from the wounded heart of a rejected wife. One last desperate attempt to reach him, when all others failed to do so…

_ Sept. 4, 1990_

_Dear Shane,_

_I know this is a family heirloom… With our situation being what it is right now, _

_I don't feel like I have the right to hold onto it anymore. I wish it were different. _

_I wish so many things. But no matter how hard I wish, it doesn't change the way things are, _

_or how it looks like they'll stay? I love you with all my heart. I always have, and I always will._

_ And I hope someday you'll find someone very special-someone you can give the cameo to _

_with the same look you had in your eyes when you gave it to me. _

_I hope that someone makes you happy, Shane. I wish you love._

_Always,_

_Kimberly_

The sting of her words and the conciliatory gesture through them affected Shane to this day. Things should have never escalated to a level where Kim believed she was unworthy of the cameo. Yes, they had made mistakes, but neither of them had lost their love for one another. It's not like he told her to leave, but the silence spoke volumes.

He never offered her a reason to stay...

"_What happened to us Kim?"_

"_We both made mistakes along the way." She inhaled mournfully. The allusion to her affair with Cal saturated the admission. _

_Her voice cracked with emotion._

"_But I know that I made the biggest mistake of all and it's going to change our lives forever."__~1990_

Shane held the cameo to his lips pondering her words.

"Oh, Kim." He whispered.

Now, far away from the marriage bed, Shane cursed the pride that kept him from fighting when the outcome might have mattered. The time and distance translated into a web of lies, betrayal, and pain on both their parts. In hindsight, Shane chastised himself for being naïve enough to believe that a man of his profession could literally _'have it all.'_ For a spy, people were either assets or liabilities. Apart, Kimberly lived a life of stability as an asset to him; together, she immediately slipped into an explosive liability. The spy threw back the covers and sauntered towards the hidden safe in the wall securing the heirloom into its sacred catacomb. Reluctantly he stopped wrestling with the ghosts of his past. The spy knew the right course of action; he simply resented the dug grave he resided in. Flipping the switch that shrouded him into darkness, Shane shuddered at the accuracy of Kim's jovial suggestion so very long ago…

"_Oh, you mean like a family for hire?" He wondered aloud amused by her suggestion. Shane adored her mischievous smile, the way her eyes sparkled, and how Kim's natural generosity shined through._

"_Well, one that wouldn't mind having you around…" _

_She paused for effect. _

" _Just for a few days…only around the holidays…"_


	16. Chapter 15: Candle In the Window

**Chapter 15**

**Candle in the Window**

_Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, _

_As the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire. _

_~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld_

* * *

_*Author's Note: _

_This chapter is dedicated in memory of Debra Jurasus-Shriner, who passed away earlier this year. She brought the legacy of Shane and Kim back to their fans with her meticulously chronicled episode lists and taped episodes from 1984-1992. So many friendships owe their beginning to her. Debbie was a kind and generous soul. May she rest in eternal peace far beyond the foggy landscape of Cotswold with a cup of Earl Grey by a roaring fire and a respectable English gentleman at her side. _

* * *

**Location: LA**

Inhaling deeply, Kimberly dialed the number.

"Hello?" The light and cheerful voice of her sister flowed over the line before Kim was ready. She had hoped for a few rings of preparation.

"Hi, Kay. It's me, Kimberly." She greeted hesitantly.

They hadn't spoken since the night at the Curtis's managing to dodge each other by means of co-workers, friends, and their children's activities.

"We're leaving tomorrow for London," Kimberly began when Kayla remained quiet.

"I know." She interrupted softly. "I'm driving, remember?"

"You still want to do that?" Her sister inquired a bit surprised by lack of tension present in Kayla's voice.

"Yeah," She replied-a wistful sigh escaping her lips. "But first, we need to exchange gifts."

"Oh, I know." Kim offered lightly. "Andrew and Jeannie are dying for you two to open your presents."

Kayla chuckled. "Same here."

"Well, could we come over?" Kimberly offered graciously. "Your home is much more festive than mine."

"We'd like that." Kayla answered relieved that the worst was over between them.

Kimberly and the children arrived soon after and the sisters prepared the traditional Brady oyster stew. Later, they gathered around the myriad of twinkling multi-colored lights adorning Kayla's Christmas tree as the children ripped into their packages. Once the mayhem subsided, Andrew, Jeannie, and Stephanie nestled on the denim-colored sofa as Kayla switched on _A Charlie Brown Christmas_.

Returning to the kitchen, Kayla seated across her sister where Kimberly had poured two warm mugs of freshly made apple cider. The two danced delicately around their issues.

"Hmmm, I think you mixed just the right proportions of rum and mulling spice in this." Kayla complemented cheerfully.

Her blue eyes sparkled in affection as the two sisters gingerly attempted to reach some sort of reconciliation. Kimberly smiled broadly looking down at her mug. Chuckling, a fond memory presented itself before them.

"Oh, you mean that I actually used ingredients other than rum for this?"

Their eyes met and the two laughed together unrestrained for the first time in a long time.

"I remember the first time I tried hot apple cider that Roman and Bo prepared." Kayla noted nostalgically.

Kimberly howled at the thought.

"Let me guess: you were drunk as a skunk after the first sip." She grinned teasingly.

"Yep! I think it was my first time!" Kayla added shaking her head.

Clutching the red and green mug and absorbing its warmth, she leaned closer to Kim,

"It was years before I would drink cider again."

A comforting stillness enveloped the two, yet the familiar lamentation accompanying the Peanuts cartoon in the other room wafted into the kitchen.

"_I just don't understand Christmas, I guess? I like getting presents, and sending Christmas cards, and decorating the Christmas tree and all that, but I'm still not happy…" _

Kimberly finally lifted her eyes tracing the outline of her mug. She struggled to remember a Christmas when _she_ didn't feel such a heavy blanket of melancholy?

"I really worry about you Kay." Kimberly stated alluding to her sister staying in LA for the holidays.

"You're not suggesting Stephanie and I tag along with you?" Kayla questioned rhetorically.

"Ok, I understand that, but why not go home?" She quickly corrected.

Kayla studied her sister's expression,

"For the same reason you don't: Salem doesn't feel like home anymore."

Kimberly nodded agreeably. She slowly sipped the cider as Kayla confessed,

"It's not just _that_, Kimmie." Kayla's eyes bore straight into her sister. A shade of annoyance appeared over her face. "Salem hasn't felt like home for me since before Steve died."

Kim tilted her head in acknowledgement, her mug clanking against the maple stained table. Kayla's eyes drifted away as she explained,

"Steve and I…" She began softly. " We had these grand plans to take Stephanie and strike out on our own." Kayla's eyes shifted back to meet Kim's attentive gaze.

"Like Bo and Hope?" Kimberly offered compassionately.

Kayla nodded appreciatively, then looking down continued.

"I really should have done that after he died." Her voice cracked. "But I was terrified of how to build a life alone with a baby."

"I can empathize." Kimberly stated softly.

"Yeah, I guess you can." Half surprised that she hadn't thought of it beforehand.

How ironic that two sisters had faced similar situations of upheaval in their lives around the same time, yet they each chose the avenue that would have been most appropriate for the other? The bitter irony of it all taunted Kimberly. Had she continued living within the confines of a cold marriage, the children wouldn't have faced a disruption in family life, and perhaps her and Shane could have worked through their problems? The topic plunged Kimberly into a trance-like state wading through uncertainties from the past.

"_Perhaps, I should have stayed?"_ Kimberly mumbled aloud, not realizing Kayla heard her.

Kayla eyed her sister carefully and leaned back in her chair. She hated how everything led back to _him_ now. Though still gripping the mug as Linus clung to his blanket in the cartoon playing currently, Kayla _could _see a parallel between her and her niece.

"And face the prospect of him showing favoritism to Andrew against Jeannie?"

Kimberly's eyes flew open meeting her sister's conciliatory ones.

Their own family had been cursed with the burden Shawn Sr. placed on his two sons and daughters. Their father's insecurities played out by pitting his children against each other through faint praise and critical comparisons. Whether it revolved around Bo's rebellious streak to break the perfect Brady model Roman exhibited, or the simmering jealousy Kayla harbored being ignored in favor of her sister, Kimberly couldn't bear the thought of allowing a similar pattern to emerge through her children. Moreover, the destructive shroud of favoritism clouded their perspective at critical moments when one sibling attempted to counsel another. Never had it been so glaring than during that horrible year.

"Because we both know what that does to siblings." Kimberly whispered poignantly.

Kayla reached out to take Kim's hand, but Kimberly quickly cupped her hand over Kayla's to prevent further discussion. Tragically forgiveness doesn't lead to restoration of relationships when the betrayal is so deep. To point this out to her sister would be futile... and extremely painful, so Kimberly chose to remain silent. The two women stared at each other their wounds still visible. They would not venture any further down the rabbit trail. Instead, Kimberly smiled timidly.

"_Heeey_, let's not go ruining a perfectly lovely evening, _k'ay_?"

Kayla grimaced, but complied.

In an attempt to put a good spin on the situation,

"I know that I've been too harsh on Phillip and you must feel like I am judging you all over again."

Kimberly raised an eyebrow.

Despite vehemently disliking the arrogant prick, Kayla focused on Amanda's advice to drop all criticism of the movie producer, lest she drive Kim deeper into the abysmal relationship. Kayla nodded reassuringly,

"All I'm saying is that perhaps the time in London will be good for you two?"

"Oh…well…" Kimberly stammered visibly surprised by the admission. The mention of her fiancé's name was like a rush of cold water to Kim's heart. She hadn't given much conscious thought of him since he left over a week ago. The realization jolted Kimberly in a way that felt strangely serene.

"It's ok, Kay." Kimberly offered in an attempt to squelch the topic. "I appreciate your concern."

She looked away acknowledging,

"It's not like I've been myself lately."

"Actually, I think you're becoming more yourself everyday." Kayla observed encouragingly.

A spark flickered in Kim's eyes for a moment-recognition of just how true her sister's statement was. It rendered Kim speechless, so Kayla carried on.

"You know what?" Kayla implored emotionally. Kimberly shook her head negatively.

"I owe you so much." Kayla revealed.

Kimberly looked perplexed.

"This… here is my home." Kayla gestured adoringly. "What you meant by the holidays, well, you were right. Sure I miss the folks- Bo, Roman, and the rest of the gang, but we have friends and traditions of our own right here in LA."

Kayla stood abruptly taking their mugs to the sink. Still conversing, Kayla gushed over their new life; the way her and Kimberly fostered such a close network of friends between old and new- the Stricklands and Curtis's. Kayla failed to notice her sister's distant demeanor. The contrasts between them couldn't be starker! Kayla had moved to LA carving her own mark into the landscape. She seemed genuinely happy with the life she built for her daughter. There was family and close friends nearby, and Kayla forged new friendships with people who enjoyed similar activities such as skiing and surfing. Everyone remarked of the healthy glow-one that disappeared the moment Steven die that Kayla now possessed. Kimberly, too, held all the right ingredients: family, close friends, activities, but lived as a stranger peering into a life that didn't feel as her own. Aside from parenting Andrew and Jeannie and her work at the clinic, the rest of Kimberly's world felt like an ill-fitted mask. Pausing for a moment, Kayla whirled around to face Kim, who had stood and began gathering items to return home.

"And you're right, Kimmie."

"What's that?" Her sister replied absentmindedly.

Kayla cleared her throat and walked towards her. Taking her sister's hand, tears filling her eyes, she announced:

"I'm going to take Amanda up on her offer."

Kimberly gazed into Kayla's twinkling blue eyes and realized exactly what her sister meant. Kimberly pulled her close and hugged her tightly.

"Promise me that you'll have a Merry Christmas." She requested emotionally.

"I promise," Kayla replied. "As long as you do the same."

Nodding affirmatively, Kimberly forced a winning smile that concealed the turmoil erupting within her heart.

* * *

**Location: Donovan Manor, Cotswold England**

Lavinia Peach meandered down the hall from the kitchen approaching the grand foyer of Donovan Manor. Her eyes gazed out each single-paned front window. Frost slowly collected on the edges of the glass. Thick oppressive dark clouds rolled in and soon a light snow would blanket the landscape. A single cream-colored candle adorned with cranberries and cedar trimmings tied together with a delicate golden silk ribbon dotted each front window. The wind whipped against the old stonewalls of the Manor as each candle burned brightly beckoning weary travelers in for the evening.

Approaching the wrought iron staircase to her left, an alternating array of red and white Poinsettias set perfectly along each step. She paused at the imposing hand carved mahogany double front doors to her right and the formal family room to her left. The Donovan Family crèche- an heirloom passed down from many generations was displayed pristinely on the bureau on the opposite wall. Peering into the family room, Peachy studied the half decorated Douglas fir position perfectly between the back window to its left and the fireplace to its right. More than a few elegantly wrapped presents resided snuggly underneath. The ornate mantle carved by the elder Donovan was decorated with pewter framed pictures of Christmases past. Two gold embroidered red velvet stockings with Andrew and Jeannie's names etched on them hung majestically from it.

Peachy inhaled hopefully.

She remembered the desolate feeling that permeated the home once Shane sent the children back to the States to be with their mother the previous year. Now, an air of excitement and anticipation enveloped the manor.

"Laddie?" She called.

"I'm in here, Peach." Shane bellowed from a distance.

Puzzled, she whirled back around facing the front doors of the foyer. His voice echoed from down the hall to her left that picked up the symmetrical flow of the floor plan. In all her years of knowing the spy, Peachy couldn't recall ever venturing down that side of the estate? Without hesitating, she strolled towards the direction of his voice. The décor mimicked the opposite side of the residence with a few portraits, Victorian styled sconces, and a statue or two peppering the wall to break the monotony. There was only one entrance to her left, but the doors remained locked. A hazy grayish hue filtered into the corridor through the front windows. The light illuminating from the same decorative candles seen on the opposite side of the Manor created warmth in an otherwise desolate portion of the Manor. At the end of the passageway, twinkling lights filtered out the slightly ajar door creating a magical shadowy dance against the wall. Peachy pressed forward to discover Shane seated on the floor of one of the most opulent rooms she'd ever seen!

The dark heavy oak beams and crown moldings prominently displayed throughout the Manor repeated in the large rectangular-shaped ballroom. The walls were whitewashed displaying large delicate sconces in gold to elevate the lighting when England's infamous cloudy dreary days blocked natural lighting through the row of floor to ceiling windows. The floor lay in Italian marble with an intricate painting of miniature roses along its perimeters. An imposing mahogany fireplace anchored the ballroom towards the back. Situated under a Norwegian Spruce decorated in white lights and deep blue and silver hand blown glass ornaments, Shane assembled what appeared to be a well-preserved train set to weave in and out from underneath the tree. He looked up from his chore surveying Peachy's awed expression.

"Mother used to throw New Year's Eve parties every year." He noted casually lowering his eyes again as he unscrewed the bottom of a miniature freight car. Peachy remembered Shane discussing an elaborate train set he planned to present to Andrew for Christmas the year before. It never transpired.

Peachy observed Shane's cell phone lying next to him. Before she could inquire, the spy interrupted.

"Did our messenger make contact?"

"Yes, and the stubborn old bloke managed to live to tell about it." She replied crisply.

"Roman's contact is quite efficient." Shane noted with an arrogant grin.

Peachy's eyes flashed towards her partner. Narrowing them, she started to interject but he cut her off.

"What did Arlo tell our liaison?"

Peachy bit her lip while crossing her arms. Pivoting around, the old woman surveyed her surroundings.

"He didn't appreciate the terms, Shane." She scoffed slightly annoyed. The way Arlo strung them along bothered her, yet Shane didn't sense this to be a problem.

"Peachy, don't dance around the issue."

"Essentially you've been told to 'Bug off'!" Peachy retorted.

Shane methodically laid the track down across the base of the majestic Norwegian Spruce and stared out one of the front windows.

"Pity."

Peachy narrowed her eyes.

"What are you about to do?"

Shane tossed his head to the side meeting her dubious gaze.

"Give them an incentive to cooperate." He grinned mischievously.

Shane shrugged off his partner's lack of amusement and returned to his project applying the finishing touches to the track.

Peachy roamed around the grandiose space eyeing various black and white, and sepia-toned wedding portraits of its previous Ladies of the Manor. As her chunky heels clicked against the smooth marble, Shane wiped his hands absentmindedly throwing his attention to his partner's gaze.

"The ones to the left are Donovan women on my father's side and the three to the right of the fireplace are of my maternal grandmother, her mother, and grandmother."

Peachy paused.

A ladder partially blocked the view. Prominently displayed above the mantle was the only fully colored portrait. The radiant bride stood regally with her chin tilted upward, the muted grey backdrop illuminating her blue-green eyes. Chantilly lace that Shane imported from France draped her delicate shoulders, the beaded bodice cinched tightly around her tiny waist. The silk veil with beaded flowers held her honey blonde curly tresses together as the bride exuded sophistication and grace exhibited by the ladies of the manor before her. Peachy smiled faintly.

"You know Laddie, I wasn't simply discussing business when I warned you about people scrutinizing your moves."

The spy sauntered towards his partner.

"This room hasn't been used in a long time." Shane pointed out- his eyes artfully darting between his partner and the portrait. Scaling the ladder, he hoisted the heavy frame from its perch above the mantle and motioned for Peachy to help lower it to the floor as he cautiously descended. Gesturing behind her, Peachy whirled around and noticed a traditional wreath lying against the wall. Shane's demeanor betrayed no sentimentality.

"Besides, as much as I would enjoy toying with Collier's fragile ego, I wouldn't dream of ruining Kimberly's Christmas."

After their contentious exchange in Kim's study, Shane anticipated entertaining a smug producer hell bent on sabotaging the holiday with his family. His eyes rested nostalgically on his former wife's image before grabbing the elaborately decorative wreath and returning towards the fireplace.

"_Collier has no idea who he is dealing with."_ Shane mused making the final adjustment to the wreath.

Peachy interrupted his train of thought reading it perfectly.

"I don't think you can afford to dismiss him. At the moment, he knows more about your capabilities than we do of his."

Shane exhaled heavily and did not answer for a moment. Leaving Peachy alone, he tucked the portrait safely away behind a door leading into what she assumed was storage. Returning to the ballroom, Shane placed his hands in his pockets, and tilted his head to the side.

"You think he's capable of inflicting that much damage?"

Peachy smirked and alluded to their recent altercation over Thanksgiving.

"It's not like you've given him any reason to resent you."

This induced a congratulatory grin from the spy. Shane wrapped his arm around her to escort her out of the room. The rhythmic tap of their heels punctuated the gravity of the situation.

"I don't think you can count anything out considering what Kimberly told him about us…or rather you…" Peachy cautioned.

Looking away towards her left, the twinkling white lights reflected the bluish hue off the silver and blue ornaments.

"He doesn't seem to connect me to the ISA." She mused softly.

"Precisely." Shane observed ominously. His tone somber, Shane's mind drifted back towards that brief exchange in Phillip's study. "Despite her lapse in discretion, this wouldn't be a problem if Phillip was my number one fan…"

His words trailed off not wanting to articulate the gnawing in the pit of his stomach. Kim's lapses in judgment usually revolved around him in some way. Mostly it had more to do with her placing his needs above her own or… Shaking off the gravity of the situation, Shane produced his best _'stiff upper lip.'_

"I really wish she hadn't discussed the ISA with him in the beginning."

He paused observing the onset of snow flurries outside the window before bending over to pick up the cell phone. Finally he muttered,

"That really surprised me."

Shane's gaze never left the scene just outside the front frozen windowpane. Peachy flashed her steely blue eyes back at her partner, but he wouldn't meet her insistent stare. A maternal instinct to protect swelled within her heart.

An obnoxious chime of the chunky cell phone ended their stalemate. Glancing down, flashed over the display. Shane pulled away seeking some privacy as Peachy chose to remain in the enchanting room. As he strolled away, his voice reverberated down the hall.

"Donovan."

"_Well, Morn'in Gov'nor!"_ Bo's usual cheery, but guarded demeanor flowed over the line. "How can _I _be of service?"

Shane smiled fondly. Bo Brady possessed a razor sharp brand of sardonic wit-mostly witty and light, but deadly when feeling personally wronged.

"I know things are extremely tense at the moment, but did you have a chance to ask Billie about her recollections of Collier?" He requested carefully.

An offhanded remark from an earlier conversation between the two shortly after his LA trip sent Shane on a mission guided by instinct. The spy sensed Bo was bustling around the boat while conversing. Mentioning Billie, who faced prison time for the murder of her father, quelled the mask of morning politeness and cheer.

"She's been a bit distracted lately." He replied in a gruff.

The slamming of a cabinet door on the boat smacked Shane over the line. Bo cradled the phone on his right shoulder as he propped his foot to tie his shoe. When Shawn-Douglas appeared from the back bunk, he motioned for his son to sit and eat his breakfast. Adjusting the phone,

"Besides _Gov'nor_, what's with the sudden urgency to dig up dirt on the man?"

His accusatory nature annoyed Shane.

"You said yourself that Billie thought she knew him. Given her circle of influence…"

"Eh!"

"Sorry, Bo." Shane corrected diplomatically. "I am not casting aspersions against Billie. I understand the circumstances. I am just saying that it isn't likely their paths would cross if Phillip's been on the straight and narrow."

Bo contemplated Shane's rationale for a moment.

"Are you sure there's not an ulterior motive, _Cap…tain_?" The infamous Bo Brady bite peppered his accusation.

Shane scoffed.

"I resent the implication, Brady."

Bo rolled his eyes. He conceded Donovan wasn't the type to play the interloper, but after witnessing how he allowed his emotions to pit his very own sisters against each other the year before, Bo couldn't discount that the spy might let passion overrule principle over this situation. And Shane was keenly aware of the man's assessment.

Bo exhaled evenly.

"Considering the damage you've caused, you'd better be treading lightly with this in regards to Kimber." He cautioned protectively and making no attempt to hide his condemnation of Shane's past actions,

"She's been through _a lot_ in the past few years."

Silence ensued, heightening the tension between the two men. So many codes of friendship and love had been broken because of his affair with Kayla. Shane attempted to deflect all the nasty repercussions that rippled along the threads of the Brady family due to his indiscretion, but Bo demanded more from the spy. The two were cut from a similar moral cloth and Shane breeched that trust. The rest of the family showed patience and compassion towards the embattled spy-especially after the explosion and resulting paralysis. Even Shawn, whose fiery Irish temper was legendary, did not find it necessary to castigate his former son-in-law. Observing the regret emanating from Shane's face whenever Kimberly was around, Shawn concluded that the man suffered enough by the hands of fate. However, Bo held his tongue merely waiting for the right moment. The two men could not proceed until Shane made amends. Finally Shane cleared his throat.

"You were put in a bad position, Brady. I'm sorry."

A heavy sigh filtered over the line.

"I expected better coming from you." Bo stated through gritted teeth- animosity over the whole nasty affair boiling to the surface. He was just getting started…

"Look, Bo." Shane interrupted sharply. "As much as I enjoy a good flogging, I don't have time to waste. Are you going to help me here, or not!" He bellowed over the line.

Donovan displayed a genuine act of contrition. Bo couldn't expect to demand him grovel over the matter and he wouldn't respect the spy for it either. Exhaling loudly,

"I'll grant you: Phil doesn't strike me as being Kimber's type." He admitted signaling the issue was closed.

Privately Bo considered Collier to be haughty at times but strangely understood his sister's attraction to the movie producer. He'd watch how Kimberly played the man. Much like rest of the suitors in her life, Kimberly exercised a degree of control keeping him at an emotional distance. Yet, based on Kayla's insinuations over Thanksgiving, Bo speculated the arrangement since their departure wasn't working very well.

"But?" His friend prodded interrupting Bo's train of thought.

"He's nice enough." Bo strung the words along as if his arm was being twisted.

As much as Bo would prefer to believe Shane to be the "jealous ex-lover", his cop-like instincts told him otherwise. If Donovan was digging around, there was good reason. Bo made a quick decision to remain uninformed for now. Knowing details would only infuriate him at a time when Bo was powerless to do much but aid Shane in his investigation. Bo's hands were tied in Salem.

"Don't you have some new fangled ISA devise that can uncover such things?" He suggested.

"You know damn well the real pros know how to get around a paper trail, Bo." Shane sighed exasperated. "The man is clean." He retorted.

"Pro?... Heh? Not Phil." Bo quipped impulsively. Pausing to contemplate the matter,

"No one in his business is _that_ clean." And then blurted out derisively. "Who the hell is on his payroll, or whose payroll is Collier on?"

"Exactly." Shane concurred. "Which is why I need some _'good ole' fashion boots on the ground'_ detective work."

Bo loaded his weapon and shouldered it into its holster.

"What do you need, Gov'nor?"

Shane smiled.

"I'm sending you a few pictures of Collier's associates to show to Billie."

"Sounds good." Bo replied affirmatively.

The two men exchanged a few pleasantries and caught up on the latest family business from both sides of the Atlantic before ending the call.

"So Kimber and the kids will be there soon, huh?" Bo mused pointedly.

"And Phillip within the next few days." Shane added.

"_The man doesn't stand a chance." _Bo chuckled to himself in reference to Kim's fiancé.

"Well, _Gov'nor_, I'd like to say that Salem's dull without you, but that wouldn't be true."

"I'm touched." The spy wryly replied.

"I will say," Bo raised his hand to punctuate the point as though Shane could see through the line. "That it isn't the same."

"Anytime you're this way, Brady. Anytime…" Shane offered as he poured the freshly brewed tea Simmons brought into his study.

"I just may take you up on that offer, _Gov'nor_. Until then, take care of my sister."

The confidence in the spy's capabilities reflecting in Bo's voice revealed much, but true to their nature, the call ended. Methodically Shane sipped his tea while awaiting her arrival.

* * *

**Mid-afternoon**

For eight hours on the plane, Kimberly listened to the children whisper and giggle excitedly over the events for the next few weeks. Several times, Kimberly believed the two settled down, only for one or both to erupt into more questions or random commentary. _Was there snow on the ground? What was the size of the Christmas tree? Would Ms. Peach bake them cookies, or would Simmons play Santa again? _Finally Andrew and Jeannie slipped into a deep sleep leaving their mother alone in her thoughts. The last time Kim made this trip, she felt the overbearing feeling of anxiety, but now anticipation gripped her. Glancing out the window to her right, Kimberly sought to drift a bit before the plane landed. Perhaps, sneak a little comfort in an elusive dream that taunted and teased her soul. For weeks, Kimberly would awake feeling her limbs tingle and possessing a fleeting air of satisfaction. She'd thought about discussing the situation with Amanda, or maybe Dr. Allison, but hadn't a clue as to even how to describe it? For starters, Kimberly could not remember who or what it was about? Was she even experiencing the same dream? She knew details would emerge in their own time when her mind caught up with her heart. Until then, Kimberly attempted to isolate and recreate the variables that seem to precede the dream… to no avail.

The plane trip languished well into the mid afternoon hours as the jet touched down at Heathrow airport. The air was chilly, foggy, and heavy on the eyes. Upon descent, the jet jostled and hummed towards the airstrip. The abrupt and unpleasant arrival produced a chorus of whines and complaints for food, beverage, and relief from the confines of the plane. The hurried mother stumbled out of the terminal with luggage, drinks, and children in tow.

"Ma'am." He called and snapped his fingers repeating, "Mrs. Dono…Ms. Brady."

A portly fellow navigated Kimberly's attention towards a silver Bentley. Scurrying into the backseat, the trio huddled together as the driver whisked them away towards the English countryside. Completely alert, the children chatted away as Kimberly fought to keep her eyes open.

The road gradually narrowed curving along the hillside far away from the bustle of the city. The harsh winter wind had long swept the last remnants of autumn leaves off their trees, the lush green hills of Cotswold barren until spring. The car passed fewer and fewer homes and almost an hour after stepping off the plane, they passed through the quaint little village at the bottom of the valley. Closing in on four o'clock in the afternoon, the snow-filled clouds created an oppressive and desolate atmosphere. A frozen drizzle fell mixing periodically with a random snowflake. To entertain the children's fancy, Kimberly played visual games with them.

"_I _bet…" She cooed. "Simmons has a fresh batch of nice buttery sugar cookies coming out of the oven as we speak."

Jeannie's eyes lit up. The gears in her pretty little head plotted each delicious morsel.

"_With Chismas twees, and bells on them?"_

"Ah, ah ah," Kimberly shushed. "Only after dinner." She smiled teasingly.

Her eyes drifted to her left observing Andrew, who had been quiet for sometime. Sensing his mother's protective gaze, he chimed in.

"Father has wreaths on every front window and a candle lit too. And he promised..."

The little boy stopped short seeing the familiar pattern of white lights peppering the horizon.

Kimberly reached over patting her son on the back.

"Your father is a good man, Andrew." She assured him hearing a hint of skepticism in his voice but not sure what it pertained to?

And at that moment, they rounded the bend approaching the Manor on the left. Standing majestically in the distance like a beacon in the night lighting the way for lost souls. A glimpse of the estate loomed ahead. Partially shielded by a sporadic tree and brush, Andrew's description paled to the effect of seeing the inviting white lights flickering from each window as they approached the old iron gated entrance. Traditional red ribbon pine wreaths adorned the double door gates opening automatically as the car approached. The car slowly rolled up the graveled drive, revealing Donovan Manor wrapped in a heavenly glow. Two miniature trees prepped in cement pots flanked the front mahogany double doors of the manor. Andrew leaped from the backseat tugging on his mother's coat exclaiming,

"He kept his promise!"

Decorated with a string of multi-colored lights, the trees sparkled brilliantly against the grey stone of the estate creating a rainbow of color on an otherwise colorless landscape. The display highlighted the inviting warmth of candlelight enticing one to enter the premises.

Andrew's big brown eyes shined almost as bright. Something so seemingly insignificant had a profound impact on the child and added just another brick to the boy's foundation of trust. Kimberly beamed with admiration and affection for the man who fathered her children. It renewed hope in her that faith and trust could be simple again. Kimberly's eyes shifted towards the magical scene just as the door opened and a shadowy figure stepped forward. Exhaling, she secretly thought:

"_I'm home."_


	17. Chapter 16: Reprieve

**Chapter 16**

**Reprieve**

"_Was it bad?" He asked expressing concern._

"_What?" Baffled by the meaning behind his question._

_He continued the charade,_

"_The fire?"_

"_Oh, no!" She assured him._

_Still perplexed by his insistence on being literal,_

" _It was a false alarm." She explained._

_Exhaling, "That's a relief." _

_And demonstrating discretion over the matter, _

"_A fire can be a nasty business in the winter time."_

_~Shane to Kim, Dec. 24, 1984_

* * *

**Location: Donovan Manor**

The car barely reached a complete stop at the front doors of the estate before the children tumbled out of it running towards their father. Shane lifted both into his arms squeezing them tightly as Andrew and Jeannie talked over each other for his attention. Kimberly noticed the slight groan escape from her ex-husband's lips when he lifted Andrew. Stepping out into the frozen mist pulling the collar of her woolen grey trench tighter for warmth, Kimberly exhaled contently.

"He's hit a bit of a growth spurt since you last pulled that stunt, _Capt'n_."

Shane nodded affirmatively setting the boy down as the four entered the grand foyer where Peachy stood ready to shower her adopted brood with hugs and kisses. The Manor was abuzz with greetings as Simmons handled coats, scarves, and mittens. The sea of faces dispersed leaving Shane and Kimberly face to face.

"It's good to see you again, Kimberly." He said affectionately.

Instinctively Shane cupped her hands for warmth as she removed her black gloves. Their eyes locked briefly before Kimberly slipped her hands away and stepped back to create the proper distance.

"You too." She returned with a genteel smile. Adjusting her attention towards the children, Kimberly began unfastening buttons and removing caps. Childish cacophony ensued. Andrew and Jeannie raced into the family room once their mother freed them from their cloaks to see the their stockings and the tree brimming with presents underneath.

"Where's the angel, daddy?" Jeannie exclaimed pointing to its barren top. The light reflecting from the steady flame of the fire caused her blonde wavy tresses to glow. The rest of the adults hustled into the family room as Shane scooped his daughter into his arms.

"Why, she's right here, my little one!" He answered pointing his finger squarely on the tip of her nose.

Jeannie giggled with delight squeezing her father's neck lovingly. Kim narrowed her eyes slightly.

"Shane, you're spoiling her." She whispered privately leaning into Shane's left shoulder.

"Nah," Shane shrugged brushing off Kim's counsel.

Whirling around, he gathered the porcelain lit angel topper and handed it to his daughter. Hoisting her on his right shoulder, Shane steadied the little girl so she could set it atop the tree.

"I'm merely teaching her how a man properly treats a lady." He pronounced offhandedly with a wink.

Kimberly paused and observed him with her daughter- pondering the meaning behind his words.

"Remember, you get to do it next year, Sport!" Shane instructed Andrew, who wondered why the tree wasn't already decorated.

"Why, I couldn't do all this without you!" His father answered merrily handing the boy his ornament.

Andrew broke Kimberly's trance a few moments later budging her to hang her ornament on the tree and a celebratory reunion commenced as the family finished trimming the tree. Once the task was completed, the children rushed off with Simmons, who plied them away with promises of hot chocolate. Peachy discreetly excused herself as well leaving Shane and Kimberly alone. Shane gathered boxes and carried them to the corner closet for storage. He returned to find her by the fire warming her hands. Kimberly gazed at the robust evergreen to her left. She was sure it wasn't indigenous to the British Isles.

"_Shaaane?"_ She wondered skeptically as he strode up beside her.

He stood with his hands in his kaki trousers and glanced at the floor before addressing her unspoken question. Meeting her blue-green eyes that twinkled against the backdrop of décor,

"I owed you a tree." He explained sheepishly.

Kim's cheeks turned a rosy shade of pink as she lifted her fist to her mouth coughing away the contrived tension. However, she couldn't conceal the pride beaming outwardly over the memory. Kim's mischief was quite contagious.

"I guess I need to put my luggage away." Kimberly smirked impishly.

Shane smiled mysteriously.

"Perhaps, you should." Meeting the unspoken challenge head on!

* * *

**A few days later…**

Peachy descended the back staircase leading into the warm, inviting kitchen. The front windows illuminated the brightness of fresh fallen morning snow covering the grounds of the estate. The sun was still hidden from view; the frozen heavenly blanket against the luscious greenery of evergreens peppered along the estate interjected a warm festive atmosphere to match the warmth and tranquility of the home. Pausing to her left, the elderly woman warmed her hands against the roar of the old stone fireplace as Simmons quelled the high pitch wail of the stainless steel kettle. Peachy marveled at the transformation that had taken place since Kimberly and the children arrived at Donovan Manor a few days before. The estate beamed with holiday cheer: the chattering of excited children sneaking periodic peeks under the family Christmas tree, snowball fights, and horseback riding through the snow along the back perimeters of the property. The once desolate, oppressive formal dining room now consisted of luxurious meals and joyful banter, before the family retired into the family room for Christmas storytelling and holiday movies. When Shane and Kimberly tucked the children snuggly into bed, the warm hazy glow of the fire and lights below lured the two back together for a nightcap. Sometimes their conversations lasted into the wee hours of the morning.

A trip into the closest town in the nearby valley allowed the happy family to tie up last minute Christmas shopping, before hibernating among the grounds of Donovan Manor. Peachy had accompanied them and yes, _'happy family' _was the perfect term to describe the expressions of mother, father, and the children. After eating lunch at a local tavern, Shane and Kimberly divided their time between each child, so Andrew and Jeannie could find the perfect gift for their mother. Now the two friends and former lovers were safely hidden from view from the outside world and the only two onlookers privy to their intimate interactions stood silently observing the cracks within their walled hearts grow bigger by the day.

Having completed lunch, Shane and Kimberly took Andrew exploring on horseback along the snowy tree-lined perimeter along the back of the estate while Peachy settle Jeannie in for a short winter's nap.

"Poor little Lass is plum tuckered out!" Peachy exclaimed with a flip of the wrist. She strolled over to the kitchen island where Simmons was pouring them a cup of tea on the opposite side of the creamy speckled granite countertop.

Measuring a small spoonful of honey and eying Peachy for approval,

"The roast is in the oven and I took the liberty to set aside preparations for hot chocolate for our winter explorers." Simmons announced professionally.

Peachy nodded affirmatively. Her old friend possessed a gleam in his eye that betrayed his intentions. Glancing out the back window,

"They should be along any minute, I suppose." She replied evenly.

The two sipped their brew in silence until the phone rang, breaking their tranquil ritual.

Peachy answered the cordless,

"Donovan Manor." She chirped in her usual Scottish brogue.

"Uh,… hello, Ms. Peach. It's Philip." The movie producer announced politely.

His light, charming demeanor displayed an endearing quality in Philip if one didn't know better.

"Oh, Mr. Collier! How lovely to hear from you." Peachy responded with just the right amount of cheer in her voice.

Simmons eyed her suspiciously.

"Is Kimberly there?" Philip requested affectionately.

"Oh, well Sir, she's out riding with Master Andrew at the moment." The elder spy answered merrily.

"I don't have time to wait." He sighed. "And I don't want to interrupt her time with her son."

Peachy could hear the disappointment in his voice. Yet, her opinion remained the same. Cradling the phone in one hand, Peachy sipped her tea slowly. Her eyes stared out the back window surveying any sign of them.

"The Laddie's in the study working." She threw out casually. "I could fetch him?"

"Oh, no no… that's not necessary." Philip answered quickly. "Just give Kimmie my flight information and since everything's on schedule _and_ if it leaves on time, we'll be at Heathrow before the storm sets in."

Peachy lifted her chin knowingly. Hastily she jotted down the flight information as he rattled it off before finishing the call.

"We'll do, Sir." She replied. "Be safe."

Pressing the 'End' button, she set the phone on the counter and poured herself another cup of tea. Peachy avoided Simmon's accusatory gaze. The old Butler detected her mind was working on something. Determined to ply it out of her,

"Too bad the two don't have more time alone together." He mused.

Peachy sat on the barstool sipping her tea giving no hint of budging from her original stance.

Suddenly the harmonious chatter of their loved ones burst through the back door of the mudroom.

"My boy, you are becoming quite a rider… exemplifying the grandeur of a long line of Donovan men before you! Shane extolled liberally.

Andrew's faced lit up soaking in the praise and attention from both his parents. Kimberly rolled her eyes light-heartedly as she unfastened her riding jacket.

"Did you see it, mum?" Andrew's exuberant voice boomed through the room as his mother attempted to take his heavy coat off of him.

"Yes, son." Kimberly assured him gently for the innumerable time. The boy had asked repeatedly since securing the horses into the stables and throughout the walk back to the main house. "The jump was truly graceful!"

The trio entered into the kitchen meeting the expectant gazes of Simmons and Peachy. Shane's face beamed with pride and exhilaration as he discarded his scarf and gloves. Wrapping his arm around Andrew's shoulders, he patted the right one victoriously.

"You two should have seen how he cleared that mid-beam!"

Kimberly smiled brightly at the display gesturing for Andrew to sit on the bench near the passageway so she could remove his riding boots.

"It was so cool how the snow blew up in the air too!" Andrew exclaimed waving his arms wildly for demonstration.

"You need to go to the fireplace and warm those feet." His mother instructed lovingly as she set the boots aside. "We'll see how the picture turned out later." She promised him.

"Sounds like you deserve the Simmons Specialty, Master Andrew!" The kindly butler offered with a wink.

"Definitely!" Shane approved heartily narrating the events of their afternoon ride.

Kimberly loosened the red scarf from around her neck and unfastened the top button of her pleated riding shirt as she knelt along the imposing stone hearth for warmth. Her hair desperately clung to her clip having escaped the clawed confines during the ride.

"And you, ma'am?" Simmons suggested as he pulled milk and whip cream from the refrigerator.

"Oh none for me." Kimberly replied sweetly. Abandoning her perch along the hearth, "I think I would prefer some tea. My throat's a bit sore from the cold air."

"It had quite a bite there at the end, _dah'ling_." Shane observed closely placing his hand gently against Kim's back guiding her around the island towards the stove. Their close proximity allowed wayward strains of Kim's wavy tresses to graze against his right cheek as Shane's eyes followed her every move. The faint aroma of vanilla and lilac from her soap affected him in the most provocative way. His eyes lingered for a moment tracing the curvature of her backside perfectly celebrated in the fit of Kim's black woolen riding pants.

Peachy cleared her throat.

"And the clouds are thickening." He added casually when he realized his actions were being scrutinized. Shane claimed a stool at the end of the island, but his partner wouldn't release him from her commanding stare just yet.

"Yes, apparently there's a storm brewing." Peachy admonished pointedly just as Andrew interrupted.

"Father took us all the way down to the creek…" His deep brown eyes were as bright as the flames he used to warm his hands. "And then we crossed over…"

Peachy observed as the three talked spontaneously about the adventure. Simmons slipped a candy cane into the hot, foamy, mug and presented it to the boy. Andrew rushed over to enjoy the holiday treat propping himself between his parents. Andrew created a nice buffer for the two as he held the conversation together. Each time Kimberly giggled, Shane's postured broaden ever so slightly- his tale becoming more charismatic. Peachy noted how Kimberly's eyes rested on his moving lips, anticipating Shane's next move. His eyes shifted between his son and Kimberly as he stole intimate glances in her direction. Shane's obvious flirtation didn't surprise the old woman, rather it was the way Kimberly accepted and encouraged the interaction since her arrival a few days before.

Kimberly tossed her head in Peachy's direction interrupting the woman's private musings.

"Peach, the whole view is simply breathtaking!" She gushed, her eyes sparkling with delight.

"Indeed it is." Shane noted agreeably, yet his eyes rested squarely on Kimberly's features and not the wintry landscape outside.

Peachy smiled and paused to sip her tea before announcing.

"Oh, Lassie, your Mr. Collier phoned…"

Kimberly's dazzling blue-green eyes grew dark for a brief moment before composing herself as Peachy explained his itinerary. Simmons busied himself with dinner preparation to conceal his displeasure.

"Oh, good." Kim remarked cheerfully.

Looking down, she studied the last remnants of her tea and then; hastily took a healthy last sip.

"Dad, can we play a game of chess before Jeannie wakes up?" Andrew asked after finishing his sugary treat.

The boy was oblivious to the marked change in atmosphere permeating the suddenly quiet kitchen- his expectant eyes focused on his father's answer. As though a switch had been flipped, Shane and Kimberly resumed their more restrained, polite roles towards each other. Kimberly lifted her gaze to address her audience quickly excusing herself from beside Shane.

"I think I'll shower and freshen up for this evening." She announced before kissing her son on the top of the head. "I enjoyed our ride today, gentlemen."

Kimberly nodded cordially to Shane exiting towards the back staircase.

"Can we, dad?" Andrew pleaded once his mother vanished to the floor above.

"Yes, son." Shane obliged smiling encouragingly, yet his expression appeared more downtrodden than Peachy had seen in days.

Once the two exited the kitchen, Simmons peered across the island for validation. Not receiving any support,

"I think I shall prepare the linens for this evening's meal." He stated professionally.

Now alone, Peachy slowly sipped the rest of her tea. The oven timer ticked away the minutes for the roast. Eying the cordless device to her left, impulsively she snatched it up and feverishly dialed a number.

"Lavinia Peach!" She chirped into the phone.

Pause.

"I get the distinct impression you're not excited to hear from me?" She feigned insult.

A thick disgruntled German accent could be heard over the line.

"Well then, let me make this brief." Peachy's voice clipped along succinctly. "Write this down." She demanded and explained the terms.

Finishing the call, Peachy returned the phone to its base. Whirling around, she nearly fainted from shock seeing Simmons step towards the counter to retrieve silverware. He paused eyeing his old friend intently. Undeterred, Peachy simply replied,

"I think I shall check on the little Lass."

Abruptly she turned on her heel and strutted away. Simmons smiled slyly, but said nothing.

* * *

**Later that evening…**

Dinner was more subdued than usual. Kimberly glanced at her watch occasionally anticipating a knock on the door signaling Philip's arrival while Shane discreetly studied her behavior. Pleasing to the eye, she wore a burgundy colored form fitted mock turtleneck with a grey plaid skirt that hit slightly above the knee and tights with knee-high black leather boots that flattered her slim figure. The effect was sexy, but subtle. Peachy observed them both while keeping the children entertained with fanciful stories of fairies and dragons, who hid from view along the grounds of Donovan Manor. Kimberly smiled and laughed along with the children grateful for any distraction from her private thoughts. Once dinner ended, Peachy insisted on preparing the beds for the children so Kimberly could retire to the family room with Shane. She entered, finding him standing next to the Christmas tree gazing out the grand window. Dressed in a grey pinstriped dress shirt and black trousers, his stoic demeanor struck a brilliant contrast against the inviting warmth of bright white lights reflecting the array of colored glass ornaments illuminating the tree. One hand in his black trousers pocket, the other cradled an after dinner brandy. The wind howled arrogantly against the outer walls of Donovan Manor creating snowdrifts against it. Visibility was next to nothing as Shane struggled to see the opposite wall of the estate from across the outdoor terrace.

" The weather is quite frightful this evening." He noted evenly having heard the click of Kim's black boots against the hardwood floor when she crossed the threshold. Her eyes followed his gaze as she strolled slowly towards his station by the window. Inhaling deeply,

"I wonder what's keeping Philip?"

Her concern coaxed him to meet her alluring blue-green eyes-even if her focus wasn't on him. Shane opened his mouth to speak when the phone interrupted. He threw back a casual gulp and patted Kim's shoulder reassuringly.

"I bet that's him now letting you know the plane landed."

Shane moved swiftly across the room and answered the phone.

"Donovan."

His expression neutral, " Yes, hold sec…"

"Kimberly, you can take this in my study for privacy." Shane gestured chivalrously.

Kimberly heeded his advice and walked briskly past the right of the fireplace into the other room. Snow falling outside created a cold bluish haze in the darken room, so she turned the small Tiffany lamp on to warm up the atmosphere. Picking up the extension from Shane's desk,

"It's Kimberly." She announced smoothly. Her voice was like butter and it made Philip ache at the thought of not being there.

"Babe," Philip greeted soberly. "It's too late. I won't be able to make it to England."

"Oh?" Kimberly exclaimed. A wave of relief poured over her as though a heavy burden had been lifted. The feeling surprised her.

"What do you mean?"

Instinctively Kimberly glanced out the massive floor to ceiling window in front of her. Snow rapidly accumulated along the grounds, snowdrifts piling against the greenhouse a short distance away. The white sheen lit up the dark night sky.

"Obviously you haven't been paying attention to the weather." Philip growled over the line, his displeasure at the thought of spending Christmas in a lonely hotel room in Berlin with his manager seeping through.

"No," Kimberly replied apologetically. Wounded by being the target of his frustration, "I'm afraid we were too focused on preparations to notice the latest weather reports, Philip." She offered weakly.

Kimberly whirled around letting her eyes scan Shane's study in an attempt to push back the hurt. Leaning back against the desk, she smiled pleasantly surveying the bureau on the back wall- a painting by Van Dyck situated above it. Its saturated color and the relaxed elegance of brush strokes calmed her nerves as Philip continued to lament his predicament. Despite arriving ahead of schedule to the airport with Stewart, who personally arranged the flight, the two were instructed that they were listed as 'Stand-by' for the packed plane. After wrangling with a haggard airline worker, they were moved to the last flight bound for Heathrow, but once they were boarded were told that the plane needed to be inspected for a mechanical issue. The delay in take-off resulted in a cancelled flight due to the developing winter system barreling down on North-Western Europe.

"Philip, you act like you've been personally wronged?" Kimberly observed delicately.

Philip rolled his eyes, but restrained himself. _Did she not pay attention to what he had just told her?_ He doubted their flight issues were purely coincidental but elaborating would only make him the bigger ass, setting up quite the atmosphere for Donovan to whisk in and console his disappointed ex-wife. But with his manager eavesdropping on the conversation, Philip swiftly adjusted his tone. A heavy sigh blew over the line.

"I guess you may be right." Philip surrendered offering the olive branch.

Throughout the conversation, Kimberly twirled the phone cord between her fingers absentmindedly becoming entangled within it against the desk. Giggling, she attempted to wrestle free,

"Yeah, it's a vast conspiracy against you, Collier." Kimberly joked as her eyes lifted to her left. Light filtering in through the slit of the slightly ajar door to the family room reflected against the glass of an old wooden picture frame nestled in the encased bookshelf to the right of the fireplace. In a flash, she stood in his apartment- her heart in hand…

"_Oh, it's beautiful." Visibly touched by her gesture of affection. "It's a fire station." He noted apprehensively. _

"_Yeah, just like in Merry Ole' England." She gushed nervously looking over his left shoulder._

_Shaking his finger as he pointed towards the framed picture,_

"_Yeah, I recognize this place. It's near to where I used to live." He explained still trying to keep the conversation light…_

"_Well, I remember how interested you were of that fire engine that came to my apartment building…oouut of nowhere…" She revealed bashfully. ~Jan.11, 1985_

A mixture of emotions welled up within Kimberly's soul, as Philip directed the conversation by inquiring about her day and other various pleasantries that women like. Kimberly placated her fiancé's obvious need to converse knowing Philip had the absolute worst scenario out of all of them. She would hike to _and_ swim across the English Channel in order to avoid spending any length of time with 'Stu.' The man repulsed Kimberly. If the storm intensified and, or stalled out once it moved over the English channel, then the producer faced a dismal vacation before being thrust back into the daily grind of his production schedule. So Kimberly engaged in light banter asking about the movie, his thoughts regarding its progress, and whether he enjoyed Germany. The conversation was rare…pleasant in every way inviting Kimberly to share every positive and encouraging tidbit of their time in Cotswold meticulously avoiding references to Shane. Her vivid descriptions of the picturesque landscape and luxurious accommodations sent the exchange into an unexpected course catching Kimberly off guard…

"…So what are you wearing?" He suggested seductively.

His voice bore a striking resemblance to strangers from the past. Kimberly squeezed her eyes shut and cleared her throat forcibly to change the subject.

"Philip, when do you think you'll be able to get here?" Her voice was measured, but kind.

"Ah, come on, Kimmie." He coaxed her. "Don't play _'hard to get'_?"

A shiver slid down her spine and her eyes flew open, resting once again on the old black and white photo. Attempting to sound anything but repulsed,

"I just want to know if we will be able salvage our holiday together?" She asked courteously.

Philip coughed, annoyed by her unwillingness to play along. His patience with this arrangement wore thin long ago.

"We'll have to wait and see." He remarked tersely.

"I'm sorry." Kimberly stated softly. "But I need to go…" She lied. "The children need to be tucked in."

They exchanged polite good-byes and ended their call. Slowly Kimberly emerged from the study to find Shane reading casually on the sofa. Abandoning his book, he set on the table behind the couch.

"What time should we expect him?"

Kimberly studied Shane's expression skeptically.

"He's not coming." She replied simply.

"Oh?"

He stood to greet her as she moved closer to the leather sofa. Kimberly joined him by sitting, but did not recline keeping her hands folded pristinely in her lap as she explained the situation. Shane flipped the television onto the BBC as the two unearthed international events for the first time since Kim's arrival. Much of the southern part of England was receiving the brunt of the storm at the moment, but the worst of it would pass over by morning.

"Looks like everything will be normal by morning over here." Kim remarked faintly.

The same couldn't be said for the rest Europe! It was abundantly clear how Kim and Philip would spend their Christmas…apart.

After a half an hour of television viewing, Shane turned to her and placed his hand sympathetically on her knee.

"I'm sorry, Kim."

"Don't be…" Chuckling half-heartedly as she scrutinized his face, "It's not like you control the weather."

Shane gave her the most curious look-detecting a hint of skepticism peppering her demeanor. Feeling painfully exposed with his hand still resting on her leg, Shane swiftly rose from the couch and strolled over to the Christmas tree. Kimberly whirled around to see him retrieve a beautifully wrapped rectangular box in shiny blue paper with silver accents. A tiny silver bow adorned the package that looked as though it could contain a piece of jewelry. Kimberly immediately stood and met him halfway.

"_Shane?"_ She attempted to deflect, until seeing the familiar script of Shane's penmanship etched on the tag: _Kimberly & Philip._

Now it was Kim's turn to appear dumbstruck.

"Go ahead, open it." Shane insisted.

Tearing the wrapper and opening the box, Kimberly discovered two tickets for the next evening at the London Philharmonic. Kimberly noted he spared no expense with the center orchestra section; or rather knowing Shane, someone owed him a favor.

"I took the liberty to make reservations for the two of you at _Le Gavroche_." He revealed gently.

_He remembered._

Rendered speechless, Kim was deeply touched by his gesture of good will_._ As she stood holding the box-torn wrapping paper still in hand, Shane meandered over to the bar in the far left corner of the room. He could still hear Peachy's incredulity ringing in his ears…

"_Heavens, Shane! A trip to the local pub would have been quite suitable." She scoffed. "To think a meal at Le Gavroche wasted on that…that…"_

_Shane arched his brow amused by her outrage and curious to see if he would be witness to a rare verbal blunder from the otherwise conservative speaker._

"_Parasite!" She spat out._

_Shane laughed boisterously eyeing her pointedly._

"_True Peach, but then I didn't do this for Philip's sake." _

Shane had no intention of pushing Kimberly into Philip's arms, but he walked a delicate line in regards to how he was perceived in Kim's eyes. Despite the abundance of Philip's flaws, Shane begrudgingly admitted that Philip hadn't hurt Kim the way he had…yet. And only because the condescending cad knew Shane had nothing concrete on him…again, yet. Keeping it that way was the spy's main focus and if Kim could reach the same conclusions regarding Philip on her own, even better. There were some truths best buried by the play of fate's favorable hand. "_Besides_," Shane reason, "_Visualizing the arrogant prick suffering through an evening that revolved around Kim and her desires- paid for on Shane's dime, was all the conciliation he needed at the moment." _

Pouring himself another drink, he cast a glance over his shoulder offering Kim one. She shook her head declining the offer still trying to sort out the complexities of her emotions. Her head felt dizzy and for a brief moment, Kimberly wondered if she ran a fever. Shane turned around to see her standing quite fetching in front of the fire where he had left her. Shane averted his eyes resting them on the falling snow outside. It provided a safer view at the moment.

"Pity the weather forecast has ruined what would have been a lovely evening for the two of you." He observed politely.

"The roads should be clear tomorrow, right?"

The snow had already slowed to a steady, peaceful pace as the wind gusts died down to a light breeze. Shane nodded affirmatively back at her and retreated towards the fireplace. He was confronted by Kimberly's soft delicate features staring alluringly back at him. Kim's cheeks had turned a rosy hue from standing so close to the fire. Her eyes sparkled brilliantly betraying a hint of desire. The words that tumbled out of Kimberly's mouth surprised them both.

"Oh, but surely _you_ would take me?" She implored hopefully.


	18. Chapter 17: Fire & Ice

**Chapter 17**

**Fire and Ice**

"_They made love with their eyes, _

_Though their bodies never touched."_

_~ Soap Opera Digest, May 5, 1987_

* * *

**Location: Donovan Manor**

_"Oh, but surely you would take me?" Kim suggested eagerly._

Shane's startled expression punctuated the obvious break Kim's demeanor strayed from the perimeters of their relationship. The realization panicked her. When he didn't immediately respond, the few seconds dragged by like hours.

" I mean…it would be a shame to waste the tickets." She stammered awkwardly.

Smiling slightly, Shane's gentle gaze stripped away Kim's defenses. Taking a measured sip of his brandy,

"Yes, it would be a shame to go to waste." He replied reassuringly.

"Good then…" Kim's eyes fluttered across the room as she crumpled the rest of the wrapping paper between her hands. Looking for the nearest escape route, she scurried over towards the bar to discard it. Shane remained by the fire casually cradling his drink; his eyes never abandoned their desired subject. Positioned safely across the room and when she had nowhere else to turn, Kim finally lifted her eyes to address him. Mustering her best _devil-may-care_ expression,

"I think I shall retire for the night, _Capt'n_."

The spy nodded chivalrously and after she departed, strolled towards the old leather upright chair flanking the right side of the fireplace. The spy treaded on thin ice as it pertained to his feelings towards Kimberly. With nothing promised in return, Shane entertained thoughts that he shouldn't. Worse still, he began to recognize mutual desires on her part, yet Kimberly showed no signs of relinquishing the control Philip held over her. Silently the spy admonished himself for their folly and questioned the wisdom of escorting Kimberly to dinner and the symphony. But he promised, so the spy assuaged his conscience by brushing off the date, as merely ensuring that a gift well spent didn't go to waste. Reclining comfortably in his father's chair, Shane exhaled deeply letting the falling snow outside the window soothe his soul.

* * *

**The next evening…**

Shane emerged from his quarters fully dressed in a black double-breasted Armani suit, a silk crimson colored tie peering out of from beneath the jacket against a crisply white buttoned down shirt. A matching silk handkerchief tucked pristinely in his left breast pocket topped off the look of a respectable gentleman. Adjusting his cuffs, Shane spied the door ajar to their… her room. Dressed in a festive long-sleeve royal blue velvet dress, Kimberly sat at the dressing table leaning towards the mirror in concentration as she applied a soft shade of red to her soft, tempting lips. He crept closer stealing a peek at her reflection mirroring back at him without being seen. The gown's color complimented the blue and green specks in Kim's sparkling eyes. Shane wasn't prepared for the effect she had on him; his well rehearsed plan to remain aloof dissipating at the sight. Pausing, he let his eyes trace the curvature of her décolleté faintly exposed by the v-shape neckline of her gown. Her cascading curls flowed effortlessly across her shoulders and against the lush fabric of the back of her dress. Time merely heightened certain memories…

_She emerged from the bathroom freshly bathed approaching the old Victorian dressing table to retrieve a brush. _

_He pulled back not to be seen and feeling only slightly guilty for indulging in his secret desires. _

_Peering into the room once more, he watched her disrobe by the bed, her curly locks flowing down across her bare back. _

_She reached for her pale silk gown, raising her arms and slipping it on. Her nude figure covered once again… __~ April 26, 1985._

Shane blinked away the emotions, knocking cordially to announce his presence.

"You, ready?" His was voice thick, but light.

Shane stepped inside as Kimberly rose and whirled around to address him. This time, his services weren't requested-her sapphire pendant necklace already secured around her neck. Inconspicuously the two eyed one another, both pushing away the glimmer of passion igniting between them. Kimberly strolled over to him linking her arm with his. Smiling brightly,

"Why yes, kind Sir!" And full of good humor, "Take me to the symphony," Kimberly exhorted lightheartedly with a flick of her wrist!

Shane patted her hand approvingly playing along.

"It would be an honor _darhling_," He enthused as he escorted her out of the room.

* * *

**Location: London**

Per usual, Shane paid special attention to detail for their date though neither would admit that this was the case. He pulled the black Mercedes 500SL around to the front, so he could court her extravagantly. The blustery weather prevented the two from taking a stroll through Hyde Park before dinner a block away at _Le Gavroche_. Instead they arrived early, so Kimberly could reminiscence with the owner and his wife-old friends from their days in France.

"Mon cher, Kimberly!" Michel boasted wrapping his arms around her and kissing both her cheeks as they entered the restaurant. Handing their coats to the maitre-de, the owner clasped Kim's hands to survey her appearance.

"Stunning as usual!" The famous chef exclaimed as she waved off the compliment. He paused spying the engagement ring and before either Shane or Kim could correct him, Michel motioned for his wife…

"Giselle! Le meilleur champagne dans la maison!"

And pivoting back towards Shane to congratulate him,

"You two finally found your way back together, non?"

Kim blushed slightly. Michel paused as his old friends opened their mouths to correct him. Shane assumed the lead shaking his head and explaining,

"Ah, but you know Kim and I," He gently placed his hand on Kim's left shoulder for support. "We'll always be close friends…"

Taking her cue from Shane's laid-back disposition, Kimberly cheerfully filled them in on her engagement to Philip. The Frenchman appeared skeptical but in respect to mutual adoration and familial history (Shane's father was well acquainted with the elder Roux), transitioned into customary chitchat as the two couples strolled to a private booth for entertaining important guests. The topics smoothly shifted to their children. The women exchanged recent pictures and the men discussed how business was doing since Michel had taken over the restaurant for his father. The atmosphere light and jovial, Shane and Kimberly sipped champagne and toasted their hosts. Guarded poses and past hurts melted away while mingling with kindred spirits. The simmering desire for one another was palpable.

Afterwards, Shane and Kimberly left alone to the Philharmonic.

"I think the buttons on this shirt may burst from that meal." Shane joked as the two nestled comfortably in their seats.

Kimberly laughed affirmatively. "I should take short shallow breathes in this." She demonstrated.

Shane eyed her pleasingly and taking her hand stroking it delicately. "You look quite beautiful this evening." He revealed impulsively.

The lighting dimmed and the violins began creating an air of intimacy for its participants. Intermittently throughout the show, Shane gazed over to his right at Kim's captivating expression. Her eyes twinkled vividly against the lighting illuminating from the stage as she subtly nodded to the rhythm of the orchestra. Her lips moved slowly along with the music- a habit Kim possessed for as long as Shane had known her. She counted the beat, hummed along, and if a vocalist accompanied the arrangement and she thought herself alone, Kimberly would sing softly with it. The memory induced a warm smile from the spy, who instinctively reached for her hand. Before resting his fingers between hers, the garish reminder worn around her ring finger taunted him, so Shane withdrew the offer quickly before his intentions were discovered. Casually wiping his offended hand along his suit, his eyes transfixed onto the performance just as Kimberly caste a longing gaze in Shane's direction. When his eyes did not seek hers, Kimberly lowered her head slightly and pivoted back towards the stage mirroring his polite posture for the occasion. The two enjoyed the remainder of the concert aching for something that was just beyond their reach.

* * *

**Later that evening…**

As they exited the building, Shane offered Kimberly his arm stepping out into a cold and dreary evening. A light snow fell forming a fine dusting along the streets of London. The valet arrived with the Mercedes and as Shane tipped the man,

"Liam! Liam Doyle!" A mysterious character approached to their left casting a purposeful glance in Kimberly's direction as he extended his hand towards Shane. The cool veneer of a calculating weapons dealer took hold instantly as the spy stepped between the man and Kimberly slamming him against the side of the car. Kimberly gasped, but recovered quickly portraying the look of a disinterested mistress more annoyed by the interruption than frightened.

"Mon cantaloup peu, qui est cet homme?" Kimberly inquired petulantly.

Still clutching the man's dinner jacket, Shane shot Kimberly an approving glance.

Without exchanging informative looks, she had slipped into a role perfect for Shane's cover. It awed him. Pulling Arlo upright so no attention would be drawn to the scene, Shane smiled arrogantly exposing his trademark dimples. Then turned to address Kimberly-one hand still pressed dominantly on Arlo's chest.

"Pas un problème cher." Shane cajoled in sloppy French that was overpowered by an Irish dialect. "Montez dans la voiture." He swiftly, but gracefully guided Kimberly around the black Mercedes and escorted her into the car.

Dismissing the intruder, Kimberly tilted her chin upward and stared straight ahead, before busying herself with the contents inside her clutch. Shane shut the door securing Kimberly in the vehicle discreetly blocking her from Arlo's view and promptly strolled back towards his friend. The slightly disheveled Italian was busy straightening his dinner jacket when the spy approached. Propping his right arm atop the car, Shane exposed a carefully concealed piece to thwart any more stupidity from his business associate.

"Yuh trackin' me, Arlo." Shane snarled.

The man appeared genuinely surprised at Shane's reaction and stepped two paces back to create some distance. Securing his coat and scanning for potential witnesses to hide behind, Arlo assured him,

"Liam, no. I…I had business…"

"Don't trust my methods, eh?" Shane pressed further. The conversation continued in a manner preventing Kimberly from hearing the contents of what was said. However, she noted the cold and derisive tone attached to Shane- a professional persona she became quite familiar with during their relationship. The more menacing he behaved, the more dangerous the case. Kimberly uttered not a word once he joined her in the vehicle-the altercation casting a pall over their otherwise enchanting evening together. Once they had exited the city's outer perimeters and Shane's posture relaxed knowing that they weren't being followed, Kimberly inquired softly,

"Are you compromised now?" The question was laced with a hint of fear.

Shane glanced over to her attempting to meet those solemn blue-green eyes that shimmered against the backdrop of white rolling hills. Kim stared straight ahead.

"No, thanks to your fancy improv." He replied graciously trying to lighten the mood.

Kim smiled faintly. "I saw him coming at the corner of my eye."

"And?" Shane prodded with interest.

Kimberly turned her head to eye him. Her senses sharp, Shane couldn't resist picking her brain for perspective on the prickly fellow. As he weaved up and around the snowy hills, Shane caste captivating glances her way.

"You deemed him a foe?" The spy quizzed.

"Of course, his body language literally broadcasted that your run-in wasn't happenstance and he eyed me directly to ID…"

"Not surprising. You're quite easy on the eyes." He interrupted flirtatiously.

Even in the dark and not able to view Kim's facial expression while driving, the spy knew her cheeks blushed slightly at the compliment.

"Clearly you know more about him than he does you which makes whatever he wants from you all the more infuriating for the poor chap." Kimberly noted candidly deflecting the flattering remark. "And I'm sure that I don't want to know, right?" She added with a glint in her eye.

"Very astute." He acknowledged with a broad smile.

Remembering their phone conversation, her eyes stole a glance towards the spy's injured knee. Shane caught her apprehensive gaze.

"Was he the one responsible for your little 'swim' in Switzerland?"

"Quite possibly." He replied evenly, but then drew back at the realization recognizing that Kimberly had pieced together the locale from fragments of past phone conversations.. "I never told you that I was in Switzerland!"

It was a bit disconcerting.

"Process of elimination, my dear boy." She replied coyly. Her eyes bright and enthralling, "I know better than to assume that anyone who approaches us knows you like I do._" _

Kimberly emphasized as she took her eyes off the road and unto Shane.

It was his turn to flash a humble smile in her direction.

"My dear Kimberly, no one knows me like you do." He confessed affectionately.

Kimberly smiled softly acknowledging the truth of Shane's statement, but turned her attention towards the glistening landscape outside the vehicle.

"Besides," She offered. "I noticed the change in _you_ the minute he said your name…_Liam_." She smirked.

Shane smiled guiltily, but feigned insult. "You don't appreciate the humor, _Ms._ Brady?"

Kimberly chuckled, and then contemplated the situation for another minute.

"Oh, no. I certainly appreciate the take, _Sherlock_." She flashed him an impish grin showing that Kimberly understood the origins of the name. "But Pop would give you a 'B' for the _Irish dialect_," She noted with a roll of the tongue.

"Ouch, you Bradys are a tough crowd to impress!" He lamented clasping his chest as though the critique had insulted his ego.

Kimberly, stealing a flirtatious glances his way, "Pauvre bebe."

Shane smiled broadly. Oh, how he adored her accents! It harkened back to the way she seductively murmured French in his ear in days past, which reminded the spy,

"My little cantaloupe?" Shane quizzed amusingly keeping the conversation flowing.

Kimberly dropped her head giggling.

"It just slipped out." She assured him pivoting her body towards him as he drove. Shane's boisterous laugh filled the car with warmth that induced more laughter from Kimberly. It was quite a turn on!

"I'm sorry to say though, that you have more work to do with the ole' chap." She was saying-eyes twinkling as Shane's mind toyed with him.

The hint of caution lacing her observation snatched the spy's mind out of a mesmerizing trance the snowy roads and Kim's intoxicating voice had placed him in.

Shane straightened his posture and nodded pensively. "I haven't gained his trust yet?"

"I'm afraid not."

His tone took on a more formal air. "Despite Arlo's stellar performance, I'm afraid that I concur with your observation. Thanks for confirming my suspicions."

"Well, what are friends for?" She remarked with a lilt in her voice to mask the trepidation the situation created.

Shane coughed uncomfortably.

"I hate that it had to ruin an otherwise placid evening…"

The car slowed to a stop and since no other car was on the road at this late hour, Shane leaned towards her and reached for her hand.

The intensity of his words, the way his eyes searched her nearly took Kim's breath away. She leaned back into her seat shrugging her shoulders. Avoiding his eyes,

"No harm, no foul, Shane." She assured him. "Besides, I get plenty of practice."

Shane arched his brow, but she motioned for him to continue on their journey towards home.

"Being with a producer isn't all that different than being with a spy." She remarked evenly.

He complied with her request, yet pressed by attempting to sound nonchalant.

"Really?"

With her hands pristinely placed in her lap, Kimberly replied:

"Oh, everyone is angling for something." She revealed rather pointedly. "And they NEVER simply come out with it. It's always masked over a lunch date or an innocent loan of a yacht or some such…"

Kimberly's face grew dark for a brief second.

"The methods of using people are the same..." She sighed disenchanted by the topic.

From the corner of his eye, Shane noted that Kimberly's brow crinkled thoughtfully. She sighed mournfully,

"But the stakes are a whole lot less tragic."

The words escaped her mouth before she could filter their implication casting a gloomy shadow over them. Shane didn't respond, but instead kept his focus on the road before him as Kimberly settled miserably back into her seat. Several attempts to explain or paint the comment in a different light proving futile. The tortured couple traveled back to the manor in silence.

* * *

**Location: Donovan Manor**

Pulling into the estate, a snow-ice mix pummeled the luxury vehicle. In gentlemanly fashion, Shane guided her into the home shielding Kimberly from the biting ice and wind. Once inside, both avoided eye contact as they busied themselves with shedding their woolen winter garb. Shyly smiling at his gesture, Kimberly handed Shane her cape to hang. Shane returned the courtesy with a reassuring smile.

"I didn't mean for that to sound like an indictment." She whispered nervously. "I hurt you deeply too."

Shane paused shortly cupping Kim's hands into his- their hands warmed from the weight of woolen garments draped over his left arm. Smiling sorrowfully,

"We both played our parts..." He noted reflectively.

His eyes held hers apologetically for a brief moment before releasing her from his care. Shane turned on his heel to put the items away in the closet passed the stairs.

Kimberly whirled around to eye the tree, which basked in a heavenly glow from the living quarters. She stepped forward into the warm, inviting room and sighed wistfully at the display. Shane approached from behind gazing at the decorations and then down towards her. Kimberly bit her bottom lip as Shane explored her eyes for some sort of reconciliation over the matter.

"It was a lovely evening." Kimberly said softly. Furtively searching his eyes, "Thank you for the gift."

Smiling politely, Shane placed his hands into his pockets.

"It's been awhile since I've been out with someone without all the pretenses."

"_Aaah_, someone who knows all your secrets and yet still chooses to be with you?" She quipped light-heartedly.

"Yeah, that's it." He observed wisely.

The truth flickered between them.

Avoiding his gaze, she felt trapped. Kimberly shifted her eyes towards the Christmas tree ablaze in lights. They chatted intermittently for a few minutes- a delicate dance of social graces, by discussing the music of the evening, the decorations that caught their attention while they were out, and then back to the room where they stood.

"It's like something out of a Dickens novel." She noted in a vain attempt to navigate through their internal conflict. He stood so close that the smell of his cologne mingled with the weight of his breath against her back. It stimulated the senses. They stood for a moment in the tranquility of the room.

"There's always something quite magical about the evenings during Christmas time." Shane remarked amorously.

"Mmhmm." Kimberly murmured.

Whirling around to face him. "Shane, I…"

At the sight of flakes of snow liquefying in his thick black hair, she impulsively reached to brush it away.

"_Yes?"_ He coaxed her- his voice luxuriously tempting.

The look of adoration plastered all over his face heightened the intensity. Kimberly's mind drew a blank and she nearly melted into his expectant embrace. Shane reached out to caress her cheek; Kim's head fell slightly back almost succumbing to his advances…

The distant but piercing wail of a train whistle signaling its abrupt stop on the tracks plucked them out of the moment. Abruptly Shane withdrew his hand as Kimberly stepped aside to his right ready to escape upstairs.

THUD!

The noise echoing towards the far end of the manor overshadowed what had almost taken place as they glanced around and back at one another perplexed by the interruption. Shane raised his finger in caution looking past Kim through the partially opened door to the study. Smiling slyly he motioned for her to head towards the ballroom while he darted towards the back of the home. A much-welcomed diversion, Kimberly hastily complied walking briskly down the front hall. Entering the grand room, her heels echoed across the marbled floor. The evidence scattered a few feet away, the old train-set lay abandoned under the blue and white illumination of the Norwegian Spruce. Kimberly cast her eyes to the left and stared at the dying embers of the fire. Her wandering thoughts halted by the sound of Shane's voice roaring through the opened door leading towards the library. Andrew's mischievous laughter mingled in the mix. Startled, Kimberly whirled around to face them as Shane burst through the door to the left of the fireplace with Andrew hoisted over his left shoulder. The boy's green and red plaid robe covered his frame, but the sight of Andrew's bear claw slippers produced an affectionate laugh from Kimberly. She smiled at the display crossing her arms as Shane swung the boy around to face his mother.

"Kimberly, we have a trespasser!" Shane bellowed.

Andrew's big brown eyes that mimicked his father's stared cheekily back at her. Kimberly leaned forward and tried to keep her expression neutral, but even at the age of seven; Andrew possessed his father's flair of charming the female sex. The fact that the boy was perched over his father's shoulder staring innocently back at her didn't help matters.

"Son, it's well past your bedtime. What are you doing up?" Kimberly admonished.

Smiling wide, Andrew instantly reminded Kimberly of his father.

"You look awfully pretty." The boy complimented sweetly.

"That she does, son." Shane echoed softly.

Kimberly rolled her eyes.

"You're not helping." She mumbled.

Shane dropped his head to the side trying to catch a glimpse of her, while his shoulders shook from restraining his own amusement over the situation.

Turning her attention to their son, she patted his disheveled head lovingly,

"Go to sleep!"

Shane leaned back so Andrew could kiss his mother goodnight. The boy wrapped his arms around his mother's neck planting a sloppy kiss on her right cheek before his father marched him off to his room.

Left alone in the ballroom, Kimberly closed her eyes placing her fingers delicately on her lips. Opening them once more, her memory taunted her over the sights and sounds filling the room of the last time she had occupied it. It was five years before and Shane had hosted an elegant affair in this room showcasing his new wife to long acquainted family friends from the area. As Kimberly turned towards the massive fireplace, the ornate wreath gracing the wall above the mahogany mantle morosely cued her that she had been replaced. Even at Donovan Manor, time carried on!

Seeking sanctuary far away from the display, Kimberly rested on one of the elegant chase lounges situated against the front windows directly opposite of the painful reminder. The majestic evergreen twinkled in the dark and acted as a safe buffer to provide her with a safe vantage point.

After some time had past, Shane reentered the ballroom to find Kimberly seated picturesquely on one of the cream-colored chase lounges situated between the front windows. He paused to soak in the full view of the room- the little train set still pulled partially out from under the massive Norwegian Spruce where Andrew had been playing. Strolling to the fireplace, Shane reignited the flames producing an air of hope into the desolate room. Kimberly followed his gaze.

"I sure hope you cut him some slack, _Capt'n_." She remarked lightly.

Shane took a few steps forward and placed his hands into his pockets. Smiling guiltily, which exposed his dimples,

"I could hardly condemn the lad for doing something his father did quite often as a child."

Kimberly giggled at the mental image. "I imagine you drew up the plans upstairs in your room?"

A hearty laugh rumbled out of the spy.

"Yes, I'm afraid so!" He reluctantly confessed. Shane turned to see her coaxing him to elaborate further. He told the tale of two brothers sneaking down the stairs while their parents enjoyed an evening of Sherry and reading in the family room while they snuck down the front hall towards the ballroom to play with the old train-set. Shane became so absorbed in the nostalgia of the memory that when he concluded, Kimberly's expression of adoration rendered him speechless. She sat irresistibly perched on the lounge; the opportunity presented itself once more before them. However, the allusion to Shane's work overshadowed them both with the observation that their son was steadily walking in his father's footsteps. Predictably their minds drifted to the altercation by the car earlier- a cool barrier threatening to fan the flame flickering between them. Kimberly maneuvered the conversation back to safer waters.

"Did I ever tell you that I discovered a set of 'plans' in Andrew's backpack for the best strategy to pilfer cookies out of the cookie jar?"

"No, no you didn't." Shane chuckled as she hummed the tune to _'Mission Impossible.'_

He dropped his head in mock shame gesturing with his left hand towards the far left corner of the room that led into the library.

"Father would actually catch us by entering in from that route." He informed her.

"_Aaaaah…"_ Kimberly cooed leaning forward and hanging on his every word. As the story unraveled, the spy slowly strolled towards the bench to sit next to her. Temptation flagrantly toyed with them. The vibrancy of her eyes illuminated the delicate features of her face and complimented Kim's expectant posture as Shane's eyes bathed her in desire. She followed his movements until he was merely inches away- her head tilted back and up so that Kim could retain eye contact. His steady, gentle gaze held her hostage as Shane undressed her with his eyes. She waited for Shane to speak and when he didn't, Kim's cheeks turned a rosy shade of red as though Shane had read her every guilty thought. When he sat next to her, Kimberly abruptly pulled away and faced towards the fireplace. Yet, she couldn't free herself from the seduction. Resisting the urge to kiss her, Shane cleared his throat to break the tension. Leaning forward, he clasped his hands together letting his elbows rest on his knees. His eyes moving around the room,

"So why sit here so far away from the warmth of the fire?"

"Is there a certain protocol, _Capt'n?"_ Kimberly teased affectionately relieved for a diversion.

"Well," The spy noted matter-of-factly. Gesturing towards the entrance from the library to the left of the fireplace at the far corner of the room,

"At that station, one can observe the tree," His eyes shifted to the right as Kimberly's sparkling eyes followed his lead. "With the backdrop of the snowy landscape from the front windows…" Shane observed when he pivoted around to check. His eyes rested once more on hers as the weight of his next words slowly tumbled out. "Feel the warmth of the fire…It's quite soothing to the soul."

"It's comforting here too." Kimberly interrupted poignantly answering his intended and unintended question.

"Besides ice can be soothing." She observed casting her eyes just over his left shoulder and out the frost-laden window. Pulling away slightly, her eyes were wide and suddenly well aware of where this was leading. Still leaning forward, Shane snapped his head back towards the burning embers. His voice low, yet voluminous,

"Ah, I see." He replied seductively. Pausing briefly, then adding,

"I tend to think it leaves one with a mocking numbness to waste away a winter's evening."

Slowly Shane turned back to eye her. Her lips parted to protest, but his enigmatic stare held her prisoner. Coaxing her eyes towards the undulating flames, Shane recited expressively:

"_Some say the world will end in fire,_

_Some say in ice._

_From what I've tasted of desire,_

_I hold with those who favor fire._

_But if it had to perish twice,_

_I think I know enough of hate _

_To know that for destruction_

_Ice is also great _

_And would suffice." ~Robert Frost_

"I suppose that you have a preference." Kimberly observed having studied Shane's expression as he quoted the passage from memory. Her voice was barely above a whisper and full of emotion. Kim's blue-green eyes betrayed intensity reminiscent of the two images presented in the poem. Their coloring embodying the comfort that isolation provides, yet the way he held her attention revealed threads of desire that had been buried long ago. Shane looked far away towards the coral colors of the fire.

"_Hmmm_… Having tasted both, I prefer the fire."

"That you do." She noted pointedly.

Shane flashed her a wretched look of regret. His thoughts rested squarely on the desires of his heart, but her comment rendered a devastating blow to his psyche realizing that the mark Kim still wore on her sleeve was hatred aimed at her over their demise. In a flash, the urge to take her crestfallen face into his hands and whisper declarations of love and devotion enveloped him. An earlier conversation mingled between them...

"_You know, I think that you probably loved her very much once, if you hate her so much now." She observed compassionately._

_He focused on lighting each candle; his silence punctuated the truth in her statement. She gingerly stepped forward and into his steely emotional wall. Though blind, she still could peer straight into his soul. When he said nothing, she inhaled and gently pressed on._

"_They say there's an all comprising hate that's a little bit stronger than love."_

_Finishing his chore, _

"_Well, I'm not going to say you're wrong," He admitted and turning around to face her. _

"_But time," His whole demeanor had soften and Kimberly could hear the tenderness in his voice return. "Time has a way of dealing with those things." _

_He stepped closer._

"_In the end, what matters is that people who matter to each other make a point in holding onto what matters." ~August, 1985._

Their eyes remained lock in the past; the crackling fire amplifying the effects the memory held over the two.

After several minutes of silence,

"I never hated you, Kim." He revealed grimly.

"Are you sure about that?"

Her skeptical eyes pierced his heart as their painful past rippled to the surface. When Shane didn't protest immediately, Kimberly rose and stepped away from him. Shane remained seated still clasping his hands tightly. Dropping his head,

"I suppose…" He admitted reluctantly.

But then, Shane looked up to see if she was watching him.

She wasn't.

Instead, Kimberly wrapped her arms around herself staring at the swirling pattern of the crystal icicle ornaments adorning the tree. Shane guessed more for protection than warmth as the fire burned brightly in the distance.

"It never superceded my love…our love…"

Kimberly turned sharply towards him.

"Don't do that."

Her eyes betrayed a fiery disbelief of his statement and tragically Shane could understand why Kim felt that way. The anger over the demise of their love had blinded him in a way that even at that moment was too painful to articulate, let alone defend. Shane struggled to help her make sense of it all. For so long neither one had ventured down this thorny path.

"I needed time, Kim."

"Exactly how much time, huh? Enough time to snatch up another case that would take you away from a marriage you felt trapped in because your wife betrayed you?"

Kimberly attempted to shift to her left, then right. Feeling painfully in the spotlight, she simply turned to meet his accusation head on.

"Let's face it, Shane! Any mention of _Cal_,"

There was a hiss in Kim's voice that Shane rarely heard from her. "Or the pregnancy and you closed yourself off so tightly… " She clinched her fist punctuating the statement.

Shane bolted upright and rushed towards her.

"Except this time, I didn't wait for _you_ to leave me!" She cried thwarting his inclination to take her in his arms.

Panting, Shane stopped short and towered over Kim, her eyes glistening with tears.

"So you took it upon yourself to make our decisions…_our _Kim, our decisions for us." He acknowledged emphatically in a more measured tone.

"Someone had to." She retorted defensively.

Kimberly shifted her head to the side avoiding his passionate glare. Frustrated, Shane ran his hands through his hair and began to pace.

"You know, that's not even the point." He muttered bitterly.

Admittedly his statement intrigued her.

"Then what is?" She inquired perplexed, yet not abandoning her perch next to the Christmas tree.

Shane stood several feet away, his back towards her shaking his head as the spy ponder his next move. Lifting his head, Shane turned around and boldly addressed her for the first time regarding that moment,

"How could you let go so easily, Kim?"

Kimberly recoiled in horror. "Let go! How many times did I try to reach you?" Her arms outstretched and pressing one hand against her breast,

"Shane, there wasn't a destination the ISA could take you that could have created a greater distance than what you placed between us because of him!" Kim's voice was firm reaching a fevered pitch.

"You said it yourself that there was no future for us as long as _Cal_ was a factor and as much as I wanted to give in to my belief that he wasn't, your actions _coldly_ _dictated _otherwise!"

"I'm not referring to when you walked away damn it!" His voice booming across the room was almost deafening.

Kimberly flinched and when she failed to respond,

"For God sakes, Kim! You've said as much yourself: we're masters of running, but there was always…" He paused and inhaled laboriously.

"_That_ should have been sacred, Kim." He revealed in a low deflated tone.

Kimberly eyed him directly.

"What?" She lamented in a whisper- her voice hoarse from emotion.

The seconds ticked away slowly, before...

"The cameo!" He blurted out. The token of their love, his love and she had rejected it and thus, him in his eyes.

Kimberly's mouth dropped to the floor as they stood in an emotional draw. She tried blinking away the sting but to no avail. She felt flushed and her throat was throbbing from the strain of their conversation. Kimberly felt the tears welling up inside, and one thing she had promised long ago was never to let him see her break down again.

"You know as well as I that it didn't belong to me anymore?" She choked on the words trying to regain her composure.

"That's not a fair analysis." Shane feebly asserted.

For a split second, it appeared that progress was being made, until Kimberly tragically uttered,

"Emma."

The sound of her name startled him as Kim's voice rippled throughout the room.

"Emma?" He asked in bewilderment. "What does _she _have to do with _any_ of this?"

Kim's voice cracked as she tried to explain.

"I may have been blind, Shane, but I could hear the disgust in your voice regarding her and I prayed that I would never hear that with my name attached to it."

She turned away from him covering her mouth with her hand.

"That was different…" He began, but even as the words escaped his mouth; Shane felt the hollowness in them. He stepped forward in an attempt to comfort her…to correct the folly but she raised her arm as a shield halting Shane's advances. Composing herself, Kimberly exhaled,

"This isn't productive, Shane."

"Don't shut me out, Kim." He pleaded-his jaw clenched and his temple twitching in frustration.

"I didn't have the strength then, and you know what? I don't have it now." She sighed exasperated at how quickly their evening had degenerated into chaos. "Besides we both moved on. First, you," Her sorrowful eyes bore straight into his and effectively shutting down communication,

"And then me."

Shane bowed up defensively placing his hands on his hips. Narrowing his brow,

"That's a bloody lie and you know it!"

Offended by his implication, Kimberly nearly sprinted out of the room as Shane retreated towards the bar. _How in the hell did their evening dissolve into this?_ Shane wondered as he poured himself a drink. He listened as the click of her heels faded into the night before gulping a frustrated sip of Scotch.

_Damn her bloody resolve! __Damn his foolish pride and damn the effect this woman still had over him!_

Shane stared at the amber liquid. Impulsively he whirled around hurling the contents into the fire! The glass smashed against the mantle splintering into a million little pieces.


	19. Chapter 18: Through the Looking Glass

**Chapter 18**

**Through the Looking Glass**

_Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. _

_If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!_

_~The Red Queen_

* * *

**Location: A Hotel in London**

Arlo reclined on the cramped little bed in his hotel room. Turning the volume down on the_ tele_, the Italian placed a call to his employer.

"I need to speak to _Il Capo_." He demanded politely.

After a few minutes of waiting, a low and disgruntled male voice echoed over the line.

"_Yes_." The man greeted in a patronizing tone.

"I'm sorry to disturb you so close to the holidays, but I tracked Mr. Doyle to London, Signore."

"_And?" _

Arlo felt confident that he was on to something. This was a distinct departure from Doyle's highly reclusive routine, but the disparaging way his Boss treated the information caste a momentary doubt into his mind. The Italian rapidly explained the circumstances to his boss of how he had traced the slippery fellow to London; then the trail ran cold until an informant contacted him with a sighting. Intel had placed Doyle in Belfast that very evening, so what the hell was he doing in London-_at a very public venue, _with a mistress that none of Arlo's associates could identify and link to the notorious weapons dealer…yet?

"Doyle is bedding yet another woman. So what? His way with women is admirable."

There was a disinterested pause as Arlo's boss shifted through papers.

"It seems out of the norm for him and this one's a bit too bright for the part… eh, even if she's a bit spoiled." Arlo noted in a heavy Sardinian accent.

"Probably a spy then." His boss offered casually. "God knows that we're not the only organization trailing him."

He had successfully tagged most associates affiliated with Doyle who had even the slightest ties to the Mossad, the CIA, Scotland Yard, and the ISA. A few he'd purposely burned as a favor to gain the man's favor. Il Capo had narrowed down the allusive criminal to two possible identities: one, he had no desire to deal with while the other possibility proved intriguing and piqued the game-player's interest. Arlo continued on as an unimpressed sigh filtered over the line. "This one is petite, elegant, and beautiful…"

"Aren't they all?" The thick European accent devoid of any emotion replied over the line.

"A blond with long flowing hair and striking blue-green eyes."

A sudden air of interest invaded the otherwise fruitless conversation.

"An American?"

"No, French."

"_Hmmm."_ The mysterious stranger mused. "Put a line out on her and let me know what turns up."

Arlo hesitated.

"What?" He barked impatiently.

"I lost them, Signore."

"Then, why are you wasting my time with this?" The man's trademark sinister fury seeped into the conversation, which made Arlo extremely nervous. "And, _NOW_ your incompetence has tipped him off to our distrust, so I can expect him to retaliate accordingly."

The Continental man gripped the phone tightly irritated that a six-figure salary produced nothing more than idle gossip from the black market.

"Il capo, sono spiacente!"

"Don't apologize! Just clean up the mess you've made or I'll _give_ you a reason to be sorry!" The stranger seethed over the line and slammed the phone down to punctuate his intent.

* * *

**Location: The Ballroom at Donovan Manor**

A burst of flames rose high into the shaft of the fireplace when the alcohol splattered against the burning logs before the weight of the tension suffocated it beneath the accumulating ash. Shane paused briefly surveying the scene, then abandoned his station along the bar. He briskly exited the room and headed towards the study leaving the mess for morning.

The frozen precipitation had subsided leaving the landscape glistening white. A strange calm enveloped Shane's study as he entered from the side door of the library. Purposefully he strolled over towards the old mahogany desk-a bluish haze filtering in through the frozen panes of the floor-to-ceiling window. The effect cold and desolate, Shane switched on the small Tiffany lamp to provide some warmth for the room and picked up the phone. Dialing a number, the spy cradled it on his right shoulder.

"Donovan." He announced firmly.

Shane's eyes darted towards the chess set situated in the corner of the room by the window. A professional but familiar voice greeted him as he strolled around the desk and moved the black Rook swiping his opponent's Queen.

"I need you to deliver a message for me." Shane instructed over the phone.

His acquaintance understood the meaning setting the wheels in motion. A short pause as the spy flicked his wrist to gaze at his watch.

12:05 a.m.

It was officially Christmas Eve.

"Midnight tonight… their time." Shane ordered when asked.

His eyes studied the clean crisp lines created from the subtle snowdrifts along the stone perimeters of the formal garden in the back of the estate. Satisfied with his course of action, he finished the call and slowly retreated upstairs to his room. Passing her door to his right, Shane paused momentarily letting his fingers glide along the door panel. _ A fleeting sensation of her soft, smooth, bare curves pressed against him between the cream-colored silk sheets elicited the urge to enter… _

Turning abruptly, he continued across the hall to his room as he yanked off his tie in frustration. Kicking his Italian leather shoes to the side, he discarded the stifling suit for more suitable clothing. The room was cool and drafty, so Shane slid beneath the goose-down bedding and rested his arms behind his neck. Sleep seemed so far away from the spy at the moment. Kimberly's voice echoed around the room.

"_Emma." _

Insanely ironic that she would mention Emma when this was the room they had shared when they first married. Yet, Shane felt detached from the memories that lingered within these walls as though he were an observer to another man's life. His advise to Kimberly had been spot on: time _HAD_ taken care of things between him and Emma. Strange how deeply he had mourned her, yet when she reemerged years later, the feeling hadn't been as he had hoped. Most assuredly, Shane's new found love with Kimberly played its role, but as time passed, Shane began to see that the Dragon's actions merely sped up the inevitable between the two. Barely out of their teens, Shane and Emma were united by the thread of English Upper Class tradition and little else. Yes, he loved her, but in a way that only a young lad could give due to youthful inexperience. Emma's wholehearted and unmerited devotion to her betrothed certainly made things easier. However, the early marriage had restrained young Donovan into a life drawn from his parents' accomplishments and social standing. Duty and responsibility hoisted onto his shoulders at a time when a man yearned to carve his own way in life…

_**Donovan Manor, a few months after Shane & Emma's wedding.**_

"_Shane, just one more?" Emma asked with a slight pout. "For me?"_

_Her pretty green eyes gazed up at him for an answer and when Shane didn't respond quickly enough, she employed her newest weapon against the young man—sex._

"_You're an insatiable one." Shane replied with a smile exposing his dimples, as he maneuvered Emma's hands away from the buttons of his dress shirt. While her eagerness to please her husband thrilled Shane, Emma's manipulative streak unnerved him._

"_Next time, just come out with it, darling."_

_Emma batted her lashes apologetically. "I will. I promise." _

_She threw her arms around his neck kissing him generously. Picking up her brush, Shane pulled his wife close to him on the window-seat of their bedroom and began to brush her long blonde hair as Emma explained the details to him. Barely home a week, and already the confines of British society closed in on the young man. The more Emma discussed who and what the cause was about, the more suffocated Shane felt. Perhaps, if his young bride found something worthy to champion other than a vague conservation project one of her relatives decided to attach their name to in order to appear more "respectable." Shane recalled his mother's disparaging remarks regarding these types of affairs. O__nce at an obligatory charitable event hosted on the back lawn at Donovan Manor, _

"_Son, if you love me, you'll never waste so much as a shilling on fashioning a building or other useless piece of rock in my honor." Jeannie Margaret Donovan whispered softly into her teenage son's ear. The Donovan Matriarch had no patience for those who squandered their wealth on trivial pursuits instead of investing in those less fortunate. She had taken her Catholic upbringing to heart and held firmly to the notion that "to much is given, much is expected." It was a quality Shane admired about his mother—her heart for people, especially children in need. _

_In stark contrast, Emma prattled on about some matter regarding beautification of a government building. The pretentiousness of the situation depressed him and so to pass the time, Shane's thoughts wondered to other places. Selectively hearing bits of Emma's grave commentary, the young spy laughed out loud despite himself._

"_Shane!" Emma scolded. "It's. NOT. funny." His pretty wife was clearly offended by his outburst._

"_Ssshhh, ssshhh…" He cajoled her, but, " God help him, if this were to be his crowning achievement in life: riding the wave of the upper-tier of the English Society circuit!"_

In hindsight, Shane recognized how very early on his simmering resentment over the arrangement effected his decision to join the ISA when Nickerson approached him. Thus, with or without Kimberly's presence, Emma's reemergence into Shane's life would have ultimately led to the same painful conclusion for the married couple.

As Shane lie awake pondering this, a bitter realization slowly presented itself to him. The ISA had been a ticket to freedom for the spy in his youth— a glimmer of hope for a world outside from what had been dictated to him. How ingenious that the organization manipulated Donovan into a bondage that no marriage could have imitated! Resentment crept into his heart at the thought. _"To hell with the rest of the world!"_ The spy grumbled silently.

"_Kim_," Shane lamented.

_Nestled protectively underneath the silky cream sheets, Shane held her in the crook of his left arm, rhythmically stroking her hair. Their free hands rested on his chest mimicking the bond that had been solidified between them— fierce, fervent, and unbreakable._

"_Happy?" He asked kissing her head lovingly. Their eyes remained fixated on their fingers, intertwined and barely indistinguishable where his ended and hers began._

"_Oh, I'm happier than I think I've ever been, Shane." She replied dreamily. "What about you?"_

"_Oh," He exhaled contently. "Very, very happy." _

_And to punctuate the depth of his feelings, he turned his head to meet her expectant eyes. _

"_I do love you, Shane Donovan…" Her sensuous lips peppered him with kisses along his bare-chest as the two lingered in the ecstasy of their lovemaking._

"_It certainly took you a long time to say it,"_

"_Mmm, well I wanted you to be the first to say…" She murmured as her lips continued to search him. She paused briefly to gauge his reaction, but he didn't make her wait long. Still stroking her hair, he smiled—pleased with himself._

"_I'm rather glad I did." Taking her hand to his lips, he gingerly kissed her fingertips._

"_I love you, Kimberly." He whispered as they soaked in the euphoria of the moment… ~April 26, 1985._

Shane irritably tossed himself to his right grabbing an extra pillow to latch onto. Pushing back the excruciating truth, Shane focused once again on the task at hand. The spy exhaled slowly. Letting the case drive his thoughts, Shane pondered his adversary's next move once he received his Christmas present from the fickle weapon's dealer. Ingenious really…Shane's showmanship would solidify his cover and direct the attention of Arlo's boss to something other than who Doyle preferred to fraternize with on his downtime. The issue settled in his mind, Shane methodically adjusted his breathing and slowly drifted into a deep sleep.

* * *

Meanwhile in the master bedroom across the hall, Kimberly lay wide-awake wrestling with the revelations from their evening together. She had entered the bedroom seeking solace from their tumultuous exchange, but ran right into their past love affair! Kimberly shut the door and leaned against it. A rush of sensations inundated the senses as flashes of their lovemaking invaded her memory. Up until now, Kim gave little thought to the odd sleeping arrangements but now the wicked irony taunted her.

_She stood at the foot of the bed clinging to the wooden post recovering from the impact of hearing Shane's declaration of love for her…_

"_I know how that sounds." He acknowledged gently placing his hands on her bare shoulders to reassure her. "Here we are about to make love…"_

_Shaking his head in disbelief regarding his reluctance in confessing his feelings for her. _

"_And I finally tell you what I should have told you ages ago."_

_Placing his fingers gingerly on Kim's parted lips, he lovingly traced them. Her enraptured expression encouraged him to press on._

"_When I saw you standing in my doorway," He took her face into both hands, "I just felt such joy," Shane inhaled excitedly and talked fast as Kim slowly shook her head in incredulous awe. His eyes illuminated a fiery flame of passion._

"_I wanted to graab you in my arms and tell you right then!" _

_Kimberly delicately pressed her hands against his chest thwarting anymore advances and protested her past until he vehemently shook his head exclaiming,_

"_Forget about the past! It's over! It's done!"_

_Sliding his hands around her face to cradle it,_

"_It's just us. Just the future… I never want to let you go…" ~ April 26, 1985_

The desire present in his eyes earlier in the ballroom mingled with the memory leaving an imprint on her soul; she yearned for his touch. Scurrying into the adjoining bathroom to her left, she hastily dressed for bed. A splash of cold water against her face did little to quell the burning stirring within her heart.

"_Stop it, Kimberly!"_ She sternly admonished as she glared at her reflection in the mirror. Reliving the past was futile and only made the wounds fester. "Avoid destructive behaviors and focus on the present." She reprimanded to herself. However, Shane's words echoed around the room as she guiltily slipped into the four-poster bed.

"_That's a bloody lie and you know it!"_

Drawing the covers snuggly towards her, the sharp, shimmering cut of the diamond drew her attention. Like a flashlight-wielding cop, it condemned Kimberly for her secret desire and reminded her of Philip. Instead of counting sheep, she struggled to remember those early days with her fiancé. Surely they shared something special since she had allowed Philip to be so close to the children? Andrew and Jeannie adored their prospective stepfather! Dr. Allison had assured Kim that small gaps in memory were normal and would return as they progressed, but it bothered Kimberly that so much of that spring before their engagement still alluded her? Things would be much simpler for her if she was alone, but she had created enough upheaval in their lives. The thought of another failed relationship tormented her when by all standards; Philip was a safe emotional investment. _"Or was he?"_ A tiny bell signaled deep within her heart.

Staring at the ceiling, Kimberly methodically twisted her engagement ring around her finger… left, to right, right to left as the evening mingled between distant memories from the past.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Kimberly focused on that first day_…the gulls looming overhead, the sound of the waves. One of the audio member's radios pumped out the latest music from the alternative scene; a genre Kimberly wasn't familiar with. The heavy drum beat and low grunting voices were too harsh for her tastes… _

_She could see Philip now. _

_The well-built man stood a few feet away from her dressed in a form-fitted pale blue polo shirt and kaki shorts. His long golden blonde locks tucked underneath his navy blue cap and a black Sharpie stuffed behind his ear, Philip Collier was the polar opposite of the kind of man that piqued Kimberly's interest. _

_Trying to mend her broken heart and recover from the humiliating last year, Kimberly had spent the past two months in LA avoiding any and all advances from the opposite sex. News from Salem had done little to make the transition less painful. Instead, she focused on work at the Child Abuse Clinic and parenting her two small children. It was an isolating existence, but it was safe and comfortable in Kim's eyes. _

_Now, the rising star of the Hollywood crowd lowered his shades in order to make eye contact with the pretty stranger who had stumbled onto his beachfront set unexpectedly. Flirting shamelessly with Kimberly, the movie producer's translucent blue eyes captivated her throwing her completely off-guard! _

"_So when do we see each other again?" Collier audaciously asked. _

"_Uh,… um…" _

_Flustered Kimberly stuttered and stumbled trying to figure out a way to let him down gently, but his kind eyes broke her resolve. The charming producer flashed Kimberly his winning smile as she surveyed Philip's physique and demeanor. The man looked like he could grace the cover of the latest surfer magazine, not engage in lengthy conversations regarding fatalism in British Lit over a cup of tea! The irony amused her and when a girlish giggle escaped Kimberly's lips, Philip mistook it for encouragement of his advances._

"_Then, how on earth do I repay you for your help today?" He gushed flirtatiously._

"_Oh! Nnnnoooo…" Kimberly waved him off as she gathered the beach bag and ushered Andrew and Jeannie to the car. "It isn't necessary. I really shouldn't have interjected myself into your project."_

_Philip followed closely behind abandoning his crew to help Kimberly strap Jeannie into her car seat. He was determined to retrieve the lady's digits._

"_But I'm glad you did." His voice oozed a healthy mixture of confidence and genuine interest as Philip requested Kim's number. "Your boy like to fish?" _

"_Oh, momma could we?" Andrew piped up as Kimberly narrowed her eyes disapprovingly. The boy missed his father terribly and the effects of the distance were beginning to show._

_Kimberly threw her attention back to Philip and tried to explain, but he cut her off._

"_You know you're forcing me to walk aaall the way back there," He gestured towards the crew with a sheepish grin. "And face those jokers defeated." _

"_I don't have anything…" She attempted feebly. _

_Philip removed his cap and handed her the Sharpie._

"_Sign here." He instructed with a wide grin._

_It was infectious. _

_But Kimberly doubted anything could evolve from this. It was clear that the two shared little in common… but there was something very appealing about that fact. If Kimberly were to accept his offer at least she wouldn't see **him** each time she gazed at Mr. Collier._

_Signing the cap, she passed it back as Philip suggested,_

"_You like motorcycles?"_

_Kimberly smiled faintly and bit her lip. _

"_Heavens no!" Her mind screamed._

_But to Philip,_

"_I might be willing to learn." She replied coyly with a twinkle in her eye. _

_How refreshing it would be to become absorbed in someone else's world for a while! Kimberly sighed as she convinced herself. "Yes, this is perfect. He isn't him…"~ March 1992._

The blue-stained ball cap with Kimberly's phone number and signature presently set on the mantle of Philip's study in Malibu in a commemorative glass case for all to see. Kimberly remembered him boasting of his luck of finding her when entertaining guests at his place. The memory induced another vague recollection of Philip singing that old Harry Nilsson number: _she put the lime in the coconut… _

Impulsively Kimberly reached for the phone and dialed his number.

After the third ring,

"Hello?" A groggy voice floated over the line.

"_Heeey_," Kim cooed. "Did I wake you?"

She leaned back against the pillows and pulled her legs protectively up against her chest while they talked.

"You okay, babe?" Philip inquired glancing at the clock and hearing the unease in Kim's voice.

"Yes, _yes_." She assured him emphatically. "I just miss you, that's all. It's Christmas Eve."

"I know. I miss you too." And he meant it.

Philip stretched and rubbed his brow. Across the room, the obnoxious snore of his business manager reverberated throughout the drafty hotel room. Snowflakes descended steadily from the blacken sky. He proceeded to tell Kim about trials of his day with Stu, which she eagerly listened to in a desperate attempt to create distance from her time with Shane.

"…So with nothing opened, we've raided the mini-bar." Philip was saying as he pinched his brow. " I shudder to know what the bill will look like once production wraps up."

"There goes your profit, eh?" Kimberly smirked relieved to talk about nothing, but the feeling was fleeting. Soon there was literally nothing left to say.

"Philip, I…" Kimberly began after a few minutes of idle silence.

Sensing what his fiancé was about to reveal, Philip interjected,

"You know, Babe. This is probably the worst Christmas that I have spent in a long time, but I think it's been good for me…"

Kimberly's eyes shot open. _"Oh?"_

"Yes." He answered vigorously as he maneuvered out into the hall for privacy. Stu's insufferable snoring was grating on Philip's last nerve. "I've been thinking about all the fun we've had together..."

"Huh, me too." Kimberly interrupted absentmindedly. Though admittedly, she couldn't quite remember the last time it truly felt fun and carefree with her fiancé? Her eyes fluttered around the room as the events from her date with Shane punctuated the sharp contrast between the two.

"Remember that time we drove out to that bar off the 101- a real hole in the wall…" Philip was reminiscing as Kim's mind worked on a hazy memory.

"I remember you serenading me with that annoying song from my childhood as you cooked me dinner."

Philip howled at the memory. "What, you don't like my singing?"

"Oh, but I do!" She laughed light-heartedly, "I simply enjoyed the meal much more than your choice of theme music."

"Those were good times." Philip noted affectionately.

His genuine tone caused a swell of conflicting emotions within Kim's heart. Things _had_ been easier and fun with him at one time. Perhaps, they could have that again? Clearing her throat, "Philip, is there something on your mind?"

Philip allowed the question to hang in the air for a few seconds and then sighed,

"Kimmie, this time apart has proven one thing to me..."

"Yes?"

"That our relationship is in limbo and I think that's what's really affecting…"

He allowed his words to fall away leaving the obvious implication to flow between them over the line. "It's simply not fair to either of us." Philip added pragmatically.

Kimberly inhaled deeply. "I agree."

Once again, she felt like a complete fool having invested so much into yet another man. And once again, Shane had been correct with his accusation from in the ballroom below. The thought irritated her.

Resigned to what was about to take place even if the timing was way off, Kimberly reasoned that there were worse things in life than ending a relationship over the phone on Christmas Eve. She stroked the silky sheets pondering life without him and an air of relief flooded Kim's soul. She was so much more comfortable with isolation than expectations a relationship demanded of her. Her thoughts racing back and forth, Kimberly missed Philip pleading his case for their "love" until he bombarded her with a proposition.

"So are you thinking what I'm thinking?" He inquired eagerly. The lilt in Philip's voice confused Kimberly.

"Well," She murmured, but before offering an opinion,

"Let's set a date!" He declared passionately.

The words played over the line like an out of tune chord leaving Kimberly utterly stunned. Philip proceeded without a response, assuring her that solidifying their commitment would create a _"safe environment"_ for her and that _"things"_ would flow from there naturally. Apparently this included him scaling back with his work and blending their two homes, so the children would have a unified family. No more shuffling back and forth! The movie producer described exactly what she wished… _just not with him_. When he finished his closing argument, silence filled the room. She had forgotten how easy it was to be swept away by the producer's pitch when he was sold on an idea. Ignoring the gentle tapping on her heart,

"_Okay?" _

Came a meek reply that didn't even resonate as her voice, but Philip's exuberant demeanor compensated for the lack of warmth emanating between them.

"How about May?"

"March!" She replied sharply still dazed by what was taking place. The sooner she cut ties with her past permanently, the better.

"Wonderful!" Philip exclaimed clapping his hands with delight. "This is the best Christmas present you could have given me. I'll start making arrangements for Lake Tahoe."

What had just transpired flung Kimberly into a dream-like haze with Philip completely oblivious to it.

"Love you, babe!" He gushed as they ended the call-never realizing that she didn't return the enthusiastic declaration.

Letting the phone slip out of her hand and onto the base, Kimberly fell back into the bed. She sunk into a deep sleep as though she had taken the red pill and tumbled down the rabbit hole; lost in a web of truth and distortions.

The dream appeared hazy at first as laughter from old friends mingled with the sounds of champagne being poured into crystal flutes wafted overhead. Kimberly struggled to acclimate to the darkness and stumbled into a seat— the plush one at the symphony. The thick velvety red curtain had not lifted yet. The air was dark and oppressive. She still couldn't see, but something deep in her heart told Kimberly that she didn't want to. _Why was it so cold? _Clasping her breast, she discovered that she wore nothing but her pink negligee from so long ago. Anxiety filled her soul until she felt the gentle touch of a familiar friend to her left take her hand. She desperately sought his steady, encouraging gaze, but a blanket of black hid him from view. Darkness shrouded everything, so that Kimberly had to trust whoever sat next to her. The stranger seemed kind and trustworthy. After a few seconds of silence…

"Turn around and open your eyes, Kimberly." Her companion instructed.

The curtain lifted slightly as Philip's baritone voice jovially sang in the background of her memory,

"_She put the lime in the coconut and drank them all up…"_

"I can't do this!" Kimberly whispered frantically.

"Yes, yes, you can." The soothing male voice replied.

Tiny beams of light appeared from beneath the curtain. The stage floor wasn't polished wood, but expensive ceramic. Kimberly recognized the tile. It was Philip's study in Malibu. She stepped into the narrow alcove that divided the kitchen and the side staircase. The roar of the ocean smacked against the shore serving as a warning. Twisting the handle on the door, she rushed inside—her red sling-back heel getting caught on the charcoal grey shag rug. Tripping forward, she grabbed the desk for support sending Philip's papers scattering to the floor! Kimberly lifted her eyes to see the painting hanging on the wall behind his desk.

A shiver ran down her spine!

Morphing out of the abstract blue monochromatic nude figure a wide toothy grin emerged taunting Kim with her past. Suddenly something invaded Kim's line of vision to the right. She smelled citrus and could hear the slow folksy strings accompanying the annoying little jingle…

" _She called the doctor, woke him up, and said_

_Doctor, ain't there nothing I can take_

_Doctor…"_

"Just retrieve the lime and leave." She reminded herself.

The curtain crept up once more.

There was movement in the room. _Was she not alone?_

Kimberly's heart sank as she squeezed her eyes shut, yet the stranger refused to let go of her hand. His lips grazed her left ear this time. She leaned in longing for what he promised. It was inviting —the warmth of his breathe against her neck as he whispered huskily,

"Don't be afraid… to open your eyes…"

Aroused, she blinked away the fear.

Her heart pounded between her ears.

"Maybe he's right." She muttered. "Maybe he's right. Maybe, … _he's right_."

* * *

**Christmas Eve, Mid-morning **

Gasping for air, Kimberly eyes flew open! She tightly clutched the blanket, her knuckles white from their deathly grip. Searching her mind, Kimberly tried to decipher the riddle that was her dream. _Yes, she attended the symphony last night, but Philip's in Berlin? Did they speak last night? Who was talking to her? _Sitting up in bed, she surveyed her surroundings, but felt flushed. Collapsing back into the bed, she turned her head towards the window. A heavenly light poured freely into the room erasing the doubt and haunting shadows that prevailed in the night. Realizing the late hour, Kimberly assumed that Shane had already left with the children for the morning sleigh-ride with the neighboring family from his youth. Begrudgingly pulling her body out of bed, Kim ached from fatigue. It was as though she had literally run through time from the night before instead of experiencing a fanciful dream. Entering into the kitchen, she found Simmons sweeping remnants of glass into the trash.

"Just cleaning up the mess from the ballroom." He offered when she gave him a perplexed look. Kimberly stumbled towards the coffeemaker to retrieve some brew feeling the emotional hangover from the night before. Clearing her throat,

"Simmons, is there another room available in the family-wing?" She asked trying to sound nonchalantly.

"No ma'am. Five rooms in the family wing, five in the visitors'." The butler replied as he returned the brush and pan into the pantry by the corner. "Lavin…"

Kim arched her brow catching his departure from formal protocol. Simmons cleared his throat and started over.

"Ms. Peach is in the room beside you, but she'll be back tomorrow."

Peachy had departed early to reach Edinburgh at a decent time. She would spend Christmas Eve with her own family and return to Donovan Manor later the next day to spend with her adopted one which left Kimberly alone to maintain pretenses with Shane. At the thought of him, the sound of the front door opening and closing filtered from down the hall as the trio returned from their holiday ride. There was little time to adjust her mask.

The children entered the kitchen first, clamoring for a warm beverage and an early lunch.

"Let's eat and then we can bake cookies for Santa!" Kimberly offered cheerfully avoiding Shane's penetrating stare.

The afternoon activities provided the perfect buffer between the two as they engaged in last minute holiday preparations, attended evening Mass, and returned to settle the children for the night. Unbeknownst to the reluctant couple, Simmons had slipped into the family room while they were out and placed a fresh batch of mistletoe tied together in a shimmering crimson ribbon above the window next to the Christmas tree. After dinner and baths, Shane reclined in his father's old leather upright by the fire as Andrew disappeared into the library to retrieve their favorite Christmas poem to read before bed. Jeannie snuggled securely in her father's lap dressed in her special pink Christmas gown and robe that she had opened shortly before. Kimberly was also dressed for bed in a pair of silk burgundy pajamas and plush robe that the children insisted she open that evening. Choosing a spot at the end of the couch across from them, Kimberly tucked her feet under her—just a few feet away to observe the merry scene. When Andrew returned, he picked the ottoman as his perch being _"too old to sit in his father's lap." _The declaration pierced Shane's heart prompting Kimberly to give him a compassionate, but encouraging look as he began,

"_Twas the night before Christmas…"_

The boy rested his chin on the arm of the chair; his thick hair easy to stroke when his father outstretched his arms. With wide-eyed excitement,

"And _aaaalll_ through the house…"

Instinctively Kimberly leaned back and quietly grabbed her camera, which set on the table behind the couch where she had left it earlier from their little gift exchange by the tree. Shane continued on with both children gazing adoringly up at him. His smooth low voice—just above a whisper lulled them into the familiar tale as Kimberly peered into the lens to snap a shot. The camera provided a safe portal for viewing and allowed Kimberly to safely indulge her fantasies. Bringing the subjects into focus, the doting mother waited for the right moment. The image couldn't have been any clearer. The fire flickered behind them. The white Christmas tree lights twinkled against the velvety fabric of the stockings. When Shane flipped the page, Jeannie impulsively pointed to the picture in the book as Andrew looked on. Kimberly smiled contently.

CLICK!

Absorbed in the recitation, Shane kept reading. His voice rose and fell with each intonation, "Oh Comet, oh Cupid…!"

Andrew and Jeannie's faces lit up as their father commanded the stage; just like Kim had envisioned their Christmas evenings all those years ago when she had told Shane she was expecting. Completely animated by the time the story drew to a close, Shane bellowed enthusiastically,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

Giggling, Kimberly automatically depressed the button, snapping the image for posterity.

CLICK!

His eyes lifted just in time to gaze directly into the camera…and straight into her eyes. The intensity of his expression stole her breath. Slowly she pulled the camera down into her lap. Too excited to sleep, Andrew and Jeannie clamored for another story as they tugged on their father's shirt for attention. His eyes lingering on Kimberly, Shane addressed them.

"Ah, but it's getting late." He coaxed them. "Run into the kitchen and get the cookies you made with your mum to leave for Santa."

Andrew and Jeannie scurried off as Kimberly rose and headed for solace by the window. A few flurries created a peaceful backdrop against the merriment of the evening. Nary, a word had been spoken between the two since their fiery and passionate altercation from the previous evening. Left alone, they attempted to create a safe buffer between them in the spirit of the season.

"Look, Shane!" Kimberly offered lightly as she peered out the window. " Are those deer tracks in the snow?"

He strolled over, his eyes following her line of sight. Sliding his hands in his pockets, Shane surveyed the snowy landscape. "Yes, yes you're right." He noted pensively.

"THAT close to the house?" She replied incredulously as they stood together absorbing the calming scene.

Suddenly he placed his right hand on Kim's back steadying her as he pointed ahead.

"Look Kim! Right there!" He exclaimed. Kimberly leaned with her nose almost touching the glass. "Just over the wading pool and behind the shrub."

In the concealment of a winter's evening, two Red Deer meandered along the pine shrubbery of the formal garden. Shane pressed his body into Kim to get a better view. Foraging for food, the deer were spooked when Shane's knuckles accidentally tapped the window. Abruptly they disappeared into the night leaving behind a zigzag of tracks in the snow.

"We should tell the children that we just saw Santa's reindeer." Shane quipped.

Kimberly laughed at the thought and started to retreat from the window by pivoting to her left before Shane could step back. Once again, the two were locked in almost an embrace.

"Are you going to kiss mom?" Andrew chirped casually as he entered the room with a plate of cookies and a glass of milk. Jeannie trailed behind skipping along with a carrot dangling in her little hand.

"Andrew!" Kimberly exclaimed awkwardly as they both gazed at their children who didn't seem to be bothered by their parents' intimate exchange. The two busily arranged their treats for the evening's visitors on the table behind the couch.

The red ribbon catching his eye, Shane looked above and coughed. Kim's eyes had traveled along with his.

"I don't believe this." She muttered skeptically dropping her head for protection.

"I had no idea, promise." He offered emphatically raising his right hand in _"Scout's Honor" _formation. Andrew shrugged his shoulders but didn't turn to address either parent as he explained pragmatically.

"I saw Grandpa kiss Grandma last year under the mistletoe and _**he**_ said it brings good luck the _whooole_ year long!"

"_Reeeally?"_ Jeannie chimed in as though a pot of gold might appear if her parents complied.

"That's so very true son." Shane noted nostalgically locking eyes with Kim, who knew exactly where his mind traveled.

Kimberly hastily averted her eyes. Instead, she ran smack into the wonderfully innocent and hopeful gaze of their daughter. It was apparent to the rest that the little three-year old took the holiday tradition seriously even if Jeannie had no clue of its significance. By this time, both children had eyes on them, so Kimberly tilted her chin up and looked him squarely in the eye.

"Well, I wouldn't want to go spoiling tradition." She attempted to proclaim in her best imitation of her father, but Shane towered confidently over her, so the words escaped her lips more timid than she'd plan.

Shane smiled faintly.

Placing his hands gently on Kim's shoulders to steady her, he paused. Kimberly looked absolutely stunning to him. Her bright eyes, which appeared greener at the moment given the proximity to the lights twinkling on the tree, illuminated her soft peaches and cream complexion. Her hair loosely pinned back with various strands of soft flowing tendrils cascaded around her face. Her face slightly flushed with anticipation, Kimberly swore he could hear her heart pounding beneath her breast. She cursed him for putting her on the spot in front of their children.

Impulsively Shane slid his hands around her face, his thumb delicately tracing her bottom lip. His eyes simmered with desire, yet Shane possessed an air of control as he leaned closer to her.

His lips parted.

His breath caressing her face, Kim closed her eyes ready to respond…


	20. Chapter 19: Circling

**Chapter 19**

**Circling**

"_The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. _

_It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender _

_Because this kiss already has within it that surrender."_

_~ Emil Ludwig_

* * *

His lips landed on hers for only an instant; a feathery caress unleashing recollections of what used to come next sweeping throughout her body. Shane lifted his chin upwards allowing his lower lip to linger ever slightly and graze the tip of Kim's nose before baptizing her with a delicate kiss on the forehead. Suppressing a pleasurable sigh, Kim's eyes flew open; the disappointment momentarily plastered all over her face. If he harbored mischief behind those soulful eyes, Shane didn't betray it. Kim's head dropped slightly forward from the weight of desire before she quickly regained a more formal stance as Shane released her.

"There, and the lady retains her honor." He noted lightly before turning to the children.

Abruptly he shifted his focus,

"Alright, let's get you two into bed before St. Nick bypasses Donovan Manor!" Shane roared as he chased the children, who laughed and squealed with glee, up the winding stairs to their rooms. Kimberly lagged behind consumed in her thoughts. She entered Andrew's room first as Shane tucked in Jeannie in the adjoining quarters. Then switching rooms, the two passed one another in polite silence repeating the process with the other child. When Shane entered the hall once again, he heard the soft but animated voice of Kimberly as she recited a familiar poem to their daughter. Her voice low, Shane could not quite make out the selection. It appeared to be a special secret between mother and daughter. There was a palpable bond between the two born of an _"us against the world" _mentality that no doubt developed during the latter months of a pregnancy Shane couldn't accept. Each time he gazed into Jeannie's innocent and fragile blue eyes, Shane felt the sting of his abandonment before the little girl entered the world. "_It hadn't been personal_," he'd swear in those private moments when Jeannie would burrow deep into his arms as though the child feared her father might reject her again? It was as though the little girl harbored the memory of her father briefly cradling her before walking out of the maternity ward and out of her life for a time.

Now leaning beside the doorway of Jeannie's bedroom, Shane gazed affectionately as Kimberly wrinkled her nose and smiled lovingly at their daughter whispering something into her ear. His mind was still focused on deciphering Kimberly's bedtime selection as she emerged from Jeannie's room. Startled by Shane's presence, she avoided making eye contact and motioned towards her room across the hall.

"I think I shall retire now." Kimberly suggested softly. She hadn't quite regained her equilibrium from earlier.

A wave of disappointment flashed across his face, but the experienced poker player quickly masked it with a more neutral expression.

"Oh?" Shane inquired nonchalantly.

Kimberly had done an excellent job avoiding him all day despite outward appearances. Her ability to stubbornly cling to social norms with no hint that it bothered her aggravated the spy greatly. He wasn't sure how much more restraint he could practice at this point? However, Shane desperately wanted to prevent experiencing a Christmas Eve like the one from the year before: sipping brandy alone by the fire while gazing at a lifeless tree.

Kimberly paused whirling around to address his _"implied"_ accusation. Narrowing her eyes slightly, she studied Shane's face for a brief moment. He had made it extremely difficult for her to retain her senses since arriving at Donovan Manor—their intimate _"dates"_ unearthing feelings that refused to be quenched any longer. Kimberly resented every moment that she found herself studying his features, tracing the curvature of his lips and the hard, toned outline of his arms presently covered by the luxurious grey cashmere sweater he wore…

Blinking away her secret desires, Kimberly focused on the task at hand. She assumed that he'd want to continue their conversation from the night before, but had no intention of discussing their relationship…or hers and Philip's, or anything else with him!

However, Kimberly detected no hidden agenda lurking behind the spy's stoic countenance. No, Shane displayed the same sincere, carefree expression that he carried when he kissed her downstairs moments earlier. Though a look of perplexity grew over his face as Shane waited for a response. Instantly Kimberly realized her folly.

"The children's stockings…" She acknowledged gently sliding her hands securely into the pockets of her silk burgundy robe. She felt cold.

Saving face Kimberly tilted her head to the side and quipped, " Santa's helper is falling down on the job, huh?"

_The calculating spy had won this round!_

"Why, it's the most crucial aspect of the evening's festivities!" He assured her heartily as Kimberly stepped towards him offering a conciliatory nod. His dimples twitching, Shane added mischievously,

"No harm, no foul. Santa will simply plop a lump of coal into yours."

Wrapping her arms around herself for warmth,

"I'll take your lump of coal kind Sir, and use it to warm my cold feet tonight!" She replied jokingly.

Kimberly's lively laughter melted the air of tension between the two, so Shane extended his arm as an invitation to escort her down the stairs. Gingerly Kimberly latched onto it and followed him, so they could finish preparing for the early morning celebration.

* * *

**Location: Donovan Family Room**

Gathering the children's goodies that were safely stashed away in corner closets of the Manor, Shane and Kimberly knelt by the fireplace to sort and place under the tree and into the velvety stockings. The tranquil magic of a Christmas Eve evening captured the two guarded hearts as they wrapped their children's presents from _Santa_. Stealing subtle glances in one another's direction, they tiptoed around each other carefully avoiding topics that might ruin their much-anticipated evening. The conversation remained light, but cautious.

"A compass?" Quizzed Kimberly when she noticed Shane retrieve it from the bag, scribble on the card attached to it, and place it in Andrew's stocking.

Shane's eyes lit up.

"Yes, the boy's going to be hiking and camping more this year…"

"Ah, yes…" Kimberly slowly affirmed. "The Brady family tradition of all things Scouting continues."

Shane arched his brow curiously knowing that the only time he could ever remember Kimberly sleeping out in the _"great outdoors"_ was when they were in West Virginia, which hadn't been by choice.

Her eyes twinkling from the memory that the conversation produced, Kimberly corrected,

"The male ones, of course." She quipped passing another item in his direction to add to Andrew's stocking. Their fingers lightly caressed each other; the delicate thread remaining intact despite their perceived separation.

"Bo, a _Scout_?" Shane interrupted incredulously after pondering her statement. "You've got to be kidding me!" He roared, which induced ripples of laughter from Kimberly.

Pressing her thumb and forefinger together,

"Barely." She clarified and then sighed, "You know Pop; once an idea is in his head..."

Indeed he did, and the way the corners of Shane's mouth turned upward indicated where his mind drifted with her statement. The bundle of mistletoe hung impishly in the distant background just over Shane's right shoulder and accusingly in Kimberly's line of sight. She gazed down at the array of hair bows and charms for Jeannie that were in her lap and focused on the task at hand.

The crackling of the fire mimicked the futility of their conversation.

When Shane didn't speak, the oppressive silence forced Kimberly out of her shell. She cleared her throat as a last ditch effort to salvage the evening.

"You know, I still remember us standing at one of those awards banquets for Roman, not Eagle, but one before that…"

"Star, perhaps?" Shane offered grateful to see the light in her eyes return from behind the shadows the fire created between them.

"Yeah, maybe that's it." Her eyes lifted to see him watching her intently, his compassionate smile encouraging her to continue. Beaming once more at the recollection, she leaned forward instinctively. Kimberly began gesturing with her hands— the brightness of her eyes overshadowing the brilliance of the fire.

"And one of the other fishermen from the riverfront—one of Pop's good buddies, asks Bo if he was looking forward to becoming a Cub Scout..."

Shane eyes widened waiting for the punch line as Kimberly leaned back dramatically cupping her beautiful manicured hand and placing it on her right hip. Putting on her best child-like Bo Brady impersonation, she scoffed irritably:

"_Well no!" _

Pausing for effect and then continuing,

"_Because number one! You have to do what they **tell** you! And number two, they make you do **all** this extra work!" _

Kimberly smiled triumphantly at the accuracy of her narration.

"Oh, now that's the Bo Brady I recognize!" Shane howled exuberantly. "Never one for authoritative institutions." He added with a boisterous laugh.

Rising to standing position, Shane extended his hand to her as they maneuvered towards the fireplace—the crackling fire laughing with them.

"Which makes his emergence into the police force all the more ironic." He added elbowing Kimberly as they placed each stocking back onto their hooks positioned at the mantle. The warmth emanating from the heavenly glow of the fire beckoned them to remain at the mantle. Shane gazed into the flames stealing cautious glances in Kim's direction to study her cues. As she played absentmindedly with the holly adorning the mantle, Kimberly sighed,

"I miss the old Bo …"

"_Hmm,"_ Shane nodded affirmatively before pausing, "Meaning?" He inquired inquisitively.

When she hesitated, Shane motioned encouragingly for her to elaborate.

"He's so serious now… All his spark is gone."

"Well, that's understandable considering the sudden demise of his and Carly's…" He began diplomatically.

Kimberly waved off his explanation.

"That relationship was on borrowed time from the moment it began."

Shane arched his brow at the statement. The couple was so close to the altar that even he considered them solid. However, Kimberly and Bo were awfully close and eerily similar in many ways, so he listened closely to her assessment. She whirled around to retrieve two oranges to place in the children's stockings. Handing one to Shane, who slipped it into Andrew's stocking,

"It's more than Carly's sudden abandonment, Shane. Bo hasn't been himself since…"

Immediately catching on,

"Hope." Shane interjected empathetically. The usually astute spy hadn't given much thought to Bo's personal choices being mired in his own personal hell for so long. But Kimberly's concern for her brother caused Shane to realize a few things for the very first time. His steady gaze coaxed her to meet his eyes head on.

"I see your point. He loved her very much." Shane exhaled sympathetically, " One doesn't bounce back from a loss like that." He admitted in a low voice casting an affectionate gaze in Kim's direction. But she was too absorbed in commiserating over her brother's personal anguish to pick up on the cues.

"Yes, too much to easily open himself up to another woman so quickly."

She pivoted her body towards Shane to punctuate her opinion. Whatever boundaries Kimberly had placed between them were knocked down briefly due to her passionate opinions towards Bo's wellbeing. Her blue-green eyes blazing and her right hand still holding onto the mantle, Kimberly mirrored an attorney pleading her case to Shane. It was endearing. Waving her left hand erratically,

"He goes traipsing off half-cocked into vigilantism. Then, Steve gets killed and he plunges into a relationship with a woman who clearly never blew out the torch she held…!"

"Alamain." Shane interrupted tersely.

Kimberly flinched slightly at the force of his voice feeling as though she'd been smacked across the face by the intensity of his words. Shane's eyes widened apologetically but he was lost at how to respond. It conjured up memories for both that neither really didn't want to address at the moment. Kimberly retreated back into a protective state, turning towards the fire one more. Staring at Jeannie's stocking, she traced the golden embroidered letters. Speaking softly,

"It was evident from day one in my opinion—long before Nicholas was an issue."

"What? That Carly still harbored feelings for Alamaine?" He asked rhetorically. For too long Shane focused on the glaring hole in Kimberly's assessment of men in her life but this discussion punctuated just how well Kimberly could read people and literally had the case assessed perfectly in the beginning. Not only the case, but also him, which made Shane feel as though they weren't merely talking about Bo's motives for pursuing Carly anymore.

"Well yes." Kimberly answered grasping for something to focus on or do instead of letting her eyes rest on him. "I never held anything personally against her, it's just that those two never seemed to be happy together, you know?"

_Indeed, he did._

Having fumbled anxiously for several minutes with the Christmas display on the mantle, the ribbon and garland had become untangled. Slightly embarrassed, Kimberly slipped her hands into the pockets of her robe, but her eyes remained fixated on the fire below.

Standing by the mantle, it was difficult to determine if it was the physical flames creating the flush feeling within her cheeks or the emotional ones producing the effect.

"Ah, misery loves company." The spy offered wisely after a strange silence befell the room.

Kimberly nodded her head affirmatively just as Shane added with a self-indictment,

"Invest in something safe with very little risk, and lose nothing when it inevitably ends." He revealed bitterly.

"Lose nothing?" Kimberly questioned incredulously. She turned to address him, but only briefly. "I'd say having your heart smashed into a thousand little pieces is a great deal more than nothing."

The whole tone of their discussion felt strangely like a break down of their own lives and the tortured spy couldn't help but laugh at the macabre of it all.

"It's hardly funny, Shane." She scolded gently.

"Oh, I don't know. Sometimes when presented with such absurdity, all one can do is laugh at oneself."

From the corner of her eye, Kimberly could see him studying her every move.

"Well, that would explain why Bo's moved on so quickly with Billie Reed." She observed soberly taking the direction of their conversation back to its original topic. "Still, my little brother needs to recognize that what he's doing is emotionally destructive, and not just to him, but those around him." She added quite prophetically.

Her words lingering in the air, their eyes locked as the truth swirled around them amplified by the glittering lights of the tree. _Were they discussing Bo and his women issues, or the affair with her sister, or her and Philip presently? _

Suddenly the fire withheld its warmth from them.

"Oh, I suspect on some level he knows what he's doing." Shane keenly observed never taking his focus off the windows into Kim's soul that now burned a bright green against the backdrop of darken room— lit only by the flicker of the fire and twinkling of Christmas tree lights behind him.

"And it only works for so long before…" He let his words hang in the balance almost beckoning her to take the bait.

But Kimberly didn't.

Shane half-expected her to craft another flimsy excuse to flee, but she simply abandoned her perch by the fireplace and retreated towards the shadows on the other side of the tree by the window. Shane knelt down by the hearth to stoke the dwindling fire as the conversation trudged forward.

"So you are saying he used her?" Kimberly suggested with a hint of condemnation lacing the statement.

Kimberly paused by the tree lightly tracing the needles with her right fingers as her eyes lifted towards the mistletoe. All pretenses of merriment vanished leaving the quiet stillness of a winter's eve to punctuate the seriousness of their conversation. Her back remaining to him, she waited for his reply. Shane heaved a labored sigh as the iron poker clanked against hearth.

"Probably as much as she was using him to get back at Alamaine." He shot back pointedly.

Kimberly stopped dead in her tracks— his words pricking her heart. From the corner of his left eye, Shane could see her petite frame shrouded in red fitting of the scarlet letter Kimberly subconsciously wore. She whirled back around to face him folding her arms across her breast defensively. _Of course, he'd have to allude to __**that**__, again! _ Offended by the accusatory nature of Shane's statement, she hurled another flame in his direction.

"Ah, I see… now the pot is calling the kettle black!"

The gauntlet had dropped and both of them knew that the discussion wasn't about Bo's torture but their own miserable mistakes. _"Which is what you were doing with __**her**__!" _The burning unspoken admission loomed over them_._ Shane returned the iron poker to its resting place and contemplated his course of action. They quite literally stumbled into a familiar war, but he possessed little interest in pursuing this route. Their ability to employ cutthroat tactics to maintain their emotional distance had been his downfall with her in the first place.

"Not exactly, Kimberly." He answered wearily. "But at least we are _finally_ getting somewhere with this little exercise." He noted wryly.

Standing, he strolled up behind her. Placing his hands remorsefully on her shoulders, Kimberly rebuffed his comfort and whirled around to face him stepping back in the process. Shaking her head vehemently,

"No, I don't think that we're moving forward here if that's what you're trying to suggest?"

Confidently Shane threw his shoulders back removing his hands and sliding them into his black trouser pockets. The corners of his mouth turned upwards ever so slightly waiting for her to continue.

"I don't know why we do this." She acknowledged weakly. "We go round and around and frankly it's a bit dizzying."

"I agree. Let's stop spinning our wheels." He replied evenly.

"More like stop pretending." Kimberly replied sharply as she studied his face for a moment. He resembled so much of the man she'd met all those years ago except now Kimberly viewed him differently. No matter how much she loved him, no matter how altruistic his intentions in the beginning, ultimately the game lured him back in and always left her on the wrong end of the spectrum. Maybe Kimberly couldn't completely forget all those alluring memories from their past, but she sure as hell could kill the little masochist that seemed to relish in the thrill of them!

"What exactly are you getting at?" Shane sighed exasperatingly. The way he serenely stood before her innocently playing his cards infuriated her, so Kimberly struck back.

"What's going on here between us!" She exclaimed passionately.

"Which is?"

The glint in his eye betrayed his acknowledgement that indeed, something was brewing between the former lovers, which incensed Kimberly even more.

"How dare you try to throw this on _me_!" She cried out.

"Madame, if I have overstepped the boundaries of common decency; please, accept my apologies." He replied calmly.

Kimberly didn't know whether she would rather him overstep those boundaries, or pummel him with one of the oranges they had just placed in the children's stockings! The revelation of her and Philip setting a date for their wedding clung to the tip of her tongue begging to be unleashed on him. Instead she regained her composure and coolly announced:

"I'll stay through tomorrow, but then I am traveling to Berlin to spend New Year's with my fiancé."

"I see."

If her announcement rattled him, the spy didn't let on.

"The children should stay here so that you can have as much time with them." She added reassuringly.

"I'd appreciate that." He nodded cordially.

And then, there seemed to be nothing left to say. In the distance, the old grandfather clock in the entry hall chimed midnight.

Kimberly turned on her heel retreating towards the stairs when Shane called out,

"Kim?"

Halting, she remained at the doorway, "Yes."

"Philip's truly a lucky man. I sincerely hope he realizes this?" He revealed tenderly.

Kimberly's eyes fluttered around tracing the thread of carpet beneath her velvet slippers. _Exactly what is he angling for?_ Her heart searched for a clue.

"He does." She replied meekly, so that the stillness of the room wouldn't punctuate the truth.

But they both knew it was a lie.

"Very well then; he shouldn't make the same mistake with you that I made." He admitted candidly.

"_Damn you, Shane Donovan!"_ She muttered under her breath. The depth and genuineness dripping in his voice pierced her heart. The way the man could slip under her skin so effortlessly was criminal. Kimberly straightened her posture and peered at him from the corner of her eye attempting to appear unaffected. When his enigmatic stare didn't lift, Kimberly pivoted her face towards him—her blue-green eyes burning with an achingly mournful intensity. With a choked whisper,

"Well,... sometimes it lasts in love,... but sometimes it hurts instead."

* * *

**Christmas Morning**

Slowly at first, but increasing in activity, a gentle stirring interrupted a deep, but dreamless sleep. As Kimberly regained consciousness, the overriding sensation she felt was pain —the throbbing in her throat had returned in full force and body aches reverberated up and down her body. Having struggled for days with the feeling that she was falling ill, Kimberly had hoped to stave it off for at least one more! She'd spent the last Christmas in bed, sick while everyone gathered at Roman's.

"Oh, no." She lamented silently as the movement became steadily hard to ignore. "Not today." She prayed. "Any day but _today_."

Kimberly awoke to the jostling and joyous display of Jeannie to her left bouncing _UP…and…down, UP …and…down_ on the bed.

"_Merry Kissmas, Momma!"_ She exclaimed cheerfully when she saw her mother's eyes open.

Kimberly smiled faintly at the display and reached for her daughter's hand as the little girl collapsed into her mother's arms for a hug. The room still covered in the bluish haze of the early morning light, Kimberly guessed the sun wasn't quite up yet.

"Merry Christ…" The stabbing pain prevented a hearty return; thus the words came out in a hoarse whisper. "…_mas_, my little one."

Kimberly hoisted herself up and reached for her robe as Jeannie scurried off the bed and waved her mother to follow.

"Where's your brother?" She asked, her voice raspy as she stumbled into the bathroom to freshen up.

"Getting daddy!"

Kimberly emerged seconds later and momentarily leaned her head against the doorframe then let her daughter pull her out of the room and down the hall. Colliding with a drowsy Shane,

"I'll get the coffee brewing?" He suggested groggily as Andrew sprinted ahead.

"Tea would be better." She whispered as the two parents made their way down the stairs.

Shane paused at the foot of the stairs surveying Kim's appearance. Her weak voice and pale features alarmed him.

"You feeling ok?" He asked placing a comforting hand upon Kim's right shoulder before they entered the festive room.

"I'm _FINE_." She emphasized. "Just not awake yet."

Christmas Morning revealed a renewed light flowing in from the grand window creating a dazzling contrast to the lush greenery of the decorated tree to the right of it. Its spicy pine aroma beckoned the sleepy inhabitants to enter and taste the spirit of the Christmas morn'. Kimberly whirled around to soak in the merriment of the children rushing to their stockings overflowing with goodies from "Santa." Knowing that arguing with her would be unproductive, Shane fetched the tea before the family commenced with their private little gift exchange.

The remnants of the blizzard had blown off the isle during the night and revealed a bright snowy landscape along the rolling hills of the Cotswold. Handel's _'Messiah' _played softly and dreamily in the background as the Donovan children tore open their presents; Shane and Kimberly seated at opposite ends of the tree. Finding it particularly difficult to sit still while the others exchanged their gifts, Jeannie alternated between the laps of her parents. Andrew assumed the role of reading each tag attached to the gifts and then passing it to its recipient. Delighted with her new tea set, Jeannie flitted around filling her parent's cups and saucers every few minutes while Shane helped Andrew assemble the freight cars for the train set. Predominately remaining an observer to the lively scene, Kimberly struggled to remain animated and present with them all the while her head throbbed and body ached with chills.

"Kimberly, we have an engineer in our midst!" He boasted after the boy made some last minute adjustments to one of the cars.

For Simmons, the visual seemed just perfect for the old place and he neglected to conceal the pleasure he derived from the activities. Kimberly had no intention of dampening the day with her illness or the internal conflict churning within over her confrontations with Shane from the past few days. For his part, Shane seemed content with allowing Kimberly to drive their interactions for what best suited her. His affable manner created a joyous and affectionate atmosphere for the two young children to witness and treasure for years to come. Without realizing it, his delicate tact with her only drew Kimberly closer to the man she was fighting fervently to stay detached from.

Shortly after lunch, Peachy arrived and the Manor exploded with activity once again. Simultaneously the phone began to ring with Christmas Greetings from family and friends back in the States. Taking Peachy's woolen scarf and coat, Shane detected that the elder spy had business on the brain. Simmons escorted the array of beautifully wrapped gifts to the tree as Kimberly disappeared into the study with the children to continue multiple phone conversations.

"Here, I brought you something extra." Peachy slapped the newspaper against Shane's chest cutting her eyes towards him accusingly,

"I see that we couldn't take a day off to observe the birth of our Lord." She observed curtly.

Pouring herself a cup of tea, then tip-toeing across the remnants of wrapping paper strewn all over the floor, the elder spy sought a comfortable seat on the leather couch. Shane followed behind.

"I beg your pardon!" He scoffed. Focusing his attention towards the paper, he read the headline from _The Guardian_.

"_**Disgruntled Elf Bombs Toy Manufacturer**_" Shane's eyes darted towards Peachy in amusement.

"Might you be the elf?" She eyed him cunningly as Shane read:

"…_An early Christmas morning explosion rocked residents from a nearby toy…" _

"Toy?" He scoffed. "Maybe for the _adults_!"

His voice dropped to that of a murmur as Peachy studied the spy's evolving expressions as he read the article. "_Manufacturing facility in the Avellino Province of Campania, Italy…"_

"Ha!" He quipped in mid-recitation. "But to answer your question: no, my celebration hasn't been short-changed in the least." A self-congratulatory grin slithered across his mouth before admitting guiltily,

"I'm afraid our little friend forced our hand the other night."

Peachy's eyes queerly darted up to his. _"Yes?"_

"We ran into the little worm coming out of the symphony." He answered evenly.

"I see." Peachy replied calmly though her eyes betrayed an uneasiness that the spy had seen several times in the past.

Shane shot her an admonishing look as he propped his right arm against the mantle. He really didn't need a lecture at the moment and stared into the hypnotic glare of the twinkling lights. Peachy sipped her tea and softened her stance as Shane relayed the details from their run-in with Arlo; the brightness and cheer in his eyes dissipated leaving the spy distracted as he traced his forefinger along his lower lip. Shane appeared to be in a trance— one that unnerved his mentor, so she attempted to lighten the mood.

"Well, that explains several messages we've received from Signore Piras since midnight." She noted victoriously. "Congratulations, Shane. I do believe you've rattled the poor chap."

"That was the plan, Peach." He noted cautiously. "So Kimberly becomes just a minor hiccup in his memory of Doyle's associates."

Pondering the angle, Peachy observed,

"And it forces him to depend on your resources. I'm sure he'll have to consult with his boss over the matter, which opens up a meeting for you."

Turning his attention away from the decorations,

"And we'll be sure to be _oh so_ accommodating…after toying with him first." He remarked slyly.

Shane's eyes twinkled at the thought. Peachy set her cup and saucer behind her on the bureau as he asked about her family in order to change the subject. Waving off the inquiry,

"Ah, they're well." She exhaled pleasantly. "Still wondering when I'll retire to an old folk's home though." She added with a sigh.

The elder spy crossed her legs smoothing out the creases in her woolen pleated skirt and flashed him shrewd grin before motioning towards the study.

"I want to know how _that_ one is doing?" Peachy requested maternally.

Shane sighed miserably and took a sip of tea trying to avoid the topic.

"Ah, I see." Peachy observed acutely. "You and the Lass waded into uncharted waters while I was away."

"No one drowned, if that's what you're trying to imply." He remarked dryly.

Appearing slightly miffed by his rebuke, Peachy changed tactics.

"Very well then." She replied thinly. "But I wasn't referring to your ongoing novella of a life, my boy!"

Shane shot his partner a look of consternation but before he could offer the proper retort, Peachy continued,

"I'm referring to how pale the Lassie looks. I don't think she's well."

He nodded affirmatively and heaved another heavy sigh.

"Yes, I noticed too, but she's being as stubborn as always. Not letting anyone help her."

"That sounds familiar." Peachy noted eying her partner sharply.

Shane's eyes darted towards the study where a rhythmic rumble ensued. "Blasted determined to carry on for everyone's benefit."

"You referring to her physical or emotional condition, Laddie?"

The twinkle in her eye induced a reciprocating wink from him that indicated the spy was far more at peace with the situation than she had given him credit. Lifting her chin appreciatively for the spy to reveal his newly discovered information, Shane strolled over towards his partner and set his empty cup on the serving tray situated on the coffee table.

"She's scared, Peach."

Peachy nodded in agreement, but narrowed her eyes intently as Shane reclined contently on the other end of the sofa.

"By your cocky demeanor, I assume that you think there is hope for the two of you?" She tried to sound neutral regarding the matter, but failed miserably. Shane slowly smiled, but offered nothing choosing to keep his findings to himself. The revelation occurred in this very room and as luck would have it; confirmed as he gazed into those mesmerizing eyes that reminded him of the waters outside his villa in Capri— right before his lips caressed hers underneath the mistletoe last night.

"Well, out with it!" Peachy pressed bringing him back to the present. "Has the Lassie said something to you…or did you overhear something between her and Collier leading to this conclusion?"

Shane waved his hand dismissively. "No, nothing like that though honestly Peach, they've been engaged for how long now with no movement in sight towards the altar?"

"True." Peachy chirped but wagged her finger at him. "Careful not to overplay your hand, Laddie. She hasn't untangled herself from that blubbering fool, yet."

Shane gestured heartily in agreement.

Unexpectedly, the warm and melodic nature of Kim's voice as her and the children entered the room interrupted the revealing conversation. Jeannie and Andrew hurried towards Peachy for hugs and exaltations, before scurrying away towards the ballroom to play with the train.

"They found her!" Kimberly gushed rushing towards Peachy for a hug. Her good cheer contagious, the room erupted in joyous affection. "Belle," She added. "John found her!"

"Oh, a Christmas miracle!" Peachy boasted clapping her hands together.

"I'm sure Roman and Marlena are ecstatic. This calls for a toast!" Shane suggested as he headed towards the kitchen to chill a bottle of champagne for the occasion.

The news from Salem lifted the spirits of the Manor once again ushering in another wave of merriment as the day wore on. However, Kimberly's condition continued to deteriorate. By mid-afternoon when the traditional Christmas feast commenced, swallowing her food became difficult. Kimberly masked her discomfort praising Simmons for his attention to detail with the roast turkey and chestnut stuffing. Later in the evening, Peachy offered to usher in the bedtime routine with Andrew and Jeannie, so Shane and Kimberly could retire in the family room alone. The bone-crushing fatigue was plastered all of Kimberly's face.

"There's something incredibly lonely about an empty tree." Shane observed as they entered the tranquil setting. The tree still brimming with lights welcomed them in, but its barren underbelly signaled the descent into the New Year and the ending to their wonderland. Kimberly gazed at Shane's wistful expression and chuckled admiringly.

"Ah, I think you spoiled them this year." She mused pleasantly rubbing her arms. It was very difficult to keep warm at the moment and the evening tea had done little to squelch the searing pain in her throat.

Shane's eyes still rested on the majestic Douglas Fir.

"Ah, discipline's for the rest of the year; Christmas is for spoiling." He proclaimed magnanimously.

Kimberly giggled at his remark. The cool, aloof spy was such a kid at heart.

"You're a good father." She complimented affectionately feeling slightly teary-eyed.

Still wearing his formal black suit for dinner, the crimson colored tie hung carelessly around Shane's neck— the spy loosening it at the first opportunity. He turned to address Kimberly's statement gazing at her for a moment. She appeared more fragile than usual. Shane wandered over to the bar to his left, fixing a brandy and replied,

"Well, I couldn't ask for a better mother for my children." He motioned and offered to fix Kimberly one. When she politely declined, Shane took a sip of the smooth amber liquid throwing a searching gaze in her direction.

Appealing to the eye, Kimberly had dressed warmly in a soft, green cashmere mock turtleneck sweater and black pencil skirt. Ever the lady, she wore heels that accentuated her toned legs hidden beneath the confinements of her stockings; Kim's hair cascaded around her shoulders. When she moved, the aroma of her perfume wafted into his nostrils filling them with memories that were far too seductive for a time like this!

Sensing Shane's eyes bathing her in desire, Kimberly blushed slightly, dropped her head and maneuvered towards the fireplace. He followed behind and placing the glass on the mantle, ignited a flame from within the mahogany firebox. The _'woosh'_ of the flame created immediate heat, which Kimberly instinctively leaned in to absorb, as Shane rose to standing position. Kimberly wasn't sure if it was the reverberating heat of the fire or chills coursing through her body, but she felt light-headed suddenly. There was no use pretending anymore. Feeling flush and unsteady, fear crept into her heart that this was more than the flu!

"I don't feel well." She admitted weakly grabbing the mantle for support.

Instantly, Shane abandoned his drink wrapping his arms around her waist as she collapsed into him.

"You've put up a good front, but I think it's time you let someone take care of you, soldier." He quipped though his eyes betrayed the gravity of the situation.

Kimberly's head fell back limply as he scooped her into his strong, protective arms. Shane cradled her head for support, lifting her chin so her eyes could focus on his.

"Stay with me, Kimberly." He soothed as he delicately stroked her left cheek with his thumb. Her legs felt like jelly, so she desperately clung to his sweater. Shane's expression of adoration as he studied her dilated pupils toyed with her heart and memory.

"You know, you're being awfully nice to me considering…" Kimberly murmured as Shane escorted her to the leather sofa.

"Considering what?" He asked curiously sensing she wasn't altogether with him. Shane astutely engaged in conversation to keep her conscious. Though she uttered the words, her hazy mind wafted in and out of the present…

_Like the fog hovering over the Salem pier, the weight of the spy's request for her to seduce Bronsky loomed over them._

"_I wouldn't say that I was being particularly nice…" He confessed, which merely heightened her interest in him. _

_Laughing nervously,_

"_Oh I would!" She replied brightly._

"Considering I've been dreadfully mean to you." Kimberly mumbled leaning into his chest for support. Sitting had done little to stop the room from spinning.

"True." Smiling broadly,

"But it is part of your charm." He retorted still attempting to keep her talking.

Wrapping a pale blue and brown chenille throw around her shoulders, Shane rubbed her arms tenderly attempting to generate some warmth, for Kimberly kept shivering.

"Darling, you're awfully sick." He observed amorously through the haze of her spiking fever. Her head fell lifelessly on his left shoulder; her eyes lids heavy from the fatigue. "I should take you to bed." Shane mumbled compassionately, but the suggestion appeared to reveal a double meaning to her.

"_Hmmm,_ but what about Philip?" Kimberly replied incoherently.

_Pausing suddenly as her suspicious nature overtook her. " It's almost as if you're trying to get me to work for you?" She noted skeptically as her blue-green eyes turned to ice and scrutinized his expression..._

Shane laughed to himself, knowing Kimberly would be horrified if she knew what was being revealed in her vulnerable state. He slid his arms around her waist and pulled her firmly against his chest. Stroking her hair,

"He isn't here, but I am my darling." He murmured seductively into her ear—his eyes scanning the room as he weighed his options.

"… _Oh, I'd be nice to you under any circumstances." He admitted candidly. She tilted her head to the side dubious to his intentions._

Shane's instincts clamored that Kimberly needed a doctor. Though wildly inappropriate, Shane couldn't resist the declaration,

"God help me! I can't stop loving you." He cooed into her ear as she slipped out of consciousness…

"_Why?" She prodded cynically as she attempted to unearth some hidden agenda other than the one she already was privy to._

"_Because you're special." He acknowledged affectionately. ~ Jan.21, 1985_


	21. Chapter 20: Beyond the Pale

**Chapter 20**

**Beyond the Pale**

_True strength lies in submission, which permits one to dedicate his life,_

_Through devotion, to something beyond himself…_

_~ Henry Miller_

* * *

**Location: Donovan Manor**

Knowing, she had little chance of remembering this, Shane allowed the hypnotic effect of the twinkling white lights reflecting against the brightly painted multi-colored glass ornaments of the Christmas tree to toy with his thoughts. The smell of her perfume and steady rhythm of Kimberly's beating heart against Shane's chest induced just the touch of ambiance for the spy's nostalgic mood.

"You love me?"

The sound of her voice, so weak and plaintive pierced through the silence startling the spy. He hadn't planned on justifying his impulses. In fact, her condition freed him in some respects to express what the confines of her engagement to another man wouldn't allow. Struggling for words, Shane abandoned all pretenses when he lifted her chin and gazed into her cerulean translucent eyes that displayed a mixture of awe and doubt.

"My dear Kimberly, despite my best efforts otherwise..." He replied amorously. And exhaling laboriously as his eyes darted around them, "Darling, forgive me. It's something I should have told you then..."

"_Oh, god! You know me better than anybody in the whole world." She admitted bitter-sweetly. Tears decorated her melancholy green eyes. _

_He remained calm, in control, but his heart ached to be honest with her. Instead, ever the competent spy, he chose pragmatism._

"_Well, it's like you said: we've been through a lot together." Emotion leaked out from his measured tone._

_Biting her lip, she acknowledged honestly, "Yeah…I did say that, huh." Smiling faintly as the pains of loss trampled in, "I guess that's what makes it hard to say good-bye?"_

_Even in the final act, the two danced around the moment, clinging to their emotional chains of solitude. "I don't know how to do that?" She confessed. Despite the pronouncements of bliss with Philip, she knew that she couldn't do it even if he told her how. Shane's eyes fluttered around them searching for something, anything profound to say…other than the one thing that needed to be said. There was a brief second of uncertainty; a tinge of regret…Perhaps, one of them would bend?_

"_We'll get it quick and out of the way…" She suggested hastily._

_The moment was lost. _

"_I'll get the cases…"He offered in defeat._

"_One, two, three. Here we go." Theatrically, she assumed the lead. ~ October, 1992_

Had he confessed, Kimberly knew in her heart that she'd have taken him back with open arms. With her head spinning from the fever and her mind drifting in and out of the present, Kimberly couldn't decipher if these heartfelt declarations were cruel trickery from her heart or answers to long ago prayers? His deep vulnerable eyes searched hers for that connection and Kimberly yielded to their power.

"_Oh."_ She replied softly clearly affected by his confession.

Her head falling back into him once more, she slipped back into a semi-unconscious state…

Lavinia Peach strolled down the massive grand staircase of the manor; a cheerful grin plastered all over her face.

"Oh, I do believe those precious ones drifted to sleep before their heads hit the pillow!" She exclaimed reveling in the joys of grandparenthood.

The sound of her voice was music to Shane's ears.

"Peachy! Quickly, I need your help!" He instructed frantically as she approached the bottom step and could see into the family room.

The visual almost ripped her heart out.

"Oh, dear!" Peachy cried when she surveyed the scene.

With the blanket securely wrapped around her, Kimberly lay limp in his arms. Shane stroked her hair soothingly while he talked.

"There's a thermometer in the powder room down the front hall…" He motioned with a swift nod over his left shoulder, but kept his steady gaze on Kimberly.

"Darling, I need you to help me."

Responding to his voice, her eyes fluttered open briefly. They appeared a glassy blue-green as she nodded weakly clinging to his words.

"Ah, there you are." He cajoled cradling her face in his right hand. Shane's thumb delicately stroked her right cheek.

"I just want to sleep…" Kimberly mumbled feebly.

"I know, love. But first, I'm having a doctor come check you out." He replied with a calm, steady smile that masked his concern. If she continued talking, Shane felt assured that the fever wasn't spiking too dangerously high. Besides, he desperately craved to hear her ramblings once again since it seemed that a feverish state was the only time Kimberly's true feelings about him rose to the surface and broke free from their self-induced prison.

Peachy returned and passed Shane the thermometer, which he then slipped between Kimberly's lips. Obediently, she complied leaning her head against his left shoulder for support. Peachy hovered close waiting for her next assignment. For the next few minutes, the room remained still until the insistent beep of the thermometer sounded.

"A hundred and three point eight." Shane revealed gravely. He lifted his head towards his partner. "My black address book is on my desk in the study. Ring the Wellington Estate next door for me, immediately."

Peachy nodded affirmatively and hurried off into the study as Shane barked, "Ask for Edward!"

He gazed down at Kimberly once more. Her usual healthy, peaches and cream complexion had disappeared into a pale lifeless hue resembling more a porcelain doll against the jewel colored green of her sweater and her red stained lips. The raging fever emanating from her body created the feel that he was holding a radiator in his arms instead of a human being. Strands of her honey blonde tresses fell into her face shielding her eyes, which had closed momentarily from the weight of the fatigue. Beads of sweat rippled along her forehead, yet Kimberly's body shook continuously no matter how much Shane tried to warm her. The eerie quietness enveloping the room unleashed a series of long forgotten memories rippling through the spy's psyche. Leaning back into the leather sofa, he pulled Kimberly securely into the crook of his left arm and for the first time in ages, lovingly held her close to his body the way he used to. Closing his eyes, Shane rested his chin gently on top of Kimberly's head as she dozed peacefully in his arms. For a few precious minutes, the couple appeared as they once were…

"Laddie, he's on his way." Peachy chirped as she reemerged from the study. Seeing the pristine picture before her, her eyes moistened briefly.

Capturing her expression, Shane snapped out of his nostalgic trance, and slipped into a more formal mode.

"We should get her more comfortable." He offered clearing his throat as he maneuvered both himself and Kimberly off the couch. Securely wrapped in his arms, Shane carried her limp body upstairs and into her room; Kim's arms flanked over his broad, protective shoulders. Remaining in the foyer, Peachy waited for Dr. Wellington to arrive.

Entering the master bedroom, Shane carried Kimberly towards the four-poster bed pulling the cream-colored comforter down and gently laying her on it. The jostling of being maneuvered from the living room to the bedroom induced a feverish moan from Kimberly as Shane hovered over her readjusting the chenille blanket like a cocoon around her shivering shoulders and torso. Surrounded by a few pillows to prop her up, Kimberly curled up on her right side in an attempt to stay warm from under the blanket. Finding a spot on the edge of the bed, Shane sat and began removing her high heels from her feet. Through the veil of black hosiery, Kimberly's beautifully burgundy manicured toes enticed the spy to dotingly massage them. He smiled fondly at the memory as his strong, but gentle hands performed the instinctual ritual. Shane slowly and methodically stroked each foot letting one hand linger towards the back of Kim's calf. Shane stopped short, not completing the intensely personal task. However, his mind traveled vividly through the motions of caressing each foot with his cheek as he cradled it in his hands before marking them with a kiss. The expression emanating from Shane's face revealed the intimate indulgence derived from the act.

Breaking free from the memory's chains, Shane carefully placed her bare feet under the warm confine of the covers and lifted his eyes towards hers, which appeared slightly moistened and closed. The expression of unwavering devotion the spy possessed towards Kimberly as he performed the intimate ritual had always rendered her breathless and aroused in a way that no other could lay claim to…

Unbeknownst to Shane, Kimberly had been privy to this latest expression of adoration and had closed her eyes before she was discovered.

The brisk shuffling of footsteps and low murmurings announced that Dr. Edward Wellington had arrived. Shane abruptly rose and whirled around to greet the gentleman as he and Peachy walked through the opened door to the bedroom.

Dr. Edward Wellington, whose family traced their lineage directly back to Shropshire from the time of the Battle of Hastings, possessed strawberry blonde locks and wore thin wire-rimmed glasses that amplified his piercing blue eyes. Several family members had served in the Royal Court to some degree or another, which was quite typical of Shane's childhood classmates from Eton. Though a scrawny little lad when he chummed around with Shane growing up, Edward had transformed into quite a formidable man. Possessing a commanding presence when he entered a room, Edward served on the board of several NHS hospitals and frequently treated various members of the Royal Family.

"Edward thanks for coming." Shane extended his hand to shake his old childhood schoolmate. "I'm terribly sorry to take you away from family…"

His eyes darted over his right shoulder as Edward leaned to the side to get a better view of the patient.

"Nonsense, Shane." The good doctor replied giving him a hearty pat on the shoulder, as he brushed past and approached the left side of the bed where Kimberly lay. It had been the Wellington clan who orchestrated the traditional sleigh ride for the Donovan children on Christmas Eve.

"Is this the young lass who missed out on all the fun yesterday?"

Kimberly nodded silently. All the commotion had stirred her once again, so she groggily listened and complied with Dr. Wellington's instructions.

"Yes," Shane confirmed. "I ignored my better judgment and assumed she was merely sleeping in." He added regrettably.

A knowing smirk escaped Dr. Wellington's lips. "Ahh, a stubborn one you are from what I've been told."

Kimberly's brow narrowed with displeasure—her fiery Irish temper flaring behind that icy stare, which produced ripples of laughter from Edward. He sat on the edge of the bed where Shane had resided moments earlier taking Kimberly's temperature and feeling around her ears and throat. Kimberly winced when the doctor touched the area. Edward noted the reaction as he continued the examination. Shane folded his arms across his chest waiting for Edward to give any clues to a diagnosis. A doctor to the Royal Family, Shane possessed little doubt that he would recommend the appropriate course of action. Peachy stood by his side giving Shane a nurturing pat on the back as Dr. Wellington checked her pulse and performed all the necessary tests to determine the cause of her illness. Kimberly appeared uncomfortable by the movement and interruption of her sleep, but submitted to the good doctor's instructions at his gentle requests. Finally, Dr. Wellington secured Kimberly back into her covers and approached a concern Shane and Peachy.

"Well?" Peachy interjected before Shane could.

Edward sighed sympathetically. "I swabbed her mouth and took a blood sample, but until I get to the nearest lab, I won't be able to make a conclusive diagnosis."

The annoyed look saturating Shane's face provoked him to continue, "I'll drive in to Cheltenham first thing in the morning, but my best guess is the flu with a possible secondary infection…"

"Then, prescribe an antibiotic, Edward!" Shane interrupted forcibly, to which Edward raised his hand to quell the spy's rare outburst. "Shane, I would like to see the results of the blood work first before blindly prescribing meds." His tone firm, it was clear Dr. Wellington had no intention of arguing over the matter.

Peachy subtly grabbed Shane's arm and gave it a firm squeeze before another outburst was unleashed upon an old friend.

"Oh thank you for coming out at such a late hour…" Peachy commanded the room; her Scottish brogue unusually thick as her voice rose a full two octaves to punctuate Shane's lapse in good manners.

"Yes, you're right Edward. I know." Shane offered in a more conciliatory tone. " I'll phone Neil and have him fax Kim's medical records to you just in case."

Edward smiled compassionately and scribbled a number on his notepad. "Keep her hydrated and continue to monitor her vitals." He instructed as they walked towards the doorway. "The lady needs some rest, so address the fever with Tylenol over night. You can taper off during the day, so her body has a chance to fight it…but for now I think rest trumps the fever."

Shane nodded affirmatively.

Glancing over towards his patient and then back at Shane and Peachy.

"I won't lie to you." Edward began in a hushed voice. " Her lymph nodes are dreadfully swollen and her temperature is hovering at dangerous levels which bothers me."

The trio huddled around the bedroom door.

"Should we consider a hospital?" Peachy inquired amusing Dr. Wellington, who chuckled,

"Are you kidding? There's no way she'd get better care than in this very house."

And shaking Shane's hand confidently, " I know you won't hesitate to call me if her condition deteriorates. I'll return in the morning before heading out." He assured his old friend.

"Peachy, would you escort Dr. Wellington to the door." Shane nodded appreciatively to him as his partner assumed her more public role.

"Of course, Sir." She chirped professionally.

Reaching the massive oak double doors of Donovan Manor, the elder spy paused before letting the doctor out.

"Please forgive Mister Donovan's insolence," Her voice clipped along in formal fashion. "He tends to be a bit…"

Edward eyed her knowingly. "Protective?"

Peachy smiled graciously and nodded affirmatively.

"Ah, he's like his father in that way." Edward noted nostalgically as his eyes fluttered around the room. Peachy responded with a skeptical stare. While she had never officially met either of Shane's parents, Simmons recollections gave the older woman the impression that Shane's reserved, yet tender demeanor was a product of his mother? As if reading her thoughts, Edward rested his hand on the door handle, "Not necessarily personality but…"

His words trailed off as he cast a glance towards the family room over his shoulder. Peachy listened intently. Despite the longevity of their partnership, there was a treasure trove of information regarding the Laddie that virtually remained hidden from public. Sensing the trust between this maid and his old friend, Edward continued.

"The elder Andrew Donovan was a force to be reckoned with for sure." Edward began with a low belly laugh that seemed implausible for a man of his lean stature. He smiled brightly at the memory. "Quite charming and affable, but all business and could be frightfully intimidating to lads young and old." Edward paused and let his translucent blue eyes drift upwards towards the top of the winding staircase. "Mrs. Donovan…why, she was the sweetest soul I've ever known." He acknowledged affectionately. "Don't let the exterior appearances fool you. For all Mr. Donovan's bravado, that man was lost without his Jeannie." Edward remarked with a twinkle in his eye before adding, "I think the elder Donovan drew his strength from her." He noted in a more subdued tone. "Fitting that they went together."

Their deaths had rocked the tranquil enclave nestled in the protective hills of the Cotswold. Peachy felt her eyes moisten at Dr. Wellington's analysis, which caused the good doctor to snap back into a more animated demeanor.

"It's as plain as the nose on my face; you see . . ." Edward shifted his stance and addressed Peachy head on. "So I take no personal offense at Shane's temper."

Peachy nodded knowingly. "Neither do I." She replied with a wink.

The blustery wind churning the fallen snow outside smacked the doctor against the face as he exited the estate. Edward glanced over the shoulder and quipped: "Besides, Captain Donovan will need a stitch or two at some point again and he knows I may not be too kind with my bedside manner if he's too squirrelly with me now."

With a flick of his wrist and he disappeared into his vehicle driving off into the placid Christmas night. Peachy secured the doors and chuckled to herself. She quite liked that fellow.

* * *

**Location: Donovan Master Bedroom**

Shane took the moment to walk across the hall and check the children, who slept blissfully in their beds unaware of the chaos that had consumed the manor for the past hour or so. Returning to Kim's room, he found her trying to maneuver herself towards the bathroom.

"_Heeey_, hey. What in heaven's name do you think you're doing young lady?" He chided Kimberly as he rushed over to assist her. Shane reached her right before Kimberly tumbled to the floor by the bed— his arms slipping under hers for support. Narrowing her brow and striking back with those glassy blue-green eyes,

"Young lady?" She admonished hoarsely and grabbed her throat due to the searing pain accompanying her attempt to speak. Her point valid, Shane chuckled and noted,

"Very well then. Shall I refer to you as ol…"

Kimberly grimaced and dug her nails into his arm; the only means she possessed to inflict her protest due to her weakened state. Shane winced slightly, but then smiled playfully at her. Kimberly melted at that moment just as her feet felt as though they'd slip right through the floor. All her strength stripped away, Kimberly held onto him for support.

"I wanted…I can…" She attempted weakly.

And surveying their surroundings, Shane observed astutely: "You can barely hold yourself up, much less dress for bed by yourself." He remarked gently steadying her by the shoulders as she tried to defiantly stand on her own. Kimberly's head lobbed back and forth as she tried to muster the strength to prove him wrong, but to no avail. Her eyes glazed over from the fever, her defeated expression tugged at his heart. He remembered the days when Kimberly allowed him in; allowed him to love her. Brushing a few strands of hair away from her eyes, Shane captured them with his. In a low, affectionate tone, he asked, "Do you trust me?"

Her lips parted to protest his suggestion, but Kim's wishes won this round given her inability to fortify the walls around her heart at the moment. Shane felt her body wholly relax within his arms and give in to his care. Completely awestruck, she whispered weakly, "Yes."

Ushering Kimberly back to the bed, he retreated towards the bathroom and found the warm cozy blue pajamas to dress her in. Doubling back quickly, Shane discovered her already slumped over on her right side with her head and hands propped on the creamy satin pillow as her legs dangled along the side. The spy approached and gently laid the clothing on the bed to his right as he sat beside her.

"Kim?"

She mumbled something incoherently about being fine the way she was, which produced a smirk from the spy. Shane guided her towards him and began coaxing her to comply with his instructions. He slipped his hands up her sides methodically removing her clothing and discreetly averting his eyes as he worked so that Kimberly would feel at ease. Instead of fighting him, she sought his comfort at one point with her head falling into his chest from the exhaustion. Abandoning the task for a minute, Shane wrapped his arms snuggly around her waist. His free hand glided through Kim's hair as he stole an affectionate whiff of her intoxicating scent. The two remained motionless in a tight embrace as Kimberly drew strength from his self-sacrificing love.

"This is worse than the flu, Shane." She whispered haggardly as he finished dressing her. Kneeling before her, he lifted her chin to study her pleading eyes. Kimberly stared at him clearly dazed by the fever and fatigue.

"_Shhh_, you need rest darling." Shane assured her. "I'll be right here if you need me."

Helping position her comfortably under the covers, Shane lingered and hovering over her tenderly stroked her flushed forehead. Her tousled locks flowed evenly over the satin pillowcase as her wide eyes watched for his next course of action. Their eyes locked into one another in a moment of complete lucidity; the message behind them vividly clear. They had reached an emotional truce; an understanding that regardless of past folly, they shared something uniquely remarkable that clamored to be nourished. Kimberly's lips parted as Shane's adoring stare tempted them to unlock the buried message. Instead, she swallowed hard; the piercing pain pulsating through her body and closing the window of opportunity.

Leaning over her,

"I promise I won't leave you." He emphasized compassionately instead. It was a risk the spy wasn't quite ready to take yet. And Kimberly had taken that risk too many times in the past and had gotten shot down to do the same. So the two continued to dance around the issue for a while longer.

"Thank you." She replied breathlessly before her eyes closed from the weight of it all.

Shane returned the gesture with a delicate kiss on the forehead and then pulled back creating a safe distance between them. Watching her slip into a deep sleep, the weary spy snatched the blanket from the side of the bed and settled into the floral upright chair to the left of the fireplace after lighting the long forgotten embers within it. Adjusting himself into its plush seating, Shane pulled the chenille blanket against him as the melody of the flames illuminated the room in a heavenly glow. He'd left her side too many times when she needed him, so Shane would be damned if he allowed the same thing to happen again. Studying her sleeping peacefully in their bed, Shane's mind drifted as Kimberly's sultry voice echoed in his ears, _"I love you… Oooh, how I love you." _

Once upon a time, this elusive creature had been so expressive with her love and adoration for him. What he would give to hear that from her again! The flicker of the flames created a rhythmic symmetry in the room drawing his mind to a close allowing Shane to settle into a monotonous, but brief slumber.

* * *

**Location: A few days later…Hotel Room, Berlin **

The short, obnoxious, and pulsating ring of the phone interrupted a hazy alcoholic-induced sleep. Stewart Perkins turned over onto his left side and fumbled for the phone.

"Hello?" He grumbled irritably into the receiver.

Picking up his flashy, golden Rolex, he squinted his eyes to focus on the blurry hands of the watch.

1:16 pm.

The response from the other end of the line evaporated the obese man's drunken stupor instantly. Covering the receiver,

"Up, up!" He slapped the bare ass of a frumpy extra, which slept soundly beside him. The mousy brunette fumbled erratically for her clothing as Stewart glared impatiently at her to leave.

Clearing his throat,

"Yes, yes, I'm awake."

Stewart leaned over towards the nightstand to retrieve a cigar from its silver encased box. As the clicking sound of the door announced that he was alone, the manager lit the cigar and settle back into the pillows of his unkempt bed.

"Yes, it actually went better than even _you_ could have anticipated." He replied confidently. Puffing lazily on the Cuban,

"The information you supplied has definitely helped Philip manage her more efficiently without arousing suspicion."

A relieved pause…

"Honestly, I think you're being overly cautious. She's shown no signs of remembering the altercation… much less that side of the business." His impulsive commentary met with a strong rebuke on the other end. Suddenly, Stewart bolted upright on the bed extinguishing the flame of the cigar and irritably reached for his shirt.

"I KNOW, the costs!" He interjected hastily and then monitoring his tone. "Anyway, London was a bust because of the blizzard, so we'll…."

He shuffled the phone to the other shoulder as he dressed.

"I really don't understand all the hassle…I mean, why the care? We could have tied up the unfortunate incident long ago…"

The Benefactor, clearly annoyed, proceeded to make his intentions a bit more bluntly.

"Yes, Sir. My apologies. It's not my business."

Dutifully, Stewart accepted the tongue-lashing and settled back into compliant-mode.

"No, not that I know of. She's been deathly ill since Christmas." He grumbled sloppily over the line.

Pause…

"Oh, no no. The flu, I suppose."

Had anyone been privy to the conversation, they would have been shocked to hear a contrite Stewart Perkins instead of the arrogant, bumbling fool that usually projected himself onto an unwilling populace. Listening to the instructions,

"Well, I still don't see how you expect Collier to extract that kind of information?" His whine was reminiscent of a child. "Yes, I understand…yes, Sir. I apologize for the incompetence."

Hearing the sound of a key rattling in the lock, Stewart said his adieus. Hanging up the phone, he pinched his brow in frustration as Philip stumbled into their shared room.

"Holy hell, what a day!" The ragged movie producer announced. "The crew was late for set-up, the actors fussy for having to shoot in fourteen inches of snow, and lunch was ice cold; grossly over-priced, I might add since the spread was only suitable for the peasantry." Philip paused sensing the tension in the room. "What?" He inquired with his arms still outstretched from the dramatic retelling of his day.

"Nothing." Perkins replied dismissively shaking his head.

The stench of his manager's "after-party" smacked the unsuspecting producer in the face causing him to abandon all talk of business.

"Christ, Stu!" Philip surveyed the scene. "This place looks...and SMELLS like a college dorm-room!"

He artfully navigated the battle zone and grabbed items needed for a refreshing shower as Stewart started rattling off questions regarding…of all topics, Kimberly! Kimberly, who finally seemed to be coming around to his affections and way of seeing things, yet his business manager insisted on ruining the aura with his constant harping about her fuckin' memory! Philip stopped abruptly in the doorway of the bathroom and barked,

"Look, I am getting pretty pissed off at the constant puppetry you and _him_ continue to display in regards to my personal life!"

Stewart's normally jovial demeanor dissipated into a cold countenance. Without moving from his perch on the bed, "And where would _you _be without all of our support?"

Philip didn't turn to address the question. One, _one_ bad business decision and he was still paying the price! The slight slump in his shoulders told his manager that he'd given up the fight for now. Sighing, "I spoke with her while on set. Kimmie sounds dreadful; sleeping ALL the time."

And not letting Stewart dictate the conversation any longer, Philip slammed the door behind him retreating to a lengthy shower that consumed all the hot water from the room. When he finally emerged from the steamy closed in area, Philip found Stewart snoring soundly in the same reclined position he'd left him in. Grateful for the silence, the producer dressed quickly and planned to be out of the room before the jackass woke from his stupor. No such luck.

"You heading to London after this?" Stewart groused annoyingly.

"Yes." He snapped. "No need to dictate my next course of action." Philip ran a comb through his short curly locks pausing to gaze at his sculpted torso appreciatively in the mirror. Smiling broadly, "But I highly doubt even a talented man like Shane can seduce her away from me given her present condition." He retorted boastfully.

Though internally the very thought of the two spending any time together longer than necessary bothered the producer immensely. The very distinct message Donovan delivered to him in Kim's study gave no doubt as to the man's intentions with his fiancé. It was a problem. Despite their minor hiccups, Philip quite enjoyed Kimberly's company. She kept things very easy for him and given the already established family she brought into the relationship, the busy producer didn't have to worry about cheating her out of one. Establishing something permanent with Kimberly fit nicely with Philip's idea of the perfect public persona. Besides, the producer noted wickedly, the woman had a way with a man that was positively criminal. Sampling that delectable merchandise again kept him warm on this excruciatingly boring location shoot since bringing his mistress along for the ride proved futile. Wrapping up the shooting schedule and jetting back to whisk Kimberly away from her ex at the first opportunity, weighed heavily on his mind. _"If only his handlers would get the hell off his back already!" _He fumed to himself.

"I wouldn't have to dictate if you could man up and bed the woman already!" Stewart spewed haughtily interrupting Philip's train of thought.

The insult clearly hit a nerve, for Philip slammed the comb down on the bureau. Lurching forward, he had Stewart's throat wrapped around his fingers before the man could muster the proper defense.

"Perhaps, if _you_ hadn't fucked up in the first place, _we_ wouldn't be in this goddamn situation!"

"Careful, careful, Collier." Stewart seethed beneath a choked breath. "If I die, you go down. It's as simple as that."

Philip stared into Stewart's grey, dead eyes. The movie producer used to scoff at the notion of _"selling one's soul to the devil,"_ but this was before he'd met the man who had saddled him with this flunky. Now, the jaded producer would not bat an eye at the notion. Releasing Stewart, Philip grabbed a sweater and wool coat before storming out of the hotel room.

* * *

**Location: Donovan Manor, Three days after Christmas**

_Dr. Wellington remained true to his word, stopping by first thing the morning after Christmas to check on the patient before heading to Cheltenham. Kimberly's fever rose and fell throughout the night causing her to toss and turn miserably. Shane eventually abandoned his station at the chair and propped up on the bed beside her. Occasionally, he would drift off to sleep with his head propped up against the headboard, only to wake abruptly when Kimberly stirred. Dabbing her forehead with a cool damp cloth, Kimberly's fever broke slightly before dusk. _

_The tests revealed very little; that is, while it ruled out Strep infection, nothing notable could be revealed from Kimberly's blood work except for elevated white blood cell count. So Dr. Wellington sent an antibiotic to Donovan Manor suspecting at the very least a secondary infection had rapidly developed over the past twenty-four hours. _

_Meanwhile, Shane alternated between keeping Kimberly comfortable during her waking hours, which were few, and tending to the children. Once the bedtime routine was finished, Shane took over for Peachy and resided in Kimberly's room for the evening.. Shane snuck in naps with Jeannie during the daylight hours, so that he could retain his schedule with Kimberly during the evenings. It had taken several attempts to reach Philip regarding her condition—a detail he kept to himself, but finally the spy was successful. The hopeful look on Kimberly's face as she listened to Philip make promises to her over the phone was bittersweet for Shane. The producer talked a good game with Kimberly but rattled off excuse after excuse to Shane as to why he couldn't abandon production to come be with her. _

_Over the next three days, the fever returned ebbing and flowing throughout the day as a subtle but ragged cough evolved keeping Kimberly up miserably through the cold and brutal nights. It was late in the evening after the Tylenol had taken effect and Kimberly drifted to sleep with her head nestled inside the crook of Shane's arm that the decision was made in the spy's mind. After Kimberly recovered, he was going to be unabashedly honest with her regarding their situation. "To hell with the consequences!" He justified to himself resolutely._

___Finally on the third day, ____Peachy interjected: _"_Laddie," to a beleaguered Shane who appeared haggard and unshaven from caring for his ex-wife. "The children need **your** undivided attention now." She noted wisely. __Shane had orchestrated a family outing to the local playhouse for a matinee performance of 'Nutcracker' long before Kimberly had fallen ill. _"_I won't leave the Lassie's sight." She assured him with a gentle but firm nudge on the shoulder._

_Peachy's maternal love for Kimberly eased Shane's anxiety and allowed him to trust her sage advice completely. Knowing that Kimberly's preferences lay with the needs their children, Shane finally agreed to Peachy's insistence that he escort them to the ballet and a dinner afterwards…_

**Later...**

"How's she doing?" Shane inquired to Simmons as he and the children entered Donovan Manor through the kitchen. The trio was a charming site. Shane and Andrew had dressed formally in their black suits with matching red ties and Jeannie in her blue velvet dress and a white miniature Peacoat for warmth. Smiling brightly, her blonde curls flowed freely around her shoulders mimicking her mother's effortless grace. He set Jeannie down and took her coat and matching mittens placing them on the wrought iron hooks in the adjacent mudroom. Andrew tossed his woolen outerwear aside to snatch a cup of hot apple cider that Simmons hastily prepared for them as the car drove up the gravel drive.

"Doctor Wellington is here checking on the Misses as we speak. " He replied formally in front of the children. The elderly butler busied himself with the soup simmering on the massive gas range stove as Shane approached the granite island. The smell of fresh chicken stock was enough to heal the wounds of anything that ailed a man! Simmons smiled brightly at the two red-cheeked children, "Your mum would love to hear about your experiences at the ballet." He suggested merrily. Andrew rolled his eyes, but didn't hesitate to escort an excited Jeannie up the back stairs to see their mother. The child's brow crinkled just as his father's when he was worried. The two gentlemen watched as the children sauntered up the narrow mahogany stairs before Shane turned to Simmons gravely.

"Out with it, old chap." He demanded smoothly with a hint of affection as he yanked at the tie to loosen it from his neck. Simmons smiled encouragingly but the serious expression in his eyes revealed much.

"Captain Donovan, Dr. Wellington is in the study now discussing things over with Dr. Curtis."

Shane inhaled deeply.

News of Kimberly's condition had filtered back to Salem, which caused various members of the Brady family to call frequently for updates. The family had endured much over the past year and Kimberly's tenuous health condition certainly weighed heavily on their minds.

Simmons gestured towards the kettle and the weary spy nodded affirmatively. After a few minutes, it whistled signaling Edward's entrance into the kitchen and tea ready to be steeped.

The two old friends rested on two leather barstools lining the black granite island as Simmons busied himself with the soup being prepared for Kimberly. She hadn't eaten much despite all of their cajoling and it worried everyone caring for her. The light above it cast a beacon of hope billowing through the room to combat the frost-laden windows lining the front and back of the kitchen.

"Lay it on me, Edward." Shane demanded professionally.

Simmons set two saucers and cups before the men as they conversed. Edward smiled briefly and then replied evenly, "Shane, after three days of antibiotics, we should expect an improvement with Kimberly's condition."

Shane nodded in agreement. A continuous low-grade fever still ravaged Kim's body and while the swelling in her lymph nodes had subsided a little, swallowing remained difficult for her.

"What is your diagnosis, Edward?" He asked grimly.

Edward inhaled slowly.

Treading carefully, he replied, "Kimberly's immune system is pretty low right now. I brought my personal assistant with me this time, whose taking more blood as we speak. But Shane, I think you need to understand that given her health issues from the past year or so…_(knowing his friend had conversed with Neil, he admired Edward's tact regarding the matter),"_ The good doctor paused punctuating the gravity of the situation. " She's not responding to the first round of antibiotics like I had hoped. I think we are dealing with something more severe."

Shane looked up from his tea and bowed up slightly. "As in…?" He questioned alarmingly gauging his old friend's grim countenance.

Edward set the cup onto the saucer. The clink reverberated around the suddenly still kitchen as Simmons paused in his work. The good doctor removed his spectacles and rubbed his brow anxiously. Shane's heart sank as the revelation punctured the last glimmer of hope he had of the two rebuilding what had been lost between them.

"After consulting with Dr. Curtis," The next line seemed to unravel slowly as Shane focused on his friend's worried expression and moving lips… " Although pneumonia is certainly a possibility, we feel it's necessary to try and rule out _leu..kem..ia…_" He revealed solemnly.


	22. Chapter 21: Winter Haze

**Chapter 21**

**Winter Haze**

"_I'm afraid I don't understand?" He acknowledged curiously._

"_Oh, well I think I do!"_

_Her voice dropped to almost a whisper_

_Punctuating the truth of what she was about to reveal._

"_You're so scared of doing anything else aren't you?_

_Oh, you're not afraid of guns, or terrorists, or even getting yourself killed. _

_But you are sooo afraid of a commitment._

_Oh boy! You're just terrified that somebody might just want to care about you…"_

_He laughed nervously deflecting the truth back onto her,_

"_Well that's a pretty odd comment coming from you, Miss Brady!"_

_He asserted with a dramatic laugh._

_Shaking her head vehemently,_

"_Well, we're not talking about me; we're talking about you."_

_She noted through a saccharine smile to conceal the sting of his astute observation._

"_Well's that just it! Talking about you is somehow always off limits!" He exclaimed irritably._

"_I mean if anyone in this room could be accused of running away from a commitment…"_

_The absurdity of it all amused the spy as she interrupted,_

"_Who's accusing who of what?" She cried indignantly_

_As she strolled around the island and away from him, _

"_At least I'm not running away from anything…" ~ March 1985._

* * *

**Location: Donovan Manor Kitchen**

"Leukemia?" Shane repeated the word incredulously.

The clank of the ladle against the All-Clad stockpot was the only evidence that the news had affected Simmons in similar fashion. His back still turned towards the two old friends, the kindly butler choked back a glistening tear. Clearing his throat,

"Master Shane, it's just about ready for the Mrs…"

Some habits had been hard for Simmons to break.

Shane stood abruptly and caught his pain-stricken face before the older man could look away "… I…I need to…check the linens…" Flustered, Simmons' words drifted off as he motioned towards the exit into the hall without making eye contact.

Edward spun around to address Simmons and back towards Shane raising his hand erratically,

"Whoa, whoa, Easy mate! I haven't made any conclusive diagnosis yet."

"But you said?"

Edward's head dropped into his hand as he rubbed his temple speaking rapidly to diffuse the situation,

"Look, I would like to rule out all respiratory infections before going down that road, but the patient's…."

"Kim's…" Shane corrected softly.

"Kim's," Edward acknowledged empathetically. " Hemoglobin is low on top of..."

"She's occasionally struggled with anemia in the past." Shane interrupted evenly.

"Yes, so I've learned from Dr. Curtis. But I also spoke with her sister who mentioned an aunt who died of leukemia recently."

"Their Aunt Sarah." Shane mumbled in acknowledgment.

"So I would be remiss if I didn't at least check…" Edward was nothing but thorough—something the spy respected of any professional he ran across. "My assistant is up there as we speak," Edward assured him. "Taking another round of blood so that we can do a more detail analysis, which should rule that out conclusively. For now, I'm treating this as possible pneumonia and prescribing a stronger antibiotic, which should arrive shortly…"

"Does she know?" He interrupted.

Too focused on explaining his methods, Edward halted suddenly and gave Shane a perplexed look. "No," He replied carefully. "I thought it best to keep this between us for now. No sense in upsetting the patie…_Kim_." Edward corrected thoughtfully.

Shane nodded in agreement before retreating towards the front window of the kitchen that possessed an expansive view of the front drive to the estate. An oppressive melancholy settled into the room like the fog had outside in the valley squelching the luminosity of the blanket of snow covering the Cotswold. Shane's hands settled into his black trouser pockets. No matter how subtle his friend's tactics were with Kimberly, Shane knew how Kimberly would react to him emotionally at this point. Vulnerability had never been her strong suit among many people. And he had tested the limits of their relationship too much already. A disillusioned sigh escaped Shane's lips.

Edward swiveled the stool around to face his old friend and hesitated. A wave of compassion settled over Edward as he observed his old friend's confidence dissipate into an aching brood. His right elbow still propped onto the creamy speckled granite counter-top, the doctor removed his glasses to clean them while waiting for a cue to continue. Shane's eyes bore through the frosted pane of glass into the darkness that began settling onto the landscape.

_"So tell me, Laddie: have you given any thought about what you would do if …"_

_Pausing for effect._

_"…When this job isn't what drives you?"_

_She tightened her grey plaid scarf closer around her face to filter out the bite of the breeze._

_"Could you walk away from this?"_

_The wind blew harshly against their faces, chilling them to the bone. The next question remained unspoken between them, but its bone crushing effects whipped against the spy's reddened cheeks._

_"__Will you?" ~ Few weeks prior_

"So now?" The spy's training took over; his voice lacked any emotion—almost clinical in tone.

Edward placed the spectacles back onto his face and clasped his hands together as he leaned forward professionally.

"I've added an iron supplement for the anemia and will run a more detailed analysis of Kimberly's blood chemistry, …" He continued quoting statistics, procedures, and various other pieces of information that at the moment…were whizzing past Shane's psyche at an intelligible rate. No matter; Peachy probably pried every last piece of intel from the man before Shane and the children had arrived home. He could catch up later. For now, his focus rested on suppressing the acute pain emanating from his heart and steer his emotions towards more productive means. How familiar the anxiety and how wretchedly tiresome the cycle had become for him. Shane began to regret all those heartfelt declarations spoken to her from before. Peachy's melodic voice interrupted the grave exchange.

"Eh, excuse me Sir, but there's an urgent call for you in the study."

Shane's eyes swerved briefly to the right past Edward's calm, steady demeanor and addressed Peachy. Dressed in her black woolen cardigan, white Victorian blouse, and trademark grey pleated woolen skirt; Peachy embodied the role of kindly housekeeper to a tee! Smiling pleasantly, she stood obediently in the doorway waiting for a reply.

"Take a message." He instructed curtly and placed his attention back towards Dr. Wellington.

"Ohhh, I'm afraid _Sir_…" Peachy's voice raised an octave indicating that whoever was on line took precedence over whatever was taking place in the kitchen. "That this simply won't keep any longer."

His partner's terse tone startled both the brooding spy and Dr. Wellington. Edward began to suspect this woman was way more involved in his old chum's affairs than either let on.

"Uh, Donovan," Promptly taking the cue, Edward rose and reached for Shane's hand to shake. " My assistant is finished."

A middle-aged woman appeared in the kitchen from the back stairs and nodded demurely. Patting Shane on the shoulder, Edward announced, "If anything changes with her condition as we discussed, call me immediately." The party moved down the hall and towards the imposing front double doors. "I'll promptly contact you in regards to Kim's blood work." He added professionally.

Shane nodded gratefully and once the doors were shut, turned his attention towards Peachy, who had positioned herself at the doorway into the family room. Her hands crossed pristinely over her torso, she began rattling off the details of the case before Shane could admonish her for the blunt interruption.

"Piras is on Line 3." She announced as the resigned spy sauntered towards her.

"I assumed as much." Shane muttered under a less than engaged breath as he rubbed the back of his aching neck. The spy had purposely neglected the fickle informant since bombing the "toy" manufacturing plant days earlier. The Italian government was in a state of turmoil already over their political upheaval and a well-placed source from Interpol, who had a penchant for blabbing to the papers, served a valuable role in propagating the elusive Liam Doyle's involvement in the terrorist act. Thus, the media took the opportunity to spin the event that certain opposition leaders were going to bed with the weapons dealer to thwart change within the country known for their open corruption. Depending on which politician Arlo's interests served, there was no doubt whomever he was working for was chomping at the bit to smooth things over between them. Together, the two spies briskly navigated through the family room and passed the dwindling remains of holiday merriment, to the back of the estate, and into the shadowy confines of Shane's study where the latest ISA technology had been artfully disguised behind some of the mahogany-encased bookshelves. Peachy pushed the heavy door open and escorted him in, strolling hurriedly over to the desk to retrieve a manila envelope. Whirling around to face him, "These were wired over to us this afternoon." She explained crisply as she slapped the file against his chest. Motioning to the blinking red light of the phone on his desk. "I wouldn't make the poor lad wait too long. He seems rather panicked." She noted with a sly smile.

The elderly woman glided towards the bureau to fix a drink as Shane hastily flipped through the images contained in the file. Exhaling deeply, he flung the envelope down on the desk as he depressed a button to answer the phone.

"_Mr._ Piras." He ordered over the line in an annoyed Irish accent. "To what do I ow' the honor." Shane seethed through the phone.

Peachy meandered towards the plaid, claw-footed chair that set across the desk and took a seat. Nursing the brandy, she studied her partner's face as he toyed with his prey.

"Arlo, I thought I made myself perfectly clear that yuh' business with me has been terminated, so why r'yuh' wasting my time?" Shane growled.

There was an abrupt pause as the intended threat seeped through the line. Peachy could hear the thick Italian accent wafting back, but reception made it impossible to ascertain what was being said from her distance. Given the mildly bored expression that Shane wore, Peachy concluded Arlo was pleading his case. She had observed him handle the infuriating footman for almost a year without breaking a sweat. Suddenly, Shane burst into gales of laughter.

"I don't _need_ yuh' business." He boasted exuberantly and knowing the transmitted message would certainly piss Arlo's boss off... " I'm afraid my lad that yuh' boss has waded way over his wee little head." Shane explained with such ease that one would actually believe he grew up in the industrial streets of Belfast instead of the rolling picturesque hills outside of London. Arlo's hasty reply was cut short as Shane slammed the phone down startling even a prepared spy like Peachy. Shane cast a pleased glance in her direction.

"He'll call back." The experienced spy retorted with a satisfied gleam in his eye.

Peachy raised her glass to Shane in admiration. "Well played Laddie," before a subtle knock at the door interrupted the meeting.

"Master Shane," Simmons announced as Shane waved the kindly butler in. " The Misses' soup is ready."

Shane smiled serenely at the man who in many ways felt like an uncle to him more than a family servant. "Thank you Simmons. I'll take Kimberly's meal to her."

Peachy nodded sympathetically but remained in her seat as Shane left the study. Staring out the window, she cradled her glass to her lips and pondered what had just transpired.

* * *

**Location: Master bedroom in Donovan Manor**

"It's bath time, you two!" Shane bellowed as he entered the bedroom. Tray in hand, he concealed his concern by entertaining Kimberly with proper English etiquette. Posture straight and arms extended like a proper butler, he marched towards the four-poster bed as the children giggled in amusement at their father's antics. Peachy had downed the last remnants of her scotch before meeting up with Shane as he rounded the corner from the backstairs. She remained at the doorway.

"Ms. Peach will draw your baths." He instructed them sternly; his eyes narrowed but Shane's dimples revealed the smirk escaping his otherwise tightly pressed lips. Kimberly smiled faintly as Andrew and Jeannie gave their mother hugs and kisses before scurrying off the bed.

"Good-night, mumma!" Jeannie squealed.

"Feel better, mum." Andrew added affectionately; his big brown eyes betraying the worry in them before he meandered towards Peachy.

Kimberly's heart ached at the sight of Andrew's distress, so she lifted her chin confidently using every ounce of strength in her and smiled brightly.

"I will. I promise son." She assured Andrew so convincingly that even Shane believed her.

His shoulders relaxing, the little boy smiled back before the trio exited the room. Switching his attention back to Kimberly, Shane set the bed tray properly in front of Kimberly and with a flick of his wrist, extended the pristinely folded cloth napkin for her.

"At ease, Captn'." Kimberly commanded weakly as she titled her head to the left and peered up at him.

Gazing back at her, Shane smile knowingly at the way Kimberly insisted on keeping the topic away from her or the illness.

"I don't think Andrew was too enthralled with the ballet today." She noted astutely.

A low wheezing cough escaped her lips causing Kimberly's shoulders to shake briefly.

Shane's eyes narrowed studiously as he handed her the spoon. Answering,

"You're correct, but then I didn't expect he would be." He noted with a victorious smile.

"Though he did perk up when the acrobats made their appearance." Shane noted aloud and then swiftly moved towards a comfortable spot at the end of the bed where her feet created small mounds under the blankets. Kimberly's brow arched in a manner that begged for him to tell his version of the events. Reclining comfortably and propping his right elbow against the bunched up comforter, Shane's eyes rested on her compelling Kimberly to eat the soup Simmons prepared. She slowly slurped the soup knowing what he was after. Smiling faintly, she continued to sip some of the fresh chicken broth.

"It's good." Kimberly assured him in a whisper as he watched her intently before telling his version of the outing…refraining from giving up too many details of the day.

The boy had shifted and fiddled in his seat throughout the long performance while his sister's bright eyes glistened with joy as they watched the graceful dancers flit and twirl across the stage. His father only reprimanded him once; a swift but subtle admonishment with his eyes that instructed Andrew how a gentleman behaved at social functions regardless of their preference. Andrew stared ahead practicing a neutral expression so that his sister could freely express her excitement over the elegant costumes, the colorful décor, and graceful moves performed by the ballerinas.

The spy delighted in describing their daughter's awestruck expressions and amusing commentary that Jeannie whispered loudly into his ear intermittently throughout the performance. Absorbed in the recent memory, Shane's eyes fell to the side in a faraway fashion until he finished. Snapping his attention back towards Kimberly, who rested her arms on the bed tray as he spoke, Shane noted,

"I'm afraid we're funding ballet lessons in the coming New Year." He remarked with a wry smile.

Kimberly grinned right back and managed a soft laugh for a reply. But her eyes were quite heavy and she had abandoned her meal while Shane was talking. Using his right hand to prop himself up, Shane leaned back to observe Kimberly's features. She remained frightfully pale and her eyes appeared weary despite sleeping almost around the clock. The weight of his conversation with Edward earlier loomed over Shane triggering a look of undying affection to emanate across his face. Normally the penetrating stare induced a rosy hue to bloom around Kim's cheeks, but tonight the only sign of the effect he had on her, was Kimberly's fingers fumbling nervously with the silky sheet to her right side. Kimberly rested her eyes onto the half-eaten bowl of soup, but she couldn't manage another bite. She felt trapped. Kimberly couldn't fight whatever ailed her and _him_ too.

A polite knock at the door interrupted the quiet standoff.

"Uh, Laddie. You're requested by their bedsides for evening prayers." Peachy acknowledged affectionately. Her steely eyes scanned the two of them quickly assessing the situation before averting them towards the hallway. _What an obstinate duo they are!_ She mused dryly.

* * *

When Shane returned, Kimberly was just hanging up the phone to her left. The tray with all its contents had disappeared along with Peachy.

"Are they asleep" Kimberly asked weakly before attempting to clear her throat of the raspy sound emanating from her voice. Strolling towards the left side of the four-poster bed,

" _Yes_," Shane replied emphatically and wagging his finger playfully at her, " But _your_ daughter is quite the little imp!"

"_Myyyy_ daughter?" Kimberly quipped half-heartedly. She was thoroughly acquainted with Jeannie's many ways of stalling at bedtime. It was one of the reasons Kim had begun quoting poetry to the little girl when she was an infant. The natural rhythm often lulled her to sleep. "Because her mischievous nature certainly did _not_ come from you, right?" She replied with a flirtatious wink that couldn't be constrained.

Smoothing out the blankets as he made room by her side, Shane surveyed Kim's demeanor. "Madame, surely you jest." He replied teasingly wanting to keep the mood light. The brightness in his eyes stirred emotions in Kim that she couldn't quite handle at the moment. Her body ravaged by fever and sickness, Kim craved his comfort but her stubborn willfulness fought vehemently against such an admission. "So what's the secret poem that Andrew says is the magic cure to get her to settle down?" Shane questioned light-heartedly unaware of how much his presence pricked at her heart.

"Oh," Kim replied softly and looked down at her hands resting on the folded blanket before her—clearly not wanting to divulge much in regards to the matter. Even with her foggy mindset, Kimberly could quote the little passage verbatim, as it was what occurred to her to recite to Jeannie the night after learning the truth about the little girl's father.

_What's the best thing in the world? _

_June-rose, by May-dew impearled; _

_Sweet south-wind, that means no rain; _

_Truth, not cruel to a friend; _

_Pleasure, not in haste to end; _

_Beauty, not self-decked and curled _

_Till its pride is over-plain;_

_Love, when, so, you're loved again. _

_What's the best thing in the world? —Something out of it, I think. _

_~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning_

From that point on, it seemed fitting given the child's namesake and the meaning of what her existence meant when Kimberly's mind allowed herself to drift back to that moment of conception. But it had been a long time since she allowed herself to touch that memory in any meaningful way. Though on this night, Kim's emotions began to get the best of her, so she lifted her eyes to his…

"Just something to help her go to sleep." She answered cryptically and before she could harness the seductive power of the memory and the history of the room they presently resided, "It's a secret." She whispered mysteriously not able to wrestle free from his penetrating gaze.

"Mmmm," Shane responded catching a glimpse of her love reflecting from Kim's translucent aqua-colored eyes. What he would give to unlock many of the lady's secrets once again! Like a magnet, his right hand drew towards her left cheek to caress it as Kim's head fell slightly back from the weight of his affection. But the sudden movement broke the spell as Kim turned her head away just in time. Shane's unrequited hand fell on the avalanche of covers instead.

"It's not right." She managed to choke out before attempting to suppress another ill-timed cough.

The snapping of embers breaking free from the fire's encasement punctuated the crushing defeat reverberating throughout the room. Shane shifted his body away from Kimberly to face her from the safety of the foot of the bed.

"How's Philip?" He asked nonchalantly after a few painful minutes of silence.

"That wasn't Philip. I was talking to Peter." Kimberly replied carefully and with a suspicious glint in her eye.

"Oh?" Shane replied not able to contain his surprise, which induced a curious expression from Kimberly. Recovering quickly, "Well, how is the ole' buggar, anyway?" He inquired with a mischievous smile. "Using you to steal my strategy for our ongoing chess match?"

Kimberly pulled the creamy comforter closer to her and leaned back into the pillows wearily. Smiling faintly, "I know better than to get between the two of you regarding any competition that you've cooked up." She raised her heavy eyes and to meet his. Their genuine warmth and interest briefly quelled the budding tension. " Peter's good and bids you adieu,"

Shane nodded affirmatively with a cheerful smile as Kimberly continued, "We were just talking business."

Shane's brow arched accusingly. Before he could reprimand her for "not resting," Kimberly raised her hand in protest, "It couldn't wait." She insisted with a non-verbal plea emanating from her fragile azure eyes. The expression on Shane's face softened to that admiring and sympathetic stare he often embodied when the subject surfaced.

"If there's anything you need, I'll have Peachy procure the funds immedia…"

"No, no, nothing like that." Kimberly interrupted visibly affected by Shane's unwavering willingness to support her cause…_their_ cause in way, though he wouldn't have the foggiest idea about that yet. "Just a project I am working on." She attempted to explain matter-of-factly.

"Really?" Shane responded enthusiastically. "Pray tell, dear woman. Inquiring minds want to know." His exposed dimple was contagious, but Kimberly refused to elaborate any further. The hint of shame that streaked across her face clued the observant spy into where this undisclosed project stemmed from but he couldn't quite understand Kim's hesitation in discussing it with him. "Ah, might this have to do with retrieving answers for the young lady you wanted to help?" He questioned compassionately.

Kimberly's eyes widened, which affirmed Shane's suspicion. He leaned closer to her and taking her hand, Shane stroked it encouragingly. "Well then, I'm sure it will be a success. Just let me know if I…"

"I will." She assured him softly as her eyes fluttered downward and rested on how his comforting hand cupped hers.

Silence enveloped the room allowing Kim to rest in Shane's quiet strength as his mind searched for the answers that Kimberly sought for the patient in question. It perplexed the spy that she didn't hold them, for Kimberly's gift in counseling had been her ability to not only draw her patients out, but to address their needs afterwards during their therapy. The fire crackled melodically within the fireplace as Shane patiently gazed at her waiting for a cue.

Almost without warning, a low steady cough rippled through Kim's beleaguered body thrusting her forward and into Shane's arms.

"_Kim?"_ Shane's voice rang alarmingly. Swiftly, he rose into standing position and moved to her right side propping his left knee on the bed. Leaning her into his body, Shane steadied Kimberly as the wretched cough overtook her. Kimberly clung onto his right shoulder burying her head into his chest as he patted her back soothingly with his left hand. His head resting on top of hers, Shane held her for support. It took several long seconds for the fit to pass.

"I'm sorry." She managed hoarsely as she tried to catch her breath. "I don't know what just happened."

"Shhh, it's ok." He assured her.

For Kimberly, things were far from ok. She could freely accept his camaraderie, his compassion… but under the circumstances, not this…not his love. It could be deadly. Shane inhaled deeply caressing Kim's left cheek as his fingers brushed strands of her tangled wavy hair away from her face. Catching herself before she melted into his inviting hands,

"As for Philip," Kimberly abruptly interjected seeking balance amidst their ever- escalating impropriety.

"Excuse, me?" Shane released her from his embrace as Kimberly squirmed away from him. Vainly, she looked for a distraction from what was taking place.

"I'm cold." She muttered feebly and leaning to the other side of the bed busily reached for her robe. Shane stumbled back briefly before regaining his composure. Once she had wrapped the velvet shroud around her, under the comforter and secured the sash, Kimberly felt confident to face him once more.

"Philip. You assumed that I was talking to…"

"Really Kimberly, it's none of my business." Shane offered crisply folding his arms across his chest protectively.

"Well, I _did _speak with him today right before he was ready to leave from Berlin." Miffed, Kimberly jerked her head to the side—her tussled hair following behind. "He is anxious to get here!" The outburst sounded painfully contrived even to her, so Kimberly attempted to feign gazing out the window but the heavy floral draperies were closed blocking the view. Besides, there was nothing to see at this late hour. But she had no intentions of looking him directly in the eye.

"Of course he is." Shane offered diplomatically.

"Well, he _is_." Kimberly insisted emphatically, which was the truth given Philip's annoyance directed towards his handler, "But I told him not to bother because I'll be returning to LA in a few days anyway." She replied defensively. Perhaps it was the persistent low-grade fever talking, but her petulance grated on Shane's very last nerves!

"And he believed you?" He scoffed incredulously.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" She flung her head in his direction desperately trying to conceal the tears that were forming with righteous indignation instead. Despite her pale features, the fire that had ignited in Kim's eyes reminded Shane of those early days when she clawed at every one of his innocent inquiries—a desperate attempt to keep him at bay. Kimberly's tone suggested that she was baiting him.

Shane's even expression never wavered.

Despite her infuriating behavior, he had no intention of revealing any information from his conversation with Edward though it was clear to Shane that Kimberly already knew that her health was not stable at the moment. Why else would she place sudden barriers between them like this impromptu dedication to a wayward fiancé?

"Just that you have a nasty tendency to underplay the severity of a situation when it involves your well-being…" He remarked tersely. " I'd have thought he would have learned as much after your run-in with Lombard's car last year."

Kimberly narrowed her brow scrutinizing the hidden meaning behind the astute accusation. "Because you're much more in tuned to what I need." Her tone was more scathing and peppered with a sharp reminder of his past abandonment.

Shane stopped abruptly and gritted his teeth to prevent saying something that he'd regret later. Even if it were true, there were too many landmines created with that pronouncement to step on for him to respond. Their relationship was already riddled with too many false indictments floating around thwarting his efforts as it stood.

"Besides, I would think you'd prefer him not to come here given the way you two left things at Thanksgiving..." Kimberly added in a calculating tone.

"Oh, that." Shane interrupted flatly. Reclaiming a degree of neutrality, the spy turned his back to her and retreated towards the fireplace. The direction of the inquisition swerved dangerously close to a revelation regarding the producer that Shane wasn't willing to reveal to Kim …especially since he did not possess sufficient proof yet. Propping his arm against the mantle, he stared towards the door that exited the room. "That was merely a misunderstanding, you see…"

"That's what Philip said." Kimberly interrupted shrewdly as her eyes bore into him.

Shane drummed his fingers lightly against the wooden surface and allowed the stony silence to make her uncomfortable. Shane had gone as far with her as he was willing to go under the circumstances.

"Well then, there's no problem." He offered slyly flashing her an arrogant smile across his left shoulder. Done playing this little charade, he added: "The hour is late Kimberly, I suggest you get some sleep." He advised matter-of-factly.

There was a sense of finality to Shane's suggestion that went beyond a cordial ending to the night's tumultuous discourse. He abandoned his perch by the fireplace and headed towards the door without giving her another look. Defiantly she threw a pillow at the door after it had closed to prevent her tears from overtaking her. Sinking back into the covers, Kimberly tossed and turned as an intermittent cough gradually intensified deep into the night. Finally, she settled into a fitful, listless sleep.

Several hours later, Shane was shaken awake by a frantic Peachy, who had burst through his bedroom door.

"Up, up, up!" She motioned roughly tugging at his gray pajama shirt. Shane squinted his eyes briefly as Peachy flipped on the switch to the lamp beside his bed. "I'm afraid it's the Lassie! We have to get her to the hospital,_ now_!"


	23. Chapter 22: Strong Enough

**Chapter 22**

**Strong Enough**

_Shaking her head disapprovingly at him,_

"_Look everything I do in my life is not some giant conspiracy against you." _

_She calmly, but curtly revealed to him._

_Wagging her finger as she rebuked his criticism,_

_ "And if you recall, it was your decision not to know every little sorted detail about my life…"_

_Surrendering, he slapped his hand against his thigh,_

"_Fine." _

_Shane brushed past her and headed for the door._

_Watching him go, Kimberly hurled another defiant blow at him._

"_You know it's funny because in the past,_

_there are a lot of little things that you didn't want to know." _

_Shane abandoned his retreat to the front door of the guesthouse and marched back towards her._

"_What exactly is that supposed to mean?" _

_~ April 10__th__, 1986_

* * *

**Location: Donovan Manor**

Stumbling out of bed in a hurry, Shane groped around for his black velvet robe as Peachy quickly filled him in.

"I rang Dr. Wellington, who is going to meet us at the hospital here in town." She explained breathlessly. "The Lassie," The old woman almost choked up. "Shane, I could hear her coughing on the other side of the wall." Peachy gestured with her right hand pointing down the hall. Shane hadn't thought of something for his bare feet until he stepped off the Victorian area rug that lay beneath the bed. "Then I heard her cry out in pain…" Shane's eyes widened with concern. "That's when I ran to see what was wrong."

Shane patted Peachy's left shoulder approvingly and lunged for the door to their room across the hall. The older woman threw up her hand halting his entrance. "Laddie, she's a mess." Peachy warned him; her usually neutral eyes betraying the gravity of the situation. A ragged cough and intermittent wincing cries greeted him through the closed wooden door. Shane clinched his teeth to harness his emotions before charging through it. Slumped over to her right side in almost fetal position with her arms wrapped tightly around her body at a futile attempt to generate warmth, Kimberly shook uncontrollably as beads of sweat danced across her forehead. With each rattling cough, she whimpered in pain.

"My god! Kimberly!" Shane rushed over kneeling next to the bed taking her face into his hands. She felt clammy to the touch; heavy dark circles hung relentlessly under her lifeless blue eyes. Shane's eyes surveyed Kim's appearance briefly. Doubled over on her side, Kimberly cried out in pain each time a labored cough ravaged her body. Peachy approached with her coat, but Shane waved his hand to halt the process while he examined what was causing such excruciating discomfort.

"Darling, let me have a look." He requested soothingly as he slid his left arm around her. Cradling her head and upper torso against him, Shane removed the heavy blankets from her body. Kimberly's head tossed to and fro as she began to mutter a protest against the action. Too focused on discovering the source of her pain, he mistook the resistance as her trademark stubbornness considering how things progressed earlier between them. Eyes squeezed tightly shut; Kimberly began vehemently shaking her head 'no' using her hands to push him away.

"Just go away." She pleaded quietly in child-like fashion. "Just go away." She whimpered in defeat.

"_Shhhh_, Kim, this will only take a minute. Don't fight me now." He insisted with a low, relaxing voice.

Her whole body tensed up at his request.

Then, she began to tremble uncontrollably as Shane lifted her blue silk pajama shirt. A horrifying shrill like that of a wounded animal echoed throughout the room as his hand lightly pressed against her bare stomach.

"I said, 'NNNO!" She wailed triggering another wretched cough. Her eyes flew open, yet Kimberly still pushed against a bewildered Shane who attempted to calm her down without incorporating physical restraint. There was no light in her eyes; blank and terrified, she looked straight through him. With a clinched jaw, Kimberly spewed: "Don't _you_ _force_ me!"

There was that word again, 'force.' And instantly he knew where her mind was and it wasn't at Donovan Manor. Shane let go completely and stepped back aghast by the realization of what he had witnessed. Kimberly collapsed back onto the bed gulping great big desperate sobs as the full weight of what all had just witnessed crashed down before them. For a split second, Shane felt paralyzed as to what to do for fear he would make things worse. Peachy stood motionless a few feet from him with her hands still covering her gaping mouth. Tears streamed down the older woman's cheek. Resolutely, Shane regained his composure.

Kneeling gingerly next to Kimberly who wept quietly on the bed, Shane reached for her shoulders to maneuver her face back to his line of vision. At first, she flinched in fear.

"Kimberly, it's me Shane…_Shane_." He emphasized tenderly refusing to give up. Sliding his left arm up underneath her right arm and around her back to steady her in a protective embrace, Shane used his right hand to cradle her face whose wide translucent eyes betrayed a healthy amount of skepticism aimed in his direction. Still blinded by the force of her memory, Kimberly's whole body remained tense before relaxing ever so slightly at his assurances. "You're here safe at Donovan Manor." Shane whispered her confidently; his nose almost touched hers as his eyes locked into her eyes. But under his breath, he fervently prayed for recognition. In a calm, steady voice he added out loud, "No one can hurt you now."

Kimberly stopped fighting him, but remained silent staring blankly into his compassionate eyes. Almost wondering if he could ever reach her as the seconds ticked slowly by, Shane slightly panicked. His thumb stroked at her tear-stained cheek with his eyes begging for her to say something, anything that would convey that the unspeakable moment had past.

And just as quickly as the memory was triggered, Kimberly's eyes blinked with recognition. A faint, but grateful smile formed along her lips.

"You?" She whispered hoarsely reaching up frantically to cling to his shirt. "Thank god, it's you." Kimberly acknowledged through a flow of weary tears still shaking from the experience.

It was the sweetest answer to a prayer the spy had ever known.

"Yes, it's me, darling." Shane gushed in relief. Pulling her protectively into his arms, he hugged her generously burying his head into her hair as he stroked it.

"Please don't leave me." She pleaded weakly—clearly still terrorized from the grim memory before another cough rippled through her body.

"Shhhh, of course I won't. I'm here…"

Consoling her gently and then assuring Kimberly emphatically, "And I'm not going anywhere."

Behind the fogginess of her high fever, Kimberly trusted in his promise. Her head fell into him as Shane rocked her slowly back and forth. Once he felt secure that the chaos had past, he left Kimberly with Peachy, who began dressing her for the ride, so he could rush back to throw some clothes on.

Returning quickly, not a word was uttered between Peachy and Shane as they wrapped the heavy woolen coat around her. Kimberly moaned miserably as she was being maneuvered around. Doting over her, Shane carried her to the car. The drive was eerily silent except for the intermittent wheezing and coughing emanating from Kimberly followed by a low whimpering expression of pain. Peachy drove with Shane in the backseat of the Bentley cradling a half-dozing Kimberly securely in his arms. Though he methodically stroked her hair and held her in his arms with such confidence and calm manner, Shane looked straight ahead dumbstruck from the experience.

* * *

**Location: Hospital, near Cheltenham**

Peachy entered the sparsely decorated hospital lounge with two paper cups filled with what the hospital deemed coffee. She found her partner in the far corner of the expansive room facing out the prison-like window into the cold, desolate winter night. He had not bothered to remove his grey trench coat since their arrival, more consumed with when he could get answers from hospital staff regarding Kim's condition. His arms crossed firmly across his chest and his jaw clinched; Shane wore a stern expression on his face.

"Here, take this." Peachy instructed handing him the cup. "Any word on the Lass, yet?"

His expression softened a bit at the sight of a familiar face but he shook his head negatively before turning his attention back towards the window that reflected his threatening demeanor back towards the only two occupants in the room. Taking a healthy sip of the hot liquid, Shane's face contorted in a most grotesque fashion.

"Dear god, Peachy! That is most dreadful!" He proclaimed almost spitting out the black watery imitation. The sight amused the elder spy, who couldn't restrain a boisterous laugh.

"I'm afraid they strained only one coffee bean through the filter for this brew." She mused dryly as Shane drifted back into his turbulent thoughts. Peachy wrapped her arm around his left and motioned for them to take a seat on the faded teal-colored couch centered oddly in the middle of the room. "Come sit with me Laddie. If you stare at that pane of glass much longer, the penetration will vaporize it." She quipped light-heartedly. "It's drafty enough as it is."

Peachy's eyes scanned the room lit up by garish fluorescent lights. Tightening her black woolen coat sash around her waist, she attempted recline comfortably into the well-worn couch. Discarding his heavy coat, Shane sat to Peachy's right. After several minutes of allowing him to stare at the square speckled tiles of the floor, she swatted his right knee,

"Alright." She demanded authoritatively. "Out with it!"

Shane lifted his eyes to his right to see her chin lifted resolutely, lips pressed tightly into a thin line, and her beady eyes relentlessly interrogating him. He wasn't getting out of this confrontation. Not tonight.

Brushing off tiny specks of lint from his black trousers, Shane leaned forward propping his elbows on his knees so he could rest his weary head into his hands. The drive to the hospital allowed certain uncomfortable truths to reveal themselves unfettered by his ability to hold them at bay. The usually composed spy felt completely at loss as to what to say. This was much harder than he had ever anticipated. Crestfallen, he observed quietly,

"I really thought that she was getting better."

Peachy's eyes widen in surprise as she studied him. "Ah, _Bah!"_ She scolded as she swatted him on the right shoulder. "This is perfectly normal under the circumstances." Though Peachy's voice grew grave as she added, "But nonetheless disconcerting to witness, isn't it?" She noted astutely.

Slowly Shane nodded affirmatively but retained a rather confused expression across his face in regards to Peachy's assertion.

Exhaling heavily, "The abject terror in her eyes…"

"Yes?"

"I caused that." He sighed in defeat.

"Don't do that." Peachy admonished sensibly with her eyes trained squarely on him. Shane turned his head to the right making eye contact as she continued. "You've caused a lot of things in your life, but that…that is the fault of the one who did those wretched things to the poor girl all those years ago."

Shane exhaled once more and clasping his hands together, he turned his attention towards the mundane landscape print hanging on the wall directly in front of them. It's muted colors served to highlight the depressing atmosphere of the stark waiting room.

"Point taken." He acknowledge soberly. "But it sure feels as though I played a role in hurting her all over again tonight." He explained solemnly. "Something I have tended to do here lately…" Shane shook his head in disbelief as his words drifted off. Peachy sighed sympathetically, but narrowed her brow at him in partial disagreement.

"Laddie, these things are perfectly normal for survivors and necessary if they are going to get through it, so I'm afraid Kimberly experiences this whether you're present or not."

Shane's eyes widened at the thought of Kimberly enduring such traumatic episodes alone. She had always been plagued with nightmares throughout their relationship, but tonight it began to dawn on him just how threatening the darkness could be for her. It was reminiscent to what agents in the field faced on assignment. When cases went south, agents frequently faced capture, torture, and sometimes death. Depending on the situation, loved ones could be brought in to facilitate the process…something Shane had fought in vain to prevent in his own life. And from Shane's perspective, death might have been the most merciful thing for some of the poor souls. It was an aspect of the job that was never openly discussed among spies, but the effects of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder rippled throughout the field. Only, for Kimberly these battle scars were inflicted, not by an avowed enemy on a mission or battlefield, but in the place where one should always feel safe and loved: home.

"You know, she liked to throw her past in my face from time to time and I always assumed she was referring to her time in Europe…" A belabored sigh wrestled free from between his clenched jaw. "Using it as a means to push me away."

Peachy remained silent listening sympathetically to his lamentation.

"The prostitute and the spy." He chuckled bitterly. "We're quite adept in keeping secrets…" Still looking into the individual brush strokes of the landscape before them, he was completely lost in his thoughts. His voice dropped to just above a whisper, "Yet, able to reach one another in a way that no other would or could..."

"And it never occurred to you the significance of her line of work?" Peachy interjected pointedly. Her tone was reminiscent of the early days of instruction when Shane was still an underling in the ISA.

"Yes, of course…" He replied somewhat defensively as Shane understood where the conversation was heading. He was wise enough to make the connection between Kim's victimization throughout her childhood and her choice to seduce men in her adulthood. It was simply easier to focus on Kim's ability to manipulate men as an adult since as a spy; he employed similar tactics from time to time. To address the former opened a Pandora's box unearthing things that the spy instinctively knew his love couldn't easily erase. Venturing too far into that abyss made the spy feel weak and it wasn't a pleasant place to be. Somewhere deep in his soul though, he knew better and Shane clung to the hope that the matter would resolve on its own.

"But it…I…" He stumbled over his words and finally fell silent feeling incredibly stupid and harsh all at the same time. Slowly, Shane's expression softened into an eager pupil. His pain-stricken eyes betrayed a need to understand encouraging Peachy to enlighten the spy on the matter. She had given both of them reasonable length of time to arrive at this place, so there was no harm in giving fate a little push under the extreme circumstances. "Are you aware of exactly what you saw in that room tonight?"

"Yes," He answered slowly and with a bit of apprehension. Peachy leaned forward knowingly,

"What's your earliest memory, Laddie?"

Shane glanced her way puzzled by the seemingly unrelated question.

"Just answer it." She insisted and while Shane pondered a moment, Peachy offered hers. "I think mid-summer walks along the bloomin' bell heather with _meh_ Pop." Peachy revealed poignantly. "Wasn't more than a little lass myself, maybe two or three. But I remember the firm grip of his hand as we scurried through the faint dirt trails along the Scottish Highlands." Smiling faintly, but rather sweetly due to the joy of the memory, "The vibrant purple of those flowers against the backdrop of a crystal blue sky is still etched in my mind."

Shane smiled empathetically at Peachy and easily became absorbed in the nostalgia from tales of their mutual childhoods. There was something quite intoxicating and carefree about taking short trips back through time.

"The smell of pipe tobacco always takes me right back into the study sitting at Father's knee as he worked at that old mahogany desk." He offered nostalgically. "Or Mother's humming as she sewed by the fireplace."

Peachy allowed the sweet memories to linger around them for a bit before continuing.

"And what about Kimberly's?" She questioned soberly. "What do you suppose fills her mind?" Her eyes were bright with revelation.

'I don't recall." He admitted with trepidation realizing that he did not know the answer. Shane wasn't sure what bothered him more: that he could possibly not know something so important about the woman he loved, or that the answer was so damaging that he might not be able to handle its ramifications.

"The Lassie, you see…" Her eyes filled with tears as the maternal drive to protect her child threatened Peachy's ability to properly instruct the son she had unofficially taken as her own. "Remembers her uncle whispering into her ear in the darkness of her bedroom…"

Shane leaned back in horror.

"That poor baby lay perfectly still and prayed that he would just go away..." Peachy was absorbed in the memory now—piecing it together her gaze fell to the side. "And when she attempted to fight back, he had a way of reminding her of the crib nearby." Her old gray eyes searched Shane to see if he caught the meaning.

"Kayla's…" Shane interjected squeezing his eyes shut as the realization sunk in. Through the years, he had learned rather devastatingly how far Kimberly would go to protect those she loved from pain…

"_I need you to try and understand…" She pleaded as he rejected her explanation._

"_I said, 'I didn't want him'. I despise the man!" She cried wretchedly. Her eyes burning bright in despair as the betrayal's effects on the couple cruelly ripped them apart._

"_Don't you remember? In Miami, you were locked in the study." She whimpered. __~ March, 1986_

Peachy nodded as he rubbed his temples in disgust. The old woman choked back tears at the horror of the situation. "And that's what you witnessed back there."

"I didn't realize," He stumbled over his words as the emotion filtered to the surface. "I mean I…" Faltering, he searched his partner for help. "And she told you this?" His eyes dripped with anguish.

"Yes." Peachy replied poignantly. "A long time ago…once when she couldn't sleep."

Though the notion wasn't foreign to him, the impact of how close the two women were hit him hard suddenly. God knows what lessons were learned within the walls of that guesthouse. Lessons he had failed to heed…

_"What's that supposed to mean?" He stormed towards her._

_ "That we ALL make mistakes and you just made a big one: You thought I was somebody else."_

_ Shane scoffed, "What are you talking about? Who do I think you were?" _

_ "I don't know." She motioned helplessly with her hands. "Somebody you just dreamed up without flaws, without a past."_

_"Oh Kimberly, for Heaven's sakes! Don't drag your past into this!" He deflected in exasperation. "I'm talking about your bloody little secrets!"_

_ "Well my bloody little secrets are a part of my past." She corrected sternly following behind as he walked away. __~April 10, 1986_

At the time, Shane had no idea that Kimberly carried the burden of her mother's secrets on her shoulders as well as her own. With his anger focused squarely on her lies and more specifically her liaison with Victor in Miami, it had been impossible for him to see the bigger picture at how his competitiveness had yielded a blind spot in regards to his personal life.

"These things just sort of drip out of her, you know?" Peachy was saying as his mind replayed the argument from their past.

But Shane didn't know. His mind was lost in a maze of past conversations, connecting the dots to events that seemed unrelated at first, but became more focused as he began to peel away at the layers of the woman that he professed to love. He prided himself on being the one person who knew Kimberly better than anyone else on the planet, so it bothered him that there were pieces of her—even if they were hideously ugly, that she kept hidden from him. And as he sat uncomfortably on the hospital couch, it occurred to Shane that she did so at his unspoken request.

Abruptly rising into standing position, he felt the urge to punch something, anything to release the anger that surged within his soul.

"I never knew.' He confessed monotonously pacing back and forth. "Why couldn't she…"

"Because I listen." Peachy interrupted matter-of-factly sniffling and wiping her tears away. Her posture stiffening, "_A lady shouldn't blubber in public_," Peachy rationed to herself. Her answer smacked him in the face.

"Why, I…" Shane started to protest, but Peachy's knowing expression cut through the spy's righteous indignation. Kimberly's words rippled back through the spy's psyche to a time when she had attempted to do so…

_"Listen. I grew up…I tried so hard not to rock the boat." She explained emphatically. There was a look in her eyes desperate for him to show her some compassion over the matter. "And I really believed that was the way to keep my family together," And instantly her tone grew bitter, "With these BLOODY LITTLE SECRETS."_

_ Shane's impatient sighed only intensified her bitterness, which in turn caused Kimberly to abandon any appeal to his humanity. Instead, she leveled a scathing indictment against him,_

"_You act like the first secret I ever had was in Miami," Her voice grew melancholy as she rejected the implied assertion of his recent charges against her. "And we both know that isn't true…"_

"It isn't meant to be harsh, my son." Peachy added compassionately watching Shane closely and sensing the weight of his folly overtake him. It was rare for his partner to abandon all protocol and address him maternally. The thickness of her voice punctuated the deep affection the woman had for her protégé who had eventually become her boss.

The old woman had been privy to at least a few battles between the two lovers over the years and the one thing she knew about Shane was his resistance to diving in too deeply when it pertained to emotional quagmires. She had witnessed the pattern before when Emma died as well as his parents. The behavior was a common thread within the agency. The simple fact was that emotional ties were detrimental to the job and more so, when the object of a spy's affections carried a whole other set of emotional baggage. Thus, most agents tended to be loners riddled with lives mired in broken hearts, marriages, and families. The rare agent who managed to escape the desolate life and maintain a family were the ones whose significant other had the patience of Job and a kept a serene household that offered a brief solace from the harsh realities of the job. Obviously, becoming involved with a woman like Kimberly created certain roadblocks for creating that sort of home-life…but definitely not unattainable in the old woman's mind. Peachy's eyes met Shane's eyes with an understanding and recognition of the problem.

"Oh Laddie," The wise woman cooed. "I'm afraid you've been very good at most every other aspect of Kimberly's needs, but son, you still don't see the big picture here."

"Which is?" Shane's benevolent eyes tore through Peachy.

"Uncle Eric." Peachy replied sharply. "How did you reconcile that?" She asked narrowing her brow skeptically.

Shane abruptly stood and stepped away from Peachy. His mind had tied him to conversations from the past. Past indictments echoed throughout the room.

_"And maybe the reason I didn't tell you about this one is because you never really wanted to listen to the others." She confessed in a hushed voice. __~ April 10,1986_

Kimberly had detected something about the limits of his love that even Shane wasn't prepared to admit: an unwillingness to learn and understand what precipitated those days in Europe even after she blurted out the repulsive truth inside the safety of his apartment on that winter day.

_"I know because he did the same thing to me!" _

_Though not completely surprising, the explosive revelation still hit the normally stoic spy pretty hard._

_"Oh,… dear god." Shane managed to force out._

Shane wasn't quite sure how to take the information. Thus, he quickly shifted the focus on something he deemed productive and more pressing: Kimberly notifying the police so that the monster would not continue to molest other little girls.

_ "I can tell you this: you're no longer a victim anymore."_ _He had proclaimed magnanimously." You can put that behind you now." __~December 29, 1984_

Although his observation had come from a sincere and heartfelt place, in hindsight, he shuddered at how flippant it sounded to him now.

"I never did." Shane finally admitted as he slowly turned his head back towards his partner. "I just assumed it was…" He choked on the last words, " In the past."

After that, it seemed to dissipate into this little detail tucked away in the basement of Kim's soul…and his psyche. Why ruin a good thing? Except by Shane repeatedly avoiding the issue of Uncle Eric, the problem simply festered before exploding into their relationship in the most destructive ways.

And he shuddered at how flimsy his logic had been—especially with what he knew now and had experienced with Kimberly regarding the effects of sexual abuse. Her subsequent accusation in the guesthouse that Shane had dreamed up some sort of fairytale explanation surrounding her past possessed some merit.

"Then, how can you hold Kimberly to a standard that you can't meet because of your own discomfort over the matter?" Peachy questioned astutely. Shane's eyes lifted abruptly to meet hers. "The Lassie has locked away so many things..." She added carefully. "I imagine that has to be quite terrifying to experience again." And then zeroing in on the heart of the matter, Peachy's voice grew grave. " But knowing Kimberly as we do, I suspect she's more terrified at how _others_ will perceive them."

Peachy's razor-sharp observation reached its intended target perfectly for the weight of what the old woman was asking of him settled onto the spy like the heavy London fog.

Rising, Shane sought refuge again at the dark hollow window that he had stood at earlier. Frost crept sinisterly across the pane of glass as the nighttime temperatures continued to plummet blocking Shane's reflection from blackened window. Peachy silently approached from behind placing her hand encouragingly on her partner's back for support. He crossed his arms across his chest contemplatively for a moment, but when it appeared to him that his partner's penetrating stare wasn't about to let up, he quipped softly:

"Peachy, ole' girl. I think you'd have made an excellent therapist." He teased light-heartedly to break the tension.

"Hush up boy!" She nudged him playfully and tilting her head towards him shrewdly, "You're not the only one who picks Dr. Evan's ear from time to time."

"And I'm forever grateful that you do." He replied softly. Shane's trademark dimple appeared briefly as a lopsided half grin fleetingly crossed over his face. The levity of the remark was short-lived as the melancholy seeped back into the room while waiting for word regarding Kimberly's condition. The two spies stood side by side for a moment in the barren stillness of the room before Dr. Wellington entered and interrupted their meditative stance.

"I have news." He proclaimed clapping his hands together. The two brooding spies gave him their undivided attention as Edward announced, "We've eliminated the leukemia possibility definitively…"

"Definitively?" Shane repeated as he cocked his head slightly.

Edward nodded exposing a proud smile but raised his finger to punctuate the next caveat. "But I would like for her to remain here for the remainder of the night to see how she progresses on the round of antibiotics that we have administered."

Shane briefly turned his attention to Peachy. "See if Walker has obtained Collier's location. I'd like to give him a call."

Peachy nodded affirmatively and retreated leaving the two men alone.

"Follow me." Edward instructed as the two left the sterile waiting area and walked briskly down the hall. "Kimberly was dehydrated," Raising his hand in assurance, "Even with the best care, it can escalate rapidly in these particular cases…"

"She's stubborn." Shane interjected wryly causing a smirk to escape Edward's otherwise even expression.

"So we've placed an IV in to go along with treatment…"

"Pneumonia?" Shane interjected.

"Yes." Edward paused eyeing his old friend intently. "And a pretty nasty case as you're about to see." Dr. Wellington guided Shane into a small room for viewing x-rays. Flipping two sets onto the screen, he flipped on the light. Gesturing to his left, " Her lungs…" Which revealed the fluid build-up, "And this here…" Edward pointed with a pen to the fractures from two of Kim's ribs. Shane studied the x-rays intently as the doctor continued, "Clearly, this is an old injury that has been re-fractured…"

"Kim was hit by a car no more than eighteen months ago." He revealed.

"That would do it." Edward noted dryly and reading Shane's incredulous expression as to how she could re-fracture the ribs, "The force of her coughing." He admitted. "It happens. I've seen pregnant patients arrive with cracked ribs due to the fetus kicking…."

Shane smiled knowingly as Dr. Wellington continued to explain that Kimberly had been given a sedative to help her rest. It was a wonder Andrew hadn't caused that with Kimberly given his robust kicking motions during her pregnancy. It was no accident that the boy was his league's best kicker.

Edward escorted Shane to the elevator and to Kim's room on the floor above. The hope was that combining the fluids, antibiotics and rest would aid in eliminating the persistent fever that had plagued the woman for over a week now. Propping his arm against the doorframe, Shane rested his weary head against it as the spy peered into the tranquil room debating whether he should enter. Observing her closely, he watched as Kim's chest rhythmically rose and fell with each shallow breath. Her arms rested by her sides above the heavy pale blue hospital linens. Her head fallen to her right side and away from him, Kimberly's disheveled wavy locks barely masked the serious expression she wore despite her sedated state. Shane's mind spun with mangled thoughts and feelings induced from the night's events and his previous conversation with Peachy. Coming to grips with Kimberly's past meant more than simply helping her through the recovery process…if she would allow him. Feelings of frustration and anger melted away as he traced the outline of her face with his eyes. It sent his mind to a much more tranquil and inviting evening after a playful night of lovemaking…

_"I never want to be apart from you again." She whispered breathlessly. "For the first time I feel so safe, so protected with you…" Her eyes were bright with adoration, "And I have never felt so completely loved."_

_And he responded with a kiss so tender that she felt as light as a feather. Continuing to seal his undying commitment to his ladylove…_

_ "I love you…" And his lips graced hers once more to punctuate his sincerity, "Protect you forever," He stroked her hair with his left hand amorously as their intimate declarations continued…_

_ "Will you?" She replied eagerly. _

_ "As long as you let me." He proclaimed earnestly. "And beyond."_

_ "Well that's a looong time." She replied dreamily with an enraptured expression that perfectly matched his._

_ "Not long enough." He assured her before slipping his hands around her bare shoulders to pull her into another all-consuming kiss.~ __September 1985_

It was absolutely astonishing that he could cause that exquisite creature to feel so alive and free when it was she that had renewed his life. Then, a haunting realization struck the beleaguered spy: he couldn't recall the last time Kimberly's face had worn such a bright and carefree expression?

"Laddie?" Peachy tapped his shoulder breaking his concentration. Shane whirled around to see her holding a slip of paper in her hand.

"Thanks, Peach." He replied graciously still dazed by the insight. His eyes briefly darted longingly back at Kimberly.

"I'll stay here until you get back." The old woman assured him. Shane turned his attention back to Peachy as his sad eyes smiled appreciatively at her. Reluctantly, Shane headed down the hall to the nurse's station to place the call…


	24. Chapter 23: Answer

**Answer**

_I will be the answer_

_At the end of the line_

_I will be there for you_

_While you take the time_

_In the burning of uncertainty_

_I will be your solid ground_

_I will hold the balance_

_If you can't look down_

_If it takes my whole life_

_I won't break; I won't bend_

_It will all be worth it_

_Worth it in the end_

_Cause I can only tell you what I know_

_That I need you in my life_

_When the stars have all gone out_

_You'll still be burning so bright_

_Cast me gently_

_Into morning_

_For the night has been unkind_

_Take me to a_

_Place so holy_

_That I can wash this from my mind_

_The memory of choosing not to fight…_

_~ Sarah McLachlan_

* * *

**Philip's Malibu Study, April 1992**

"I like her." Philip was telling his manager as he dropped an olive into his martini. "She's refreshing, you know?" Settling into the charcoal colored sofa with his back to his manager, Philip stretched his left arm across it as he leisurely sipped his drink and scanned the Pacific coast. "Nothing like the usual sort we have here. She's genuine." He remarked dreamily.

Rolling his eyes in disgust, Stewart sat at Philip's desk sorting through paperwork listening as the movie producer he had been in charge of for the past five years mooned over his latest potential love interest.

"For Christ's sake, Philip! Pussy's pussy." He scoffed crudely. "Besides, NO ONE's that genuine."

Stewart wheeled around placing documents and tape into the safe that was hidden by a hideous piece of over-priced artwork that Philip had acquired on his last trip to New York a few months back. Securing the painting in its place on the wall behind the desk, Stewart brusquely opened a side draw from Philip's desk and retrieved a file marked: Kimberly Brady. "I took the liberty in doing some background research for you." He revealed impatiently.

Philip abruptly abandoned his position on the sofa and wheeled around to square off with him.

"You're quite the paranoid little prick, Stu."

The movie producer set his glass purposely on the glass table and leered back at him over his right shoulder. "And?"

Stewart remained seated at the desk flipping the file open to reveal its contents.

"You picked quite a number with this one." Turning over the first picture, he passed it to Philip who leaned over to the right retrieving it. Casually surveying the picture, he ran his fingers through his blonde curly hair.

"Her brothers. Kim told me all about them…so what?"

"The one on the right is a detective for the Salem PD though MIA at the moment."

Philip tossed the picture back at Stewart. "Yeah, she's pretty upset over it. The other one is commander, or something." He waved his hand dismissively and rose to standing position. "A mid-level police department at best. Not even remotely threatening to our business," he leaned into the desk placing his fingertips on the espresso finishing and lorded over his handler. "It's not like I plan on revealing company secrets, Stu."

Thinking he had won the argument, Philip flagrantly turned around and snatched his drink off the table. Tossing his head back, he gulped down the remains of the stiff concoction. Walking to the mini-bar against the wall, he discarded the glass into the sink and retreated back towards the imposing glass window.

"Does Stefano Dimera ring any bells with you, Collier?" Stewart quizzed rhetorically and leaned back into the chair crossing his arms around his rotund body. Philip shot a menacing look towards him without answering the question. The file remained open with three siblings smiling right back at them. Pointing towards the man positioned on the left of Kimberly in the picture, "That is the man who put a major dent in his operations in America. You think that a lowly blue-collar cop has that kind of capability all on his own?"

Philip shook his head negatively; then shifted his gaze back towards the ocean with disgust. He was supposed to meet Kimberly for sushi in a little over an hour and this data dump, if you will, was placing a damper on the whole entire evening.

"So what, you're saying Roman's some sort of spook?" Philip suggested disparagingly.

"Not just any spook, numb nuts." Stewart spat back. "The ISA!"

Philip shrugged. "Never heard of'em."

Stewart leaned back in the chair, removed his glasses and wiped a smudge from them.

"They don't exactly advertise in the Yellow Pages." He noted dryly. Placing his glasses back on his face, the handler continued. "What specifically do you know about her ex-husband?"

Philip looked back at Stewart skeptically. He knew that he was being baited. Answering carefully,

"He's quite the philanthropist from what I can discern."

Stewart's brow arched intriguingly, so Philip continued, "An investor in telecommunications, I think."

Stewart slapped his knee howling in laughter. "Well that's one way of looking at it!"

Leaning forward, he searched for something in the file. Finding it, he tossed it over the desk in Philip's direction. "Guess who Roman's long time ISA contact is?"

Philip's eyes scanned the next picture, which was shot in black and white, of a clearly purposeful Englishman casting a sinister glance over his shoulder. No doubt the shot was a surveillance shot but definitely not a recent one. It certainly explained the cryptic answer he received from Kimberly when he asked how she met her children's father.

"_Oh, he is an old friend of Roman's." She had noted casually and offered nothing more._

"A paralyzed spy." The arrogant man smirked. "Hardly has me shaking in my boots."

"Well no, as long as he's in that chair…" Stewart admitted before smiling sadistically. "Though get this: apparently, he's linked with her sister at the moment."

Philip's interest piqued, he raised his brow amusingly. "Well, when one tosses you out of her bed; go for the other one, I always say."

The two men chuckled as the conversation descended into a raunchy exchange. Spreading his arms far and wide, Stewart offered,

"Or, why not entice them both back in." And wagging his finger towards Philip shrewdly, "There's your money maker, right there."

Philip chuckled uncomfortably at the implication and decided to curtail the conversation. "Look, as much as I hate to spoil your fun, I have a lady waiting on me." He announced as he checked the time on his Rolex. Stewart's dead shark eyes stared straight into Philip's.

"Don't discount her supposed run-in with you to be happenstance…"

"Oh come off it, Stu!" Philip interrupted irritably. He'd listen to enough of his manager's farfetched conspiracy theories. "One thing I DO know about Kimberly is that she couldn't keep a secret to save her life!"

Tempted to burst his client's bubble regarding his new girlfriend, Stewart almost relayed the most delicious piece of information regarding _'Ms. Brady.'_ Instead, the shady businessman decided to withhold the information for a more profitable occasion.

"Look if our boss gets wind of this development, he's not going to be happy." Stewart cautioned as he stood up to confront Collier head on. "There's always a possibility she's been sent to poke around in our affairs."

Philip vehemently shook his head of curly locks in disagreement and began to stroll towards the door. He was done with this little meeting and waved his hand glibly at his manager. "Anxiety will kill you, Stu."

"Mark my word," Stewart warned as Philip exited the study, "This woman is going to be trouble."

* * *

**Location: New York City, Present Time**

A hazy, rainbow glow bathed Philip's pensive face from the city lights far below the imposing skyscraper that housed his condo. Drink in hand, the lonely man leaned against the opened doors of his penthouse balcony and inhaled deeply as the rhythmic hum of his favorite city lulled him into a dream-like state. He had just settled in for the night after a grueling Trans-Atlantic flight from Berlin that transitioned swiftly into the private office of his benefactor in mid-town Manhattan. The instant the producer received his impromptu instructions to abandon his trip to London in favor of meeting with the eccentric man; Philip understood the severity of the situation. Not even Stewart was aware of the change of plans. Despite being the one who signed Collier's checks for all these years, Philip had only met the elusive businessman once—shortly after his public announcement of his engagement to Kimberly after she'd been released from the hospital. The meeting hadn't gone very well.

_Goddammit!_ _You need to extricate yourself immediately from this predicament._ His boss warned him through gritted teeth.

Despite that instruction, Philip hadn't figured out how to do just that and be able to save face once Kimberly's health had spiraled out of control. Then her ex-husband's abruptly left Salem. Since then, the successful movie producer preferred dealing with the insufferable Stewart Perkins instead of incurring the wrath of the temperamental benefactor.

The set-up had worked beautifully. With their boss satisfied that no one was peering into their affairs, the pressure ceased. Meanwhile, Philip contended with Stewart's gloating over being correct about Kimberly's considerably less that pure background. The details didn't bother him. Why, it was every man's fantasy to have _"a whore in bed and June Cleaver in the morning when her feet hit the floor!"_ What concerned Philip was if Stewart could accurately pinpoint this, was the second accusation closer to the truth? Might she have been there to spy on their illicit activities all along? And if so, how much information had Kimberly obtained?

Until Philip could be positive, he continued the course as directed. Keeping the sordid details out of the press, the clever producer privately used Kimberly's MPD to his advantage spinning it into a human-interest story with him being the doting, supportive lover. Given how close the two had become during her murder trial and afterwards, Philip reasonably expected things to return to how they were before all the revelations of Kim's abusive past and resulting disorder came to light. Leading up to her trip to London, Kimberly seemed to be her usual attentive self— minus her rather delicious abilities in the bedroom. Thus, Philip focused on the familiar trappings of family life; a nice part he was able to play and still sample the fruits of his profession on the side out in LA.

However, two things occurred that caused the idyllic set-up to unravel. First, the last six months with Kimberly proved to be more problematic for the rising star of the Hollywood circle than the previous year before. Philip could accurately pinpoint the shift in their relationship to that fateful London trip last summer in order to retrieve the children. Whatever had transpired during that month left Kimberly demonstrably detached from Philip emotionally and squelched any possibility of physical intimacy between them? No amount of therapy was going to remedy this problem for him. Moreover, the way her son, Andrew, responded to him had changed remarkably since living with his father. The little boy had completely withdrawn from Philip's attempts to bond with him in a fatherly way. It was of little help that as the boy grew older, his uncanny resemblance to his father felt as though Captain Donovan taunted Collier on a daily basis.

Therefore, Philip was ready to make a clean break from Kimberly until Stewart relayed a startling directive to him from their boss right before they walked into Kimberly's house for Jeannie's birthday party.

_"Boss wants you to get close to her ex-husband." Stewart informed him with a casual pat on the back as he sauntered over to make himself a drink. Philip cast an alarmed glance over to where the spy was chatting up with old friends before exchanging a baffled look with his manager. Stewart added cryptically; "He could be useful for us in the future…" __~ September 3, 1993._

And now, far away from her or his set, or anything that resembled a normal holiday, Philip thought of how terribly twisted things had become.

"_What an unbelievable cluster-fuck!"_ Philip mused in disgust taking a generous gulp of whiskey. The wind, blustery now as the temperatures dropped well below freezing, possessed a familiar bite that reminded Philip of the harshness of his situation. Hidden away from the sights and sounds of prying eyes and ears, the bitter truth smacked him against the face: _there was nothing in his life that was his own_. The clothes, cars, boats, and all four homes were compliments of his benefactor in exchange for taking on a _'side job or two' _throughout the year. Pity that the younger version of him never questioned exactly what these minor projects would entail. At the time, the struggling producer, who had become accustomed to the high life of music entertainment, could only curse his unsuspected unemployment due to the production studio going belly up. One measly decision from Philip's past set him on a course that slowly was beginning to dawn on him led only to one destination—hell.

Closing his eyes, he lifted his chin upwards and sighed loudly as the alcohol burned down his throat. His mind was spinning with the rather odd details of the meeting when the phone rang breaking his train of thought.

_Christ! It's almost midnight. What the hell does he want now? _The moody movie producer groused to himself as he stumbled towards the corner bureau made of mirrored glass that reflected back Philip's sour expression. His investor was the only person who knew of his whereabouts.

Snatching the phone on the third ring, he inhaled a generous sip of his liquor as he scanned the infamous New York skyline peppered in a sea of dotted lights from skyscrapers mingling against the harbor.

"Collier." He announced compliantly into the line.

"Philip. It's Shane." The familiar British accent wafted through the line as smoothly as Philip's whiskey slid down his throat. Realizing whom it was, he choked on the amber drink.

"How the hell did you… "

Suddenly, the shady movie producer was painfully aware of Donovan's many capabilities. Unnerving, it reminded Philip of his first conversation with his benefactor. _Don't underestimate Donovan. _The elder gentleman advised cryptically. _He's a cunning bastard when he wants to be. _Exhaling loudly, Philip tempered his ire towards the spy,

"What can I help you with at this late hour?" He inquired abruptly forgetting about his fiancé's condition last they spoke.

"Uh, it's Kimberly, Philip." Shane revealed coolly. "I'm at the hospital with her…"

"What?" Philip snapped out of his alcohol-induced buzz and abandoned all pretenses with his perceived nemesis. While the past year with his fiancé had been rather chaotic and unsatisfying, Philip still possessed warm feelings towards certain aspects of their arrangement. The same sinking feeling Philip had the day he found out about Kim's car accident settled into his gut.

"Philip?"

"Yes, …I'm here." Philip replied in distress. His voice grew low and soft. "Is she going to be ok?" Philip inquired hesitantly.

The transformation shocked even this seasoned spy.

"Yes, but I must confess that it's been a rough night for her." Shane revealed gravely careful to omit the part about her flashback to him. Philip was shaking his head in disbelief while talking. Immediately, he was backpedaling and explaining the state of their last conversation.

"Shane, man, she kept insisting that it was simply the flu and that I didn't need to come to London." Philip elaborated feverishly over the line. "I should've trusted my gut."

"Kim can be pretty convincing when she wants to be…" Shane acknowledged empathetically.

"No kidding." Philip replied amiably. "I remember the first time I got her on my bike." He began nostalgically. " She swore that she was enjoying herself, but I could tell she hated it … at first…"

Philip's words drifted off realizing the faux pas. At the time, he congratulated himself for coaxing the shy, uptight woman from out of her shell. Now, it was painfully clear that the woman he was drawn to before wasn't exactly who Kimberly truly was. The careful silence punctuated this obvious distinction between the two men's recollections, so he quickly added, " I love her, but damn it if her penchant for underplaying the situation…" And he sighed in defeat, as his voice grew softer, "It's been a very difficult year for us…for her…"

Shane winced.

The spy could have sworn he heard the man almost choke up over his last comment and failed to register the rest of what he was saying as the sting of Philip's proclamation reverberated through the line. The arrogance Philip normally possessed had completely disappeared. What remained was a sincere, albeit bumbling individual who appeared to be seeking some sort of absolution for his past failures with his fiancé. It was quite unsettling for the spy to suddenly receive a deeper layer into Collier that threw off his analysis of the man.

Somehow the conversation limped along as Shane remained flabbergasted at the revelations pouring over the line. Philip lamented how he had been impatient with Kimberly in recent months blaming his preoccupation with his movie as the source of his ire. Shane simply added a few well-timed acknowledgements and let the obviously intoxicated man speak until what remained was someone that the spy could perhaps share a pint or two with down at the local pub. He pinched his brow realizing the absurdity that was taking place between the two men commiserating over the same woman.

After listening to Philip give a detailed account of his last correspondence with Kimberly, Shane proceeded to explain the day's events to an admittedly attentive Philip who immediately suggested that he hop on the earliest available flight out to London. Shane wondered if Bo had been right all along: the spy had chased an idea of who he perceived Philip was solely based on his own regrets and a primal need to claim Kimberly all to himself?

"Can I speak to her?" Philip finally requested affectionately.

"Oh, I'm afraid they have her sedated at the moment." Shane answered sympathetically.

"Oh." Came the crestfallen reply rippling over the line.

"But, I'll have her phone you as soon as she's awake." Shane assured him respectfully.

"Shane, man I appreciate that. Thanks." Philip acknowledged so sincerely that Shane hung up the phone and remained glued to the spot staring at the phone for a moment in disbelief.

Philip slowly depressed the button to end the call. Gazing out at the cityscape, he smiled victoriously. Then, he dialed another number.

"Philip Collier." He announced cordially into the phone.

A few minutes passed before a bored voice replied, "Yes?"

"I think I just may have created an opening with Donovan."

* * *

**Location: Hospital in Cheltenham, just before sun-up**

Shane shuffled down the hall still a bit perplexed by what had transpired. The effects of an intense and sleepless night were beginning to show. With his hands secured in his trouser pockets, flashes of the conversation whizzed past his fatigued psyche at break-necked speed. And as was the case when he let his guard down, the spy's biggest regret taunted him of his folly.

Halting in the middle of the desolate hall, Shane turned his attention towards the window to his left. Drawn to random twinkling lights peppering the sleepy city landscape, he ventured towards the icy windowpane. His face leaned in so close that Shane's breath created a cloudy imprint against the glass. His eyes lifted upward—remorse dripping from them.

"_So you just want to give up on us?" _

"_I didn't want to." She admitted in defeat. "That's why I wanted to talk to you the other day…_

"_I don't understand." _

"_I asked you what would happen if Cal were ever a part of our lives and you said that you didn't think our marriage could take it…" __~ August 1990_

There was nothing worse in the Shane's mind than forfeiting a game regardless whether it was a frivolous friendly competition, a case for the ISA, or matters of the heart. For the latter, the surrender was a memory that couldn't be washed away over time—only diluted momentarily in the brief delusions of alcohol. It lulled him into a brooding trance causing the spy's head to fall forward against the cold barren window. Its frozen bite ignited his deaden senses allowing the spy to slowly unravel the riddle of his conversation with the manipulative movie producer. Whatever Collier's flaws, in Shane's mind, the man had trumped him with one key character trait: devotion. Philip Collier was a determined man who desperately needed to keep his tenuous relationship with Kimberly alive at all costs! It mattered little to him that Shane possessed information that could shatter his engagement to Kimberly. As Philip had correctly surmised back at Thanksgiving, Shane would never use the knowledge regarding his dalliances with other women against him due to Shane's love for Kimberly. It was the spy's Achilles heel and had been the moment Kimberly had captured his heart when he spied the purity of her soul behind her careful disguise. It wasn't lost on Shane either that Philip's insistence to repair the relationship for whatever reason stood in stark contrast to the spy's willingness to passively push her away when their marriage began to crumble under the weight of their walls. Whatever his opinion of the famed producer, Shane conceded that the man was dedicated to Kimberly in a way that he hadn't been. To make matters worse, Shane could not pinpoint exactly what drove Collier to be so devoted to his ex? It sure as hell wasn't dedication born out of a love in the traditional sense. Rather, Philip's idea of love and devotion rested on how well it suited him and his purposes. The realization infuriated the spy causing the fog to dissipate over his weary head. Suddenly, a faint alarm sounded in Shane's heart: What the hell was Collier up to?

Abruptly, he turned on his heel and walked briskly towards her room. Peachy, upon seeing his stern countenance approaching in the distance chose to remain silent. She'd observed this in the past and the usual outcome often resulted in broken glass. Waiting just outside the door as he approached, Peachy studied his inquisitive expression,

"The nurse just stopped in and noted a significant improvement in Kimberly's vitals and no sign of the fever returning." She announced encouragingly.

Relieved, Shane nodded.

"They'll wait until she wakes up, but expect Dr. Wellington to release her by lunchtime." Peachy added with a reassuring smile to quash her partner's solemn demeanor. Shane reached out to squeeze her shoulder.

"Would you return to Donovan Manor, so someone will be there when Andrew and Jeannie stir?"

Peachy emphatically agreed to do so and to handle the matter in a way that wouldn't alarm them concerning their mother's health. The two young children had endured enough as it stood.

Shane entered quietly into the room with his eyes focused on her. Since he had left his perch, Kim's expression had relaxed as the sedative's effects sunk into her system. It was evident she had settled into a restful slumber though her head had shifted to the side facing him. Pulling a chair up to the bed, he sat down beside her and watched as the pale blue covers rhythmically rose and fell in tandem to Kimberly's peaceful breathing pattern. Leaning in, he rested his elbows onto his knees and his chin in his hands.

Presently, Kim's left arm lay exposed above the covers with the IV properly in place. As Shane's pensive eyes traced the outline of her hand, the urge to take it into his overtook him. Cupping both hands around hers, the spy affectionately stroked Kim's left hand admiring the festive red paint decorating her nails. Her skin slightly cool to the touch and oh so smooth to caress, Shane brought her fingers to his lips kissing them gingerly as his eyes lifted to watch her unwavering serene expression. Methodically, the spy recounted how many times he'd watched her sleep throughout their relationship: whether by a hospital bed or in his, Shane craved the moment when her eyes opened and upon recognition lit up with adoration for him. And as he watched Kim's face in the hush stillness of her hospital room just before dawn could break the cruelty of the night, a flash of Kim's wild and terrified eyes from a few hours before streaked through Shane's psyche mocking the tender moment.

Yet, he didn't let go of Kim's hand.

No matter how ugly it had gotten between them; whether it was the excruciating fall out over Victor or Cal, or the ugliness that surrounded them during his affair with Kayla, she had never rejected his touch. A simple caress of the cheek or their fingers delicately grazing the other's skin signaled a trust, a spark that kept their love alive while silencing all the demons seeking to devour them.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Shane clung to her hand refusing to yield to the pressure to flee from the ugliness of the memory. Slowly, as the first signs of dawn emerged through in hazy shades of pastel blues, then pinks, and corals, the answer surfaced and solidified in Shane's mind. His fate was sealed with this woman the moment he agreed to surveillance her for the ISA all those years ago. The sad irony was that as much as the weeping woman by the window caused the ice to slowly melt around the stoic spy's heart, it was the flipside of that same truth illuminating through the telescope that he had tried to suppress all these years. As Shane pondered Peachy's advise, the resounding thought that surfaced over and over again wasn't whether Kimberly was worth the effort—their lengthy separation had settled that question in his heart long ago; but rather, was he apt enough to tackle the messiness within their relationship that currently offered no solid resolution?

Suddenly, Kimberly's eyes began to flutter and a soft murmur escaped her lips as she began to stir from her sleep. Alerted, Shane leaned closer caressing her forehead with his hand and letting his fingers slide through her tussled tresses.

"_Heeey_," He cooed into her ear; his breath bathed her face like the invigorating Mediterranean breeze. "Good morning."

Kimberly's eyes opened and instantly the gentle but concerned expression plastered all over Shane's face ignited her instinct to downplay whatever had transpired while she was unconscious. The corners of her mouth turned upward mischievously,

"You don't look so hot, Captain." She greeted him weakly, which induced a boisterous belly laugh from the concerned spy. _To hell with formal protocol! _Grinning from ear to ear,

"Well if so, it's because you," Shane emphasized by lovingly tapping the tip of her nose with his finger, "Kept me up all night."

Noticing the sterile surroundings and realizing she was no longer in her bed at Donovan Manor,

"What happened?" She inquired groggily and visibly troubled.

"_Shhhhh…"_ He cajoled. " Your fever spiked to dangerous levels and coupled with a cough…"

Unexpectedly, a low, haggard cough rumbled through Kimberly demonstrating the problem more effectively than an explanation. She leaned forward grabbing her sides and crying out in pain as Shane reached for her to offer aide. Her bewildered blue eyes met his compassionate ones.

"That," Shane emphasized with a nod, "has caused you to re-fracture a few ribs.

"Oh." She whimpered faintly.

Kimberly leaned into him appreciatively and allowed him to stroke her hair affectionately until discomfort passed. Still standing, Shane's chin rested gently on top of her disheveled head as Kimberly's head rested into his protective chest. Instinctively, their hands locked and she hugged them against her breast like a child's security blanket.

"I feel so tired." She whispered as Kimberly began to drift back to light slumber.

"Well, you've been put through the ringer lately." He explained compassionately. His eyes rested on the rising sun stealing a peek inside the hospital room and created warm hazy glow around them. "But the worst of it is over now." He assured her tenderly.

A flash of Shane's horrified expression as she fought against him streaked across Kim's psyche at the sound of his soothing tone signaling the deeper meaning behind his assurances. Gazing into his eyes, she inquired timidly,

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Shane could feel her body tense with the interrogation and attempted to deflect the unintended double meaning behind his observation.

"Nothing, _darhling_." He assured her tenderly knowing that this was neither the time nor place to pursue that line of thought.

Shifting slightly away from him, her wide eyes caught his empathetic ones, which betrayed the validity of Kim's suspicions. Never one to entertain pity, Kimberly slinked back into the hospital bed and abandoned the security that the spy's love could provide. Shane was once again reminded of what he had discovered about love during Kimberly's blindness.

_"Marlena, I didn't realize that what we rely on isn't so much of what we say to each other, but what we see…" ~ June 19, 1985._

It was evident to Shane that what Kimberly saw in him was simply too much uncertainty from the past to trust in his love for her in the present. And on the heels of that little reminder, a discussion he had with his sister-in-law the day after their emotional exchange in his study that previous summer filtered into his psyche.

_"Shane," Marlena cradled her teacup pensively as the two stood side by side and faced the south side of the landscape. A peppering of trees heavy in lush green foliage dotted the outer perimeter of the property and shielded the side of the Manor against the sloping hills that harbored grazing sheep in the distance. "The truth is…you're Kim's rock." _

Much like learning how to live in a world of darkness when Kimberly had become blind, she was slowly trying to knit a new sense of normal back into her mostly fractured life. A daunting task that caused her to question almost everything she knew to be true about herself and those around her. Kimberly refused to lift her eyes choosing to stare mindlessly down at her hands, which fumbled hesitantly at her bed linen. His eyes transfixed upon the defeated posture of a woman who wrestled with conflicting emotions and memories, Shane resolved to show her something she could be certain of—he was going to be her solid ground.

Unceremoniously, Dr. Wellington burst through the door breaking the silence.

"Good morning, all!" Edward announced patting Shane heartily on the back as he strolled around the bed to greet his patient to her right. Grateful for the interruption, Kimberly lifted her eyes towards the good doctor and replied in kind. Shane meandered to the foot of Kim's bed resting against the plain looking dresser. Arms folded across his chest, he prudently surveyed the scene. Kimberly's translucent blue-green eyes followed the doctor scrutinizing his every move. Edward lifted her right wrist and began to take a pulse as she started to inundate him with inquiries regarding his choice of antibiotics, and procedures. The barrage of questions amused the doctor, which confirmed his suspicion that behind his patient's quiet, feminine demeanor back at Donovan Manor was a lady who could match wits with most anyone who crossed her path.

"Kim thinks we're withholding information regarding her well-being." Shane remarked evenly. His ex-wife's eyes darted between him and Edward divulging a razor-sharp reply, but the doctor cut her off.

"It's quite evident that one is on the mend, if the patient is critiquing her care. " Dr. Wellington noted light-heartedly and then eyed Kimberly authoritatively. " But, you need to rest and let us do the thinking for now." He suggested amiably.

"Doctor," She replied coyly. "I am a woman. When I think, I speak."

"Ha!" Edward chuckled abandoning the task for a moment. He threw his attention back towards Shane, "I like this one." Turning back to the patient, "As You Like It…"

"Act III, Scene II." She chirped confidently.

Impressed, Dr. Wellington before jotting a few notes on his clipboard and winked approvingly,

"Touche, my dear."

Shane's arched his brow at the display feeling a bit unnerved by the observation.

He leaned forward to dominate the discourse.

"Uh, you're _married_." He interjected playfully with more than a hint of irrational jealousy wrapped within the reminder. The gestured both startled Kimberly and surprised Edward, who wasn't accustomed to being on the receiving end of Donovan's ire. Commiserating over Shakespeare was an innocent intellectual interaction between doctor and patient, but its undertones ignited something in his friend that Edward wasn't accustomed to witnessing before. Edward smiled broadly and deftly diffused the situation,

"Happily, of course."

Kimberly interrupted swiftly shifting her attention between both men.

"Ah, that's quite evident." She replied warmly but definitive enough to halt the obvious progression of sparring between the two old friends.

"How so?" Edward glanced back curiously, but kept his posture addressing his old friend, who was now painfully aware of how ridiculous, he sounded— as though Shane was the jilted lover amongst the trio.

"It's in the eyes." Kimberly admitted softly as she furtively stole a glance in Shane's direction.

"You're quite perceptive, Ms. Brady." He replied studying the two from behind the safety of Kim's charts before the skilled physician swiftly changed directions. With "I figure I probably don't deserve Charlotte, but neither do any of the other blokes who were sniffing up her tree…"

Kimberly chuckled loudly despite herself, and then covered her mouth to redeem herself with a more ladylike reaction.

"So I might as well have her." Edward added with affection dripping from his voice and a glint in his clear blue eyes.

The patient overcome with the depth and sincerity of the quip secretly wished she could again be revered in that manner.

Suddenly, Shane realized the source of his ill-time rebuke of the esteemed Dr. Wellington. For a time, the spy rationed that Kim deserved more and better than what he could provide given his station in life. In one swift second, he had been presented with an illustration of what it might look like if Kimberly were to find another man who could love her in the way she both needed and desired. If not him, Edward certainly fit the bill—providing that he wasn't married of course.

And it wasn't enough.

For when Shane stripped away all pragmatism and altruisms, what remained was one simple, but glaring confession: it was _he_ who needed to be the one to love _her_.

The snap of Dr. Wellington's clipboard jerked the spy out of his self-induced trance and it was apparent that he had missed out on one of Edward's legendary stories. And by the looks of the lively and cheerful expression plastered all over Kimberly's face, it was a doozy!

Pointing to Shane, Edward shifted his gaze back to Kim. "You know that he was my best man at the wedding?"

The acknowledgement punctuated Edward's subtle attempt to remind the spy where his loyalties lay. Kimberly leaned back into the pillows and smiled brightly ready for a 'Shane Donovan' story she hadn't been privy to before. Taking his cue, and with a flip of the wrist aimed directly at Shane,

"Though he was a sorry excuse for one." Edward quipped dryly noticing Shane's demeanor soften as the spy tilted his head in amusement at the characterization.

"I beg your pardon…" He protested jovially and bowed his head ever so slightly in contrition over his faux pas. And instantly, the matter was resolved between the two men. Edward pointed an accusatory finger at his old friend and elaborated,

"Bond here…neglects his duties to host the proper Englishmen's bachelor party…

"Do I want to know what that entails?" Kimberly interjected wryly.

"No." Both men answered both quickly and firmly—albeit with a sly smile to the question, which produced a smirk from Kimberly.

Edward immediately picked up where they left off.

"So then arrives right before the ceremony, charms half the female wedding party,"

"Only half?" Kimberly interrupted with a dubious lift of her brow. Shane met her challenge still perched against the bureau—_still_ with his arms folded firmly across his chest, but less defensive and exuding a more debonair stance.

"He was in mourning." Edward explained half-heartedly.

"Uh, oohhhh!" Kim sighed knowingly. She clearly enjoyed the levity of the conversation as both men observed her natural peaches and cream complexion returning to her cheeks.

"You two done amusing yourselves at my expense." Shane chided with his eyes darting back and forth between them, but his eyes were hopelessly drawn to her. He couldn't decide when Kimberly appeared more alluring: sleeping peacefully beside him or during times like these when she enamored the male mind with her charm and clever wit?

"Not quite." Edward replied addressing Shane, but his head swiveling quickly back to his patient, "yet performs THE most humorous but poignant of toasts to Charlotte and myself, then disappears into the night before the garter was tossed."

"That sounds about right." Kimberly giggled softly as she tried to restrain a cough.

The conversation shifted back to her care and discharge from the hospital. Feeling drowsy, Kimberly strained to remain an active participant of the discourse. She detested when decisions were made about her in her presence but without her consent. Shane straightened up to escort his friend out.

"Edward, as always."

"Eh, I know the drill." He replied brushing a strand of his strawberry blonde locks aside. With a finger tap to the temple, Edward proclaimed dramatically,

"I count myself in nothing else so happy…" Throwing a glance towards Shane to emphasize his loyalty to an old chum, "As in a soul remembering my good friends." And he turned to exit her room.

"Richard II!" Kimberly called out triumphantly as the door shut behind him. Then grinning brightly back at Shane, who clapped his hands approvingly, she crossed her arms at her breast thoroughly pleased with herself while the color rapidly drained out of her face. As quickly as the spurt of energy had returned to Kimberly, it then abandoned her. Sinking back into the pillows, she was rendered completely winded by the lively, yet brief encounter. Shane tilted his head to the side compassionately as she stared back helplessly. Their eyes carried on a silent conversation.

_ "Enough of this! I thought I was getting better." Her weary blue-green eyes protested plaintively. Their brightness had disappeared leaving a watery, discouraged plea for help. Shane arched his brow knowingly._

_ "You are but it takes time." His soulful eyes revealed with their usual steady and coaxing manner. His empathetic smile melted her normally guarded heart._

_ "But…" _

_His eyes narrowed interrupting her train of thought. Twinkling with mischief, Shane wagged his finger at her reprovingly._

_ "If you don't behave, I won't let them discharge you." His expression betrayed to her._

_ "I hate you." Her grimace suggested so clearly that Shane almost laughed. Kim stuck out her tongue at him because it was only form of rebellion she could muster at the moment._

_Shane smiled faintly in his usual superior manner when they both knew he was right._

Suddenly, a wrangled cough sent her bolting forward. Doubling over in pain, she winced in agony. Shane rushed towards her to offer assistance wrapping both arms around her as he carved out a spot beside Kim on the cramp hospital bed.

"All right my dear thespian," He joked light-heartedly. "It's clear that you're not quite ready for the West End just yet."

Kimberly leaned into him for support, clinging to his shirt while he pressed his body against her to steady her weight. She instinctively wrapped her right arm protectively around her torso to brace her body against the wretched cough's reverberating effects.

"I'm so tired…" Kim's body continued to shake as Shane patted her back firmly as she sputtered, "of…this."

"_You're so impatient."_ He mused keeping it to himself. Shane had no intention of saying or doing anything to rile her up again. Impulsively, he squeezed her tightly and sniffed her luxurious honey blonde tresses. As the episode subsided, there was nothing left to distract the two wayward ex-lovers away from the issue at hand. Kimberly slightly pulled away, but her head lobbed back unable to put up a believable wall between them. The effects of Shakespeare and reminiscing with friends' caste a brief spell over the two. Kimberly opened her mouth to speak, but Shane cut her off by cupping her face into his right hand. His thumb caressed her lips shut before he cleared his throat purposefully and retrieved the phone from the bureau. He placed it on the bed within her reach.

"You must call Philip. He is worried about you." He suggested with a soft smile letting his eyes linger over her for a moment.

"Yes, thank you." She murmured in a daze.

And with an affectionate wink, Shane stood leaving a bewildered Kimberly staring at him as he exited the room.


End file.
